by Multiple
“I’d have felt horrible if he really killed himself. Glad you stopped him.”
Josh continued nodding. He was glad she had no idea the Guardian was involved. “Why?”
“You don’t understand how it would be bad for him to die? Over me?” Audray gave a smirk. “Holy cow, Josh, you can’t be that cold. Don’t you care a thing for him?”
“Well, I thought with your appetites you were perhaps a bit too much for him. It wasn’t going to work out anyway. You didn’t cause it, you know.”
“Yes, I did. I am solely responsible for his suicide attempt.”
Josh grabbed her hand in both of his and kissed her fingers. “I need to explain something to you, Love. I don’t want you to leave right now, Okay? Just stay with me a bit. Can you do this, Audray?” His breath coated her face and he saw her eyes became half lidded.
“Sure.”
Josh wondered if the absinthe also had some supernatural effect on her. Her eyes turned deeper green, and dark.
“I’ve never met a woman who had such natural proclivities towards the part of the universe I inhabit. I know this sounds a bit crazy, but I feel like you are my sister, my ally. Audray, would it surprise you if I told you I’m not human?”
She was silent. He thought he saw her take in a quick sharp breath. Her eyes widened. Josh saw a combination of fear and pure excitement. She swallowed.
“So this goes back to the question of what I know . . . or suspect about you?”
Josh was completely still. He let her take it all in. She’ll get there. Just give her a little time.
“So what you’re saying is, you’re something else other than human? What exactly would that be?” She swallowed again and looked up at him.
Josh could see she was trying to be brave. It thrilled him. “Guess.” He was still holding her hand, stroking the backs of her fingers. She retracted her hand.
“I killed my imagination years ago, Josh. I’m a very literal person. Suppose you tell me.”
“Yes. I know about that.” When Audray gave him a quick look of surprise, he continued, “Oh yes, I know all about Bakersfield. I do my homework. I have sources you wouldn’t believe.”
Josh knew that Audray had a past she had successfully covered up, and was fairly sure he was the only person on the planet, save her mother and one other, that knew she had been raped at sixteen by one of her mother’s boyfriends. The day after the incident Audray had hitchhiked to LA with a trucker and closed the door on that chapter of her life forever. Josh knew as well that she had a burning desire to get even with the man who had meted out this violence: Burt.
Revenge in a woman this talented is indeed a beautiful thing.
He could see she was getting nervous. “Just listen to me a bit more, Audray, and then I’m going to make you a proposition this one time and this one time only. You don’t even have to tell me your decision tonight. You can take a day or two.”
The waiter stopped by. Josh ordered two more absinthes.
“Do I have the option to say no? I mean, really no?”
“Absolutely. But I won’t ask you again.”
“But it will cost me either way, right?”
“You’re safe with me. I’ll not let any harm come to you. If you say no, nothing changes, really.” He hesitated, then added, “Scout’s honor.” He held up his palm.
“Oh, that’s just wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Josh smiled and shook his head.
“You have a wonderful future with your surgeon. Well, I have another kind of surgery in mind, one of a more permanent nature. What if I were to offer you the chance to be young and look like you do now for the rest of your life? No surgeries, no boring workouts. Young forever. Making love forever in that gorgeous body of yours?”
“How could you do that?”
“Let’s not talk about how it is done. Let’s talk about if we can do it. If I could offer you that, would you take it?”
“What would it cost?”
“The cost is minimal, but free in terms of dollars and cents. We’ll discuss it. Would this be something you would want to do? Be young forever? Twenty-five years old and gorgeous forever? Unlimited sex. No sickness. No sagging. No surgeries to make you look like a freak at sixty. No breast cancer, cholesterol problems, hypertension, stroke . . . no diapers when you’re eighty-five. Any of this attractive to you, hmm?”
The waiter delivered their second round of absinthe. Again, Josh slowly poured water over the sugar cubes. Audray slipped in a second cube before he finished pouring. He gestured to her to drink up. Audray reached for her glass, downing it in one gulp. She didn’t flinch this time.
Josh could see Audray was thinking about all of it, mulling over the pictures he painted. Her eyes fluttered to the sides and slightly upward, occasionally revealing a tiny line or two at the bridge of her nose. He was getting aroused watching her struggle to make sense of it. He breathed long, slow and deep, giving her a little help. He could smell her fear. He felt victory close at hand.
“God, you’re beautiful.” He meant it.
“Knowing you, there’s a catch.”
“Yes. One teeny tiny one.” He held up his thumb and forefinger showing just how small.
“And that would be?”
“You have to kill yourself.”
There, I’ve said it. He watched her. The fact that she didn’t jump or throw up heartened him. He took it as a good sign—evidence of a good presentation. He expected she would have more questions, but was surprised with her next statement.
“I hate pain. It would have to be without pain.”
“Of course. This can be arranged.”
“Okay.”
“Okay I’ll think about it, or okay I’ll do it?” Josh couldn’t believe his luck, if he could have such a thing.
“I’ll think about it. You said I could have a day or two.”
“Quite right. You have up to two days, unless you are sure right now. Could you see yourself being young and living young forever?”
“Of course I could. I’m not a fool.”
It thrilled him she was getting excited about the possibilities. He watched her flashing green eyes light up with an almost devilish fire he hoped would continue once her eyes turned dark. She was in a heightened state of alertness, checking out everything and everyone around her, smiling at walls, backs of diners and glasses of water. He could watch her beautiful face for hours, he decided. “Audray, you are a natural.”
“Yeah, a natural. At being a dead person who will live forever. Do I have to drink blood or something?”
“If you like. It can be arranged.”
“No thanks. What questions should I be asking? What kind of a being will I become? Same as you? I noticed you never told me exactly what that was. Will I howl at the moon, turn green every third Thursday? There has to be something I will be surprised at, or wished I knew.”
“You’ll wish you had done it before. And no, you will not turn green or howl at the moon.”
“That’s it? You promise?”
“Contrary to what you might think, I am telling you one hundred percent the truth. I never lie. You’ll become a dark angel, just like me. You will go through a transformation, and shortly come back here to the human world, to work and play here. Forever.”
“Dark angel. Not a vampire, not a ghost.”
“Exactly.”
“Besides killing myself, what else do I have to do?”
“Nothing you wouldn’t love to do, my dear.”
“That’s a non-answer, Josh. Do I have to do you?”
“You act like that would be a horrible thing.”
“If I can drink absinthe and bed Neal without itching, I could probably do it. But I would prefer not to.”
“Done. Not a requirement. Do you want it in writing?”
“In blood.” She smiled. Her excitement touched him. Josh loved the lively banter back and
forth between them. She was better at it than he was.
“I do have a surprise for you. I was going to wait until the deed was done. Give it to you as a present.”
“I want my surprise now.”
“Of course. I should have expected.” Josh smiled as he motioned for her hand again, which she gave. He pressed her palm with a long sensual kiss, his hot breath on her white flesh. He savored the fragile humanness of her. He tasted the salt of her skin and the delicate jasmine scent of her hand cream.
“I give you a toy, to do with whatever you like.”
“A toy?”
“I give you Burt.”
Chapter 29
All the way home Audray thought about Josh’s proposal. Not that she hadn’t considered proposals from past acquaintances, but none of them had the kind of permanence this one did. Even marriage was a temporary thing for Audray, who was not convinced it was normal to stay with the same person for the rest of her life.
But this wasn’t about love, or even sex. It was about living forever. Being beautiful forever. There was a part of her that wanted to say yes right away. But a decision as grave as this deserved more consideration, so she took the time to reflect on her options.
There was no denying life was hard as a human. Audray had seen her share of the seedier parts of it. She was aware of the transitory nature of beauty and youth. It concerned her if she would be able to wield power and influence when she was no longer a coveted possession. And the thought of someone loving her for “who she was” brought tears of laughter.
What a cruel joke by some supreme being, whoever he was. It was certainly the type of joke only a man would create.
Who are they kidding? Josh had casually told her about the new love in Daniel’s life. One who inspired him. She knew full well no one could inspire Daniel the way she could. Her crowning glory was to drain every drop of passion from a man, leaving him spent but wanting more with his last dying breath. And then she moved on. Whoever this new woman in Daniel’s was would be a poor substitute. Besides, who could live on an artist’s meager earnings? Live on love? That was another good one.
Wouldn’t it be fun to screw Daniel in a vineyard when he was fifty and she was still twenty-five? Just thinking about it made her moist between her legs.
And what would happen if she turned? Would she still get the moistness, the horniness she lived for like vitamins? Would the touch of a man’s tongue on her sex still send her through the roof? Would she still come? Josh better have a good answer to all these things. If she was going to go to the dark side, it damned well be warmer than a cold grave, or ice-cold fingers snaking up her spine.
Neal was a generous man. But he had a generous backside, and some day would look like just a frumpy older man with a pot belly. How she hated pot bellies.
She thought of Daniel’s chiseled chest. She feasted on the memory of his smooth ass and his long lean looks. The way his beautiful skin felt against her bare breasts still made her wet. She had to admit, there were some things she missed about him. And he had been the best lover she had ever experienced.
Unlike Neal, who had been going through the phase of fucking anyone in skirts—anyone who said yes. Compared to Neal’s other choices, Audray had been a goddess. So she made him pay for it. Lavish gifts. Trips. They had romantic weekends, cruises. She even got to send the girlfriends packing, relishing in their pain. Did he notice I have to get drunk to screw him?
And then there was the surgery. During their first morning after sex, he had cupped her breasts and told her she was perfect. Perfect, but…
“I could enhance you,” he’d said. He methodically told her what he could do to her breasts. “You’ll enjoy your body so much more,” he’d insisted. Did he really think I bought that line? Who is he kidding? He fixed every woman he slept with more than twice. His office manager had complained to Audray that they had been doing too many gratis boob jobs for his girlfriends.
For most plastic surgeons there would be the issue of his medical license at stake. But Neal would not be denied his sexual liaisons, which were a form of payment for enhancing the women. If they signed the consent form, which had a morals clause inserted in very fine print—something his attorney had recommended—he was covered, or covered the best way possible. Going without sex outside of his long, boring marriage to a loveless woman was not really an option. Not to Neal. She gave him credit for that.
So, for now, Neal was a keeper. But it wasn’t permanent. Even for him. Audray knew this as sure as she knew she was female.
The prospect of living forever in a perfect state was appealing. She had to admit, with no desire to have children or settle down, life would undoubtedly be on the upswing from here on out. Fantastic at twenty-five, ravishing at thirty-five, terrific at forty-five, stunning at fifty-five. From there a woman’s allure was only referred to as her “inner beauty.” This was not at all to Audray’s liking. In fact, she had thought about taking her own life the first time she had a relationship disappointment. She had the sense her flawed past would catch up to her some day, anyway.
No, immortality was looking pretty good.
Audray waited at the coffee shop she and Daniel used to walk to. She halfway wanted to see his face one more time, in light of the decision she was about to make. Just to see if the look of him would change her mind. Even if she held her breath and lazily scanned the hardness and the passion of his beautiful body, she doubted she’d change her mind. There were other men like him everywhere. And, if she were going to live forever, she would have all the time to explore them.
And that was her greatest concern. Would her life be hers to live as she saw fit? That and the tepid explanation of the “transformation” she would undergo made her a little nervous. When she came back to the human world, where would she be, exactly? She couldn’t bring herself to say the H word, like it was bad luck.
“Hello my lovely.” Josh slipped into the seat across the table from her without a sound. “Sorry I’m late, I guess.”
“No, I was early.”
“Ah, and you are eager with questions, no doubt.”
“Yes.” Audray looked at her cappuccino like reading tea leaves. Another stupid custom. “Tell me blow by blow exactly what happens to me.”
“Of course. You mean after you are dead.”
Audray gave a visible shiver, shaking herself as the reality of her decision cooled her spine. “You’re not making this any easier for me.”
“No, I guess I’m not. It’s just that I have become very comfortable with death. In time, love, you will too. Until then, the most important death is your own, so I understand how it feels.”
“It feels positively creepy.”
“I can see that. A transitory feeling, I assure you.”
“Maybe if I knew where I was going, how I was going to change, you said, into a dark angel. Could you please give me the details I neglected to ask before?”
“Of course. Really very simple. You become dead. No explanation needed there, right?” He looked at Audray and found no protest, so continued. “You transition to a holding area where you are evaluated. You will be awake, and I will be with you the whole way. They have to identify the ‘Source.’”
“Source?”
“Who has taken responsibility for the”—he paused, then sucked in a breath before continuing— “the death.”
“See, even you have a problem with it.”
“No, to the contrary, I have a problem finding words that you can understand. I have been doing this for centuries, three of them to be exact. I get a little jaded with my lingo—”
“Would you fucking stop it and give me a simple answer? Goddamn it, Josh. You want me to say no?”
“No. I want you to say yes, with all my heart.”
“If you had one, that is.”
“Oh yes, I have one. A soul as well.”
“A black one.”
“I’m afraid so. Audray,
I came to this lifestyle the same way you will. I was guided. I was advised. I have not regretted my decision for a second. You, however, will have someone who cares more about you than my Source did. I was part of a numbers game to him. I don’t consider him my friend, even though he did me a favor by turning me.”
“You know, Josh, maybe I need more time.”
“No, this is all my fault. I can do things quite well when I concentrate. I can see now I’ve been playing too much. Inappropriate. I apologize.”
“Tell me. Or I am so out of here.”
He inclined his head in acquiescence. “You will first wake up in a room—well, like a hospital room. Depending on the method you used, there’s an entry team there that cleans you up a bit. Makes you more presentable to yourself and the Readers.”
“Readers?”
“They look over your last thoughts, to make sure you really killed yourself—had no help. Not a murder. You cannot be a dark angel without this determination. There are never any exceptions to this.”
“Who are these people?”
“People just like you. Volunteers, all of them. Some would rather do this than return to the human world. My dear, you are judged by your peers.”
“And this is supposed to ease my nerves exactly why?”
“Everyone gets to do the job they want. You don’t have someone laboring over things they hate. This is a great misconception about our world. These Readers are good at watching someone’s last minutes of lifetime, verifying their admittance. I am there too, love.” He added, “Our goal is to get you back to the human world as soon as possible.”
“Okay. Then what?”
“There is some paperwork and such. I will try to streamline it for you. If there is a weakness in this whole system, it’s in the paperwork, sorry to say. We are a little disorganized. And that’s really the worst of it, honest.”
Audray could not find the energy to hide her disbelief. This was making little sense. She had intended on saying yes, but now was reconsidering her choice.
“So, what am I doing while you are getting the paperwork together?”
