by Rowena Mohr
Tuesday 21 June 8.57 pm
Everything’s going according to plan. SLB took some photos of me at rehearsal tonight and I even snapped a few of him – just to make it look authentic. Rami was taking photos too and trying to be all artistic and making out like she’s a professional photographer or something. She must have spent an hour taking candid shots of Mr Dixon ‘directing’ and Mr Dixon ‘conducting’ and Mr Dixon ‘creating’. And when she wasn’t taking photos she was all over Brendan like fleas on a dog. Pa-thet-ICK!
Managed to avoid Brendan successfully all evening because we weren’t actually in any scenes together. Wasn’t so lucky with Creepazoid. We were rehearsing this bit where Mina asks The Crew to kill her if she ever gets infected by Lucard and turns into a druggie slut like Lucy. She says that if they don’t kill her, she’ll kill herself. (God knows if I ever thought I was turning into Marisa Mandozer, I’d kill myself too!) The guys all pretend to be appalled at this idea until Creepazoid (aka Van Helsing) reminds them what a social deviant Lucy really was and then they’re all like, ‘Oh yeah, that’s right. She’s better off dead.’ Door Matt, to show his moral uprightness and all-round good guy status, sings the same song that I sang to him earlier – ‘You Just Call Out My Name’ – but this time he’s basically promising to kill me if I cross over to the dark side!! It’s weird, you know. You’d think the guys would be a little more upset at having to kill their girlfriends in cold blood but no – they just jump right on in because Van Helsing says it’s for the good of society. In the book it’s even worse because not only do they kill Lucy by stabbing her through the heart, then they go and cut off her head and stuff her mouth with garlic! And you get the feeling that they’re really enjoying it!!
Anyway, the main thing is that now I’ve got an excuse to show the photos of Creepazoid to Mum. She’ll probably be a bit upset at first about me spying on her boyfriend, but she’ll be grateful when she realises what I’ve saved her from.
Wednesday 22 June 6.01 pm
How wrong can you be? Not only was Mum not grateful, she told me I was a ‘manipulative, interfering little cow’ and grounded me for a month!! Some people just can’t take the truth. We were going through the photos of the rehearsals – SLB had taken some really good shots of me, but for some reason all the ones I’d taken seemed to be of Brendan with half of Ben’s head in the background or something. Weird! Mum was oohing and aahing and going, ‘That’s nice, dear,’ and then I jumped back to the ones of Chris the Creep hanging out in the Southland carpark. Mum suddenly went all strange and funny-looking and then she said in this half-strangled sort of voice, ‘Who took these?’ SLB gave me this look like, ‘I told you so,’ but I wasn’t too concerned because I’d expected her to be upset at first. I mean, you would be, wouldn’t you?
So I said – really casually – ‘Oh yeah, I meant to tell you about those. I was down at Southland last weekend and there was Chris with these guys – well, Vince Cuoccolo and his gang . . .’ Mum nearly choked when she heard that and she yelled, ‘What?’ like she couldn’t believe it and I started to say how I knew that it must be a big shock for her but she cut me off and that’s when she told me that I was a manipulative cow. I have to admit that I was a bit hurt by that, but I decided that one of us has to be grown up about this and she’ll realise eventually that I was only doing what was best for her. I think I actually feel sorry for her. She is obviously so besotted by Creepazoid that he could murder SLB and me in our beds and she’d still think he was Mr Fantastic. It’s sad, really, for her. But potentially fatal for us!
Wednesday 22 June 7.23 pm
I think Creepazoid has been putting hallucinatory drugs in Mum’s coffee or something. Either that or she’s going through early menopause. She just knocked on my door and said she had to talk to me. I thought – finally, she’s going to apologise for calling me a manipulative cow. Ha! Do you know what she told me? She said that I had no business following Chris around and it was lucky that I didn’t get hurt.
‘So,’ I said, ‘you admit the guy’s a drug dealer?’
‘What? No! I’m just saying that you shouldn’t go poking your nose into things you don’t understand.’
‘Like what? If he’s not a drug dealer, what’s he doing hanging out with the Cuoccolos?’
‘Erin, you’re just going to have to trust me on this. Chris is not a drug dealer, okay?’
‘Then why does he have a gun?’
Mum jumped like someone had given her an electric shock. ‘How did you find . . .’ she started to say but then she stopped and fixed me with her dragon-lady look.
‘I suppose you think that if you can get rid of Chris, your father and I will get back together? Is that it? Well, you’re wrong.’ She came and sat down beside me on the bed. ‘You don’t know the full story, all right? There are things that go on in a marriage that nobody else understands. Things that are hard to explain.’ Don’t you love the way parents trot out the ‘you’re too stupid to understand’ line when they don’t want to tell you something? Well, I wasn’t going to fall for that one again.
‘Try,’ I said.
Mum was looking more and more uncomfortable by the minute and I thought she was going to tell me that Dad used to wear her underwear to work or something, but then she said, ‘Okay, okay, I didn’t want to tell you this but . . . your father started seeing someone else. While we were still married. Oh, he didn’t really mean to . . . it just sort of happened. But it was still very hurtful to me and . . . I couldn’t forgive him.’
See what I mean? She’s gone right round the twist and started making up ridiculous stories about Dad to try and justify the way she’s been carrying on with lover boy. I could tell she was making it up because she couldn’t look me in the eye. And also – who would be stupid enough to believe that anyone would want to have an affair with my father? I mean, he’s middle-aged, balding, unemployed and – well, he’s just Dad. Who could possibly be interested? So you see, Mum must be lying. I just can’t figure out why.
Unless she’s trying to turn us against him or something.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe there’s a custody battle going on and Ben and I are going to have to choose which parent we want to live with and Mum’s so terrified of losing us that she’s trying to make us hate our father. Oh my god! I wonder if Ben knows?
Just SMSed Ben to ask him if he knew about the custody battle and he wrote back ‘Huh?’ which I guess means no. SMSed him again and asked him if he knew about Dad having an affair but all I got back was this – ‘??????’ Obviously way too busy with his lucrative life of crime to pay attention to what’s happening right under his nose!
Wednesday 22 June 9.05 pm
Really missing Rami. I’ve got all this stuff I need to talk to her about and I can’t.
Suddenly remembered about the blogs. Rami’s English class all had to do blogs about their ‘Dreams and Aspirations’ and publish them on the school website – a bit like our class having to do these diaries, I guess. Check this out:
Rami’s blog
Tuesday 21st June
It’s been really interesting recording my thoughts in this blog. I know I was supposed to be writing about my ‘Dreams and Aspirations’ but there’s been so much going on lately that this has turned more into a diary or a journal. I’ll probably fail English because of it but I really don’t care at the moment. I need to tell someone about all this stuff and since almost no one else is prepared to listen it looks like you – my almost certainly non-existent cyberspace cadet – are it.
My grandad is not getting any better. I think he is going to die, in fact, but no one will talk about it. Mum and Dad, who are normally willing to talk about the most intimate or embarrassing things – usually when my friends are around – have both clammed up and whenever I try and talk to them about Grandad they either change the subject or they pretend that I’m overreacting and he’s really not that sick after all.
I don’t know why they are being like this. Ever since
I was a little kid, they have always said that they would never hide things from me – I could ask them about absolutely anything at all and they would always be as honest and open as they could. But now, when I really need them to talk to me – nothing. I don’t get it. I mean, they actually used to read me books about dying when I was, like, three. You know those ones for kids that have to go through a death in the family that explain about grieving and stuff?
And do you know what the stupidest thing is? We booked this holiday in Cambodia – months ago before Grandad got sick – and I thought for sure that we’d just cancel but no, Mum and Dad still want to go. Can you believe it? They said that there’s nothing they can achieve by staying here and worrying and since the money is not refundable we might as well go.
And then there is Erin, my best friend. She is driving me crazy. Actually she’s driving herself crazy and I am seriously beginning to wonder if she is having some kind of breakdown. But no, the truth is that she is just completely self-absorbed and oblivious to anyone’s needs but her own.
She is so obsessed by this new guy that her mother is dating (who also happens to be a teacher at our school) that she can’t talk about anything else. Which wouldn’t be so bad in itself except she keeps making up these ridiculous stories about how he’s a child molester or a drug addict or something in the hope that her mother will suddenly see what an idiot she’s been and get rid of him.
But really there is nothing wrong with the guy. He’s just a normal guy and he seems to make her mother pretty happy. Why she can’t just accept that, I don’t know. I mean, I think she wants her mum to be happy but she’s still so angry about her parents splitting up in the first place and she’s never really dealt with that. I suspect that deep down she secretly hopes that they will get back together – although if you say that to her she totally flips out. She can’t seem to accept that it’s never going to happen.
I’ve tried to be understanding and supportive – but how do you keep on doing that with someone who never listens to what you say – or worse – starts to think that you are part of the conspiracy that is out to ruin her life?
Thursday 23 June 8.43 pm
Horrible day. Feel like the whole world’s against me. Couldn’t concentrate in class because I kept thinking about what I’d read in Rami’s blog about what a horrible person I am and also what Mum told me about Dad having an affair and ended up with two detentions and an essay on the major exports of Venezuela. Can’t they see that I’m in crisis? Don’t they know how emotionally and psychologically fragile sixteen-year-olds are? Especially when they’ve just discovered a. that their best friend hates them and that either b. their parents are locked in a bitter custody dispute or c. their father is a philandering beast!
Rehearsal was not much better. Every time I even glanced in Rami’s direction, she’d suddenly start examining her shoes like they’d just morphed into Manolo Blahniks or something – or she’d pretend to drop her markers on the floor and disappear under the seats where I couldn’t see her. And then when she sat down again, I could see her sort of looking around sneakily to see if I was still looking at her and then when she realised I was, she’d start staring at her shoes again! How juvenile is that?
Also, I think Brendan definitely got the wrong idea after the giggling incident the other night. We were doing the last scene where Renfield takes Mina to the club (farting all the way, of course, coz it’s just so funny!) and tells Lucard that he’s convinced her to cross over to the dark side. Brendan/Lucard is delighted and launches into his seduction routine – a reprise of ‘I Wanna Kiss You All Over’ – and starts pretend-smooching all around me and trying to kiss me on the neck and stuff, sort of like a vampire would. But then something happens, and Brendan gets this evil little grin on his face and he starts doing it for real. He’s getting really carried away and I’m just about to slap him when, fortunately for him, Creepazoid and his Crew of Light burst onto the stage and begin to mow down all the addicts in a moral frenzy. Creepazoid garottes Brendan with his tie-dye headband before plunging a giant swizzle stick through his heart. And the world is once more safe from sex fiends and druggies (except for Creepazoid, of course).
After rehearsal, while we were waiting for notes, I asked Brendan what he thought he was doing during the scene and he gave me another evil grin and said that I just looked so cute trying to be sexy that he couldn’t help himself!! What is that supposed to mean? Anyway, I told him that I didn’t think his girlfriend would be too impressed and he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about. Typical! And then when I said I thought he and Rami were looking pretty friendly, he got all smug and superior and said, ‘Really?’ Honestly, he is so full of himself!
I got up to go and he said he wanted to talk to me but I’d had enough of being laughed at for one day so I told him that I had some family problems to sort out and then he said that he was really good at family problems and maybe he could help. Just because Rami tells him all her deep dark secrets he seems to think I should do the same! But, you know, I really did need to talk to someone so I told him everything. Not about Rami, of course, but all about Mum and Dad and Creepazoid and the affair, et cetera. While I was telling him I was trying to figure out whether he was laughing at me or not, but it’s really hard to tell with Brendan coz he always looks like he’s secretly laughing at you – at least when he’s looking at me he does – and to be honest I don’t think I’m that funny!
So anyway, Brendan goes, ‘Let me get this straight. You think your mum and dad split up because your father was having an affair, and as far as you know might still be having an affair? Or maybe your mum just told you that because she’s trying to turn you against your father? And on top of that, you think that your mum’s new boyfriend, Mr McKenzie, the new PE teacher, is a pervert and a drug dealer and your mother doesn’t know?’
‘Oh, Mum knows, all right,’ I said. ‘She’s just in denial.’
Suddenly Brendan has this huge coughing fit like he’s about to lose a lung or something – but I can tell that he’s faking it and trying to hide the fact he thinks I’m a complete fruit-cake. Anyway, he splutters away unconvincingly for a while trying not to look at me and then he says, ‘Erin, do you think your mum and dad still love you even though they’re not together anymore?’
I have to say I was a bit surprised by that because it was not what I was expecting and I had to think about it for a minute. ‘Um, yeah, I guess so,’ I said.
Then do you know what he said? He said, ‘So, what’s the problem?’
Ha! Last time I ask for advice from a guy!
Thursday 23 June 9.20 pm
Somehow I don’t think Ben and I are the subject of a fierce custody battle between our parents after all. Just heard Mum on the phone to Dad saying something about he only has us two days a fortnight and if thinks he’s going to weasel out of taking us for a week of the holidays he’s got another think coming! It’s so nice to feel wanted! This also means that Mum must have been telling the truth about Dad seeing someone else. That toad! How could he?
Thursday 23 June 9.51 pm
Its official! My father is a lying, cheating scumbag. Mum just told us that we won’t be able to stay with Dad over the holidays because he’s going to Bali for two weeks! And not only that, he’s leaving tomorrow afternoon so he’s not even going to come and say goodbye!! What a coward! He’s clearly running off to be with his new girlfriend and he’s too scared to face us. Poor Mum. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her sound so pissed off. Not, I’m sure, because she has to have Ben and me for the whole holidays but because she’s heartbroken about Dad’s betrayal – and also maybe because he gets to go on an exotic tropical holiday with his new bimbo while she’s stuck at home in Wilga Heights.
Friday 24 June 6.12 pm
Everyone was carrying on about what they’re going to do over the holidays. Half the school seems to be going skiing and the other half is going to the Gold Coast. Except us, of course. And while all those o
ther poor kids are lying on the beach or whizzing down the slopes, I’ll probably be thinking about my father’s total abandonment of his family and why my brother has turned to a life of crime and if the two are possibly related. Then, just for a change of pace, I might spend some time pondering why my mother is trying to destroy my life or if my best friend is ever going to show the slightest bit of remorse for all the emotional distress she’s caused me. The next couple of weeks are just going to fly by!
Friday 24 June 6.19 pm
Forgot to tell you about Brendan. Was standing in line at the tuckshop when he sneaks up behind me and starts chowing down on my neck again, yelling, ‘I vant to drink your blood!’ like the demented vampire he is. Very coolly, I said that his dietary preferences had nothing to do with me and he’d be better off asking the tuckshop ladies to expand the menu. Well, he thought that was hysterical and was killing himself laughing like I’d made the best joke ever. Everyone else was looking at him like he really was demented and then he said that he just wanted to know what I was doing over the holidays and maybe we could catch up!! Yeah, right! Like maybe he and Rami can invite me along on one of their romantic little outings? I don’t think so. And anyway, what is it with him and younger women? Doesn’t he have any friends in his own year?
Saturday 25 June 3.17 pm
Something weird is going on with Mum. She’s been running around the house singing and carrying on like she’s on drugs. I know something is wrong because she even seems to have forgotten the fact that I’m supposed to be grounded! Maybe it’s some kind of delayed trauma caused by the shock of finding out about Dad’s affair. She pretends she’s gotten over it but deep inside she’s cracking up! I know how she feels. Except for the pretending-I’m-over-it bit.
Saturday 25 June 3.26 pm
I’ve just realised that my mother has fallen into a pattern of abusive relationships brought on, no doubt, by Dad’s infidelity. Damaged and disillusioned by his betrayal of their wedding vows, she no longer feels she has the right to expect anything better – hence her attraction to slimy weasel Creepazoid! So shattered is her self-esteem that she can actually laugh at his mistreatment of her. It’s all beginning to make sense now.
