by Multiple
“I am so sorry, Angie. I didn’t know. This was James, your charge last year, right?”
Angie winced. “You know there is a theory on that too. I can’t say his name, or I will summon him.”
“Again, I’m sorry, Angie.”
“You want to know the worst part about it?” Angie’s eyes showed all the internal conflict of her words. “I look for him everywhere.”
Both angels paused, watching humans pass them by—families—whole families, with children. “Have you ever thought about being a mother?” Angela asked.
“Not really.”
“Well, I did. I thought about all of it. Marriage, children—even breast-feeding. Isn’t it funny? Something I’ll never have, but I would never have minded getting up at one or two in the morning to feed a child. Some humans complain about their kids, even resent them. That is something I just can’t understand. They don’t know what a miracle life is, do they?” She sighed again. “No, I was confused, very confused, but I was one of the happiest angels you have ever seen.” She smiled to the mug of hot chocolate.
“What did Father say when you asked for his advice? Was he mad?”
“Not really. But he said to find another way without breaking the rule. Find the strength in my heart to make it work, somehow. Never give my whole heart away. Keep that part of me an angel forever. And then come back home. I thought I could fix it somehow.”
“What else could you have done?” Claire was curious.
“I’ve asked that question millions of times. I honestly can’t say.”
“Father still lets you come down here, knowing about your failure?”
“Guardians fail all the time. Look at Carmen and those girls that work with the streetwalkers. They lose more than half of their charges. It was only once for me. I think he has enough faith in me that I can still do my job. I was never the risk taker you are. This guy just came on me right out of left field. I went home to get help, before we did anything irreversible. You understand.”
Claire did.
“I have no idea what they would have done with me if I let this relationship bloom. I was going to have the full on experience, and I returned still not sure what I would do. One thing for sure, I’d have been ruined as a Guardian.”
Claire asked, “You know about the cemetery?”
“What cemetery?”
“The one behind the greenhouse. Mother ever take you there?”
“Nope.”
“Mother showed me just before I came down here.” Claire told her about the scene.
“Holy cow. You remember any of the names?” Angela asked.
“One was Melody.”
“Melody! I knew a Melody. Bright red hair, gorgeous. I thought she got transferred. That was years ago.”
“Transferred to where?”
“Beats me. You think she’s buried there?”
“Looks like it. No date on the stone, just the etching of a harp.”
“Yeah, she played the harp beautifully. It was almost mesmerizing. She made everyone cry when she played, the music was so beautiful. Especially the Mothers. There was something very sad about her.”
“Like she had a broken heart, you mean?” Claire probed.
“She tried to talk to me, and we just never got together. Then she was transferred. You think she’s actually buried, I mean, in the ground there?”
“Why else would there be stones?”
Both angels thought in silence. Claire was a little nervous Mother had confided in her now. She looked back at her friend. “Angela, what will you do if you see him again?” Claire asked.
“If I see him again, one of two things will have happened.” She looked at Claire with no expression, “Either he has come back to battle with us as a dark angel …” she looked off to the side, not wanting to meet Claire’s gaze, “or I have gone dark.”
“No! Surely there are more choices than that,” Claire pleaded.
Angela shrugged. “Maybe I will know what to do when the situation arrives. Maybe I just need to trust in our training … One thing I know for sure, Claire. Don’t appear to him in his dreams. Please don’t do what I did.”
Chapter 15
After sunset, Claire looked into Daniel’s living room through the large picture window. He was drawing, fully engaged.
Good.
She willed entry just inside his front door, staying invisible. She resisted the temptation to watch him paint.
Not wise. I need to be in control.
Don’t do what I did. Angela’s words stuck with Claire. She couldn’t put Daniel’s life in jeopardy. But the truth was glaring: she was falling in love with him.
He had already completed three other pictures that were drying by the fireplace. The white papers curled slightly from the heat. He stood as he worked, the table adjusted to counter height. His head moved from side to side so he could look at the shapes and colors at different angles. First right, then left, then at a distance. He leaned forward and was working on a delicate part, his face not more than a couple of inches from the paper. His fourth finger on his right hand was working in a beautiful color of dusty rose. Claire resisted the temptation to place her head next to the paper so she could feel his breath on her face.
The roses were in a clear vase on the dining table. She thought them an odd color for a man to buy, but she recalled how these had been the most fragrant—almost spicy. She looked over at the fireplace, now lit and without a trace of that awful scene. He had put a new area rug over the stains on the light brown carpet. The walls were re-patched and painted, courtesy of the crew he’d hired last week. This actually was a very pleasant room, she thought.
He had put on a Gregorian chant. Another strange choice. Apparently satisfied with the results of his painting, he picked up his glass of wine and went over to the overstuffed chair and collapsed in it, holding his wine by his fingertips around the top of the glass.
He appeared deep in thought, as if searching out answers in the flames that lived there. The cream color of his flannel shirt seemed to soak the warmth. Yellow light from the fireplace reflected from the deep pools of his dark brown eyes. The soft shirt raised and lowered with his breathing. The wine stained his lips. She watched as he sipped the red liquid, swirled it, and then swallowed sensually.
The movement of his throat all the way down to where the black hair from his chest appeared just above the unbuttoned top of his shirt enchanted her. Fingers on his hand tapped the upholstery along with the music of the chant. His shirttails were out, and his long lean body ended in black stocking-clad feet crossed at the ankles.
Claire wanted to see what was left on the easel. She eased forward to get a good look, and her cheeks turned flaming red when she stared down at an incredible likeness of her own face staring back at her from the paper. Her whole body shook. He had remembered every detail, along with the intricate embroidery pattern on her gown. She looked at the painting again. Her short golden hair framed her pale face and blue eyes like there was a light shining just behind her.
Claire saw an emotional connection there. The painting made her eyes well up. Her angel heart was beating so loud she was sure he must be able to hear it. He had seen her before. Could he feel her presence now? She thought not.
Her eyes darted over to the paintings now completely dry in front of the fire. One was a side view of her bending down to smell the pink roses at the market. It showed the delicate detail of the hairline at the edge of her face, the smaller unruly hairs that resided there. He had framed the way she touched things with the shape of her hand. This was a picture from today, she realized. The roses on the dining room table were the ones she had touched and smelled at the market.
The painting to the right of this one was also a scene from the Farmer’s Market. It was a frontal view of her inhaling the pungent scent of a large pink grapefruit. Her eyes were closed.
He was watching me long before he saw me at the
wind chimes!
The last one was a dark picture. She squinted to see what it was, and after some seconds realized it was a drawing of the inside of the planetarium. He was sitting in one of the cushioned seats, and behind him, was a golden image of Claire leaning forward, close to the back of his head. She hadn’t been paying attention, as she’d been so wrapped up in the smell of his hair. How had he seen her?
What is going on?
She thought about her conversation with Angela this afternoon again. She’d been bold enough to ask Angie, “So, what is it like, loving a human? I mean, having him love you back?”
Angela had sighed and closed her eyes. She’d taken a minute before she responded.
“Better than anything I have ever experienced in Heaven.”
Chapter 16
Daniel walked through the front door, dropping keys in the brown wicker basket on the stand, interrupting Claire, who’d been reading Warrior of the Highlands. She loved him in the azure blue shirt he wore today. It contrasted with the tanned skin of his face and neck. His long, strong neck disappeared into the top of his shirt as he turned his head.
His portfolio case strap slipped down his arm as he leaned the thin black bag against the stand. He sighed. He had not shaved yet, so his stubble was thick and blue-black. Claire thought maybe she’d get lucky tonight. Other than watching him paint, watching him shave was her most favorite thing.
Now so familiar with his patterns, Claire knew that after showering he’d either get ready for bed, or go out. That meant no more reading, for now. She could leave the book next to the table with the book clip light attached, as both these things had arrived with her from Heaven; they would stay invisible.
Daniel unbuttoned the blue cotton shirt as he mounted the stairs to his bedroom. Claire then heard his belt buckle signal its release. She pretended this strip tease was meant for her eyes, so she sat back in the overstuffed chair and enjoyed the view. But when she spotted him completely naked at the top of the stairs, headed for the bedroom with his clothes over one arm, she bolted up the steps three at a time to stand behind him.
She had seen naked men before many times. But not like Daniel. Her skin felt pulled in his direction.
The tips of his black hair lightly kissed his smooth broad shoulders. She watched the muscles in his lower back move in rhythm as he leaned down to put the clothes in the wooden hamper. Almost a foot behind him, she could not miss the warm male scent of him. She closed her eyes and let his aroma overtake her.
He heated up the shower water, waiting a few seconds before stepping into the tub and pulling back the curtain. It didn’t take long for Claire to smell the shower gel he bought at the farmer’s market. Lavender and grapefruit, hmmm.
She felt drawn to the curtain, though she knew it was unwise. She removed her white angel gown with the seed pearls and gold embroidery, placing it carefully, invisibly, over his towel on the bar. After inhaling once more the soapy scent, she willed herself through the curtain and stood behind his beautiful body.
He was just too perfect. Too beautiful. She ached to touch him, but was not ready to break this rule, which would separate them forever. She couldn’t bear the thought of not being in his presence, limited as it was.
Claire noticed her nipples grew hard and knotted into little nubs. There was a glowing that started at her belly button and extended down to a place between her legs she did not know existed before. But from her books, she knew this was a full-on arousal. Another first. Another gift.
Her arousal made her curious. So she put her hands up to the backs of his shoulders, keeping a very small distance from his flesh. She could feel the warmth of his skin below her fingertips, but did not touch. Carefully she laid a cheek against the airspace at his upper back. She let his warmth come into her body as she melted in its deliciousness.
But then something amazing happened.
He started, and then slowly turned around to face her, looking through the steam as if trying to focus on something.
He senses me.
Caution would have told her to withdraw immediately, but she was too curious about this human experience. She stepped back slightly as she noticed his full erection.
How can this be? He couldn’t even see her! She knew his active imagination had conjured up a picture he obviously liked very much.
She raised her palms to his chest and felt the warmth again. His dark brown nipples contracted when her fingers laced the air above them. His brown eyes with the long silky lashes were wide, searching the steam.
He’s looking for me.
He parted his lips and licked them, leaving them open for her. She couldn’t stop herself from rising to touch the air space close to his face, then down to brush her lips over his luscious mouth. She wished his lips could kiss her right now. Her heart was pounding. She couldn’t take any more. She dropped her hands to her sides.
He slowly closed his eyes and his hands came up to where her face was. He stopped just short, and pressed his thumbs against the air next to her lips, his fingers under where her jaw would be. She parted her lips for fingers that could not touch her.
He feels my heat. He knows I am here.
He began to bend to her mouth. Lips on lips that would not really touch. She held her breath.
There was an instant where she thought her body was going to override her invisibility control. This scared her. She immediately willed herself out of the shower and stood watching the curtain, breathing heavily.
Close. Too close.
Daniel whipped aside the curtain and searched the steamy little room as if looking for evidence of her, and then turned off the shower.
When he grabbed his towel, Claire hoped some part of his clean scent would remain on her white gown, which had rested there. This would leave something for later while she was alone. He placed the towel around his thin waistline as her gown sank to the floor, invisible to his eyes. Claire quickly pulled it over her head and stood at Daniel’s side. He looked into the mirror as he combed his hair.
He pulled out his lime cologne and dabbed his cheeks. Did she see a little crooked smile on those lips? Was there a twinkle to the side of his eye? What was this new behavior? Claire almost went into orbit.
He’s playing with me. He knows I’m here.
Uh oh.
She realized what she had done. This would be hard to explain. All this was new territory for her. But it was such an attractive fantasy, Claire couldn’t help but follow him into the bedroom as he pulled back the covers of his bed, dropped his towel and stretched his long lanky frame into the bedding.
His torso with the dusting of black hair at his upper chest was propped against the headboard and blue pillows. He had a smile on his face, but his eyes were serious, half lidded.
What does this mean?
And then he said the words she never thought she would hear in all her years as a Guardian. He stretched his massive arms out at his sides and whispered, “Come to me, Angel.”
Chapter 17
In all of Claire’s years as a Guardian, none of her charges had asked for her to appear. None of them had known she existed, even though she had some close calls. But then, she hadn’t showered with any of them either, like she had with Daniel. She’d never been attracted to the look of their skin, their scent; she hadn’t found the sound of their voice intoxicating. She didn’t long to sit by the hour and watch what they did. She used her dream interventions to get the job done efficiently. With Daniel, she wanted to have a relationship. And this was new, and very dangerous.
She’d appeared in her charge’s dreams, sure, but not so they knew it. If she appeared in Daniel’s dream tonight, he would know her. Things would ever after be altered.
And Claire knew she was going to do it. There wasn’t a question in her mind. She knew appearing to him was wrong, but would anyway.
What would the consequences be?
She shuddered. The doorway was opened, a
nd she was going to walk right through. She hoped that somehow Father would find a way to understand. Maybe he would see this as a different kind of love, one worthy of a pardon.
Part of her wanted to hold his soul in her small hands, protecting him forever. Wanted to lay her head on his chest and have him know she heard his heart beating there. Wanted his arms to wrap around her waist and hold her tight, as if she was human.
But Claire would never be real. He could see her in a dream, but not touch her skin. They could touch only if she appeared in human form outside the dream, but this could get her tossed from the Guardianship forever.
She felt energy emanating from her expanded heart, beating wild and free. The look of him, and the knowledge he wanted to be with her brought sweet sensations all over her body. It stimulated places she had not known existed.
Rubbing her index and third fingers with the thumbs on both hands, Claire created dust that sparkled as it fell to his chest. He angled his head and his eyes widened when he saw the dust falling around him. As the sparkles fell, she blew her dust into his eyes. They closed. It was the first time ever her charge had seen the dust coming.
It feels so natural to do this.
Daniel’s chest rhythmically rose and fell while he accepted and inhaled fully the scent of her breath, laced with her dust.
It used to take several minutes before he would enter the dream state, but of late, his motivation had been keen to get there right away. Tonight was no exception. Claire wondered where he would choose to begin this encounter, in light of the sexual overtones of the shower.
Let him show me first. She could always adjust, if necessary. Claire felt excited and impatient, waiting for something to show itself on his screen, like waiting for the film to begin in a dark movie theater. Waiting, like a young girl searching for the sight of her lover in a crowd. This was going to be something special. This dream was going to go where others had not before. For both of us.
Claire wasn’t surprised to find the dream begin on his bed, but instead of his bedroom, he had positioned it in front of the fireplace in his living room. She blushed at the thought he expected a night of passion, and it tickled her. Yet, as wonderful as the thought was, she knew it would have to be the first thing she adjusted in the dream, as this could interfere with her job. It was also very dangerous.
