She heard the distinct thud of her own heart. Her fingers twisted nervously in the material of the cotton shirt she was wearing. “What are you saying? Do you think I’ve never read
Dracula
before? You’re describing a vampire, aren’t you?” Her chin was up defiantly; she was challenging him openly.
Lucian could see her courage in her battle with her fear. She was fragile, so vulnerable, with much to admire in her. And he wanted her. He was acutely aware they were alone. He watched the struggle within her, the way her instincts worked, trying to war with the ties with which he had bound them together.
“I have said I am not a vampire, and I am not. If the males of our species grow weary of the darkness that descend upon them after their youth and choose to lose or defile their souls, they become the undead. They are then wholly evil, killing their prey for the momentary rush of pleasure and power it brings, rather than feeding from them and leaving them unharmed. I lived as one, mimicking the ways of the undead, but I never killed for blood nor took the blood of a necessary kill. It would be impossible for you to become vampire from my blood. You of all people are wholly in the light.”
Jaxon rubbed her aching temples. There was something wrong in the things he was saying. “Why can’t I stand the thought of food, Lucian?”
“You are able to tolerate water and some natural vegetable and fruit juices. You must begin with vegetable broth and build your tolerance slowly. Do not try to eat meat products; they will not agree with you.”
“Is that what you live on? Juices and broth?”
“Do not ask what you cannot yet face, my love,” he said softly, his black gaze resting on the pulse beating so frantically in her throat.
She knew then. She didn’t faint, although her entire body went weak, her legs rubbery. She would not faint. “Lucian, please move away from the door.”
His mesmerizing gaze moved over her face like a caress. “Do you think to run away from me?” His voice was so soft and sensuous, it was all she could do not to run
to
him for comfort.
“That’s exactly what I think. You told me I’m not a prisoner, and I’ve decided I want to leave.” She tried not to sound defiant. She noticed his large frame still filled the doorway, and his body was as still as a mountain, his face expressionless. If only he didn’t have that voice.
“Where would you go, Jaxon?”
She tilted her chin. “Where I go is none of your business.” There was a long silence while he waited, unmoving, those black eyes watching her. Jaxon counted her own heartbeats. Sighing softly, she capitulated. “Barry’s apartment. He won’t be there, remember? The captain was moving him to a safe house.”
“I think not. It would not be safe.”
There was a double meaning behind those softly spoken words. Jaxon shivered, chilled despite the heat of the fire dancing behind her. “You said I could leave.”
“I did not say run away. There will be truth between us, little one, whether it is difficult or not. You are a strong woman. I will not hide things from you.”
“Am I supposed to thank you for that?” She raked a trembling hand through her hair, creating a windblown effect. “I don’t want this.”
“Yes, you do,” Lucian replied as gently as ever.
Where his eyes had been black and impossible to fathom, she now glimpsed hunger, a stark possessiveness. Her hand moved to find the comforting butt of her gun. How could she ever resist those hungry eyes? “Why are you doing this? I have enough trouble in my life without your expecting me to accept vampires and God knows what else. I can’t do it, Lucian.”
“Yes, you can.” He said it quietly. “Take a deep breath and relax. Sit down before you fall down.”
Her dark eyes flashed at him. “Do you really think I’m so needy that I’d sell what little self-respect I have left just to be with someone? I feel the difference in my body. The way I can hear, the way I’m able to control the volume. I can see in the dark better than if it was daylight. I feel you all the time. With me. Needing me. Calling to me.” She rubbed her temples again. “How can you talk to me without speaking? More importantly, how can I talk to you that way?”
“My blood flows in your veins, as yours flows in mine. We share the same heart and soul. Our minds seek to merge, just as our bodies cry out for each other.”
“My body does not cry out for yours,” she denied, more frightened than angry. “Little liar.”
“Go back to the blood in the veins thing. Exactly how did your blood get into my veins and mine into yours? Did you give me a transfusion or something like...?” She trailed off, images of a dark, erotic dream intruding. Her hand went protectively to her throat. “You didn’t drink my blood. God, tell me you didn’t drink my blood. No, first tell me I didn’t drink your blood.” Now her legs were threatening to fail her. She actually looked at the floor, prepared to fall. Only the thought of being more vulnerable than she already was stopped her from collapsing.
He moved swiftly toward her to help, but Jaxon was so alarmed that she brought the gun up. She used a two-armed stance to try to steady her badly shaking hands. This was a nightmare, insanity. She didn’t have enough imagination to make all this up. The gun pointed directly at his heart.
“Please move away from the door, Lucian. I don’t want to hurt you. I really don’t. I just want to get out of here so I can breathe again.” She was pleading with him, not taking her usual command of a situation. She wanted so much to be with him. So much. He was tall and sexy and terribly alone, just as she was. She understood that in him. She wanted to make everything all right for him, to rid him of that terrible hunger. But to have a man like Lucian look at her for all time with heat and hunger, with need and possessiveness, was a dream she could never accept. Lucian was not really a man. He was something else. Something she didn’t ever want to identify.
“Jaxon, put down the gun before you accidentally shoot someone.” There was no inflection whatsoever in his voice.
“It wouldn’t be an accident, Lucian. Please, I’m going to ask you one more time. Just step aside, and let me go.”
“My people regard the human eating of flesh with the same repugnance as you regard our taking of blood for nourishment.”
She took a tentative step, trying to shut out his words and the importance of what he was revealing. She circled to his right, hoping he would abandon his position. Lucian remained as still as the mountains. “Just imagining what you’re trying to tell me makes me feel sick. I don’t think we’re compatible.” She was in earnest now. If he didn’t step aside, she was going to have to find a way around him. She wasn’t going to shoot him. The thought of him hurt in any way was too much to bear.
Lucian moved so fast that he was a blur. Not even a blur. One moment he was standing in the doorway; the next moment he had the gun in his possession and his arms around her. “You only think it is repulsive, angel, because you do not yet know anything other than evil.”
Being so close to him was dangerous. His body was hard and hot and needy. She felt an answering response right down to her toes. Her breathing betrayed her, her racing heart, her own body. She felt tears burning behind her eyes.
“Tell me you’re controlling my reactions to you,” she whispered, lifting her face so that she could examine his expressionless mask.
At once his harsh features softened, his steely strong arms locking her to him as gently as possible. “You know I am not. I have forced your compliance only on the occasions when I was healing you, binding you to me, and when you needed sleep. You are the other half of my soul. I cannot be apart from you, Jaxon. I am not making it up.” His hand moved over her face with great tenderness. “Do you think I wish to cause you such distress? Look into my mind and see the truth. I want only your happiness. In truth, honey, I would gladly lay down my life if I knew you wished such a thing and would be happy without me, but it is not so.” His mouth touched her forehead, her eyelids. “It is not so
, little love. It is not so.”
“You can’t ask me to accept such a thing.”
“I have no other choice. It is my way of life, Jaxon. I am Carpathian. I cannot change that. I would not want to change it.” His mouth found hers, gently, his lips barely brushing the corner of hers. It started a tremor deep within her. “I survive on blood, my love, but I do not kill. I have dedicated my life to the preservation of both of our species.”
“But, Lucian,” she tried to protest.
“It is different, that is all. It is something unknown to you.”
She buried her face against his chest. “You don’t sleep in a coffin, do you?” It was meant as a joke but came out far more soberly than she’d intended.
Lucian chose his answer carefully. “In all the centuries of my existence, all the vampires I hunted and destroyed, I never actually found one who slept in a coffin. If anyone was going to try such an idea, I imagine the undead would do so first.”
“That’s one good thing.” Jaxon was already pulling away from him, moving gingerly, as if by touching him she might become more infected with some strange disease. “I don’t think I could ever get used to the coffin thing. Can you undo what you’ve done?” She tried to keep her voice neutral. She was very tired and wanted only to lie down somewhere and not think anymore about anything. “You can’t, can you?”
“I would not want to if I could. I do not want to give you up.” His hands fell to his side. “That is selfish of me, I know, but I cannot. It is not only for my own sake, Jaxon, but for yours—and for others.”
She held up a hand and gave a faint smile “Overload, Lucian. I can’t take in any more. Let’s do something normal.” Jaxon bit her lower lip, a small frown flitting across her face. “I don’t know what normal people do, do you?”
His hands framed her face, his thumbs feathering over her satin-soft skin in a small caress. He had to touch her. He couldn’t seem to stop himself. “You look tired, Jaxon. You should be resting.”
“I was thinking we could go for a walk on your grounds. I’d like to look around outside.”
“Scouting. Of course you would want to do that. It is so
normal
.”
She found herself smiling. “Maybe you’re right. After all, neither one of us knows what to do when we’re not tracking some killer.”
His smile was slow and sexy. “I did not say I did not have other, much more interesting things in mind to do.”
Her breath caught in her throat. He could so easily get around her. It wasn’t natural. He whispered to her in her mind, shared erotic images, and made her think things she never would have on her own. Jaxon shook her head.
“You are bad, Lucian. What am I going to do about you?”
“Be with me. Live with me. Learn to love me. Accept me as I am,” his black-velvet voice whispered, and his words touched her in her deepest soul.
She reached out to take his hand, weaving her smaller fingers through his. “I think you should be outlawed. That voice of yours can get you almost anything.” She had no real way to resist him. Not when he could say such things to her in his beautiful voice with such stark truth in his gaze.
He turned her hand over, bringing her palm to his lips. His black eyes were burning with possessiveness. “Does that include you?”
Jaxon found herself smiling. “I’m considering it. Walk with me.”
“You wish to go outside?”
She shook her head. “There’s a reason you’re not so certain you want me to go outside. What’s out there? I know it’s not a coffin. I think we’ve pretty much covered that issue, and we’re clear on it.”
“No coffin,” he acknowledged.
“So, what is it?” she demanded. “Out with it.”
“Wolves.” He said it straight-faced.
Jaxon snatched back her hand. “Give me back my gun. Wolves? I should have known. Of course you have wolves. Doesn’t everybody?” She snapped her fingers. “The gun, Lucian. Hand it over. I’ve decided I have to shoot you after all. It’s the only way to preserve my sanity.”
His hands curved around her neck in mock threat. “I do not think I will ever give back that weapon of yours. It gives you hostile ideas.”
She was very much aware of him as they moved together toward the back of the house. Why did his home have to be so perfect? Everything she had ever wanted?
Why did it make her feel so safe when she should have felt threatened by such a powerful and dangerous being as she knew Lucian to be? How could she simply accept his differences so calmly? Well, maybe not calmly, but she was accepting them.
Lucian enjoyed the way her mind worked. Jaxon was sometimes overwhelmed by the enormity of the information he had given her, but she didn’t allow herself to panic. She took her time assimilating what she could and then gave her mind a small break before processing the next influx of information. She used humor to get herself through frightening situations. She never once condemned him out of hand.
Jaxon didn’t know him. She did not understand what he really was. She had no real concept of what it had done to him to destroy others for centuries. That his bleak, dark world was so cold and shadowed, he would do anything to keep from going back there. He was a predator, had terrible darkness in him, and she was too much of the light to understand that each kill had taken a piece of his soul. Only Jaxon could make him whole.
Chapter Five
The moment Jaxon stepped out onto the grounds and inhaled the fresh air, the terrible weight threatening to crush her dissipated. The air was cold and crisp, the rain having ceased for a short time. Clouds swirled overhead, dark and ominous, blocking out any moonlight, yet it was a beautiful sight. She loved storms and the sound of rain. She loved the cloud formations and the scent of the air after a downpour.
She was aware of Lucian’s powerful body moving close to hers as they emerged from the house. Jaxon raked carelessly at her hair with one hand, sending it into further disarray as she surveyed the acres of forest that lay behind the mansion. “This is a bodyguard’s worst nightmare, Lucian. Drake would love this. He could be here right now, up in the trees somewhere. This is his element.”
“You worry too much about my safety, honey.” His fingers tangled in her hair on the pretext of taming it into some semblance of order. “I would know if a human approached my property. It is well protected, not by a security system such as humans use but by ancient safeguards, powerful and dangerous. Tyler Drake cannot get through them. As long as you are on this property, you are perfectly safe from him.”
“What about from a sniper’s bullet? He doesn’t have to be on the property to shoot you, Lucian. All he has to do is perch on a hilltop somewhere and get you in his sights.”
“I am not so easy to kill, angel. You only pretend not to know what I am because you do not want to think too closely about it.” He was in her mind. She was avoiding the idea of their sharing blood, mainly because it brought up dark, erotic memories she didn’t want to touch. And she was definitely having trouble with the idea that she had taken his blood. It bothered her far more than she wanted to admit, yet she was turning it over and over in her mind.
Lucian looked down at her. Jaxon had tipped her head back to look up at him, her large eyes dark with such mixed emotions it turned his insides to molten heat. More than anything he wanted to taste her soft lips. The need was fierce and urgent and this time he gave in to the demand without a fight. He simply wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her to him, his head descending to take possession of her mouth.
Time stopped. Beneath their feet the earth itself shifted and rolled. Burning heat erupted everywhere, electricity arcing between them. Still, his mouth was slow and gentle, coaxing her response rather than commanding it. His hands moved to cup the back of her head, holding her so that he could explore, lose himself in the silken heat of her mouth. She was everything to him. A secret world of light and heat and color and emotion and magic. He never wanted
to be anywhere else. He wanted this perfect moment to go on for all time.
Lucian lifted his head slowly, almost afraid to stop, afraid the moment couldn’t be real, it was such perfection, afraid she would vanish and leave him alone once more. His hands tangled in her hair. “I thought there were few secrets left in this world for me to discover, angel, but the mystery of how I came to deserve one such as you, I will spend eternity unraveling.”
Her fingertips touched his perfect mouth. The truth was, Jaxon was in awe of him. She had known if he touched her that way, if his mouth found hers, she could never be truly free of him. She would crave him for all time. His taste, his power, his scent. Everything. “I shouldn’t have let you do that, Lucian,” she whispered. “Now what are we going to do?” He had said she could leave anytime, she wasn’t a prisoner, but she knew it wasn’t the truth. She was locked to him in some way, bound by something far more powerful than she had ever imagined. Her eyelashes lifted, and she looked up at him with tremendous sorrow. “What are we going to do?”
Lucian caught the nape of her neck in the palm of his hand and drew her against him so he could hold her. “When you look at me with such sadness, Jaxon, you break my heart.” The wind provided a soft music, and he moved in perfect rhythm to it, moving her with him so that they were one. She rested her head against his chest and seemed to melt into him, pliant and soft when she should have been protesting.
“Our fate is sealed, honey,” he said as gently as he could. “There is no Lucian without Jaxon, and there is no Jaxon without Lucian. We must find a way to merge our two worlds together. We have no choice. It was written long before either of us was sent to this earth. We are fortunate that we were able to find each other, when there are so many who have been unable to remain hopeful.”
“You think that, Lucian? You really think that we’re lucky? I’ve brought you into a sick world where someone is stalking me and killing anyone who matters to me. You’re bringing me into a nightmare world where creatures out of horror stories exist.” Jaxon sounded very sad, her voice muffled by his white silk shirt. “I don’t even know if I want to be with you. I don’t know if you’ve got me under some black-magic spell or not.” Their bodies were swaying together, as close as they could get, with only thin layers of clothes between them.
Dark Guardian (Dark Series - book 9) Page 11
