Whenever Auntie Oima or Mama Masako threatened her with reprisal she would beg their forgiveness and promise to be better. Things would be calm for a week or so and then she’d be reeling around again. This went on for years.
You are probably wondering why they put up with such undisciplined behavior. The reason is simple. Yaemaru was the best taiko drummer in Gion Kobu, one of the best ever. She played an integral role in the Miyako Odori and everyone depended on her to perform, but we were never sure if she was going to make it. She’d stagger into the theater late, nursing a hangover, but then the moment she picked up her drumsticks she underwent some kind of transformation. She was magnificent. No one else could touch her.
So even though Yaemaru was a constant headache, Auntie Oima and Mama Masako had overlooked her faults and taken good care of her. But that spring she was causing a lot of trouble. And then Chiyoe up and left. One day she took off with her lover, leaving behind nothing but unpaid debts. As Yaeko had years before.
As the atotori, I was keenly aware of my financial responsibility to the okiya. When Yaemaru was too drunk to work or Chiyoe left us in the lurch, I felt pressure to work even harder. Even though I knew little about money, I knew that I was the main support of the household.
I was to appear in the Miyako Odori thirty-eight out of forty days that spring. I was so exhausted I could barely stand up. One day I lay down in the maids’ room off the tearoom. Big Mistress came in to check on me.
“Mine-chan, are you okay? You don’t look very well. I think you should go to the doctor.”
“Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine, really. I’m just a little tired. I’m sure I’ll feel better in a bit.”
The truth was that I felt awful. I was moaning as I made my way to the stage and lay down on a pillow in the wings while I was waiting to go on. Mysteriously, I was fine while I was on stage.
I’m alright, I thought. I’m probably just tired. Today’s performance will be over soon, and then I’ll go home and take a nap. I’ll be fine.
I did my best to encourage myself. I got through the rest of the day and went home. I lay down for a while and then got up, let myself be dressed, and went out to keep my evening appointments.
I was about to make my entrance into an ozashiki when I suddenly felt extremely light and buoyant. I heard a loud crashing sound come from somewhere.
The next thing I knew I was lying in a bed. Dr. Yanai was staring down at me. I knew he was scheduled to attend the ozashiki.
“What are you doing here,” I asked him. “Why aren’t you at the party?”
“Because you passed out and I brought you here to my clinic.”
“I did? No.”
The only thing I could remember was that feeling of buoyancy. I had no sense of the passage of time.
“Yes, Mineko, you did. I’m afraid you have a problem. Your blood pressure is up to 160.”
“Really?”
I didn’t have a clue what that meant.
“I want you to go to Kyoto University Hospital tomorrow and get a thorough examination.”
“No, I’m fine. I’ve just been working very hard and let myself get overly tired. I think I’ll go back to the ozashiki now. Would you like to come back with me?”
“Mine-chan, listen to this old quack. You have to take care of yourself. I want you to go home now and go to bed. Promise me you’ll go to the hospital tomorrow.”
“But I’m fine.”
“Mine-chan, you are not listening.”
“Because I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You could die if you keep this up.”
“Ah, the beautiful always die young.”
Now he looked annoyed. “This isn’t a joking matter.”
“I’m sorry, Doctor. I do appreciate your kindness. Would you please call me a car?”
“And where do you plan to go?”
“I just need to go back to the ozashiki for a minute so that I can apologize to everyone.”
“Never mind that, Mine-chan. You go home. I’ll go back to the ozashiki and make your apologies for you.”
I went home for a little while, but then it was time for another ozashiki and I felt okay so I decided to go. As soon as I got there I started to feel weak and shaky again. Now I was getting concerned. Maybe there really was something wrong and I needed to have myself checked out. But I didn’t know when I would have the time to fit it in.
The next day I spoke to Mama Masako. “Mom, I’m not sure, but I think something is wrong with me. I don’t want to cause any problems for the okiya, but do you think it would be okay if I took a few days off?”
“Of course, it is, Mine-chan. Don’t worry about work. Nothing is more important than your health. We’ll go to the hospital first thing tomorrow to find out what’s going on. And then we’ll see where we go from there.”
“But I don’t want to take a lot of time off. I mean, I don’t want to get behind in my lessons and if I stop going to ozashiki I’ll lose my spot. Somebody else will be number one.”
“It might be nice to give one of the other girls a chance for a change.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Not at all.”
That’s as far as we got in the conversation before I nodded out again.
The next morning Kuniko took me to Kyoto University Hospital. The name of the chief internist was Dr. Nakano. He made me drink a whole pitcher of water in order to test my urine. But it took forever until I could pee, over three hours. The doctor tested my urine on a strip of lab paper. The paper turned a deep green. I remember because it was one of my favorite colors.
They put me in an examination room. Dr Nakano came in with about ten interns. “Take off your top.”
The only man who had ever seen me naked was my father, and that was many years ago. I wasn’t about to get undressed in front of all these strangers. Dr. Nakano saw my hesitation and barked at me, “Do as I say, young lady. These people are all going to be doctors and are here to observe procedure. Now pretend I’m the only one in the room and strip from the waist up.”
“I wouldn’t take off my top even if you were the only one in the room,” I replied.
He was exasperated. “Stop wasting my time and do as I say.”
I screwed up my face and followed his command. Nothing happened. I am not sure what I was expecting, but the doctor and the interns kept on with their business.
Once I realized they weren’t interested in my body, I forgot about them and looked around the room. There was a strange-looking machine with many wires protruding from it. A nurse came in and started to plaster my torso with round adhesive things to hook me up to the machine.
The doctor turned on the device. It spewed forth a length of graph paper that had two lines running along it. One of them was straight and the other one went up and down.
“That’s a pretty line,” I said. “The straight one.”
“I’m afraid it’s not very pretty for you. It means that your left kidney isn’t working.”
“Why not?”
“We’ll have to see. But it may mean that you need an operation. I need to do some more tests.”
All I could hear was the word “operation.”
“Excuse me, but I think I’d better go home and discuss this with my mother.”
“Can you come back tomorrow?”
“I’m not exactly sure what my plans are.”
“Miss Iwasaki, you have to take care of this immediately. Or you could develop a real problem.”
“What kind of problem?”
“We might have to remove one of your kidneys.”
I still didn’t grasp the gravity of the situation.
“I never even knew that I had two kidneys. Isn’t one enough? Do I really need both of them?”
“Yes you do. Living with one kidney isn’t easy. It means dialysis and the likelihood of damage to other internal organs. It is very serious. I need to do more tests as soon as possible.”
&n
bsp; “Could you do them now?”
“Yes, if you are prepared to check into the hospital.”
“Check in? You mean I have to stay overnight?”
“Of course. You’ll probably be here for about a week.”
I felt like he had punched me in the stomach.
“Doctor, I’m afraid I don’t have that kind of time. I could maybe give you three days, but it would be better for me if you could finish in two.”
“It will take as long as it takes. Now go make arrangements to check in here as soon as you can.”
I felt powerless, like a carp on the cutting board ready to be sliced into sashimi.
The doctors did a battery of tests. They discovered that my tonsils were severely infected and that the overload of bacteria in my system was causing the kidney failure. Before doing anything else, they decided to perform a tonsillectomy to see if that would alleviate the problem and I was scheduled for surgery.
The first thing I saw when I was wheeled into the operating room was a man in a white coat aiming a camera at my face. Without thinking, I flashed him my biggest smile.
The doctor spoke to me sharply, “Please don’t pay attention to the camera and please stop smiling. I need pictures of this operation for a surgical conference. Now, open wide…”
The nurse standing next to me suppressed a giggle. But, due to the nature of my work, I couldn’t take my eye off the camera. It was all quite amusing. For a minute, anyway. They had given me a local anesthetic and right after the doctor started operating I suddenly had a full-blown allergic reaction. My entire body broke out in a rash. I itched all over and was exceedingly uncomfortable. All I could think about was getting out of there and going home.
I refused to stay in the hospital after the operation. “There’s nothing wrong with my legs,” I insisted, and arranged to receive further treatment on an outpatient basis.
I went home but I was still very sick. My throat was killing me. I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t talk. The pain and the fever left me so limp that I stayed in bed, motionless, for three days. When I was finally strong enough to stand up, Kuniko took me back to the hospital for a checkup. On the way home we passed a coffee shop and I was assaulted by the delicious smell of hotcakes. I had been on a liquid diet for over a week and felt my first stab of hunger. I thought this meant I was almost better. But I still couldn’t speak so I wrote down on my pad, “I’m hungry,” and showed it to Kuniko.
“That’s great,” she replied. “Let’s go home and tell everyone the good news.”
My nose wanted to follow the aroma of the hotcakes but I let her lead me home. Kuniko reported on my hunger pains to Mama Masako, who replied, “Then I guess it’s a good thing we’re not having sukiyaki tonight.” She had that wicked grin on her face. Around dinnertime the fragrance of sautéing beef came wafting up to my room from the kitchen. I went stomping down to the kitchen and wrote on my pad, “Something stinks.”
“What, this?” Mama giggled. “Boy, it sure smells good to me!”
“You are still an old meanie,” I scribbled back. “Making something so delicious when you know I can’t eat anything!”
She got so caught up in our little battle that she went to write down her next retort.
I pulled the pad out of her hand. “There’s no reason for you to write anything down,” I wrote. “My ears are working fine.”
“Oh, you’re right.” She burst out laughing at her own silliness.
I asked for a glass of milk. I took one swallow and the pain was so great that it radiated out to the tips of my hair. I went to bed hungry. My friends were nice enough to visit but I was frustrated because I couldn’t talk to them. I wasn’t having a very good time. One friend stopped by with a huge bouquet of cosmos, which were out of season at the time.
“Thanks,” I said. “But what I’d really like is something light (a euphemism for money).”
“That’s not very grateful of you. After I went to all the trouble to bring you these flowers.”
“No, I meant light as in food. I’m starving.”
“Then why don’t you eat something?”
“If I could eat anything, then I wouldn’t be starving.”
“You poor thing. But I bet these cosmos have the power to make you feel better,” she said mysteriously. “I didn’t buy them myself. SOMEBODY asked me to bring them to you. So concentrate on the cosmos and see what happens.”
“I’ll do that,” I said. “I used to talk to them when I was a little girl.”
I had a serious conversation with the flowers and they told me where they came from. I was right. They were from the man who was secreted away in my heart.
I missed him so much. I couldn’t wait to see him again. But, at the same time, I was scared of him. Whenever I thought of him a little door in my heart banged shut and I felt like crying. I had no idea what was going on.
Did my nephew ruin me for life? Was I too scared to ever have a physical relationship with a man? Whenever I started to think about getting close to someone I remembered the feeling of Mamoru’s horrible embrace and my body went rigid with fear. My real problem isn’t in my throat or kidneys. The doctor should have operated on my heart instead.
There wasn’t anyone I could talk to about how I was feeling.
28
HIS STAGE NAME WAS SHINTARO KATSU. I met him when I was fifteen at one of the first ozashiki I attended after becoming a maiko. He had asked one of the older maiko to ask me to stop by so he could meet me.
She introduced him by his regular name, Toshio. Toshio was the biggest movie star in Japan. I knew his name but hardly ever went to the movies and didn’t recognize his face. Anyway, I wasn’t impressed. He was dressed like a slob. He was wearing a yukata (cotton kimono), which is too informal for an ozashiki, and it was kind of rumpled. He still had pancake makeup on his neck.
I was only in the ozashiki for about five minutes and didn’t speak to him directly. I remember thinking, “What an unsavory person.” I hoped he wouldn’t ask for me again.
A few days later I stopped by the ochaya on my way home from school. I bumped into Toshio, who was there with his wife, and he introduced me to her. She is a famous actress and I was pleased to meet her.
Toshio was in the habit of coming to Gion Kobu almost every night. In fact, he asked for me frequently. I refused as often as I could, but karyukai decorum demanded that I appear once in a while. I specifically asked the okasan of the ochaya to keep me away from him but there was only so much she could do. It was business, after all, and the okasan had to cater to the reasonable requests of her customers.
One time Toshio asked the accompanist if he could borrow her shamisen for a minute. She handed it to him and he started to play a ballad called Nagare (“flowing”). I couldn’t believe it! He was incredibly talented. I got goose bumps all over.
“Where did you ever learn to play like that?” I asked him. It was the first authentic thing I ever said to him.
“Actually, my father is the iemoto of the Kineya School of shamisen balladry and I have been playing since I was a little boy.”
“I’m very impressed. What other secrets are you hiding?”
The scales fell from my eyes and I saw him in a whole new light. There was more here than met the eye.
For fun, I announced that I would only attend his ozashiki if he would play the shamisen for me when I was there. It was an impertinent request on my part, but, from then on, whenever I entered an ozashiki he was hosting there was a shamisen sitting there ready to be played. Things continued like this for three years. He asked for me continually, I went occasionally, and when I did, it was mostly to hear him play.
One night, when I was eighteen, I was carrying sake from the kitchen to an ozashiki. I was about to walk up the staircase to the second floor when I noticed him coming down it. I was embarrassed to be caught so obviously in the open, because I had refused to attend his ozashiki that evening. He bounded down the stairs and took the tray fro
m my hands.
“Mineko, come here a minute,” he said and pressed me into one of the maid’s rooms.
Before I saw it coming he put his arms around me and kissed me full on the lips.
“Yeech, stop.” I struggled free. “The only person allowed to do that is Big John, my dog.”
It was my first kiss. And I didn’t find it appealing at all. I thought I was having an allergic reaction. I got goose bumps, my hair stood on end, and I broke out in a cold sweat. After moving through shock and fear, I quickly arrived at a state of burning anger.
“How dare you!” I hissed. “Don’t you ever touch me again. Ever!”
“Oh, Mine-chan, don’t you like me even a little bit?”
“Like? What do you mean like? Like has nothing to do with it!”
I am ashamed to admit it now, but at eighteen I still believed that kissing could make you pregnant. I was scared to death.
I ran into the office and, in vehement tones, told the okasan everything. “I never want to see him again. No matter how many times he asks for me. He’s disgusting and his manners are despicable.”
She told me I was overreacting.
“Mine-chan, you have to grow up a little bit here. It was an innocent kiss. It’s nothing to get so riled up over. He’s an important customer, and I want you to give him a little slack.”
She explained away my fears and over the next few weeks convinced me that it was safe to accept one of his repeated requests for an appearance.
I entered the ozashiki with reservations, but Toshio was clearly repentant. He promised not to lay a finger on me. I resumed my routine of honoring, on average, one out of his five requests.
One evening he playfully asked, “I know I’m not allowed to touch you, but would you put one, just one, of your fingers on my knee? In return for all my hard work on the shamisen?”
I acted like I was touching something contaminated and gingerly rested the tip of my index finger on the top of his knee. It was like a game.
Geisha Page 19
