It seemed like everything was perfect. He and Corrine got married as soon as his training was done, on the very spot that they had met. They were both twenty-four, old enough to commit to each other. Leo would have done anything for her. Making her happy became his life’s ambition, because seeing that smile every day was the glue that kept him together. She was his everything.
He obviously needed Nora to know how much Corrine had meant to him, so that she would understand why he was the man he was now, but more importantly, how she had ripped out his heart and buried it where he couldn’t find it—where no one would ever find it again. Nora sat in utter silence as she listened to him finally pour his heart out to her, awed by his courage.
“I came home after a really long shift. There’d been a massive barn fire in the next county and our crew had been called in as back up. I had told Corrine that I would be crashing at the fire hall that night, but my lieutenant sent me home as soon as we rolled back into the station. I was exhausted and of no use to anyone, and he could see that,” he explained quietly.
Nora could guess what happened next, and felt her stomach tighten for him.
“She was in our bed with another man, I don’t know who, I didn’t know him. I told that mother fucker to get the hell out of my house and he grabbed his fucking clothes off the floor and walked right past me, his dick still hanging out. She didn’t say a word for at least fifteen minutes. I kept asking her questions, but she said nothing. She just kept her head down, afraid to look at me,” he muttered, forcing the words out. “I shed more tears than she did, I think.”
Leo finished his recollection by telling Nora that Corrine asked him for a divorce. She had fallen in love with the man in their bed and she didn’t want to be married anymore. That was it. No further explanation offered, in spite of his pleading. The next day she moved out, and Leo shut down. He couldn’t understand how he’d gotten it so fucking wrong. He had been completely blindsided.
It took many months, but eventually Leo started dating again. He was a popular guy in town, and it didn’t take long for women to start throwing themselves at him. They all thought they could save him, mend his broken heart and all, but he didn’t want that. He never dated a woman more than a handful of times, because he didn’t want them to get too close. He had a four date rule and stuck to it, mostly. He said he generally dated younger women because they weren’t looking for anything serious. Most of them just wanted to have a good time. Women his age were more discerning, they had higher standards. They usually pegged him as a player within the first few dates and moved on of their own accord. It wasn’t his style to string anyone along, so as far as he knew, he wasn’t hurting anyone.
Nora didn’t wholly agree with that statement, but she bit her tongue. In her professional opinion, Leo was ‘avoidance coping’ to escape dealing with his unresolved feelings. He had spent the past ten years in emotional isolation, stagnating his own personal growth. As desirable and charismatic as he was, when it came to interpersonal relationships he had the emotional intelligence of an 18 year old. In her personal opinion, he was a lost soul, a lovable guy terrified to love. Did he even think he deserved love? Nora had her doubts. So, was he hurting someone? Yeah, he was hurting himself.
She wasn’t judging him though. In many ways she related to his story. After Devon left she avoided dating like the plague, throwing herself into her studies instead. She gave the impression that she was just studious, but the truth was, she had been terrified to get hurt again. When it came to relationships, she was almost as stunted as Leo was, albeit in different ways. They actually had more in common than their differences, which was probably why they were so drawn to each other. Now that she knew his story, everything made more sense.
“She died you know,” Leo uttered, so quietly Nora barely heard him. “Corrine. She was in a car accident a few years after we split. My rig was the first on scene.”
Nora looked up at him, her eyes filled with compassion.
“Oh God Leo, how awful,” she gasped, reaching out to touch his arm.
“It really was. She was already gone when we rolled up, probably died instantly,” he continued, “I honestly thought I was over her, but after she passed I grieved pretty hard. I don’t know, maybe there was a part of me that always hoped we would get back together. Her death was like instant closure, you know? Like a heavy, iron portcullis slamming down.”
Nora found his choice of words curious. A portcullis was a massive gate protecting a fortress, a pretty fool proof way to ensure no one could storm the castle. It had certainly been effective for him.
“I’m so sorry. I can understand why that would be painful, Leo,” she sympathized quietly.
He nodded dismissively, the way men do when they don’t want to appear fragile.
“I’m really proud of you,” she praised, gently nudging him. “I know that this isn’t easy for you.”
“It’s okay,” he assured, placing his hand over hers, “you make it easy.”
He leaned down and kissed her softly on the mouth, lingering long enough for the butterflies in her stomach to flutter. He pulled away and smiled at her, one of those sexy, tough guy grins that most women find irresistible. She leaned in for another kiss and he happily obliged.
“Thanks for listening,” he whispered, his smiling face only inches from hers.
She inhaled deeply, relieved that he finally opened up to her. She needed him to trust her, to let her in. She couldn’t see herself in any relationship that didn’t include open, honest communication. Earth shattering sex only went so far, and only half as deep.
“Always, Leo. You’re safe with me,” she promised, “no matter where you and I end up, I’ll always be a soft place for you to land.”
“Oh yeah?” he growled, “I like your soft landing places...”
“Well, what do you say we go home and put that hot tub to use?” Nora purred, putting her arms around Leo’s neck.
He nodded and kissed her on the cheek before sliding off the picnic table. She quickly followed suit, mindful of the splinters scarring the old wood.
CHAPTER 19
LEO
A few hours later, Leo and Nora lazily held each other, naked and exhausted on his bed. Their sex had been passionate, as it always was, but this time it was something else. Something Leo couldn’t quite put his finger on. Typically for Leo, sex was driven by a primal need, an urgency to fill that deep, cavernous hole inside himself, to feel a little less empty, even if it was only for a little while. If he was being honest, regardless of how good the sex was, there was always something missing. Today, as he held Nora in his arms, he felt protective, honest, and completely present. He was there for her, with her. Each kiss, every caress, was savored, even the taste of her was intimately sweeter. It was like he had been fucking all these years disconnected from his own body, his senses muted.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Nora chimed in softly, her fingers teasing the soft hairs on his chest.
“My thoughts have cost you a fortune today,” Leo chuckled under his breath, “I’ll give you this one for free.”
“Deal,” she agreed, matching his playfulness. “What’s on your mind?”
“It’s hard to explain,” he began tentatively, trying to articulate his feelings. “Remember last night, you said you were thinking about us, how to define us?”
He glanced her way, to see her reaction. Nora nodded, encouraging him to continue.
“I’m not sure how to define us either, but I know that I want to figure it out. I’d like to share more than your bed,” he confessed, lacing his fingers through hers.
He could see her looking at him from his peripheral vision, and hoped she was smiling.
“What do you think? Wanna go steady?”
She inhaled deeply, as though formulating her thoughts. Leo calmly waited for her response, knowing that after everything he laid on her that day, she deserved his patience.
“I think we can definitely talk about
it,” she finally stammered, her tone heavy with thought.
Leo smiled softly to himself, pleased enough with her response.
“I’m having a small get together at my place next week, Thursday night. Some of my brothers from the department and their wives are coming for a barbecue and a few beers, nothing formal. My buddy will be there too, the one I told you about this morning. We don’t get together often because of his schedule. I’d like you to meet him. Do you want to come?” he asked, shifting his body to face her.
Nora offered him a nervous smile, nodding her head tentatively. She looked hesitant.
“What is it?” Leo asked, wondering if he said something wrong.
“Nothing,” she assured, her expression suddenly more confident, “I’d like to meet your friends.”
Leo let out his breath, relieved, and gave her a gentle kiss.
“I realized this morning that I’ve been protecting my heart for so long that I have no idea how to be vulnerable with someone. I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest, until you came along and knocked some sense into me, literally,” he grinned, recalling the first night they met.
“You’re the first woman since Corrine that I could maybe see a future with, and I also know you’re the kind of woman that won’t tolerate any bullshit. But I need to take this slow. I promise it’s going the right direction, but I can’t change overnight,” he offered genuinely.
He needed her to understand. He didn’t want to lose her, but he was also scared shitless.
“It’s okay, Leo. I understand. I need time to process all this too. One day at a time, okay?” she soothed, gently caressing his face.
He breathed a sigh of relief as she proved, one more time, that she was worth trying for. He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and they stayed that way for several minutes, as though trying to absorb each other’s thoughts.
“You must be starving,” he jumped in suddenly, aware that they hadn’t eaten in hours. His stomach growled angrily at him.
“I am,” she purred, sliding her hand down his chest. She gripped his cock forcefully, grinning at him.
“Do you mind?” she asked innocently, winking at him.
“Help yourself,” he offered shamelessly, rolling over on his back. Nora’s girlish giggle was quickly stifled as she pulled his cock into her mouth.
CHAPTER 20
NORA
The entire weekend had thrown Nora for a loop. She had hoped that she and Leo would connect on a higher level, and that he would reveal a different side to himself, but she’d had her doubts, especially after the first night. She couldn’t have been more proud of him. It had to have been really difficult for him, digging so deep. But, after their conversation Saturday morning, he seemed so much lighter, happier. The rest of the weekend was like a dream. He was much more affectionate and attentive than usual, and that meant a lot to her.
As much as Nora liked the ‘new’ Leo, she was cautiously optimistic. She needed to let everything settle down before jumping to happy conclusions, especially since her heart was being pulled in two directions. She was genuinely touched by Leo’s story, and how vulnerable he’d allowed himself to be. She finally saw a crack in his tough demeanor and could see glimpses of a possible future with him.
But she also saw a future with Gage.
She knew that she had to make a decision, but it wasn’t coming easily. With Gage, intimacy came so effortlessly, but the passion didn’t. With Leo the passion came easy, but intimacy was a constant struggle. Sure, he allowed himself to go there over the past weekend, but he admitted himself that he needed time, and that true change would be slow in coming. Nora had worked with enough commitment-phobic patients to know that sometimes change was easier said than done, and that once reality hit home, many of them ran the risk of running back to the safety of their cocoons. Nora had no interest in being Leo’s therapist or trying to fix him. She needed him to be able to stand on his own two feet and be a strong partner for her.
The time was fast approaching to have an honest and revealing conversation with both men. If she was developing loving feelings, chances were they might be too. She needed to make a choice before things went too far. She was especially worried about Leo. She didn’t want to crush his heart again, especially when he was just beginning to heal. And Gage, sweet Gage. She couldn’t imagine letting him go either. She could only hope that after her date with Gage on Tuesday, and after meeting Leo’s friends on Thursday, that her heart would reveal the truth she needed. Both men had asked her for something more, and she needed an answer for them.
* * *
She hadn’t been with Gage in over a week and had been looking forward to seeing him. She had missed him, and his sentimental texts had added to her longing. When he arrived at her place, part of her hoped that he would be so consumed with passion for her that he would rip her clothes off, push her against the wall and fuck her before they even said hello.
Of course, that didn’t happen. In true Gage fashion, he came in being as polite and shy as ever, waiting for her to initiate sex. She felt like they were at square one again, and although the sex was pleasant enough, good even, it frustrated the hell out of her. She thought they were past all that. She had completely understood, even appreciated, why he wanted to take things slow with her in the beginning, but they had already sealed the deal, so his modesty was confusing, and frustrating.
After they made love, they ate their dinner on the couch, chatting quietly about their week. The Kings were in the wild card race for the Western Division and had a 3-1 record on their last road trip. Gage was killing it in net. Nora listened attentively to his hockey tales, but was not overly talkative herself.
On paper, Gage had everything she could ever want in a partner, he was amazing, but she wondered just how compatible they were physically. As shallow as it sounded, it was important to be on the same page sexually. While she wasn’t into crazy, kinky shit, she wasn’t conservative either. Gage seemed to be a very traditional guy, and that weighed heavily on her mind.
“Hey, where did you go just now?” he questioned her sweetly, trying to catch her eye.
Nora looked up at him and smiled weakly, feeling bad that she drifted away.
“I’m sorry, I’m listening,” she apologized, taking her hand in his, “I just have so much on my mind.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve been monopolizing the conversation. Tell me what you are thinking about,” he urged by gently squeezing her hand.
Nora sighed heavily, afraid to burden him with her worries. She certainly wasn’t ready to talk to him about his request to be more exclusive, not with Leo still on her mind, and how the hell could she tell him that she hoped he was capable of bringing more heat to the bedroom? How could she say something like that without hurting his feelings?
“Come on, Nora,” he pleaded, obviously something is weighing on you. Talk to me.”
“We have a really great relationship, and I’m so happy,” she stammered, looking at him nervously. She needed the words to come, the right words, but they were stuck in her throat.
“You don’t look happy,” he teased gently, a weary smile forming on his lips. She smiled back, hoping to reassure him.
“No, I am happy. We get along so well, you’re a fantastic guy,” she assured, still reaching for the words.
“But,” he blurted, his smile disappearing. She knew he had to be thinking the worst.
“No. No ‘but’. I have really strong feelings for you. I’m so into you,” Nora insisted, edging closer to him, “but I just feel like something is missing. The thing is, while our lovemaking is very sweet, I keep waiting for more passion. I want it to be there so badly, but it feels just out of reach.”
Gage’s face dropped, his expression stone cold, as he sat back in the couch. Nora felt horrible, but she had to be honest with him if there was any chance for them.
“Please don’t be upset. There is absolutely nothing wrong. You are
so tender and caring and attentive. I love that about you. I just worry that maybe we aren’t on the same page sexually. I was hoping we could talk about it openly,” she offered as gently as possible.
“Not on the same page?” he questioned, his eyes filling with doubt. “I don’t understand.”
“Oh honey, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I am trying to say,” Nora pouted, wishing desperately she hadn’t brought it up.
“No, obviously it bothers you and so it’s important that we talk about it,” he insisted, swallowing his pride.
Nora met his eyes, slowly drawing in a breath and then releasing it uneasily. How do you tell someone you want them to be a bad boy in bed?
CHAPTER 21
GAGE
Gage leaned forward and picked his wine glass up off the coffee table, taking a slow, deliberate sip while he waited for Nora to gather her thoughts. It bothered the fuck out of him that she was not happy, especially since it obviously had to do with sex. She thought that he wasn’t passionate? Was she serious? He couldn’t be more passionate about her.
Last time they were together, she had asked him why he had been holding back, and this time she admitted that she needed more passion from him. What did she mean? Did she think he was not assertive enough? Boring? Prudish? Uncreative? Fuck, he hoped not. He just wanted to make sure that she felt loved and cared for, and not think that he was only interested in her for sex. Christ if she only knew how many times he just wanted to bend her over his car, or over the desk, or on top of the dining room table and just bang her senseless. In his fantasies, he was no gentleman.
Nora smiled at him weakly, before refilling her wine glass as well and setting the bottle back down on the coffee table.
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