The sofa and chair were charcoal gray, but she livened the area up with bright pillows of blue and green. Hanging on the wall over the sofa was a large framed photograph of an eagle flying over the Smoky Mountains and he remembered that her father was a nature photographer. As he looked around, there were other photographs displayed, some of nature and several of her family.
One picture caught his eye, and he stepped closer, realizing that it was a photograph of his family, taken on one of the vacations where Lynn had been included. He stood in between his mom and dad, and Lynn and Nancy had their arms around each other, everyone smiling for the camera. It dawned on him that she’d been part of his family for a long time. A few shared vacations, lots of shared meals, and his sister’s best friend. Considering he hadn’t been home for much of the last twelve years, he’d missed seeing Lynn grow into a beautiful adult. Filled once more with a sense of rightness, he wanted to keep her place in his family, but now as his wife. Blowing out his breath, he hoped he could find the words to make that come true.
He sat down in the chair that was angled toward the sofa but also easily visible from the front door. Stretching his long legs in front of him, he leaned his head back, clasped his hands on his stomach, and tried to force his body to relax.
Thankfully, it was not long before he heard her key in the door. She walked through, her arms loaded with grocery bags, and kicked the door shut. He stood to help, and she jumped back with a scream, flinging the bags to the floor.
“Shit! Jesus, Nolan, you scared me to death!”
While she was still staring up at him, he picked up a dropped bag from the floor, scrambling after the bunch of grapes and praying there were no eggs involved. “I’m sorry, Lynn. But we need to talk.”
She opened her mouth then snapped it shut, shaking her head. “If you’re here to continue berating me, you can just march out the door. I told you in the note that I’m contacting an attorney. I’ll call someone first thing tomorrow morning and, hopefully, this will all be taken care of quickly.”
“I’m not here to berate you.” He stepped closer, his gaze seeing the doubt written all over her face. “I’m here to apologize.”
She stepped back quickly and turned to place her purse and grocery bags on the counter. Keeping her back to him, she opened the refrigerator door and began placing the cold items inside. He set the retrieved bag next to the others and took out several items. Not knowing where they went, he set them on the counter. He hoped she would say something, but she remained quiet until the groceries were put away and she’d tucked the reusable bags on top of the refrigerator.
She turned slowly but kept her gaze averted. “I would offer you something to drink, but I don’t think you’ll be here long enough to enjoy it.” As though it caused her pain, she lifted her chin and raised her gaze to his eyes. “I think you should just say what you came to say, Nolan. Get it off your chest so that you’ll feel better and then I’d like you to leave.”
He reached his hand forward slowly until his fingertips touched the back of her hand. Her chest heaved as her lungs expanded, but she didn’t flinch. He allowed his fingers to drift around her small hand until their fingers linked. Uttering one word, “Please,” he stepped backward. Grateful she did not pull away, he led her ever-so-slowly toward the sofa. Their fingers remained linked, but he settled on one end of the sofa, giving her the freedom to choose where she wanted to set.
He hated that she dropped their physical connection but breathed a sigh of relief when she settled on the other end of the sofa, even if there were several feet of distance between them. She clasped her hands together in her lap but said nothing.
Suddenly, all the practiced speeches he’d created in his mind in the two days since he saw her last all flew from his mind. He swallowed, licked his lips, and wondered if he’d be able to speak with his mouth so dry.
“I was a moron,” he blurted. “Not just any moron… but a seriously stupid, fucking moron.”
She blinked, the surprise of his words evident on her face. She opened her mouth, then snapped it closed. Remaining silent, she waited. Uncertain how to follow up his previous statement, he dumped whatever speech he had in mind and went with his gut.
“I look back to when I was last here in your apartment, and I can’t believe how much has changed—”
“Wait,” she interrupted, her hands jerking up toward him as though to ward off any more words coming her way. “We don’t have to do this. We don’t have to talk this out. I get it… believe me, I really get it. We didn’t plan to get married, both thinking it was fake. We hadn’t planned on sharing a room until we ran into Errol and felt trapped. We certainly hadn’t planned on becoming intimate… that was the mistake—”
“We do need to do this, Lynn, because it wasn’t a mistake.” At those words, her brows lowered over a narrow glare. Pressing his point, he continued. “All of what you said was true. And I was an idiot when I accused you of planning it because that was a stupid, embarrassingly poor, knee-jerk reaction.”
He leaned forward just enough to place his large hand over hers, aware that his wedding band was still firmly in place. Her gaze dropped to their connection, but if she noticed the ring, she said nothing.
“That’s the first thing I need you to believe, Lynn. I’m normally a cool-headed guy who doesn’t fly off the handle even when caught off-guard. I loved the time we’d spent together, whether we were just talking, hanging out, or making love.”
She jerked her gaze back up to his face, and he nodded. “Yeah, I said making love. Babe, you were never just a fuck.” He gave her hand a small squeeze, struck by how much he’d missed touching her. “Like right now, it’s hitting me that in two days I got used to touching you, and for the last two days it’s been agony not having you near. Right now, sitting on your sofa with just my hand on yours feels more right than any moment since we were apart.”
She sucked in her lips and blinked rapidly, her head jerking in what he hoped was a nod of agreement.
“The last night we were together, laying in bed after you fell asleep, I tried to figure out how I felt about you, about us. I knew what I felt was real, I just didn’t know what to do about it. I hadn’t settled everything in my mind before we talked to Nancy and my mom. Then we were blindsided, and I reacted so badly. Please, believe me, that if I could take back those words, I would. I am so sorry I hurt you, and I’m begging you to forgive me.”
He held her gaze as he held her hand and watched a single tear slide down her cheek.
20
Lynn felt the tear drop from her cheek and glanced down to see it had landed on Nolan’s hand. The moisture pooled around his ring finger, and she sucked in her breath to see the band of white gold still where she had placed it. Lifting her gaze to his anguished face, his sincerity was evident.
Her heart ached in her chest and she dragged in a heavy breath. She nodded as she let it out slowly. “I believe you,” she began and felt his fingers clench hers a little tighter. “And I accept your apology. It was… stressful… all of it. We probably managed to jam more emotions into two days than should be humanly possible.”
He snorted slightly, nodding, his lips barely curving.
“Neither of us planned what happened, and you’re not the only one who enjoyed our time together, Nolan. Everything we did was fun and getting to know you was special. I also found myself wondering ‘what if.’ Wondering if there was a future beyond our adventure.”
She glanced down at their hands again and cleared her throat. “It’s true that I worshiped the ground you walked on when we were much younger--”
“No, Lynn, don’t. You don’t need to talk about this or justify anything,” he rushed.
“I know, but it’s true. We both know it so to ignore it makes no sense.” She licked her lips, faced her adolescent embarrassment, and continued. “I didn’t have an older brother and always envied the relationship you had with Nancy. Let’s be honest… you were a gorgeous teenager,
and while I was just a gawky, nerdy, little-sister-tag-along, you were definitely the stuff of my teenage dreams. Nancy used to say that she wished we were sisters and if I married you, then we would be. Right before you left for the Navy, I foolishly tried to kiss you, and that was wrong on every level.”
“Lynn, no, please. Don’t think I didn’t notice you.”
Her head jerked back slightly in surprise, but she had no idea what he meant. “When?”
“Believe me, I noticed when you went from being a gawky, nerdy, little-sister-tag-along to a very pretty teenager with the promise of unbelievable beauty.”
Shaking her head quickly, she felt the blush of embarrassment hit her and said, “You don’t have to say this—”
“You’re right, I don’t. But it’s the truth.” His face contorted in a grimace. “I had just turned eighteen years old and you were only sixteen. I wasn’t going to tie myself down before heading off into adulthood, but the only reason I didn’t take that kiss further was that you were too young.”
Her heart began to pound. “You were man enough to apologize to me, and I need to be adult enough to apologize to you, also. It was wrong of me to kiss you the way I did. I know now it’s never right for someone to force a kiss on anyone else, but I especially put you in an awkward position.”
His lips curved more, and her gaze snagged on his smile. “Honestly, there’s no need for you to apologize, but if it makes you feel better, I accept. Just know that if you’d been older, I wouldn’t have stopped the kiss.”
She sucked her lips in, giving a little nod. While glad to hear that he didn’t resent her, she could not fight the overwhelming sense of heaviness that pressed on her heart. Her voice was shaky, but she pushed ahead. “I’m glad we cleared the air, and it’s nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt something special when we were in the mountains. But Nolan, we need to be smart. Two days of special does not make a future.”
“Unless we give it a shot, we have no idea what our future could be.”
“You’re actually talking about a future with me?” She blinked, staring at him in incredulity.
“All I know is that I don’t want you to contact an attorney tomorrow morning.”
“Why? What could be the purpose of not moving forward with a divorce?”
He leaned forward slightly, and for a second, she wondered if he was going to kiss her. Instead, he moved his head so that their gazes were much closer. “Right now, we just admitted that we care for each other, both found our time incredibly special, and enjoyed being together. Add to that the fact that we’re actually married, we owe it to ourselves to see… to see—”
“To see what?”
“To see it through.”
She jerked again at those words, her breath leaving her lungs in a rush. Hearing that he didn’t want her to contact an attorney sent her mind into a tangle of thoughts. Fear mixed with joy. Anger mixed with relief. But more than anything was the sad reality that stayed with her. “Nolan, I don’t see how we can make this work between us.”
This time he jerked at her words, and she felt her heart crack. Swallowing deeply, she pushed forward. “Our lives are too different. You’re a SEAL. That’s not just your job, it’s your identity. And while it’s a world that I’ve never experienced and don’t understand, I accept that it’s your world. You’re gone for weeks or months to places you can’t talk about. And when you’re not on a mission, your home is California. Me? My life is here. My business is here.”
“I get it, babe. For a long time, I didn’t see how being a SEAL and being married could work, but I’ve got to tell you that I’ve now got a whole team of married, engaged, or involved people as an inspiration. And every one of them is happy and they’re making it work.”
“Yes, but most of them are together in the same place, aren’t they?”
He hesitated and she pounced. “Nolan, I know some people can just up and move wherever, but it’s taken me a long time to get my business off the ground. I can’t just cancel my clients and move across the country—to a place where I know no one—only to have you gone most of the time. Maybe that’s selfish, but think about it… we’ve only been married for four days and only two of those actually together. That’s more of a recipe for disaster than success.”
He looked down at their hands, his features twisted in anguish, and her heart ached even more than she thought possible. Part of her wanted to just give in and tell him that she would do whatever she needed to do to make it work. She had no doubts about her feelings for him, but the uncertainty of their future loomed greatly.
“I’m not going to be a SEAL forever. You know I plan on coming back and working with my dad.”
“I think that sounds wonderful, and I know how much your parents would love that.”
“But don’t you see?” he begged. “I’m not asking you to move. I’m just reminding you that I’ll be back.”
She nibbled on her bottom lip as she carefully pondered what he was saying. “What are you asking me to do, Nolan? Do you think two days together is enough to know what we have?”
He scooted closer to her, his gaze intense. “All I know is that those were the best two days of my life. What I feel for you, I’ve never felt for anyone else. With just those two days, what I want is a chance.”
“Most people do that before they get married.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Lynn. We did everything backward and didn’t even mean to. If we didn’t feel anything for each other, then I’d beg for you to call the attorney tomorrow morning and we would file for a quick and easy divorce. But we do feel something for each other.”
Her heart squeezed and uncertainty filled her “I want to do the right thing. I want to make the right decision.”
“Honestly, babe, when it comes to the heart, all you can do is go for it.”
Her brow furrowed as she tried to think through all the possibilities. “So, if I don’t call the attorney tomorrow, then what? Will it be harder to do this down the road?”
“I say we stay married. We give it a shot.” He gave her hand a little jerk, and quickly added, “I’m not talking about sex. We don’t even have to have sex. That’s not what this is about. I just want us to spend more time together. Get to know each other more. I’ve only got a couple of weeks of my recuperation and then I go back. But I want us to stay married and give this relationship our all, long enough to decide if what we felt during those two days was real.”
“Are we setting a timeline for this?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely not. There’s no timeline on the heart.”
A giggle erupted, and she could not hold it back. He chuckled along with her and shook his head. “I’m glad my team couldn’t hear me say that goofy line.” Their mirth cut through the tense emotions. He leaned forward and with his free hand cupped her cheek. “All I’m asking is for you to give us a chance.”
She nodded, leaning her weight into his hand. “Okay, I promise I won’t call the attorney tomorrow morning. I won’t do anything without letting you know, but I need to think about this.”
His smile spread across his face, and a sigh left his lips. He stood and gently pulled her to her feet. “There’s nothing I’d like to do more than stay right now, but I don’t want to crowd you.” He pulled her close and kissed her lightly, and just like with every kiss, she melted toward him. He ended it much too soon, then pressed her cheek against his strong heartbeat and kissed the top of her head.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.”
He let her go and she instantly felt the chill of their separation. She fought the desire to call him back, watching him walk out her door instead.
For the next several days while Lynn was at work, Nolan decided to help his dad. Still not carrying anything very heavy, he nonetheless stayed busy on the newest house his father’s business was constructing. Besides the manual labor, he spent time in their office, learning more about the sales, ordering materials, hiring contractors, and payroll
. What had seemed uninteresting when he was in his early twenties he now discovered he enjoyed.
He and Lynn had spent the last several evenings together, and tonight, he wanted to take her out on a date. They had gone about everything backward, now dating after marrying first, but he wanted to show her that what they had was real.
Today, he was on a ladder, pounding nails into the door frames being installed. His dad was in the next room, overseeing the electrical contractor.
“Nick! Nolan!”
Recognizing his mother’s voice, he climbed from the ladder and walked into the next room. His gaze landed on his parents as his dad bent to kiss his mom and caught the look they shared as she lifted her hand and caressed her husband’s cheek. Waiting for their moment to end, he then walked over to hug her, catching a whiff of burgers and fries.
She beamed at the two of them and said, “I had to run out and mail some things for Nancy, so I thought I’d stop by and bring you lunch.”
He helped his mom drape a clean painter’s drop-cloth onto the floor, giving them a place to picnic, while Nick went back to the car to get the sodas. She handed out the hamburgers and fries, and he dove in, ready to assuage his hunger.
Their conversation was light, but as they finished the meal, Rita reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. Shooting a glance toward Nick, she held the envelope out to Nolan and said, “This came in the mail today.”
Brow furrowed, he reached for the envelope and ripped it open, pulling out the single piece of paper inside. Unfolding it, he gazed at the official marriage certificate, his gaze roving over the words. His heart pounded as he memorized the script, recognizing their shaky, handwritten signatures. He looked up to find both parents staring intently at him.
Hot SEAL, Undercover Groom (SEALs in Paradise) Page 16
