“I’m hungry, are you?” he asked, standing up suddenly and simultaneously lifting her out of her chair.
Nora looked at him curiously and smiled. She knew he was sidestepping her question. He wasn’t fooling her, but she would just have to deal with it for now, he thought, swallowing his guilt. She had been more than patient with him since they had met, giving him plenty of space to ease into their relationship, and he knew he was running out of time, but it was so fucking hard for him to be vulnerable. It wasn’t her, it was him. She was an amazing woman.
“Sure, I could eat,” she agreed pensively. “Are we cooking?”
“No ma’am, I’m taking you out. One of my favorite places. I go there every time I come to town,” he said, pulling her in for a smooch.
She let him kiss her, but he could tell that she was holding back. He gave her two more little pecks, and then spun her around, landing a playful smack on her ass.
“Go freshen up, I’m going to call ahead and get them to save us a table,” he offered lightly, hoping to turn the mood around.
Nora shook her head and grinned at him, probably in complete frustration, but he preferred to think she just found him adorable.
* * *
“Oh my god! Is that you Leo? You look fantastic!”
Nora stepped to the side as a pretty blonde threw herself into Leo’s arms. He hugged her back with an appropriate amount of enthusiasm, given he was on a date. He smiled at Nora apologetically, looking over the woman’s shoulder. Nora grinned back at him, a question mark on her face.
“Hi Lynda, long time no see,” Leo greeted, peeling the blonde off of him.
He was grateful that she was wearing a name tag, otherwise he was pretty certain he would not have been able to conjure it up. He had no idea she worked at this particular restaurant, otherwise he definitely would have chosen somewhere else to bring Nora. He had hooked up with Lynda the last time he was in town. It had been a few years since he had seen her, but apparently she hadn’t forgotten him. The truth was, Leo had slept with lots of women in Ojai, so the chances of him running into someone he had fucked was actually pretty high. He had just hoped for a more subtle greeting.
“No shit, long time no see. What has it been? Two years?” Lynda gushed, caressing his shoulder.
Leo stepped to the side, just out of her reach and placed an arm around Nora’s waist. She smiled at him gratefully.
“Yeah, it has been a few years. This is my friend Nora,” he said, introducing the two women.
As soon as he said ‘friend’ he regretted it, especially since he saw Nora’s smile fade, ever so slightly. He shrugged his shoulders weakly, and offered her a reassuring squeeze.
“Oh,” Lynda croaked, raising her hands in front of her in a gesture that said ‘my bad’.
She looked Nora up and down, as if assessing her competition.
“Nice to meet you. Let me see if your table is ready.”
She gave Leo a ‘friendly’ pat on the shoulder as she walked past him, but Leo knew what the gesture meant. It wasn’t the first time a woman had signaled him that way. What she really meant was ‘if you lose the friend, we can hook up later.’ As soon as Lynda was out of their eye line, Leo cleared his throat and met Nora’s gaze. She was smiling at him knowingly. That didn’t surprise him. Not a whole lot got past her.
“Someone you dated?” she asked playfully.
“Not exactly. We had a few fun nights together last time I was here. Just a casual thing,” he stammered, keeping his tone as neutral as possible.
“Ah, casual. So just a friend then?” she observed flatly.
It was obvious from her tone that she had something important on her mind. Something Leo wasn’t sure he knew how to address. He shouldn’t have referred to Nora as a friend, but fuck, he wasn’t sure just how to define her. She was definitely somewhere between a fuck buddy and the potential love of his life, but he wasn’t exactly sure where she fell within that spectrum. All he knew was that he liked spending time with her, in and out of the bedroom, and that was more than he could say about most of the women he knew. She challenged him on almost every level, and most of the time he liked it, but every now and then—it scared the shit out of him.
“Not really,” he offered sheepishly, “just someone I killed some time with. Sorry about that. I honestly didn’t know she worked here.”
“Don’t be silly,” she assured with a smile, “running into someone we slept with was bound to happen sooner or later. That doesn’t bother me.”
Leo pulled her a little closer and casually kissed the top of her head, once again appreciating her maturity. He hoped that meant he was off the hook.
Nora had been quieter than usual throughout dinner. She seemed to have a lot on her mind, and Leo did his best to keep the conversation flirty and light, hoping to draw her out of her funk. It wasn’t that she seemed upset really, more introspective. He was grateful that their interaction with Lynda ended after she sat them down, but every now and then she would walk by and smile at him. He did his best to avoid eye contact, afraid he might give her the wrong idea.
“You ok?” he finally asked, as soon as the waiter dropped off their coffee.
Nora looked up at him and smiled sweetly, but he wasn’t buying it. She had been writing a script all night. He could see it in those beautiful green eyes.
“I am,” she offered softly, “sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.”
He should have asked her what she was thinking about. He should have insisted she open up to him, and made her feel safe, but he couldn’t. He was too fucking worried she would bring up something heavy and he wouldn’t know how to make her feel better. So instead he nodded his head and changed the subject.
“I know what will make you feel better,” he flirted, taking her hand in his.
He kissed her knuckles tenderly, carefully avoiding her eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about your fantasy all week.”
“Can I ask you a question?” she asked cautiously, avoiding his advances.
“Sure,” he answered, just as tentatively, wondering where she wanted to take him.
“Have you ever been in love?” she challenged, her eyes searching his.
He got the sense that she was leading him somewhere important, but he wasn’t sure why. She had never asked him about his past relationships before. It was one of the main things that appealed to him about Nora. The truth was, he knew that this conversation was inevitable, but being home, in the place where everything had happened with Corrine, it was all just too much to handle. The flood gates were dangerously close to opening.
“In love?” he asked, stalling for time.
She nodded at him but said nothing.
“Yeah, I guess I have. It was a long time ago.”
He took a long sip off his coffee, hoping to signal his desire to change the subject. She didn’t bite.
“When?” she asked, massaging his fingertips with her own.
He knew she was trying to set him at ease, but it was having the opposite effect.
“When? In my twenties I guess. When I was married,” he revealed, regretting the words as soon as they were out.
After a confession that big she would need to know more.
“You were married?” she asked, failing to hide her surprise.
“I was. Divorced now. Been a long time,” he explained, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
She looked at him thoughtfully, as though carefully analyzing him. And he fucking hated it. It wouldn’t take her long to figure him out.
“Let’s get out of here,” he urged, tossing his napkin on the table. “You wanna go?”
He raised his hand, signaling their waiter to come over. He asked for the check and then excused himself to use the bathroom, all without making eye contact with Nora. As soon as he got inside he splashed water on his face and then leaned on the counter, looking at himself in the mirror. He hoped that a few minutes apart would shift the energy between them.
Of course Nora had earned the right to know more, but now was not the time. He wanted to control the pace of that conversation, and reveal his shit in his own time, in his own way.
After a few minutes passed, he left the restroom, feeling more at ease. Just outside the door he found Lynda waiting for him. She caught him completely off guard.
“Hey,” he blurted, looking over her shoulder to see if Nora was in his eye line.
She wasn’t.
“Hey yourself. You okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” she observed, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
He looked up at her and smiled, reassuringly. She was just as sexy as he remembered, and if he recalled correctly, she had been a fire cracker in the bedroom, too. They had shared a couple of hot nights in bed together—fun, easy, and uncomplicated. Just the way he liked it.
“I’m good,” he said, slowly exhaling, “How about you? Have you been doing okay?”
“Same stuff as always. I just split with my boyfriend. Rooming with Amy Callahan. Do you remember her?” she questioned, her eyes deep with need, a suggestive smile playing on her lips.
He knew Amy well. She was a hot little bi-sexual he had hooked up with right after Corrine and he had split. He nodded and grinned at her flirtatiously.
“Yeah, I remember her. You two together?” he winked, making a suggestive gesture with his hands.
Lynda giggled and shook her head.
“No, but we could be for the right guy. You know Amy, she likes to share,” she purred, leaning in closer.
Leo smiled, imaging how fun a little ménage à trois would be with those two little foxes.
“Mmmm, is that right? What about you? Do you like to share, too?”
“I could be persuaded. I’d just have to make a call and let her know I’d be bringing you home tonight. She would love to see you, I’m sure.”
In truth, Leo considered it for a moment. What red blooded American male wouldn’t have? The thought of it was tempting, but the timing was all wrong. He was taking Nora home that night and in spite of the fact that she challenged him emotionally, he wanted to be with her. Maybe he needed to be pushed. God knows, he had been evading intimacy for a long time. There was a part of him that wanted someone to love him. Really love him, and Nora had been the closest he had come to in all that time.
He smiled at Lynda and shook his head, noting the disappointment in her eyes.
“While that sounds very tempting, I’m going to have to say no. But say hi to Amy for me, okay?” he offered apologetically, carefully stepping around her.
She reached out for his arm to pull him closer and whispered in his ear.
“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
“I won’t change my mind,” he replied confidently.
“Is that your girlfriend?” she asked, curiously. “Is it serious?”
“Serious enough,” he grinned, winking at her. “I better get back. Take care.”
He walked down the short hallway, spotting Nora across the room. She was looking down at her phone, the glow from the screen illuminating her pretty face. Her smile made it clear that whatever she was reading made her happy. She looked so cheerful and at peace, something he had been unable to draw out of her all day. He wondered what, or who, had made her smile like that and for a moment he felt uncharacteristically possessive.
As soon as he sat down she placed the phone back in her purse and met his eyes, her smile fading. He shook off his insecurity and offered her his best smile, holding her gaze until she shook her head and smiled back, like he was irresistible.
“I’ll just settle up and then we can go,” Leo said, looking around for the waiter, “I would have thought he’d have brought it by already.”
“I took care of it,” Nora said lightly, picking up her purse.
She looked at him kindly, her eyes searching his. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he protested gently, trying not to read anything into the gesture.
She had picked up the check a few times before, it didn’t mean anything.
“No worries. Let’s just go,” she stood up and straightened herself out, encouraging Leo to follow suit.
He led her out of the restaurant, grateful that Lynda was nowhere to be found.
As soon as they got back to the house, Leo snuggled up to Nora and gave her a romantic kiss. While they had talked pleasantly on the way home, he could tell she was distracted and it was throwing him off. He wasn’t familiar with this side of Nora. She was usually so present whenever they were together. He wanted to understand what was troubling her, but he was worried about what she might say. Instead, he fell back on what he was good at, in the hopes that she would come around.The art of seduction.
“Do you want to take a bottle of wine out to the hot tub? I put a Pinot Grigio in the fridge to chill earlier. It’s very private back there if you want to skip the bathing suits,” he growled suggestively.
Nora cocked her head, looking at him reluctantly, as though she was of two minds. He took that as a challenge, and kissed her again. She kissed him back, but as soon as they parted, she sighed deeply and shook her head.
“I’m not feeling all that well, Leo. Do you mind if we just go to bed?” she pleaded, placing her hands on his chest.
His sympathetic look was the polar opposite to what he actually felt. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more.
“What is it? A headache?” he asked flatly, not certain how to handle her rejection.
“Honestly? No. I think I just need some space tonight,” she answered truthfully, but not unkindly.
Nevertheless, her honesty threw him for a loop. What the hell changed in the past few hours? He replayed things in his head. Everything seemed great up until dinner, and then things just got awkward. What pushed the train off the rails? He wanted to ask her, but held his tongue.
“Okay. Let’s go to bed,” he finally replied, hiding his hurt feelings.
She looked at him with sad eyes, nodding at him gratefully. He thought about the look on her face only an hour before, when she didn’t know he was watching, when she was busy on her phone. His head and heart ached with the plethora of the many emotions banging around inside of him. What the hell did she need to make her look at him that way?
Half an hour later he was in bed, scrolling through his phone, when Nora finally joined him. She was freshly showered, a towel wrapped snuggly around her midsection, looking a little more relaxed. He put his phone down on the bedside table.
“Come here,” he urged, holding his hand out to her.
She walked to his side of the bed and sat down beside him, taking his hand in hers. He caressed her fingers tentatively.
“Do you want to talk about what’s bugging you?” he asked, having decided, while she was in the shower, that he needed to put his own bullshit insecurity aside and work things out with her.
Nora was a reasonable woman, and not prone to bouts of whining or pouting. If she was unhappy, it was probably for a damn good reason.
She looked up at him curiously and shrugged.
“Do you?” she blurted unexpectedly, catching him off guard.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped, taking her response personally.
She sat up, as though recognizing her impatience.
“I’m sorry,” she said regretfully, “I didn’t mean that to come out the way it did.”
“Okay,” he nodded, sharing a weak smile with her. “Please, just tell me what I did wrong?”
“Oh, Leo, it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong,” she insisted. “I just feel sometimes like we take one step forward and two steps back. We have this great chemistry and I love being with you. We have so much fun together and God knows, you’re amazing in bed. I feel like you try really hard to make sure I’m always taken care of, but whenever I try to get close to you, I feel you pulling away.”
Leo nodde
d his head slowly, but said nothing. He didn’t know what to say.
“I can’t ask you to be something you’re not,” she continued, “but it’s just so confusing. I can see potential for us, something meaningful, and yet it’s like there is this wall between us. You let me see glimpses of it, but you won’t let me touch it. Do you know what I mean?”
He did know what she meant. She’d articulated it better than he could have. And she was right. She looked at him thoughtfully, silently trying to draw something out of him—emotion, words, anything. He gave her two short nods that told her he understood.
“I’ve just been thinking a lot about what you and I share, trying to define it, I guess. Part of me doesn’t want to let it go, but another part of me is terrified to hold on,” she admitted, tears welling up in her eyes.
Leo sometimes came across as a tough guy, he knew that, but seeing a woman cry was his Achilles heel. Nothing turned him to mush faster.
“Why?” he asked tenderly, suddenly worried he might really lose her.
Up until this point it had never dawned on him that she could be the one to end things with him.
“Because I’m afraid that I may be more invested in the end game than you are, Leo. I’m not saying that I need a proposal, not at all. I just want to know you, and I want you to know me, to see if there is actually potential for us. Ultimately, I want to be in a committed relationship with the love of my life, that’s important to me, but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure you do. I don’t know how you feel about a lot of important things because you seem so afraid to open up to me,” she pressed, her hands holding his tightly. “We are in each other’s beds, but not in each other’s lives. I mean, can you honestly see a world in which you and I work for the long haul?”
Leo inhaled deeply, suddenly craving oxygen. He had thought about a future with Nora, of course he had. She, more than anyone else he had ever been with, made him feel hopeful again, hopeful that maybe someone could love him. He knew she wanted more from him, and he tried. He would catch himself mentally rehearsing intimate conversations he wanted to have with her. About his desires, his needs, the story of his past. He wanted her to know him, all of it, but once they were together he would just clam up, and then distract her with sex. He couldn’t really explain why, either. He liked Nora a lot—maybe part of him was even starting to love her, but he didn’t know if he could truly trust her. Her, or any woman.
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