by Amy Isan
I glanced down at his hands, scanning for obstacles, something. This man couldn’t possibly be single.
A gold band hugged his ring finger. I knew it.
“Oh! You’re married?” I glanced back down into my glass.
He held up his finger, and his face went blank for a moment. I felt inappropriate.
“No, I’m not married anymore. It’s kind of a long story, but I guess you could say I keep it for sentimental reasons.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure how to reply. While we had been together for a while when we were younger, it had been too long to act as if five years hadn’t vanished before our eyes. I picked up my glass, lifting it to my mouth. Empty. I’d forgotten.
“Hey, we should catch up sometime though, I didn’t even know you were back in the area,” he said.
I set my glass down, and turned to him. “Yeah, I’m back from school for a little bit, while I get my feet back on the ground.”
“‘Back on’? What happened?”
“That is also kind of a long story,” I said. I twirled my glass in my hand, hoping I could make a drink appear. Where was that waitress?
“Well, maybe we could swap long stories over lunch, catch up again. I’m only going to be in town for the rest of the week, so when are you free?” He took a quick sip of his drink. I could tell what it was just by looking at it: scotch on the rocks. It was the only thing he ever drank. He said it ‘sounded manly,’ and he was right. It was manly. Even when he was just a senior in high school, and I was his sophomore crush.
“I guess I could go for a lunch.” I didn’t want to seem too desperate.
He didn’t seem to acknowledge my answer. Maybe he already decided I agreed. “I’m surprised to see you drinking,” he ran his hand over the lip of my glass, taking a bit of salt and licking it. I frowned.
“Oh yeah? I’ll have you know I took the ‘drinking’ plunge freshman year.” I felt my cheeks grow hot, feeling a sense of confusion overwhelm me. Was I angry? Or just embarrassed?
He didn’t answer. He took a swig of his drink, the sound of the ice cubes clinking against the glass. He clenched his jaw, and his eyes met mine. He brought the glass down, and swallowed hard. I forgot that we were in a club, the roar completely gone. The music and flashing lights absent.
“You know it’s my favorite,” he raised his glass. “Do you still have the same cell— what was it? 345-2845?”
My lips parted in astonishment. “Yes. You remembered.”
“I do my best. I’ll give you a call tomorrow, for now I have to wander back and find my associates.” He winked at me and moved back into the crowd.
I continued to watch him for a short while, still trying to wrestle my emotions down. I picked up my glass and gazed into its empty bottom, and let out a ragged sigh. Only a small drop left. I took a bit of salt off the edge and licked it off my finger.
Aaron came back to the table, looking a little pleased with himself.
I fed him. “What are you smiling about?” I felt a little light headed.
He sat back down in his seat and rolled his eyes. He leaned close as if we were sharing a secret.“I saw you were taking to Hugh.”
I shot him an agitated look. “Yeah, what of it?” Was he jealous?
“You two looked thirsty, and I don’t mean for some drinks,” Aaron said. I couldn’t read his tone, but I decided it didn’t matter. I sighed.
I stared over his shoulder, watching Hugh with his friends. “Well... he had a wedding band on. So I think he’s married.”
“That’s not surprising.” He turned in his seat and looked at Hugh who had rejoined his two friends... associates he called them. “What’s he doing in here anyway? Do you know why he’s in town?”
“What? You do? Did he lose a scholarship? Is he in the poor house?”
He chuckled, humoring my bad mood. “I thought maybe you two talked about it. You seemed to be getting pretty intimate.”
“We didn’t really get a chance.”
“What happened?”
“Aaron, I don’t know if I want to get into it. I just feel a little mixed up is all.”
He raised an eyebrow at me, then frowned. “‘Cause of his wedding ring?”
“He said he wasn’t married anymore, but he hesitated.”
Aaron straightened his back and took a drink. He licked his lips loudly, mostly to annoy me more than anything. He shrugged. “What if he is?”
“I don’t want to get involved with him if he is... but he did invite me to lunch.”
I tore my eyes off Hugh and looked at Aaron again. As soon as I did, I managed to pick out Hugh’s familiar laugh from across the room. Aaron grinned at me. “You agreed right?”
“Yes.”
He finished his drink and slammed it on the table. “Well, you’ll find out then won’t you? Don’t worry about it so much.” He lifted my glass, as if he were testing it. “Looks like you need another drink. I’ll get that sad-lookin’ waitress. We’ll have fun tonight, okay?”
I forced a smile, feeling a little better. “Thanks Aaron. You’re a good friend.”
He nodded to me, raising his glass.
***
After a couple of hours at the bar, it was definitely time for me to go home. Aaron drove me back to my house, only hesitating to ask if I needed company.
“Are you going to be alright?”
I nodded, fighting the gentle spin of the world. “You got me way too drunk.”
Aaron shook his head. “That isn’t my fault. Are you going to be okay?” he repeated.
“I’ll be fine. Thanks for the night, and the ride.” I fumbled through my purse at the door. After finding my keys, I barely managed to slid it in and unlock the door. Before I stumbled inside, I waved goodbye to Aaron.
Only when his car was backing out of the driveway did I regret my decision. Some comfort might have been nice. What was I even thinking agreeing to meet with Hugh? We had a brief relationship in high school, but shouldn’t high school sweethearts stay in the past? The lights were on in the house, but I didn’t really want to see my parents.
I let myself in and found my dad watching TV in the living room. He was sprawled out on the couch, a foot perched up on the coffee table. Instead of his usual beer I was used to seeing, he had a tall glass of iced tea.
“Hey there, kiddo, what were you up to?” He leaned forward, taking his eyes off the TV. It was weird to not hear his characteristic drunken drawl.
“I just went out with Aaron to try and catch up a little.”
“How’d it go?”
“It was alright.” I steadied myself against the kitchen counter, feeling the effects of having a little too much. I doubt Aaron should have driven, but maybe he was fine.
“Do you want to watch this movie with me?” He pointed at the TV. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective was on, Jim Carrey was fooling his landlord into thinking he didn’t have any pets. “I love this guy, he’s just ridiculous. Kind of reminds me of myself when I was younger.” He scratched his stubble.
“That’s ridiculous. You’ve never been funny,” I said.
He brought up his fists and mock jabbed the air. “Whoa, low blow on this old man huh? Just because I don’t go to comedy clubs anymore doesn’t mean I’m not funny.” He leaned forward from the couch. “Remember what I used to tell you when you were younger?”
I thought for a moment, having no clue. “Vaguely.”
“One day when we were shopping for school clothes for you, you asked why the mannequins don’t have heads — ,”
“Oh!” I chuckled, “You told me they were shopping for new heads, and that they would nab mine right off my neck if I didn’t stop wandering off.” I frowned. “It wasn’t funny! I was scared of mannequins for years after that.” He laughed. He always had a big belly laugh, and now that he didn’t really have the belly, it made him seem larger than life.
“It was hilarious,” he said, catching his breath. “Your eyes went all wide and you asked, ‘Rea
lly?’”
It was kind of a funny image, terrifying a little girl about mannequins in the store. I sat down on the couch, trying to talk away him so he wouldn’t smell the alcohol on me. “You went to comedy clubs?”
He thought for a moment, scratching his face. “I used to go to this one place called ‘The Fiesta,” which was downtown. It’s gone now of course, but I had some good times. I made good cash too.”
“Why’d you stop?”
“I got fired one night. I had been drinking to try and get my courage up, and the manager of the place had done his best to ignore it for a while, but I was really bad that night. He pulled me off the stage and told me to go home.” He was silent for a moment.
He glanced at the clock, watching it as he continued. “I want you to know, Cat, that I’m glad you’re home. I meant it yesterday.” He looked at me. “I don’t know what happened, and I won’t ask, because you have always been a little private.”
I wrung my hands in my lap, squeezing them until they turned white. I know my cheeks turned red too. I don’t know if it was the alcohol, or my shame.
“I never really felt like I could talk to you before, dad, you were always...”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know if it means very much coming from me now, but it’s all I can say. I hope I can prove to you that things have changed around here.” I looked away for a moment, watching Jim Carrey make a fool of himself in front of a bunch of reporters.
After a moment, I interrupted the movie, “I noticed the roof had been changed. Did you do that?” I didn’t feel as dizzy, maybe I was sobering up.
“Yeah, I did that last summer, it was a doozy. Your mother still won’t let me make any changes inside the house. Says she needs it to stay comfortable.”
“I see that.” I looked toward my parent’s bedroom, knowing that she was probably passed out again.
“I worry about her, you know?” my dad said, startling me. His voice lost its jolliness, as if he was talking about someone he used to know a long time ago. “It’s been really hard. When I started going to AA meetings, I invited her along.”
“Did she ever go?”
He shook his head. “I gave up on asking her, I just pray that she’ll eventually want to take that step. But I do worry about her. She can’t keep this up forever. No one can.”
I groped for words. “Is she depressed?” I barely could make myself think about what it must be like. Vaguely, I worried I might know.
“I don’t know. I can’t force her to tell me anything. She won’t see a therapist, or anything.” He dropped his elbows onto his legs and hid his face in his hands. “I’m sorry you have to see her like this. I know that’s one of the reasons you stopped visiting.”
“How come you never told me you were sober?”
“I don’t know. I thought about it a lot. I guess I didn’t want you to think I was lying, or something.”
He was right, I would have thought he was lying. It was a reoccurring nightmare in my childhood, and it stuck to me. I knew that my parents met through drinking when they were in college, and when the teachers in middle school warned us about drinking, I swore I’d never touch the stuff.
Of course, that all changed freshmen year... after thanksgiving.
“Dad,” I said. “I lost my Bell Scholarship, so I couldn’t stay in school. That’s why I’m here.”
“Oh,” he said, giving me a hug. “Well...” he thought for a moment, choosing his words. I braced myself for a lecture, a speech. “Shit happens. I know you’ll bounce back.” He wasn’t mad.
I felt a pang of emotion flood my chest, like a dam just burst open. My eyes welled up, and I hugged him. “I’m can’t believe you’re not mad.”
“I would have been, three years ago. But I’m calmer now, I hope I can show you that. Everyone falls down, but you can always climb to your feet. God knows I have. You’ll get up.”
We sat in silence for a while, just watching the movie together. Laughing at the dumb jokes, and pointing out the weird mistakes. I appreciated that my dad cared about me. I hadn’t felt that kind of affection in so long. It was refreshing.
After the movie ended, my dad switched the TV off. I looked at him expectantly.
“Well it’s getting late, Cat, so I better head to bed.” He stood up, and started down the hall. Then he turned toward the guest bedroom and grabbed the door handle.
“You... don’t sleep with mom?”
“Nope. I haven’t for a while. It’s too hard for me. Good night, Cat.”
I swallowed hard, gulping down my emotions. “Good night, Dad.”
***
I went upstairs and laid on my bed. It smelt a bit musty. I looked at the clock, barely past 1AM. The night was still young.
I thought about Hugh, his chiseled jaw and striking eyes. I turned my light off and ran the ceiling fan, the tap-tap-tapping of the pull string distracting me for a moment.
I hadn’t seen him in years, and I couldn’t believe the kind of queasy emotions it was bringing about in me. The way his eyes danced between mine, daring to not take a scandalous peek at my cleavage. I felt all fluttery from it.
Another thought and memory brushed past me. It was like standing in a field of tall grass, the wind occasionally pushing the strands against my bare legs, tickling and itching me at the same time.
We’d met when I was a sophomore in high school. He was a senior, and it wasn’t anything I was prepared for. I was an introverted girl, who tried to act like I didn’t like my science and math classes. And he was more of a ballsy rugby jock. Electricity sparked, and the next thing I knew we were going to homecoming together. A blue ocean theme. I wore sea-mist-green, backless silk dress. Although it wasn’t allowed, no one stopped me. He wore matching colored accents on his suit.
We ended up having sex. I was young, naive, nervous, but he made me feel so strong and serene. His lips had nuzzled my ear. His arms wrapped around my sticky body, and his breath tickled my neck. The hours between when we left the dance and I had to be home were ours. No one could steal those from us. Sports practice and homework got in the way occasionally, not to mention my embarrassment about my parents.
What else could happen now? After so long?
Chapter 2
I awoke from the chirping birds outside my window. It was an unfamiliar sound after so many years. They always had a way of waking me up. I groaned, turning down the sheets and rubbing my head. It was early afternoon. My corrected clock ticked over to 11am. Early for me at least.
I climbed out of bed and dressed, forgetting if I had set a time with Hugh or not. Did he say he was going to call me? It was hard to recall with my headache.
I wandered into the bathroom and took some ibuprofen. I took a moment to brush my teeth. The toothbrush had been there since I left, so I tried not to think about the weird aftertaste it left in my mouth. I’d have to get a new one.
My phone rang from my bedroom, and I dashed back to answer it.
“Hello?” I didn’t even get a chance to look at the caller ID.
It was Aaron. “Hey, Cat, I wanted to see how you were doing this morning?”
I groaned a little, trying to not let my frustration seep into my voice. “I’m not too bad actually, a little bit of a headache.” I paused, hoping maybe that would be the end of it. I really wanted to hear from Hugh. “Thanks again for the ride.”
He breathed over the line. “No problem. If you need anything, let me know.”
“Thanks.”
He hung up. I groaned, pacing back into the bathroom to finish getting ready when my phone rang again. I dashed back and double checked the ID this time.
Not Aaron.
The number was familiar, but I didn’t have it in my contacts list. It was a shame really, I remembered being a lot better about memorizing numbers before I had my own phone.
“Hello?”
“Hello Caitlin,” Hugh said, his voice bright and awake. More than mine, I was sure.
&
nbsp; “Hugh!” I said, regretting the excitement in my voice. I had to be more restrained. “I don’t remember if we set a time for lunch.”
“We hadn’t. I’m actually calling to see when you were free.”
I looked around my messy room. There were clothes strewn all over the place, half opened boxes gaping. “I’m free now, I just need to get cleaned up.”
“Great, I’ll be over there in thirty minutes.”
“You know where to go? Or do you remember that too?”
“I didn’t forget that either. I’ll see you soon Cat.” He hung up with a quiet beep.
Only a half hour. I’d have to be fast. I hopped in the shower, hoping to scrub away any smell of sweat or alcohol on me. It’d be really embarrassing if he showed up and I still looked like yesterday’s news. I knew I shouldn’t have cared, but I really, really did.
I picked out my least wrinkled clothes and did my makeup. Maybe a bit conservative today.
***
Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang right on time.
I nearly fell down the stairs, only saved by my death grip on the railing. I opened the front door.
Hugh looked as ravishing as I expected he would. Casual button up with jeans. His stubble was as perfectly groomed as it was yesterday.
“Hey there,” he said. He leaned against the threshold of the door. He cracked a smile at me.
“Hi,” I couldn’t help myself. I always felt like I was shrinking down when someone could dominate my emotions so easily.
“You ready to go?” he asked. I nodded, and we left the house. “Wow, is this yours?” Before he answered, he unlocked it and climbed in. I lowered myself into the passenger seat.
I ran my hand over the pristine dash, admiring the cold metal.
“This is a rental.” He pointed at the non-smoking sign. They were plastered all over the inside of the car. “I wonder what the company would do if you smoked anyway?”
He backed out of my parents’ driveway and headed downtown.
Hugh had a way of driving, it was hard to pin down. It wasn’t so much like he was controlling the vehicle, but that he was wrestling it, like a wild animal. His arms were tense and his focus powerful.
