by Rowena Mohr
Friday 22 July 9.13 pm
Never thought I’d say this, but it is really nice having Rami talking to me again. I’ve missed her so much. She was still a bit snooty with me this afternoon but I guess I deserved it. I really have been preoccupied with all my own stuff lately and haven’t been paying a lot of attention to what’s going on with her.
But you know, things haven’t been that easy for me either and I think maybe Rami forgets that.
I just hope that from now on we can be friends like we used to be.
Saturday 23 July 6.41 pm
OMG! What I wrote yesterday about Brendan’s mother going crazy with an axe wasn’t that far from the truth. Rami and I got to the Russos’ about eleven-thirty this morning and we realised immediately that something was wrong. Their car was still in the driveway but all the curtains were pulled shut and there was a huge pile of junk mail spilling out of the letterbox onto the footpath. We knocked on the front door but there was no answer, so we went round the back to see if we could see anything back there. The dining room blind wasn’t pulled all the way down so I grabbed a couple of old pots to stand on so I could see inside. At first I couldn’t see anything because it was pretty dark – just the shapes of the table and chairs and the big black hulk that was the piano. But then as my eyes got used to the dark I realised that there was something funny about the piano. There were all these bits of wood sticking out where they weren’t supposed to be and stuff all over the floor as well. And then I saw the hammer.
Rami must have heard me gasp because she shoved me off the flowerpot so fast I nearly fell head first into the hydrangeas.
And I think I went a little bit hysterical coz I started yelling out, ‘Oh my god, she’s killed him! She’s killed him with a hammer,’ and Rami’s looking through the window and of course she can’t see anything coz her eyes haven’t adjusted yet and she’s going, ‘Who? Who’s killed who?’ in this really panicky voice and I’m going, ‘Brendan, stupid. Who do you think?’ and then Rami goes, ‘I can’t see anything except an old wrecked piano,’ and I’m just about to pull her off the flowerpot and explain to her about psycho-woman and Brendan’s dad and the piano and everything when she says, ‘Erin, you idiot. There’s nothing wrong with him.’
And she’s right – sort of. When I have another look, there he is, skull intact, sitting on the dining room floor with his back to the wall and his legs stretched out before him. He’s holding something in his lap. I can’t see exactly what it is but Rami’s right. He’s definitely alive at least.
So we go round to the back door and let ourselves in and there’s Brendan surrounded by splinters of wood and bits of piano keys and cradling his Mum in his arms like he’s the parent and she’s the child.
Damn! Have to go now – Mum wants me for something. I’ll finish the rest of the story later . . .
Saturday 23 July 8.22 pm
This is getting weirder and weirder, not to mention crowded! Brendan is going to be staying with us until his mum gets out of the psych ward at St Vincent’s. The Russos don’t have any other relatives who live nearby so Mum offered to look after Brendan, otherwise he would have been sent off to a foster home or something. Creepazoid just tried to make this really lame joke about it saying that Mr Dixon should just hold the rehearsals for Dracula at our house since most of the cast was now living there.
But how strange is it going to be having Brendan sleeping in the same house? I suppose though it’s going to be stranger for him . . . especially as he’s going to have to share SLB’s room. Gross!
Anyway, I never finished writing down what happened after we found Brendan and his mum. It was so weird, you know, because they were both completely off the planet. His mum was sort of just staring off into space and when I asked Brendan how long they’d been there like that he couldn’t tell me. I was starting to get a bit freaked out too and didn’t have a clue what we should do until Rami suggested that we ring Mum coz she’s a psych nurse and she’d know who to call. Why didn’t I think of that?
I never thought I’d say this but Mum was fantastic. Do you know that I don’t think I’ve ever thought about what she does at work or whether she’s good at her job or anything like that? But seeing her take charge of Mrs Russo and Brendan I realised that there’s this whole other side to her that I don’t know anything about. Also, Mum brought the Creep with her – they were shopping for a new bed (!!) when I called – and he was pretty amazing too – for a drug-running low-life dirtbag.
Mum looked after Mrs Russo and got her to finally let go of Brendan, and Creepazoid was asking Brendan all these questions – but in a really gentle way – about his mum and what happened and how long since they’d eaten and things like that. Rami started making cups of tea but I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there looking at Brendan and remembering how I’d thought he was some kind of prince who led a charmed life. How wrong can you be?
Anyway, Mum made some phone calls and eventually the ambulance came and took both of them away – they wanted to keep Brendan in overnight for observation, Mum said – and Mum went with them. Which meant that Rami and I had to get a lift home with Creepazoid! Rami went on and on about ‘poor Brendan this’ and ‘poor Brendan that’ till I was ready to strangle her but at least I didn’t have to say anything, which was good coz I didn’t feel like talking. I was actually thinking about Brendan and how he’s always so together at school, you know, in control and good at everything he does. How does he do that when he’s got all that madness going on at home? I wish I knew.
Sunday 24 July 11.34 am
Brendan came home from the hospital this morning. It was really weird coz I didn’t know what to say to him and I thought maybe he was still pissed off at me about what I said about his mother being a psycho. I asked him how his mum was and he said that she was probably going to have to stay in hospital for a while. I really wanted to ask him how he was but I was too chicken and he seemed really sad and quiet so I thought I’d better leave him alone.
Sunday 24 July 9.11 pm
Rami rang – not to speak to me but to ask how Brendan was. Ha! He wouldn’t speak to her, though. He hasn’t spoken to anyone since he got back.
Monday 25 July 5.29 pm
The whole school knows about Mrs Russo. Amazing, isn’t it? Don’t know how they found out – unless Creepazoid told them. But actually I don’t think he would. Isn’t that funny? A week ago I’d have believed he was capable of anything but after Saturday I’m not so sure anymore. Of course, I still think he’s a bottom-feeding, lying, stinking sleaze-bucket – just not a gossip.
Anyway, everyone was talking about how Brendan’s mum had flipped out and how she’d been carted off to the loony bin but then I heard all this other rubbish about how she’d attacked him with a carving knife and the reason he had to go to hospital too was because she’d practically stabbed him to death. What a load of crap! But the final straw was when I found out Mandozer was telling all these kids that Mrs Russo had killed her husband and Brendan’s brother and made it look like an accident and that was the reason she’d gone crazy coz the guilt had finally got to her. Well, that was it. I let her have it. I told Mandozer she was even stupider than I thought if she believed that rubbish. She acted like Brendan was her friend but then she went and spread horrible rumours about him and his family. That shut her up and for once in her life she actually looked ashamed.
Tried to talk to Rami at lunchtime but she said she had an overdue assignment that she had to finish! I don’t understand what’s going on. I thought we were all okay again??
Monday 25 July 8.56 pm
Brendan looked so sad at dinner it made me want to cry. I heard Mum telling the Creep that she’d tried to talk to him but he wasn’t ready yet. He wouldn’t even look at me. Not that I can really blame him. I’ve been so stupid and horrible to him, I don’t think he’s ever going to forgive me.
Tuesday 26 July 7.13 pm
Rehearsal was weird. Of course, Brendan wasn’t there a
nd everyone knew why but no one said anything. In fact his name wasn’t even mentioned at all. If you’d been watching and you didn’t know that he was supposed to be in the show you’d never have guessed.
Completely ignored by Rami for the whole two hours!
Tuesday 26 July 9.05 pm
OMG! Australian Idol started tonight. I’d forgotten all about it but Mum turned the TV on and there was Mandozer doing her usual wannabe pop-princess routine – dressed in an outfit that made her look like she’d been mauled by a lion but was able to salvage just enough material to cover her rude bits. Mum got all excited and told me to go and get Brendan but he wouldn’t come out of his room. I didn’t argue with him because I didn’t want to miss any more of Mandozer.
And guess what? Door Matt was on it too. Wow! I thought he was good at the auditions for Dracula but that was nothing compared to this. It’s like he’s a different person in front of the camera – cute, confident and with all trace of Mandozer’s stilettos gone! And unlike big-mouth Mendoza, the sneaky thing didn’t tell anyone!
So anyway, both of them got through to the next round and I have this feeling that Mandozer is going to be furious. Not that I’ve got anyone to tell. Normally Rami and I would have texted each other about fifteen times during the show but now I don’t even know if she watched it!
Wednesday 27 July 4.57 pm
Now it’s all beginning to make sense! Remember my hideous birthday party at that horrible restaurant? And Mandozer tipping her drink all over Door Matt? Well, apparently the reason she was so pissed off with him that night is because she’d asked him to pull out of the show so she could win – and for once in his life Door Matt stood up to her and told her to get lost! And now she’s going around telling everyone that he only went along to the auditions because he’s been stalking her and it was a complete fluke that he got in. What crap! She’s completely jealous because she knows she hasn’t got a chance of winning against him. Especially since he already has an entourage of admiring Year 7 and 8 girls following him around like he was Justin Timberlake or something and no doubt willing to text their little butts off voting for him every week!
Tried to catch Rami’s eye while all this was going on to see if she thought it was as funny as I did – but I must have forgotten to take off my Invisibility Cloak again!!
Thursday 28 July 6.58 pm
OMG! Dicko is thinking about cancelling Dracula. At first I thought he was talking about having to replace Matt and Mandozer because of Idol, but then he told us that Brendan didn’t want to do the show anymore! He can’t do that. What about the rest of us? I mean, doesn’t he realise that without him there is no show? I’m sure Dicko can find someone to take over Matt and Mandozer’s parts but no one could play Lucard like Brendan.
Thursday 28 July 8.42 pm
Decided that I had to do something about Brendan quitting the show, so I marched into his room and asked him what the story was. Big mistake. He nearly bit my head off.
‘What do you care?’
‘Because, as I’m sure you already know, you are brilliant in that role. If you leave, Dicko’ll have to cancel the whole thing.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. Everyone’s relying on you, Brendan. I know you probably don’t feel much like it at the moment but maybe it’ll help take your mind off . . . off other things.’
‘You can say it, Erin. I’m not going to fall apart just because you say it.’
Damn! Why is it with Brendan that even when I’m pretty sure I’m in the right, he can always make me feel like I’m totally wrong?
And then, while I was trying to think of a nice way of calling him a selfish pig, it suddenly hit me. The real reason why he didn’t want to do the show anymore. I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it before. The suit, the crappy old Dean Martin love songs. It was almost as if he was actually trying to become his father – maybe because he thought that if his mum could see how much like his dad he was, she would be happy again. Or something like that. But now that she was in hospital and it didn’t seem that he could make any difference, he’d kind of given up.
At the risk of being totally ripped to shreds, I tried again.
‘Brendan, what do you want more than anything else in the world?’
His face sort of twisted then and I couldn’t tell if he was angry or if he was going to cry. ‘What I want,’ he began softly, ‘is . . . is for my m . . .’ He paused and I thought I knew what he was going to say but then he blurted out, really quickly, as if he was ashamed, ‘What I want is to be normal.’
Normal! I almost laughed. Brendan Rock God Russo – normal? Doesn’t he realise that the whole point to life is not being normal? To stand out from the crowd?
‘Then why did you audition for the show in the first place?’
‘I don’t know. Because I like singing?’
‘Is that the only reason?’
‘Isn’t that enough?’
‘Maybe. But I don’t believe that’s the only reason.’
‘What do you know, Erin? You don’t know anything about me – so don’t pretend that you do.’
‘Okay, okay. But you’re wrong. I do know one thing about you. I know that whatever you do, you should do it for you – not for your mother or . . . or . . . your father or brother.’
I still can’t believe I actually said that and I think Brendan was probably a bit shocked too. I didn’t stick around to find out, though. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. I’m pretty good at saying things I shouldn’t – especially to Brendan, it seems!
Friday 29 July 9.18 pm
I’ve been thinking about what Brendan said last night about wanting to be ‘normal’. I still don’t get it. It seems to me that I’ve spent my whole life trying to be as un-normal as possible. Okay, so I don’t walk around trying to look like someone from Night of the Living Dead like those weirdos who hang out in the darkroom at lunchtime. I’d rather be noticed for something I did – some talent – rather than just what I wore. I mean, all those emos and zombies try so hard to be different, so whacky and ‘out there’, but in the end they all look and act the same. What’s the point of that?
I guess it depends on what you mean by ‘normal’ too. I don’t know what it means. All I know is it sounds boring – but safe. Is that what Brendan wants? To be safe?
august
Monday 1 August 5.17 pm
Brendan came back to school today. You should have seen the way people treated him – like he had some kind of infectious disease or something. It’s amazing isn’t it? I mean, if he’d broken his leg everybody’d be making jokes and lining up to sign his cast and stuff – but because it looks like his mum has a pretty serious ‘mental’ illness, they’re all terrified that maybe Brendan’s got it too and is going to start acting all crazy.
Mum was exactly right. I overheard her having a little chat with Brendan this morning before she dropped us off at school and she was warning him that the kids were going to treat him differently and be a bit strange at first but that he shouldn’t worry and just go on doing what he normally does. She said that people don’t understand mental illness at all and they get really scared by it but it’s just the same as any other kind of illness really. Usually it’s treatable and most people manage to live fairly functional lives. The problem is when it’s not diagnosed – like with his mother – or when there’s not enough resources to treat all the people who need it.
That is so true! I mean, Brendan’s mum has obviously been sick for a while and nobody’s realised that there’s a problem until she flips out completely. Imagine if she’d actually hurt him? Not because she really thinks he let his brother drown but because she was so ill that she’d got it all wrong in her head?
Anyway, Brendan needn’t have worried about the other kids giving him a hard time because of course Saint Rami was there to protect him – like he was one of her underprivileged Africans come to visit among all the horrible racist school kids. Seriously, it was vomitous. And the
n when I went up to say hello, you know, to try and show a bit of solidarity, she basically told me to get lost, making some lame excuse about her and Brendan having to do something in the library. The witch! I’d like to know when Brendan became her personal private property?
Tuesday 2 August 8.45 pm
Good news and bad news.
The Drac is back! I must have said the right thing after all (and let’s face it, that’s a first for me) because Brendan’s agreed to do the show again. Dicko was so happy he practically kissed him (eeuuww!) but his good mood didn’t last long. He made us do a complete run-through of the show from start to finish and it was a total disaster! We were there for hours because no one could remember their lines or where they were supposed to be. It was horrible. Dicko was yelling at everyone and getting all red in the face. He even yelled at Mrs Parisi but she took him off down the back of the theatre and gave him a talking to and he calmed down after that.
And now for the bad news!
Rami waited until Brendan was onstage and then she came up to me and said she wanted to talk to me. I could tell immediately that it was not going to be pleasant. For a second I thought that maybe Brendan had told her I’d called his mother a psycho – but in light of the Mrs Parisi incident I actually don’t think he would. But that wasn’t it at all. No. Rami wanted to know why I didn’t tell someone that Brendan’s mother was sick as soon as I realised? Yeah, right! Like I’m a psychiatrist or something? And then she said that this was just another example of how selfish I was and if I wasn’t so self-obsessed all the time I might actually notice when other people needed help. Unbelievable!
She was just about to walk off with her snotty little Elmo nose in the air but then she turned back and said, ‘Oh, by the way, Erin, you’ll be pleased to know that even though my grandad’s still not one hundred per cent, he’s feeling much better. Thanks for all your concern.’
