From the corner of her eye, Colleen could see that Dillon was nearing tornado stage. His brow was furrowed, his fists were clenched. He was going to wade into the fray and…and do what?
He’s going to defend me. She knew that, just as she knew that anything he said here would be remembered, replayed in people’s minds. Possibly used against him later. She held out her hand to stop him.
“I can assure you,” he said, his voice steel, his eyes ice, “that Colleen would have moved heaven and earth to protect Toby. She subjected him to nothing that would have harmed him. And if you’re implying that she did, then you never really knew her very well at all. Even though you dropped a newborn baby on her and walked away for months.”
A collective gasp went through the group. Colleen felt her own heart pounding hard. Would this be all it took? The crowd would surely remember this fact. Not that it had been a secret, but…phrased this way in these circumstances, Lisa’s abandonment of Toby seemed exceptionally bad and unfeeling. Would this be what helped Dillon to win?
“You’re right. You’re so right,” Lisa said, her face crumpling, “but as a totally inexperienced mother…I was scared. I didn’t know how to be a parent at all. I went to Europe. I took parenting classes. I worked on my confidence. Now, I’m…I’m ready to be a mother, finally.” Her lip quivered. With her pale, pretty face she looked fragile, vulnerable, repentant.
Colleen could see that at least some of the people here forgave Lisa instantly with that speech. And what could anyone say to that?
Everyone was staring at Dillon, waiting for a response. Colleen wanted to help him, but anything she could say right now would be taken as interference by his friends, she was sure.
His jaw was taut, but he tilted his head as if digesting Lisa’s words. “Every child should have a loving and attentive mother,” he said quietly. “A woman who cares enough to go the extra mile.”
Lisa smiled. She glowed. She practically smirked as she looked at Colleen.
“Of course, not every child gets that attentive mom. And Toby is used to the very best,” Dillon said, looking at Colleen with that fierce blue gaze of his that did her in every time.
Colleen’s throat practically closed up. She couldn’t have spoken if she’d been able to think of anything to say. She wished she was alone with Dillon, but of course, that would have been rude to his friends.
So for the next hour, Colleen smiled and laughed and talked. She tried to pretend that Lisa wasn’t in the room. She tried not to look at Dillon for fear that anyone watching would see the naked longing in her eyes. She’d learned early on in life that she couldn’t have everything she wanted, and she couldn’t have Dillon.
She didn’t even know all that she said, who she talked to. Men, women, that man Dillon had warned her about. She feigned animation and a carefree attitude. And she must have done all right, because everyone smiled and laughed right back and no one seemed to be acting as if anything was wrong. They couldn’t begin to imagine the rush of feelings that was going through her mind.
Lisa was going to challenge Dillon for the right to Toby. Somehow she was going to hurt him. Colleen couldn’t let that happen. But she couldn’t stop it.
So, despite the fact that Colleen liked Dillon’s friends, the dinner seemed interminable. Finally, though, everyone rose from the table and Dillon moved to her side. “I’m afraid Colleen and I have to leave.”
“It’s still so early,” their hostess said, but Dillon shook his head. He took Colleen’s hand and led her outside.
“We need to talk,” he said.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE house was quiet when they got home, but Dillon’s mind was a whirlwind of activity. Colleen had been the princess of the evening tonight. Men had fawned over her; women had wanted to emulate her. She’d been beautiful and funny and witty and…Colleen, the woman he couldn’t have. And Lisa had tried to insult her, hurt her.
Lisa was going to be a major problem. He was going to have to bring out the big guns. He hadn’t wanted to go that route, but he would.
Later. Right now, he was consumed by the woman at his side. His beautiful, giving ranch woman, whom he couldn’t hurt and couldn’t have. When she’d spoken of her ranch tonight, it had been clearer than ever just how much she belonged there. And she’d been appalled about Nick, the man who had set his sights on her. Letting Harve help with the ranch while she had no option was one thing. Letting a man into her heart was another. And it was a sure thing that if she ever did go that route, it would be with someone linked to the land. Like Rob, Harve’s son and a man who’d grown up with ranching, not a Chicago businessman.
But Dillon had been watching Colleen all night, breathing her in all night. When Lisa had insulted her, he’d wanted to insult Lisa right back, and it wasn’t his way to beat up on a woman. When Nick had drooled over her, he’d wanted to warn the man away.
He was in over his head. He was falling for another woman he couldn’t keep and he was going to lose her any day now. Already Jace had given them a list of nannies to interview. And Jace had great instincts. It wouldn’t take long to settle on one. She was going to ride right out of his world.
“Everyone’s asleep,” Colleen whispered quietly, but the sound went right through Dillon’s body.
“We’re not,” he said.
She gave a low, sexy laugh. “Don’t try to be cute, Farraday. You knew what I meant. We were out partying, so we’re excused for still being awake.”
“You were a big hit,” he said. “A Montana marvel.”
“Your friends were being very nice.”
He didn’t answer right away. When he did he couldn’t keep the anger from his voice. “I’m sorry Lisa tried to insult you. You shouldn’t have been subjected to that when her battle is clearly with me.”
She shook her head and the silk of her hair brushed the underside of his jaw. He breathed in the scent of her shampoo. “I can handle a little insult from Lisa.”
“I don’t want you to have to. I’m not letting her get away with it again.”
She looked up, the dim light from the moon outside casting part of her face in shadow, part in milky light. “You can’t battle her, Dillon. She knows how to get her way. I saw how it was the day she came here and again tonight. She plants doubts in people’s minds and wins them over. She uses half-truths that are difficult to disprove. I’ve seen it.”
He had, too, but he’d had Jace and the rest of his crew on the job. Lisa wouldn’t get her way this time. And he didn’t want Colleen taking a hit for him.
“I’m not letting it happen again,” he said firmly. “You’re not a pincushion or someone’s punching bag.”
“I’m not fragile,” she argued, clearly a bit miffed.
Now it was his turn to smile. “No, not fragile but…Colleen, when this is over I don’t want you to have regrets.”
He pulled her against him.
“If you mean you don’t want me to miss the two of you, it’s too late for that. I will.” She raised her arms. Her fingers brushed across his jaw.
He groaned. And then he pulled her closer. He kissed her deeply. “You make me do things I know I shouldn’t do. I don’t want to hurt you.”
As if he’d pushed some sort of button he’d been unaware of, she pulled closer. “Only I decide who can hurt me. You can’t hurt me. Touch me.”
He snaked his arm around her and pulled her up against him. She was part of him, and he drank from her lips. He breathed in her scent. He wanted more.
“Colleen?”
“Your room,” she whispered.
Together they somehow made their way up the stairs to the back of his house, where his room took up half the second floor. The door closed behind them. Colleen stepped forward, grabbed the lapels of his jacket and jerked down the sleeves. “I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” she said.
He slid the strap of her dress down and kissed her bare shoulder. “Not as much as I’ve been wanting to do this.”
“That’s what you think.” She pushed him down on the bed. He let her. Then he reached out and she slid right into his arms, right up against his heart. She lay on top of him and they tangled themselves around each other. He kissed her long and deep, again and again.
“You’re very good at this, aren’t you?” she asked, just before she kissed him back.
He laughed against her lips.
“What?” she demanded.
“It’s a strange question to ask a man, to comment on his own prowess as a lover.”
“Well, I don’t really know what a woman is supposed to ask, since I’ve never actually done this before.”
Dillon stopped laughing. He stopped kissing her. His heart was still slamming around in his body. He still wanted her as much as ever, but his mind was issuing warnings left and right.
“Colleen, you’ve never done this before and this…us, here, together…how much wine did you have tonight?”
She lifted her head and stared into his eyes. “I didn’t have more than a sip and this…us…it’s not the wine talking. Are you saying that you don’t want to do this with me?”
The doubt in her voice broke him. “Colleen, I’ve been dying to do this with you for weeks.”
“Then…”
“You’ve never done this.”
“Are you afraid I won’t be any good at it?”
He groaned and rested his forehead against hers, cursing himself.
“Because I’m a little afraid that I’ll suck at it,” she told him. “If I’d had some practice I’m sure I’d be better.” As she was talking, still lying against him, every word echoed from her body to his, driving his temperature higher. The slightest movement she made brought her flesh sliding against his skin.
He couldn’t stop himself. He kissed her hard, fiercely, possessively. “I don’t need you to be better at it. You’re already driving me crazy. But, Colleen, if this is your first, if this is your only…For now, anyway, I have to make it good for you. If it’s not, if I’m not, it’s all on me, not you. You understand?”
“Yes. I understand that you’re trying to do one of those male domination things. Taking all the blame. But you know that’s not my way. I’m a full participant. I just wanted you to know that I might be awkward and clueless and—”
“Don’t say another word, Colleen,” Dillon said, pulling her against him. Jace was right. Colleen was unique. What other woman would apologize in advance for being clueless when she was so clearly burning him up? His lips captured hers. He rolled with her so that she was beneath him now. “I’m going to tell you what I’m doing,” he told her as he began to peel her dress away. “Just in case you’re worried about being clueless. Right now I’m revealing all the parts of you that I’ve been dying to see for so long.”
He kissed his way down her body as he drew her dress away from her.
“And I’m kissing all the parts of you that I’ve been wanting to kiss,” he told her as his lips brushed her curves, her soft skin, as her breath—and his—came quicker.
“And I’m—”
“Ripping your shirt off. Undressing you, too,” she said, awkwardly but forcefully doing exactly as she said. Why had he ever thought that Colleen would be a recipient and not a participant?
“I’m kissing you the way I’ve been wanting to for a long time,” she said, wrapping herself around him so that his breath hung in his throat.
He groaned, tangled his fingers in her hair and held her still as he kissed her, as he ran one hand down her body.
Their bodies tangled, they traded kisses. The fire grew hotter. Their whispers grew more feverish.
“Dillon, what—what are you doing now?” she asked.
“Driving myself crazy. Touching you…everywhere.”
“Do that,” she said. “Yes. Tonight. Just…tonight…do that with me.”
Which only made this more pressing, more poignant, because yes, tonight would be their only night.
He placed his hands on hers, palm to palm. He kissed her lips, her throat. Lower, then lower still and then he rose up. “Are you ready? Are you sure, Colleen?”
Her answer was to meet him, to join with him. Together they tumbled through dark and light, thunder and lightning, sunrise and sunset, falling, falling, all control gone as they fell into bliss.
Dillon whispered her name hoarsely, collapsing and rolling with her, keeping her by his side.
But in the morning, she wasn’t there.
Tonight, he remembered her saying. I love her, he thought, but he had agreed to her terms. One time, one night. Their days together were ending. He wanted to hold on, but that wasn’t what she wanted.
Just one night. He had to free her in such a way that she could be happy, even without Toby. If there was a way, he would find it.
Colleen was a mess. A total mess. What had led her to sleep with Dillon when she’d already known that she was falling in love with him? Now, after a night in his arms, after an experience that still had the power to make her breath stop with wonder just thinking about it, she was lost. Completely and utterly lost.
I’m fine, she tried to tell herself over and over again, but the truth was that she was anything but fine. How was she going to survive this need to be with him, this desire to just hear his voice or see his smile or…more? What was she going to do? What if he discovered that she loved him?
Then she would be pathetic. He knew he’d been her first, her only, and he’d been concerned. Probably about this. That she’d make too much of it, get in too deep. He’d hated hearing Lisa try to insult her—how much more would he beat up on himself if he suspected that he was about to break her heart?
I’m not letting that happen, she told herself. Firmly. She had made a point of never letting others suffer when she could stop it. She had always been a woman of action, and action was called for now. She had come here to help Dillon set up his house, find a great nanny and make sure that Lisa didn’t try to abuse her title as mother to manipulate and blackmail Dillon the way she had manipulated others in the past.
“Well, let’s do those things,” Colleen whispered. She was capable. She could do all of them, except…Lisa had never lost. At least as far as Colleen knew of. What to do? How to manage? If she just concentrated on this, she couldn’t allow her hurting heart to sideline her.
She thought of all she knew about Lisa. About the “mother lessons” Lisa had mentioned the night before and about how Dillon had not had a relationship with his parents and would want Toby to know his mother if Lisa was genuinely interested in her child.
Maybe this would work out for Dillon and Toby. Maybe Lisa was changing. If that was so, they might all become a family, which would be good for Dillon and Toby.
But how could anyone read a person who had always made herself unreadable, a woman like Lisa who had been born playing whatever part was expedient?
Maybe you gave that person an audition, Colleen reasoned. There might be a way to find out some small bits of information…but she would need help, planning and a lot of luck. Colleen took a deep breath and went in search of the one person she knew would help her give Dillon the gift of truth. She tried not to think about what she planned to do next. Instead, she just plunged in.
When Dillon woke up and made his appearance an hour later, Colleen was in her bathrobe. “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling myself,” Colleen said, trying not to look directly at Dillon.
His look of concern drove an arrow right through her heart. She knew he had to be thinking that she was experiencing buyer’s remorse and regretting that she had slept with him, but what could she say?
“You won’t mind showing me a bit of the town, will you?” Millie asked. “I promised Gretchen and Julie I’d buy some souvenirs and give them a report.”
“Jace—” Dillon began, but Colleen drove herself to give him a wounded look, to appear appalled that he would send a substitute. Guilt trickled through her.
“I’d be delighted,” he said, eve
n though he looked worried. Colleen’s heart was breaking just looking at him, but she tried to tell herself that this was necessary. As soon as they were out the door, she threw off her robe, revealing that she was fully dressed.
Forgive me, she silently told Dillon. I have to do this. I have to at least try to help. She had invited Lisa over, and the woman would be here soon. She hoped against hope that she was doing the right thing, because if she wasn’t…if she was wrong…Colleen’s stomach began to churn. If she handled this wrong, the fallout would be unthinkable.
So, by the time the doorbell rang a short time later, Colleen’s heart was in her throat. She had to coach herself to go slowly, to make Lisa wait a normal amount of time. She had to pretend that everything was normal. As if anything could be, given this whole horrid situation.
Colleen only knew that the truth was important. To Dillon and to Toby. They deserved truth, love, everything. Not being blackmailed or threatened. So, if there was any way to cut through this game Lisa was playing, if there was any warmth in Lisa’s heart at all, Colleen had to find it. And if there was no warmth or love within the woman…
She’ll have to go through me to hurt the people I love. That was Colleen’s last thought before she went to the door.
“Lisa, I’m glad you agreed to come by. Come on in the kitchen. It’s sunniest there.”
Lisa looked around as if expecting to see Dillon.
“I’m sorry. He’s not here,” Colleen told her. “I wanted to talk to you alone about last night.”
“No hard feelings, I assume, Colleen? If you’re referring to the ranch clothes line, I was just being friendly.”
Colleen shook her head. “I meant the mother lessons. It must have been hard for you without Toby and now you’re still separated from him, so today while it’s just you and me, I thought you could have some quiet time to get to know him.”
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