by Marian Tee
He would beg her. Kiss her feet. Do anything for her.
If Anneke didn’t hate him---
But Jaak wasn’t letting his sister speak. Glaring murderously at his friend, Jaak turned to Anneke, saying harshly, “You don’t have to answer him.” But when his baby girl shook her head tiredly at him, he knew he had to let her face her own demons.
And so the Dutch billionaire forced himself to stay still as he watched his sister turn to her tormentor.
Their eyes met, and Marcus swallowed hard. Hate me. Love me. Hate me the way I hate my mother. Love me the way I don’t deserve to be loved. His thoughts were as chaotic as the rest of him was.
His fists clenched as he watched Anneke struggle to speak, her face pale, her lips trembling.
Hate me, Marcus thought rawly, so I know I did the right thing.
Hate me so I know you’re as weak as I am, and being with me would destroy you.
Hate me.
He willed her to say the words.
He needed her to say the words.
But she didn’t.
“I should hate you,” Anneke whispered tonelessly, “but I don’t.”
Instead, she gave him what he wanted – and would never deserve.
“Because I still love you.” A painful smile touched her lips. “I still love you, and I d-don’t know why.”
Marcus whitened.
“Goodbye, Marcus.”
He watched Anneke and Jaak walk away.
I still love you.
She should have hated him, but she didn’t.
I still love you.
And even if she didn’t hate him, why let him know?
Why take the kind of risk the way he could never take a risk with her?
I still love you.
I still love you.
I still love you.
He watched Jaak and Anneke step out of the front door.
I still love you.
And Marcus suddenly couldn’t stop moving fast enough.
“Anneke!”
Panic was burning in his throat, making his voice hoarse.
“Anneke, wait---” And when she spun around, he said jerkily, “I’m sorry.”
Her already pale face whitened even more, and the sight of it killed him. He knew she was thinking he was being an asshole, playing fast and loose with her feelings, acting hot and cold with her like she had no heart to crush.
He knew. Yes, he goddamn knew he was hurting her, but he also knew---
He had to do this.
Because…she hadn’t broken the way he had.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated doggedly. And this time, Marcus held on to her gaze despite knowing he was acting even worse – even more despicably selfish than his father. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry. So can we talk? Please?” He was choking and babbling like a goddamn kid, an idiot, but he didn’t give a damn. He only knew he had to keep her from leaving.
Anneke was staring at him in painful confusion. “I d-don’t understand.”
“Then stay,” he said fiercely, “and let me explain.” He reached for her---
But she stumbled back so quickly it was as if his touch would destroy her, and fear clawed at his heart.
Please let it not be too late.
“Stop messing with me.” Anneke’s words spilled out in a jerky, tear-clogged tone, and the sound had fear turning into terror inside of him.
Please let it not be too late.
Marcus tried reaching for her again, but this time it was Jaak who shoved him off. “You’ve made her cry enough, Ravelli.” Turning away, the Dutch billionaire motioned for his security team to take his sister to his car. He didn’t give a damn if he was interfering – he’d had enough of seeing this man destroy his baby girl, over and over.
“Mind your own fucking business, de Konigh.” Marcus shoved past Jaak and tried reaching for Anneke again, but her brother once again blocked his way.
Behind Jaak, he saw Anneke turn to look at him---
She was looking at him as if it was the last time she would see him again.
And her lips moved ever so slowly.
Goodbye.
No. No. No.
And Marcus snapped.
He threw a punch at Jaak, taking the other man by surprise, and as Jaak staggered back a step, Marcus charged past him to reach for Anneke.
His fingers grazed her back.
“Anne---”
But she didn’t even look at him.
Jaak came back at Marcus, shoving him away, but even so he tried going after her, shouting her name.
“Anneke!”
She stepped inside the car without looking back.
“Get her out of here,” Jaak roared.
And it was all over.
No. No. Oh, fuck no---
Even knowing it was impossible, he ran after the car, shouting her name over and over. “Please, Anneke, please, Anneke, please.”
The car picked up speed.
“Anneke!”
The agonized cry was torn out of him as Marcus fell to his knees.
His eyes closed.
And he missed that one moment Anneke turned around to look at him through the car window, the sound of her name on his lips making her weep silently.
Marcus.
Marcus.
Marcus.
Part III
Chapter One
Her first few days back home sailed past on a blank sea of numbness. Anneke found herself staring sightlessly outside the windows of her apartment, unable to appreciate all the little things that she used to cherish. The way raindrops turned the city into an artistic blur, the vivid reflection of historical buildings on the canal’s waters, the faint but comforting noise of footsteps and laughter outside her apartment – all these things were proof that the world was still turning, and she had loved that. It had made her smile.
But it was different now.
The magic was gone. Nothing was beautiful. And she was lost.
When a week had gone past and she still couldn’t feel, Anneke’s pragmatic side asserted itself and she decided enough was enough. Showing up at work, she steeled herself for curious glances and nosy questions, but it took only a few minutes for her to realize that she had underestimated Willem’s powers of manipulation.
Apparently, everyone believed that Anneke had been down with the flu the entire week, and with the exception of her siblings, no one seemed to know she had done a Britney in Vegas.
When she met her eldest brother in the conference room for their regular meeting with the board, she could only look at him, knowing he’d understand even if it were only her heart speaking the words.
Thank you.
To which Willem only inclined his head, as if telling her she should have known better than to think he’d let his baby sister worry about anything.
Oh, if only.
A part of Anneke truly wanted to go back to being a child. To pretend that she was helpless and let her big bad wolf of a brother solve everything. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t and would never be like that.
And so life continued to march on, with Anneke determined not to let the fact that she was still Mrs. Ravelli bother her. She would get around to filing for divorce…in time. But for now, she decided to focus all her attention back on work. She poured all of her energy to it, and when DKE wasn’t enough to stave the growing numbness inside of her, she sought the company of other people.
She went out with her family, her friends, and said ‘yes’ to anyone who asked her out. She made sure there wasn’t a second she was alone, made sure that she never went home until she was bone-tired and just about to crash. But somehow it still wasn’t enough.
On the second month following her separation, Jaak asked if he could talk to her about Marcus. She told him no. As much as she loved him – as much as she was grateful for his help that day – this was one thing she would never budge on.
To speak of it was to relive the pain, and she couldn’t risk that.
Even though her marriage to Marcus Ravelli had barely lasted a day, even though she had only one summer of bittersweet memories of him, it was enough. Oh God, but it was more than enough to make her wake up at night, her face wet with tears, her body cold and trembling, and her heart so badly shattered it was a miracle it could still beat.
And so no, dear God, no – she could never speak about that time again. She could never speak about him again. Never ever. Because if she did, she was terrified that the emptiness which thrived inside of her – the emptiness that she was so desperately doing her best to ignore – would come alive, and there would be no going back.
She would break…and stay broken.
Three months had passed since that day when Anneke finally got around to scheduling a meeting with the family’s legal team. She tried to be succinct as possible, revealing little except for her resolve to have a divorce.
“I don’t care how much it costs me. I just hope we can have it finalized immediately and with minimum fuss.”
The group of lawyers nodded and assured her that it would be done. They had her sign papers, and as Anneke took the pen, the numbness inside of her started to spread all over her skin like a plague.
She watched her fingers begin to move, her signature gradually taking shape, and she felt like she was watching someone else write her name. Could this really be her, signing a petition for divorce and ending a marriage that barely lasted a day?
“We’ll keep you updated regularly,” the head of her family’s legal team promised as he took the papers from her.
“Thank you.” Anneke managed to hold on to her smile as she left their office and walked back to her car. But her fingers started shaking as she inserted the key into the ignition, and by the time she started her car, she was already hyperventilating.
She only managed to drive a few blocks before having to park her car by the curb.
She was shaking so bad, and she didn’t know how to stop it. When her throat started to tighten and breathing became a little harder, she began pounding her chest with a fist.
But nothing changed.
Oh God.
Oh God.
Oh God.
Pain threatened to choke her to death, and a keening cry escaped her. The last layer of shock gradually faded – it had been the only thing that enabled Anneke to keep things together all this time, the one reason that she had been able to delude herself into thinking she was okay – and when it disappeared completely, it was all over, and she could no longer stop weeping.
She had thought she was okay, but she was not.
Oh God, she was not okay---
And she realized then she was right all along.
The moment she allowed herself to remember him –
She would break…as she did now, and would remain so, for the rest of her life.
Chapter Two
“Do you have some time? I’d like to speak for you a moment.” Willem de Konigh issued his command in a perfectly polite tone, knowing that his younger sister would understand he wasn’t really asking.
“Of course.” His sister rose gracefully to her feet, a picture of casual chic in her striped pantsuit and loafers. She looked breathtakingly attractive, more so than usual, but the smile on her lips ruined it for him.
Her smile never reached her eyes these days.
Willem took his time closing the door to Anneke’s office, hating what he had come to talk about. When he turned around, he saw that his sister had already left her place behind the desk and was taking a seat on the couch. It was business etiquette at its best – when speaking to a superior, one must never position one’s self above the former – and testament to the strict and thorough training he had imposed on all his younger siblings.
If only, Willem thought grimly, he had the foresight to train them as rigorously when it came to the matters of the heart.
She gave him a curious smile when he took up space next to her on the couch, and he worked hard to keep his face unreadable, knowing that the only thing stopping Anneke from breaking down was her foolish belief that her mask was working.
She had started wearing one ever since she came back home from her disastrous trip to Vegas, but she hadn’t fooled anyone with it. Not one goddamn bit.
“Is this about work?” Anneke asked hesitantly.
“I’m afraid not.”
And there it was, he thought less than a moment later.
The first crack on her mask, with the way her blue eyes became shuttered and her body becoming perfectly still.
“It’s been almost a year,” he said quietly.
“I know.” Her voice was steady. Too damn steady, Willem thought grimly, and that was the problem. How did he teach her that she had to break completely before she could put the pieces back together? How, when the thought of his baby sister hurting pained him, too?
“You can’t keep stonewalling me about your marriage, Anneke.”
“Actually, I can.” Anneke’s lips twitched. “It’s my life, Willem,” she said gently but firmly, “and I’m not a kid anymore that you can terrify into blurting out the truth.”
“You’re right,” he acknowledged. “Neither of us are children anymore, which is why it should have occurred to you that I don’t actually need your permission to dig out the truth about you and Marcus Ravelli.”
When she paled, Willem knew he had made his point, but the fact gave him no pleasure at all.
“Have you---”
“No.” His sister’s eyes shone with relief, and he shook his head faintly. “Don’t celebrate yet. I may not have gotten someone to investigate the matter, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know anything.”
“What do you mean?” Anneke’s voice was a mixture of wariness and confusion.
“I can put one and one together to make two, and you should know I’m particularly good at it – better than most people, in fact.” Looking at her in the eye, he said quietly, “The actions of your husband---”
“Please don’t call him that.”
Her voice was low, her tone jerky, and it made Willem want to grab his sister’s shoulders and give her a good shake. How did she not fucking see that she was only destroying herself with self-denial?
“Then let’s stick to the facts.” Willem’s tone was uncompromising. “And the most pertinent here is that you’ve been needlessly throwing money away on your court battle, one which we both know is going nowhere.”
“It’s not.” But she couldn’t quite meet her brother’s gaze. “Our lawyers just need more…time.” Anneke dug her nails into her palms. “That’s all.” And it was. It was all she could allow herself to believe in.
For so many months now, her family’s group of lawyers had met one roadblock after another, and Anneke had been torn between dismay and hysterics when she realized Marcus was flagrantly resorting to dirty-handed tactics to keep the divorce from being finalized.
One lawyer had been proven susceptible to bribery, another had quit after being warned “nicely” about a scandal in his past, while the third one had been pressured to resign by his girlfriend, who incidentally worked for one of Marcus’ companies.
“The man isn’t acting like someone desperate to get rid of his wife,” Willem spelled out, “and if you truly want to win this case---”
“Of course I do.” Anneke was aghast that her brother could even think otherwise.
“Then why does Ravelli seem hell bent against your petition for divorce?”
She gave Willem a helpless shrug. “I don’t know.”
“At least try making a guess---”
Anneke was already shaking her head before he even finished speaking. “No.” Never. “I can’t.” Because once, she had foolishly allowed herself to think she understood Marcus Ravelli better than most people, and look where that had gotten her.
“Then…” Willem gazed at her under hooded lids. “Would you like to know what I think?”
Ah. And too late she realized this was
what he had really come here for.
It wasn’t to ask her about why the divorce still hadn’t pushed through – because her brother already knew why.
It wasn’t even to ask how she was holding on – because he also already knew she wasn’t doing well…at all.
It was none of the easy things.
It rarely was with Willem, since he tended to see too much, even when they were kids.
Sucking her breath, she asked stiltedly, “Can we please…not talk about it?” Looking away, she whispered, “Whatever his reason is---”
“Don’t say that,” Willem said, “when we both know you understand why he’s doing this.” He saw Anneke jerk at his words, but he didn’t let it stop him. “This entire court battle is a pointless waste of both your time and money, and you know that, too, Anneke.”
Shifting restlessly, she muttered, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care why he’s doing the things he’s doing---”
“Then you’re more an idiot than I’ve given you credit for,” Willem snapped.
Anneke stiffened.
“I didn’t raise you to be a coward, so don’t start acting like one now.”
She only her lip hard at her brother’s taunting words, not letting Willem provoke her into speaking.
“Face the goddamn facts---”
“No!” The cry spilled past her lips, and as her body started shaking, she found herself quietly appalled at how easily Willem had gotten to her – and how much she ended up revealing to him, and to herself.
Looking at him, she said in a stricken voice, “I can’t. I just can’t. I just can’t.”
“Then let me spell it out for you---”
“Willem, please---”
“He’s doing all these things so you’ll come to him,” he forged on.
Anneke started shaking her head wildly.
“He wants you to ask him why.”
She started to cry, and he pulled her into his arms. Closed his eyes. Tightened his hold on her.
Because they both knew he wasn’t done yet.
“You’ve never stopped hurting since that day, Annie,” he whispered bleakly.
She didn’t answer, only cried harder against his chest.
