by Sumida, Amy
I started training, with sword, claws, daggers, and magic. I planned and practiced till I was sure of my abilities and my determination to never hide again. I used the tracing chants I found in Ku's book to get access to god homes, and then I killed them. I killed them as they slept and with every death, I felt a little stronger, a little more certain that I was doing the right thing. It was only after I'd been killing awhile that I realized I was fighting for more than myself, more than my peace of mind. I was fighting for all of us.
Maybe I’d been wrong but even as I lay there, completely defeated, I didn’t regret it. I’d given it my all. I’d fought not just for my country but for all countries. Yet when all was said and done, I was just one woman and I’d lost. Where is the shame in that? Here was my end, disgrace and torture for eternity at the hands of Death himself. But even that didn’t matter to me as much as the thought of Trevor dying a slow death, heartbroken and betrayed. Or of my Intare breaking without my guidance. Of Odin slipping away from life again, or my boys losing their mother. And Nick, never knowing why I didn't come back, just waiting for me with an animal's trust and confusion. Who would take care of him now?
The bed shifted and I felt thick arms slide under me, scooping me up and holding me against a wide chest. I buried my face against that chest, not caring that it was my enemy’s, the very cause of all my anguish. I needed comfort and I took what was offered. I knew there would be little of that in my future.
“Little neferet,” his voice sounded sad and sweet, a kind note after all the chords of torment. “My beautiful one, it will get easier. His memory will fade and you will find joy in me, I swear it.”
“Joy?” I was finally shocked out of my tears. “You brought me here to torture me. You raped my mind and then my body for revenge, and now you’re trying to comfort me with talk of happiness?”
He frowned, looking over my shoulder as if searching for the answers as well. “I…,” he swallowed hard and shook his head, placing me firmly away from him. “Shower and dress, I have business to attend to and you will attend me.”
I got to my feet after a few tries, and shakily made my way to the bathroom, the gold chain hanging heavy from my neck and dragging behind me like I was some tormented ghost. At the door, I stopped and looked over my shoulder. He was sitting where I’d left him, staring into space and looking more lost and confused than I felt. I closed the door with an angry slam. How dare he look like that?
Chapter Fourteen
The Hall of Two Truths, which I’d previously known only as the hall of frescoes or that strange place with the throne and scales that Anubis dragged me through on the way to dinner, had a line of people winding through it. They waited patiently, reverently, but with an air of nervous expectation. I looked toward the dais that Anubis was leading me to, the obvious destination for everyone.
Ma’at was there, looking all serene and regal again. She was wearing a white draped dress, similar to the one I’d worn the night before but ten times more beautiful on her. Her hair fell in perfect curls around her perfect bottom and her eyes were perfectly lined in kohl, making them stand out on her perfect face. I was perfectly disgusted.
I knew I shouldn’t be jealous. I’d received a good dollop of hottie when I took Aphrodite’s powers, and my hair shone silky soft and curled just as perfectly as Ma’at’s. My skin was completely unblemished for the first time in my life, and I never had to wear mascara because my eyelashes had lengthened and thickened like a Maybelline commercial.
I still wasn’t really a goddess though, and being around them all the time does something to your ego. My ego hadn’t been strong to begin with, although I’d grown to love my curves, including my completely natural breasts and my significant ass. I was blessed with a small waist and I focused on that when confronted with drop dead gorgeous women… not that Ma’at’s waist was anywhere near chubby.
I shook my head. I was being led toward a gathering of Egyptian gods bent on doing something god-like and probably horrifying as well, and all I could think about was my looks or lack thereof. I was definitely in denial mode, appropriate considering the pantheon I was forced to consort with… it wasn’t just a river in Egypt and all that. Okay, yeah that was bad.
Back to my imminent doom…
Next to Ma’at was Thoth, a large book in his hands, and slightly behind him was… was… the most horrifying creature I’d ever seen. I actually stumbled a little. Anubis turned and caught me by the arm.
“What is it?” He looked me over.
“Funny,” I swallowed. “I was about to ask you the same question.”
He looked over his shoulder at the creature and then back at me, smiling. “You’ve never heard of Ammut, the Devourer, the Bone Eater?”
“Obviously not,” I tried not to stare at the thing over his shoulder. Mama always said it was rude to stare.
It seemed to be a hybrid. Its head was all crocodile, shiny green skin and a mouthful of daggers for teeth, but where the neck met the body was where the croc ended and what I was able to clearly recognize as a lion, began. The lion chest was sleek golden fur, contrasting sharply with the green skin, and the thick forelegs looked strong enough to rip me in two. The fur flowed to mid back and there ended in gray, thick skin that flowed into wide legs and a little stump of a tail. I think it had a hippo’s ass. Well hippos really are pretty bad-ass and I guess if you’re going to be a monster you’d need the badest ass around so… good choice there.
“Ammut eats the unworthy souls,” Anubis was leading me up the steps.
“Unworthy souls?” I looked at the line of people, then at Ma’at, who held a beautiful golden scale. She placed it reverently down on a stone pedestal. “Oh shit,” I stopped and tried to backtrack but Anubis turned and controlled me with a glance. “No, I can’t watch this. Don’t make me a part of this.”
“You’ll be with me for eternity,” he said calmly. “You must see and accept what I do. This is my duty as God of the Dead. It is an honorable and esteemed position.”
I walked up the steps and stood next to the throne as he sat in it. Solid gold and crowned with a jackal’s head on each point, the throne looked thoroughly Egyptian and just as thoroughly uncomfortable. I guess you weren’t allowed to nod off when you were judging souls. There wasn’t even a butt-pillow.
Anubis fastened my chain to the arm of the throne, gestured for me to sit at his feet, the bastard, and then waved the first person forward. It was a man, he looked proud and unafraid of the god beside me. He did spare a confused glance for me though and it was enough to make me wish Anubis hadn’t dressed me in gold.
Yes, gold, can you freakin’ believe it? I was swathed in what looked from afar like gold lamé but what, on closer inspection, revealed itself to be way too fine for that. From the weight of it, I was betting it was the real thing. Yes all you history buffs, I was wearing cloth of gold. Yards of it clung to me from shoulders to toes, open at the neck to show off my stunning collar of course. The gold did nothing to hide and everything to enhance every bulge I had. I felt like an ancient Egyptian harlot.
Before I could submerge myself completely in mortification though, Anubis reached out, right into the guy’s chest, and pulled out his heart. Just as casual as you please and the man didn’t even flinch. In fact, the heart seemed to pull away from the body pretty easily.
Anubis placed it, still pumping, on one side of the scale that Ma’at stood behind. From her hair, she took a long white feather and placed it carefully on the other side of the scale. The scale wavered up and down and Anubis watched it closely. When it finally settled into an even position, he nodded and took the heart back.
I had a flashback to when he’d done the same thing to one of the Froekn, except the Froekn hadn’t been dead yet and it had sounded extremely painful. He’d said something then and as he looked at the current heart, he repeated the words.
“You are worthy,” he gently placed the heart back within the man’s chest and gestured past Ammut
.
A pair of gold doors swung open behind the dais and the dark I saw through them seemed to be its own entity, full of menace and nasty things with lots of teeth. I shuddered and looked back at the man who was now smiling. He bowed deeply and started for the doors, not in the least bit scared of what lay beyond.
What’s in there? I whispered into Anubis’ head and he smiled a little at my anxiety.
That is the entrance to Aaru, he replied in kind. There are twenty-one gates, guarded by demons, which he shall have to pass through, before being allowed into Aaru and Osiris’ presence.
You gods sure do love messing with humans, I watched Thoth scribble something in the book he carried.
What do you mean? He actually took the time to look down at me, disregarding the woman who came up to stand before him. She looked even more confused than the last guy, since she couldn’t even hear our conversation, so it must’ve just looked like we were staring rather hard at each other.
You and I both know that this whole concept is created by Atlanteans, I couldn’t believe he looked so shocked. Come on, I know you’re all from Atlantis. Your advances in science and magic made you gods, not any divine birthright. People expected an afterlife so you’re giving it to them, when actually, they could pass on just fine without you.
Are you that blind? He shook his head. Yes, we were from Atlantis but if you know that, then you should also know how taking power from human sacrifice has in turn bound us to humans and forced us to conform. Human belief created Aaru, not us. Just as human belief turned me into this.
I knew there were restrictions to temper the power, Blue had shown me that, but Blue hadn't been bitter about it. Most gods found the fact that they were partially changed by human belief, to be a minor price to pay for the amount of power they received. I'd never met a god who felt enslaved by it. Yet it seemed that it was exactly what Anubis was feeling.
For the first time, I was seeing the man inside the god. Anubis was tired of death! I reached into his mind, pressing into him as he’d done to me, and what I found was even more disturbing. Honor, great troves of the stuff. He lived in the Underworld, serving humans as Death, not because he was attracted to it but because the duty had been placed upon him. When the god designations had been handed out, he’d been given the short end of the stick. Sure, Death was probably one of the most awesome powers, but it also seemed to demand a hell of a payback, if you'll excuse the pun.
I sucked in my breath when I felt his loneliness, his withdrawal from the other deities that reigned beside him. None of them understood his desire to see life, to be immersed in light instead of death and darkness. Go figure. Death craved life, longed for it like a thirsty man dreamed of water, constantly and tortuously.
“Fuck,” I whispered out loud and the woman before him tried her best not to notice.
“What?” Anubis looked a little spooked.
He knew how far I’d just reached into his mind, and I was shocked to realize that he hadn’t meant to allow it. He didn’t want me to see the reality because he saw it as a weakness. So it seemed that even his power over me had its price. He may control my body and be able to search my mind, but I could use that connection to do a little searching of my own. It wasn't too surprising, I'd experienced something similar with Blue.
“Damn it,” I shook my head and looked away. “I can’t like you. I don’t want to like you.”
Something eased in the air between us, and he turned away from me with a smile. The woman stepped up and he went about his job, looking way too serene for my tastes. As the people were judged, I sat and thought over what I’d seen in him. A man with that much honor wouldn’t do what he did to me without good reason. The really confusing thing was, I sensed no vengeance in him toward me. I didn’t know if that meant he’d worked out his issues in the night or if he’d never been mad at me to begin with, but if he hadn’t brought me there for vengeance, then what?
He couldn’t have brought me there just to get some female companionship. I mean, torturing and humiliating me were a bit extreme, if that were the case. It went way beyond pulling pigtails. The man I felt inside Anubis wouldn’t do that, so why then?
He must have been genuinely affronted that a human had dared attack a god… bad enough that other deities had attacked him but a human? That must have pushed him over the edge and his honor out the window. Or maybe the thought of a human, someone he'd traded his freedom to serve, attacking him was just plain enraging. It must have seemed like such a betrayal to him.
What was I doing, rationalizing his treatment of me? That was sick but on a deeper level, I realized why I was doing it. If Anubis really was a good guy at heart, he could be appealed to. He would understand that he shouldn't hold me forever, when it would result in another man’s death. So I continued to work through Anubis’ issues in my head and I continued to hope that maybe he wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Maybe he’d let me go.
“You’re unworthy,” Anubis’ voice took on a sharp edge, not the razor edge of steel but the glass-like edge of slivered obsidian. That edge was so sharp, it could cut you without you even noticing it. You’d bleed to death before you felt the pain.
The man standing before Anubis started to shake. He didn’t scream but I could tell he wanted to. The only sounds in the chamber were the scribbling of Thoth’s pen and my rapid breaths. Ma’at remained calm, Anubis remained calm, I however, started to whimper when Ammut shuffled forward.
When she came into range, Anubis threw the heart to her. I bizarrely took notice that Ammut was a female, when she leaped to catch the twitching piece of flesh, although who knows, I’ve never checked out a hippo before, maybe they hid the goods well. Female or not, she loved hearts, and the delighted sounds of her chomping down on her snack, nearly made me lose the contents of my stomach.
The man before Anubis simply shimmered away, his mouth open in a silent scream, as Ammut swallowed his heart down. I would have screamed then too, if Anubis hadn’t expressly forbade my vocal chords from working. So instead, I curled up against his knee, wrapping myself around his leg, and hid my face in the folds of his pants. I don't know why I did it, strong Godhunter that I was(yeah, whatever), but it was automatic. I guess it's human nature to reach for comfort when we're scared.
Miracle of miracles, surprise upon surprise, curiouser and curiouser, Anubis actually reached down and started stroking my hair soothingly. He also sent out warm and calming waves of energy to me. I felt my muscles relax, my heart slow, as he reassured me without words that this was the proper way of things, that a soul would have to be evil for it to be weighed unworthy and fed to Ammut.
I swallowed hard and sat back, reminding myself of who I was, and why Godhunters didn’t cringe before gods. I was also Rouva to the Froekn, and Tima of the Intare. I did not cower, especially not toward a god who was playing the part of my jailor. Well, at least it made me feel better to think that.
Four hours later, it was finally done and I was much more sympathetic towards Anubis than I wanted to be. I was a little shaky despite my inner bolstering and his calming influence. Anubis, of course, was fine. He’d been judging souls for centuries. It was an average day for him. It was going to become average for me as well, if he had his way.
My stomach shifted at the thought and Anubis sent me a concerned look. Concerned? When had he become concerned about me? I was concerned, concerned about whether I’d ever see Trevor again and concerned over the fact that I was falling in like with the man who’d taken me away from him. Man, I always knew I had issues, especially when it came to men, but this took the cake.
He got to his feet, unfastening the chain from the throne, and helped me to mine.
“Let’s take a walk in my gardens,” he offered me his hand, hooking my chain into his belt.
“If you like,” I took his hand and eyed him warily.
“I’m asking,” he took a breath and let it out slowly. “So it’s if you like.”
I saw Ma’at’s intrig
ued expression from the side of my vision. When I looked directly at her though, she’d composed it into polite interest. Thoth however, wasn’t anywhere near polite. He glared at me like I was Delilah, holding a bright shiny pair of scissors. I glared back. I hadn't asked to be there. I didn’t want to be there. Even if I was seducing Anubis, it would only be fair, a captive’s chance for escape.
Was I seducing him?
“Well?” Anubis was still waiting.
“I’d love to see your gardens,” I shot Thoth a challenging look and leaned further into Anubis. “Thank you for asking.”
Anubis led me down the corridor that led to the dining room but we continued on past it and out a door at the end. Bright sunlight blinded me for a moment and I raised my hand to shade my eyes. When my eyes adjusted, I had my first look at Anubis’ world.
Egyptian gardens should be full of palm trees and lotus blossoms. Maybe some reeds along a riverbank and herons tromping around looking for fish. Oh and don’t forget the scarabs, lots of dung beetles rolling around their little balls of… okay scratch that, maybe a nice water feature instead. Anubis’ Egyptian garden might have been all that but darker, maybe under a constant twilight sky with flowers glowing white.
It wasn’t.
I gasped at the neat paths laid out before me in a proper square, with curved lines dissecting it. It was a garden fit for a King, a French King. I imagined that Marie Antoinette walked paths similar to the ones Anubis started to lead me through. I almost heard her childish laughter on the breeze… who knows, her little, happy, cake-eating self could very well have been there. Though it’s hard to eat cake without a head.
“Anubis,” I felt a small smile settle on my lips, “it’s beautiful.”
He looked ecstatic, his chest even puffed out a little further, and I shook my head at the complete turnaround in his personality. Maybe there was hope.
