by Judi Curtin
Then she’d be sorry.
* * *
After tea, Alice called over.
‘Did you get your essay finished?’ she asked.
I nodded.
‘What about you?’
She nodded too.
‘Yes, but it’s just the first draft. I want Mr Dunne to look at it, and tell me what he thinks. I’m going to do the final draft on the computer. I’m going to ask Dad to help me to lay it out properly, and I hope Mum can get me some fancy paper to print it on. She might even bind it for me.’
I didn’t say anything. Alice stopped talking and looked at me carefully for a minute.
‘I probably won’t win, you know,’ she said.
I still didn’t say anything.
She just didn’t get it.
Didn’t she understand that in some ways it didn’t matter whether she won or not?
Didn’t she understand that half the problem was that she wanted to win in the first place?
Chapter seven
The next day was Saturday. I was still in my pyjamas when the door-bell rang.
‘Get that, Megan, will you?’ said Dad.
I slouched out towards the hall, hoping that it wasn’t Alice. I didn’t think I could bear to hear one more word about the stupid competition and the stupid, stupid École St Jean.
I opened the front door.
‘Linda,’ I gasped, as I saw who was standing there.
‘Who were you expecting? The queen of Sheba?’ laughed Linda as she hugged me.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I’m really glad to see you.’
I was telling the truth. Linda is my mum’s sister. Linda and Mum are very alike – except that Linda is younger and prettier and much more fun and doesn’t believe in force-feeding poor innocent children with organic fruit and vegetables.
Linda followed me in to the kitchen, and there was more excitement as Mum and Dad and Rosie all got up and hugged her.
Mum made a big pot of herbal tea, and we all sat down at the kitchen table. Rosie climbed onto Linda’s lap.
‘Aaah,’ said Mum. ‘Isn’t that sweet? She loves her Auntie Linda.’
‘Chocolate,’ whispered Rosie. ‘Did you bring me some chocolate?’
I giggled. Mum would not be happy if she knew that Linda gives us chocolate every chance she gets.
Linda shrugged her shoulders, and did a very bad job of looking innocent.
Then she leaned in closer to Rosie.
‘Later,’ she whispered, and Rosie smiled so much it looked like her face was going to crack.
‘It’s lovely to see you and everything, Linda,’ said Mum. ‘But it’s very early, and you didn’t even tell us that you were coming.’
Linda didn’t say anything. Her cheeks were turning a faint pink colour, and she kept patting her hair, like she was nervous.
I could see that there was something strange going on, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Suddenly Rosie reached up and grabbed Linda’s hand.
‘That’s a very pretty ring,’ she said.
Mum nearly dropped her herbal tea.
‘OMIGOD!’ she shrieked. ‘Linda. Your ring. That’s a … you’ve got a … you’re engaged?’
Linda was redder that ever, but she was nodding happily.
‘Yes, Sheila,’ she said. ‘It’s an engagement ring! I’m engaged! Isn’t it great?’
Mum jumped up. ‘But where’s …?’
‘Luka,’ said Linda. ‘His name is Luka.’
‘Luka,’ said Mum. ‘Where’s Luka?’
She opened the kitchen door and looked in to the hall, like she was expecting to find him sitting on the stairs.
Linda laughed.
‘He’s not with me. We only decided this yesterday. Luka flew back to Latvia to tell his family, and I got the first train here, so I could tell you all.’
There was another flurry of hugging and kissing. Rosie made us all laugh by jumping up and down and shouting ‘happy, happy, happy’ over and over again.
Then we all recovered and sat down to finish our herbal tea.
‘So he’s from Latvia?’ said Mum.
Linda nodded happily.
‘But he’s been here for years. He speaks perfect English.’
Mum was shaking her head.
‘I can’t believe I’m going to have a brother-in-law. I can’t believe I’m going to have a Latvian brother-in-law.’
‘And I’m going to have a Latvian uncle,’ I said.
‘And at last I’ll have someone to watch soccer matches with,’ said Dad.
‘Is Latvia near Dublin?’ asked Rosie, making us all laugh some more.
‘When is the big day?’ asked Mum when we had recovered.
‘We’re not exactly sure yet. But we think in a few months time. We—’
Suddenly I jumped up.
‘You’re going to need a bridesmaid,’ I said excitedly. ‘I’d so much love to be your bridesmaid! My friend Louise was a bridesmaid last year, and she had such a fun time. She had this totally beautiful dress, and she looked like a princess. She might even lend it to me so you won’t have to buy a new one. And Rosie could be your flower-girl. She’d be sooo sweet. She—’
Suddenly I noticed that everyone was staring at me. Linda looked embarrassed.
‘I’m so sorry, Megan,’ she said. ‘It’s not going to be that kind of wedding. We haven’t decided on the details, but we know it’s just going to be a simple affair. There won’t be a bridesmaid or a flower-girl.’
Now I was embarrassed too. I felt sooo totally stupid. Rosie came over and hugged me.
‘Don’t be sad, Megan,’ she said. ‘When I’m big you can be my bridesmaid and you can wear Louise’s pretty dress then.’
I hugged her back.
‘Thanks, Rosie,’ I said. ‘And when I’m big, you can be my bridesmaid – you and Alice.’
As I said the last words, I wondered if they were true.
Was Alice going to win the competition?
Was she going to go off to France and forget all about me?
When I got married, would Alice even be able to remember who I was?
Linda was holding out her hand and admiring her ring.
‘Isn’t this the most beautiful ring?’ she said. ‘I didn’t want a ring at first, but Luka persuaded me.’
I wondered if I could track him down and get him to persuade her that she wanted a bridesmaid and a flower-girl too.
Linda took off the ring and handed it to Mum.
‘Here, Sheila,’ she said. ‘Put it on and make a wish. Remember what Granny used to say? Anything you wish for on a new engagement ring has to come true.’
Mum put on the ring and closed her eyes. She was probably wishing for a vegetable sale in the local supermarket.
Then she handed the ring to me. I put the ring on, closed my eyes, and concentrated as hard as I could – and I wished that Alice wouldn’t go to France.
Chapter eight
I was nearly ready for school on Monday morning when I remembered that I hadn’t got my competition slip signed. Dad had already left for work, so my only option was to show it to Mum.
I waited until she was busy washing the porridge pot.
‘Can you sign this please?’ I said, as casually as I could, holding the slip and a pen towards her.
‘What is it?’ asked Mum without turning around.
‘Oh, it’s not important,’ I said. ‘It’s just to say that I’m allowed to enter an essay competition. It’s no big deal.’
I should have known better. Everything is a big deal to my mum.
She dried her hands and came to sit at the kitchen table.
‘Let me see,’ she said. ‘What’s the competition?’
I sighed.
‘It’s not important. All you’ve got to do is sign this paper, and then we can forget about it.’
Mum took the page from me and read it ever so slowly. Then she put it down and looked at me.
‘Four months in Franc
e?’ she said. ‘The prize is four months in France?’
I nodded miserably.
‘That’s a very long time,’ said Mum.
I nodded again.
Then Mum broke out into a conversation with herself.
‘We’d miss you terribly.’
‘But it would be a wonderful opportunity.’
‘You’d be very lonely.’
‘But it would be a chance to make lots of new friends.’
‘The school might not have a healthy-eating policy.’
‘I suppose we could go over and check it out.’
‘I should talk this over with your father.’
‘I know he’ll agree that we should allow you to try for this.’
Then before I could do anything, she picked up the pen and ticked the ‘yes’ box, and then signed her name underneath.
I jumped up angrily.
‘I don’t want to win,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to go to France.’
‘But—’ began Mum.
‘And I won’t win,’ I added.
‘But how do you know that?’
Because I’ve deliberately written the worst essay in the world.
‘I just won’t.’
Mum narrowed her eyes.
‘You know that when you do anything, it’s important to do your best?’ she said.
‘I know,’ I said, shoving the slip into my school-bag. ‘And you’re doing your best to make me late for school.’
Then I grabbed my lunch, and went out, slamming the door behind me.
* * *
A week later, Mr Dunne collected all the finished essays. He’d made me re-write mine, but I hadn’t made it look any better. It was still untidy, and had lots of mistakes. When Mr Dunne read it, he’d soon see that it didn’t even make a whole lot of sense. Now that Mum had signed the slip saying I could go to France if I won, I couldn’t take any chances.
Mr Dunne looked at my essay as I handed it in.
‘This is a bit careless, Megan,’ he said. ‘It isn’t anything like your usual work.’
That’s because this isn’t any old work.
I could feel my face turning red.
‘Sorry, Sir,’ I said, but he had already moved on to take Alice’s essay from her.
He looked at the beautiful binding, and then flipped through the perfect, neat pages.
‘Well, Alice,’ he said. ‘This is more like it. Beautifully presented work. Well done.’
Alice smiled, and for a moment I felt like punching her, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong.
* * *
The next week went by very, very slowly. I felt like I was walking around with a big black cloud hanging over my head. I felt that, at any moment, it was going to fall down on top of me, blocking out all the light.
One day, as we were walking home from school, Alice was driving me totally crazy.
‘I could win the competition,’ she said. ‘I did my very best, and think I really could win.’ Then she hesitated. ‘But no,’ she continued. ‘I never win anything. I probably didn’t win. But then maybe––’
‘Enough already,’ I snapped. ‘You’re so boring these days. Can’t you talk about anything else except the stupid competition?’
Alice looked really hurt, and for a minute I was sorry for what I had said.
But then, when she started to talk about something else, I was glad.
If we ignored the competition, it just might go away.
Chapter nine
Then one afternoon, about a week and a half after we’d handed in our essays, all first-years were told to assemble in the hall for the last class of the day.
I stood next to Alice, with Kellie on my other side. Grace and Louise stood in front of us. We knew that the winner of the essay competition was going to be announced, and everyone was nervous. I felt cold and shivery and I had a horrible sick feeling in my stomach.
‘I know I didn’t win,’ said Kellie. ‘I tried my best, but I know my essay wasn’t very good. I really only like writing stories about animals.’
‘Better than stories about disco-dancing,’ said Louise, and we all laughed nervous, forced laughs.
‘I think Hannah in my class might win,’ said Grace. ‘I read her essay before she handed it up, and it’s really good.’
Yessss! I felt like saying, but of course I couldn’t.
Alice didn’t say anything, which was so not like her.
Mrs Kingston went on for ages about boring stuff like tying our ties properly, and not running in corridors. We’d already heard the same speech about a hundred times, and I’d have fallen asleep if I hadn’t been so nervous.
Next to me, Alice was all jittery. Her feet were jigging as if to some music that the rest of us couldn’t hear, and when I looked at her, there was a funny sparkle in her eyes.
If she didn’t win, I knew she’d be really disappointed.
But if she did win, I’d be devastated.
That probably means that I’m a very bad friend, but I can’t help it.
Who ever said I had to be perfect?
* * *
At last Mrs Kingston mentioned the essay competition. She went on for ages and ages about the importance of learning how to write properly. She said that in a world of texts and e-mails good writing was getting harder to find. She said that even the people who didn’t win had had a valuable exercise in writing. She said that the standard was particularly high. (Obviously she hadn’t seen my essay.) Then, when I thought I was going to scream, she said the words I had been dreading.
‘Now, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. It’s time for me to announce the winner.’
The sick feeling in my stomach got even worse.
‘The standard was very high, or did I say that already?’
Yes, now just get on with it, and put me out of my misery.
Mrs Kingston continued, ‘And since the standard was so very high, the school has decided to award a second prize of an MP3 player.’
I felt like kicking myself for writing such a bad essay. I’d love an MP3 player and there’s zero chance of my mum or dad ever buying me one.
Mrs Kingston gave a small smile.
‘And the second prize goes to…Hannah Lee!’
Hannah, who was standing near us, gave a small squeak of joy, and everyone around her began to pat her on the back and whisper to her until Mrs Kingston called for silence again.
Then she went on.
‘And now for the first prize winner – the person who will be going to France for four months. I know you have already brought in signed permission slips, however as this is such an important prize, we took the precaution of telephoning the winner’s parents this morning, just to make sure they’d allow their child to go abroad for a few months. And I’m happy to say that the winner’s parents think it’s a great idea for their daughter to—’
Mrs Kingston stopped suddenly, looking embarrassed.
At first I didn’t understand.
‘It’s a girl,’ whispered Kellie. ‘A girl has won first prize.’
All around the hall, boys were muttering and looking disappointed, while the girls were even more excited than before.
In front of me Grace sighed.
‘I know it’s not me. My parents are in America, and their mobiles aren’t working out there.’
Louise put her arm around her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘I know it’s not going to be me either.’
Mrs Kingston was speaking again. ‘And the winner is ………’
There was a silence that felt like it was a hundred years long, before Mrs Kingston finished her sentence.
‘……… Alice O’Rourke!’
All around me everyone went crazy. Even people who hardly knew her, rushed over and hugged Alice. Everyone was clapping and cheering and stamping their feet. I gave Alice a small hug and then I was edged away by everyone else trying to join in with the excitement.
Suddenly Kellie was beside me.<
br />
‘Isn’t it so great?’ she said.
I nodded, not daring to speak.
Kellie looked closer at me, and I hoped she couldn’t see the beginnings of tears in my eyes.
‘Hey, Megan,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry. Did you think you were going to win?’
I shook my head. ‘No, I knew I was never going to win. I didn’t even try.’
‘But …’
Then she slapped herself on the forehead.
‘I’m an idiot,’ she said. ‘You’re going to miss Alice.’
Once again, I didn’t dare to answer, afraid that, instead of words, sobs would come rushing out of my mouth.
Kellie put her arm around me.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘I know you’ll miss her. We all will. But four months isn’t really all that long. And in the meantime, you’ve got Grace and Louise and me. We’ll look after you. You’ll be fine – I promise.’
I nodded.
Kellie was being really nice, but it didn’t make any difference. Without Alice, nothing was going to be the same.
I looked over to where Alice was surrounded by boys and girls, all pushing and laughing and trying to get close to her. She was like a film-star or something. Then she saw me, and she waved her arm, calling me over.
I started to move towards her, and then I knew I couldn’t do it.
It was too hard.
I just couldn’t pretend to be happy.
Then I realised that Kellie was still beside me.
‘All I want is to go home,’ I said, ‘but what will Alice think?’
Kellie put her arm around me again.
‘Just go,’ she said. ‘I’ll think of an excuse to tell Alice. And maybe … maybe I can tell her that you’ll call for her later?’
I hesitated.
I didn’t want to call for Alice later.
What was I supposed to say to her?
But I knew I had to brave.
‘Sure,’ I said, trying to smile. ‘Tell her I’ll call for her later.’
Then I slipped out of the hall by the side door, and walked slowly home on my own.
Chapter ten
