“I’m sorry if I did something you didn’t want.”
She shook her head. “It’s not you, it’s me. I know that’s a cliché, but it’s the truth.” She forced herself to breathe more slowly. “I’m sorry. I just...can’t.”
Tyler nodded. She saw disappointment in his eyes but also acceptance. It made her want to take it back, to continue what they’d started. But she could still feel his hand running over the part of her neck Garton had gripped as he’d held her down. The all-consuming fear she’d felt that night, convinced he was going to crush her throat when he was done with her, threatened to swamp her like a rogue wave. She needed to get inside, to put up literal walls between her and the outside world.
She watched as Tyler walked away from the porch toward the driveway.
“I’ll wait until you’re inside.”
She watched him for a moment, hating how her fear was winning over the part of her that wanted to go to him, to give him the support and tenderness he needed in his life. But she was just the wrong woman at the wrong time.
Her heart heavy, she stepped up onto the porch and crossed to the door. She paused after she opened the door and looked back at him, dimly illuminated by the light spilling from her living room.
“Good night, Tyler.”
“Good night, Leah.”
A man of his word, he waited until she was inside with the door locked before he headed down the driveway. As she listened to the sound of his boots on the gravel, tears spilled over onto her cheeks as she sank to the floor.
As if it was his turn to comfort her, Felix hobbled over to her, holding up his bandaged leg, and curled next to her side. Leah cried even harder at the thought that Felix was the only man she’d ever trust again.
Chapter Eleven
Leah timed her departure from the ranch the next morning so that she didn’t run into Tyler. She wasn’t upset with him, but she also didn’t want to get into the why behind her actions the night before. The same reasons that had her tripping and falling outside the barn the night he’d helped her. An unreasonable fear that now that she’d been attacked once, it might happen again.
In the light of day, it made even less sense to think that Tyler would hurt her. He’d had plenty of opportunities but had been nothing but a gentleman. Shouldn’t she be thankful to have found such a man, one who had at least some interest in her?
She sighed, so very tired of having arguments with herself. One minute a voice in her head would say she should learn to live again and see where things with Tyler might go. But then another voice would warn that if things didn’t work out, he could pose a danger and it was better to be safe than sorry. Honestly, she felt like she was going mad.
Better to focus on something, anything, other than Tyler and her conflicting feelings toward him. She grabbed the boxes of completed jewelry and headed out to her car. Once inside the car, she chose some upbeat Celtic pub rock to play, hoping to lift her mood and banish thoughts that she might have ruined the new friendship she had with Tyler.
No, stop thinking about Tyler.
Yeah, easier said than done. Ugh.
She drove into Blue Falls and found a parking spot on Main Street a few doors down from her destination, India Parrish’s Yesterwear Boutique.
India looked up from where she was doing paperwork at a carved table in the back corner of the entry area and smiled.
“Hey, Leah. It’s good to see you.” She got to her feet and came toward Leah, pointing at the boxes in Leah’s hands. “Tell me that’s what I think it is.”
In response, Leah opened the top box, revealing a blue-and-green beaded necklace, the multiple strands of which entwined like vines. “I’m sorry it took so long to get a new selection for you to choose from.”
India waved her hand. “I’ll take it all.”
“All of it?”
“Yes, I already have a list of customers I’m supposed to call as soon as your new items arrive.”
“Really?”
“Don’t sound so surprised. Your stuff is beautiful. And it’s perfect for the customers who shop someplace like this.”
Leah glanced into the main showroom, at the collections of clothing and accessories displayed by the era that inspired them. “I tried to keep in mind different time periods when making some of these, but some are just general and can go with anything.”
“Sounds perfect.” India took the boxes out of Leah’s hands and placed them atop the glass display case next to the cash register. “Come on, have a pastry and coffee with me.”
“I don’t want to interrupt your work.”
“Please interrupt my work. The financials are making my eyes cross. Plus, I have fresh pastries from the bakery.”
“Tempting me with Keri’s baking. How am I supposed to say no to that?”
“You’re not.” India hooked her arm through Leah’s and guided her toward the table.
As Leah took a seat, India poured her a cup of coffee and opened the white bakery box so Leah could have her pick.
“So, how are you liking your new place? I hear you got a puppy.”
Leah chose a cinnamon muffin and placed it on a napkin. “Well, I’m going to have to get used to how fast word travels here.”
“Elissa told me she saw you and Tyler at the store buying puppy supplies, and that Verona went full-on matchmaker on you.”
Leah gripped her cup harder as her thoughts went back to the kiss she and Tyler had shared and the way she’d reacted first one way and then the opposite. She’d probably given him mental whiplash.
“Is something wrong?”
Leah met her friend’s gaze and saw genuine concern there. “No, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Leah knew she didn’t sound convincing, not even to herself. She simply couldn’t muster the energy to make the appropriate effort. “It’s just...some parts of living here are not what I expected.”
India tilted her head a bit. “This have to do with Tyler?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, one, your mood changed as soon as I mentioned Verona’s matchmaking efforts. And I’m also well acquainted with the turmoil that comes from liking someone and wondering if it’s wise.”
“Glad to know I’m so transparent.” She picked at the top of her muffin, no longer truly interested in eating it.
“Let me just tell you this. I’ve known Tyler a long time, and he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet.”
“I know.”
“But you’re not interested?” India sounded confused, and Leah couldn’t blame her.
“It’s not that simple.” Leah stopped fiddling with the muffin, surprised by the sudden need to unburden herself, to talk to someone who wasn’t Reina, a cop or related to her. “I do like Tyler. He’s a good person. We... He kissed me last night.”
“But that’s not a good thing?”
“It was, at first. But then it changed.” She waved off how that sounded, like Tyler might have done something bad. “It was me.” She paused, remembering how she didn’t want to be seen as a victim. But wasn’t that how she still thought of herself? “I moved here because I wanted to get away from Houston, from what happened to me there.”
She shared the story of her coming home after having dinner with her parents and being attacked in her apartment. How she’d had to fight with every ounce of strength she had to break free, to avoid more than the scratches and bruises Garton had left her with. That and a fear that threatened to cripple her.
“But he didn’t...?”
Leah shook her head. “No, but I can still feel his hands on my skin. It crawls just thinking about it.”
“So when Tyler touched you, it all came back.”
“Yeah.”
I
ndia reached across the table and clasped Leah’s hands. “I’m so sorry. I know you’ll have to heal at your own pace, but when you’re ready, Tyler is a good choice. I’d stake my life on him not hurting you in any way.”
“You know what’s so confusing? A part of me would, too. Just seeing him with Maddie is enough to tell me that.”
“But you’re not dealing with rational thought when someone violates your sense of safety that way.”
“It feels like I’m insane, with competing voices in my head.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” India said, echoing what Leah had told Tyler. “It doesn’t seem like it, but it’ll get better. Maybe the key is to just continue to try to move forward, a little bit at a time.”
That might not be possible with Tyler, though. She may have already destroyed that chance. Guys likely didn’t want to be with women who acted as if their kisses were from a monster.
A couple of women entered the boutique then, requiring India’s attention.
“Give me a few minutes, okay?” India said.
“I actually need to go. More errands to run.” The truth was she needed time alone to think, to try to get the voices in her head down to one.
“Okay. Come back anytime you want to talk.” India gave her a hug before stepping into the next room to help her customers.
Once she was seated back in her car, Leah wasn’t sure where to go. She couldn’t leave Felix alone for long, but she wasn’t ready to go back to the ranch yet. What if Tyler was there? What in the world was she going to say when she saw him? Maybe he’d avoid her altogether and she wouldn’t have to find out.
That thought made her heart ache. India was right. Tyler was a good guy, probably one of the nicest ones she’d ever meet. One who posed little threat, her rational side knew. But how did she convince her fearful brain of that fact? How did she convince him that she was truly sorry?
She wasn’t sure how long she sat in her car, but she felt like she couldn’t leave until she came to some sort of decision. Oddly, the sight of Verona Charles stepping into a shop down the street helped her make it. She was done with letting Jason Garton ruin her life. Yes, there was still fear within her and might always be to some extent. But she wanted to start shoving some of that fear aside to make room for more trust, for more happiness.
And maybe if she was very lucky, part of that happiness would come in the form of Tyler Lowe.
* * *
TYLER FINISHED SHOEING a horse at the Teague guest ranch and headed back toward town. As much as he loved Maddie, he was glad to be back to work on his own. He didn’t have to worry about her being bored or getting hurt, and she was at school learning and making friends. That was what she needed, more positive connections to help her believe that she wasn’t going to be uprooted again. He knew he needed to consult an attorney about getting custody of her, but he was trying to make sure he had all his ducks in a row, could put forth the best possible case for becoming her official guardian.
Plus he needed to be less distracted. And try as he might, he couldn’t stop thinking about Leah and her reaction to the kiss. Rather, her reactions. Plural. When she’d responded by kissing him back, desire had shot through him like a rocket through his veins. He no longer had to wonder if he was only imagining the looks of interest on her face.
But then she’d jumped away from him as if he’d bitten her. The look in her eyes, as though she was an animal cornered by another ten times its size, had punched him in the gut like a pro boxer. He might not be the root of her fear, but he’d scared her nonetheless.
Common sense said he should leave her be, to let her lead the way in any interactions. But he didn’t want her to be scared of him all the time if she continued to live within sight of his home. And, if he were being truthful, he hoped they could get past whatever haunted her because he’d enjoyed that kiss more than he had anything in a long time.
But the big question was how.
As if the universe was taking pity on him, he spotted Conner walking from the sheriff’s department office to his patrol car. Not having a clue how he was going to broach the topic of Leah, Tyler whipped into the parking spot next to Conner’s.
After shoving the truck into Park, he hesitated a moment before turning off the engine, considering pulling right back out on the road. But then he thought about that look in Leah’s eyes again and had to at least try to help her. Seemed he’d gone from bachelor farrier and rancher minding his own business to a bleeding-heart saver of lost souls without any warning.
When he got out of his truck, Conner was leaning against the side of his car.
“Hey, man. Heard you and my cousin are the new owners of a couple of puppies.”
“Yep. Maddie is already imagining the two pups being best friends. She talked about it all the way to school this morning.” And he hadn’t minded one bit. After so many weeks of virtual silence, she had a lot of catching up to do. Hearing her happy and excited about new things in her life lifted his heart like it was tied to a hot air balloon. But he still felt as if he had to hold his breath, that something might make her retreat into her shell.
“Glad to hear she’s settling in. And thanks again for renting the place to Leah so quickly.”
“No problem.”
Silence fell between them, and again Tyler thought about leaving without saying anything about Leah. But then how would he explain why he’d stopped in the first place?
“Something I can help you with?” Conner asked.
“This is awkward, but I’m just going to say it. Has someone hurt Leah?”
Conner’s eyes narrowed, and Tyler didn’t miss how the man’s hands went to his hips, his right near his holstered sidearm. It was probably an unconscious gesture, but all the same it made Tyler squirm.
“Why do you ask that?” Conner was sounding more like a protective big brother than a cousin. But maybe he saw himself in that role since Leah didn’t have any brothers, any siblings at all.
“She seems skittish.” Before Conner could assume the worst, Tyler further explained. “Like the night she ran off the road. When she came running onto the ranch, it was as if the hounds of hell were chasing her. She was terrified.”
“She’d just had a scare. And she’s used to living in the city. All the darkness out in the country probably freaked her out.”
“It’s more than that.”
Conner’s expression shifted, and Tyler imagined it was the face he used when he interrogated people. “You seem certain of that. Is something going on I need to know about?”
Exactly the question Tyler wanted to ask, but it seemed possessive coming from his direction, especially when he and Leah hadn’t known each other that long. But something inside him said that right now, honesty was the best policy.
“I like Leah. A lot. And I don’t want to do anything to hurt her, particularly if she’s already been hurt.”
The tension in Conner’s body visibly eased. “It’s not my story to tell.”
“That tells me I’m right, though.”
Conner stared at him for a moment. Tyler could almost hear the decision-making process happening in his head. What to say. How much to say. How Leah would react if she knew he said anything.
“All I’m willing to say is that she could use a kind and gentle person in her life right now.”
Tyler still didn’t know the specifics, but he didn’t have to. If Leah told him, fine. If she chose to keep it to herself and nothing ever happened between them again, he’d have to accept that. He’d focus on work and Maddie, go back to the man he was before Leah appeared in his life.
That seemed way emptier than it had before. Than it should be.
After he picked up Maddie from school and drove home, his niece unbuckled herself and ran into the house, unwilling to wait a moment longer to see Baxte
r.
“Can I take him to meet Felix?”
“I don’t know if Leah wants company.” Or maybe just not his.
“She said I could come by anytime.”
What was he supposed to say that?
“Okay, but if she’s busy, come right back.”
“Are you going to come with me?”
He wanted to, a good deal more than the length of their acquaintance would suggest. But a person felt how they felt, no matter how irrational.
“Not today. I’ve got some work to do.” Not a lie, but it wasn’t as if the work was so pressing he couldn’t spare a few minutes. But it felt as if he should leave Leah to make the next move, if she was going to.
He watched Maddie and Baxter until they reached the bunkhouse door. But when that door opened he turned away, afraid his desire to be with Leah again would override what she needed. And if what he’d gathered from her actions and Conner’s answer was true and he ignored it, he’d be a selfish bastard. He’d rather live the rest of his life alone than have her think that of him or hurt her in any way.
However, he couldn’t help but hope that it wouldn’t come to that.
* * *
LEAH’S HEART JUMPED at the knock on the door, until she realized that it was much too small and faint to be Tyler. She wasn’t sure if she was glad or disappointed Tyler wasn’t the one at her door. She’d replayed the kiss between them over and over, not to mention India’s words of advice. But how could she tell Tyler she was interested in him when she couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t repeat how she’d jumped away from him? He’d managed to be gentle with her while also showing her the first flames of his desire. Remembering that stoked her own desire, and part of her wanted a replay. But the other part just wasn’t sure.
If she hadn’t figured it out after hours upon hours of thinking about it, she sure wasn’t going to have an epiphany by making Maddie wait outside the door longer.
“Hey, sweetie,” she said as she opened the door.
Immediately, Baxter ran past her feet into the bunkhouse, straight for where Felix was chewing on a rawhide bone in his fluffy new bed.
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