“You fucked up your marriage, now let’s show you how it feels to be fucked.”
The bikers were laughing. They handed Matt a bottle of lotion and the ring and it was clear what he was expected to do. I couldn’t believe it!
I almost laughed out loud as I watched Matt shake his head. The men were insistent though, and reluctantly, Matt shoved the wedding ring up his ass.
I couldn’t help it. I bit my lip and covered my mouth. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Talk about poetic justice!
I felt awful for Matt, but there was something so satisfying about it. I didn’t even know who these men were, or how they knew Matt was a cheater, but it felt really, really good to have my honor defended by them.
Finally, someone was standing up for the housewife! Finally, someone was showing the hotshot, cheating husband that he was an asshole, and that his behavior was unacceptable. Finally someone wasn’t afraid to say what they thought of men like him, men who cheated on women who loved them.
For years, I’d kept Matt’s cheating to myself. I told no one, not even my best friends. I protected his guilty secret better than even he did. I was so mortified, so ashamed. I felt certain that his cheating was my fault, that I was somehow inadequate. And for years I didn’t even tell Matt I knew what he was doing.
I just couldn’t face it. I couldn’t bear that it was real.
It took a lot of courage for me to eventually open up. I told a few close friends what I was dealing with. I told them Matt was cheating and that I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and thrown in the gutter.
These were the women I felt closest to in the world, the ones I shared everything with. We lived in the same neighborhood, had similar lifestyles, and had married similar men. Every one of them told me to shut up about it. They told me not to rock the boat. Ignore it. They said I needed Matt, that I couldn’t survive without him, and that I should consider myself lucky to have a man who could give me such a luxurious life.
Boys will be boys, they said. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe it.
I felt so helpless.
Sitting there now, watching those men teach Matt a lesson, I didn’t feel helpless anymore. I finally felt vindicated. The video ended with Matt lying naked on the bed, shaking, my wedding ring shoved up his ass. They could have beaten the crap out of Matt easily. They could have killed him. But instead, they videotaped this and sent it to me. They were sticking up for me.
They understood that Matt had destroyed me, destroyed my love, my confidence, my feelings of self worth, and they took action.
I replayed the video and it was difficult to say how I felt. There’d been a time when I loved Matt so much I would have died for him. From the moment I met him, I loved him. The entire time we were together, I tried to be the perfect woman for him. I worked to keep things fresh and exciting. I made sure I always met his needs, in and out of the bedroom. I learned the names of his business associates and made friends with their wives. I kept the house tidy. I cooked and cleaned. I always looked my best. I encouraged him when he was starting his company.
I never so much as looked at another man. I didn’t need to, Matt was my everything.
We had the most amazing honeymoon together. We were so happy and so in love. I felt like I had hit the jackpot. We spent two weeks in a secluded, luxury hut on the crystal clear waters of Bora Bora. When we were planning our honeymoon, we had every intention of going out and exploring the island, but all we did for two weeks straight was have sex. Hot, passionate, intense sex, and it was amazing. We consummated our love all over every inch of our tropical honeymoon home. I was in heaven.
When we got home, Matt immediately had to leave for a conference in New York. I was fine with it. I was happy he was succeeding in his career. I pictured him bragging to his work friends about all the amazing sex we’d had on our honeymoon. Within a day of him leaving, every inch of my body longed for him. I wanted to be close to him, and more than that, I wanted to feel him inside me again.
I was completely his, completely addicted to him. I couldn’t imagine life without him.
So I decided to surprise him. I was positive he’d be as thrilled to see me as I’d have been if he surprised me. I booked a flight to New York and eight hours later, I was hailing a cab from JFK to his hotel. The entire cab ride, I was wet, picturing what we’d do to each other in his hotel room. It would be like our honeymoon, all over again.
With some gentle sweet talking of the front desk staff of the hotel, and the help of our marriage certificate, I was able to get a key to Matt’s room. He had been texting me earlier in the morning, telling me how much he missed me, and that he couldn’t wait to get home to me. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he got back to his room and found me lying there, naked, handcuffed to his bed.
I squirmed with anticipation as I rode the elevator up to his suite. As I walked down the hallway, I felt giddy and had butterflies. Even though we’d dated for years before getting married, he still gave me butterflies. I thought it was a sign our love was real. I was so excited to surprise him. I slid the key in the slot, opened the door, and dropped my bags to the floor.
A very blonde, very naked woman was bouncing up and down on my new husband’s lap. He was thrusting powerfully into her, his back to me, and her huge breasts bounced with each thrust. She saw me instantly and started to scream. Matt took it as a sign of her pleasure and pounded her even harder.
I was in utter shock. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I almost blacked out.
I was treated to the sight of him reaching up and grabbing her breasts as she continued to scream, louder and louder. His thrusts grew more forceful and then he gasped, forced himself deeper inside her, and moaned in the ecstasy of an orgasm I thought was reserved only for me.
He never even heard me open the door. The girl was still screaming but I think it was her orgasm, rather than my unexpected arrival, that was the cause of her excitement.
I didn’t know what to do. I shook my head in disbelief. The woman’s eyes locked on mine as she finished climaxing. She must have known who I was. It was so obvious. I must have looked so pathetic to her, so weak. I shook my head and lifted my finger to my lips.
She understood instantly.
I picked up my bag, backed out of the room, and shut the door as quietly as I could. I have no idea how Matt’s date with her ended, if she left quickly or spent the rest of the week fucking his brains out, but I know she never mentioned my presence to Matt. He never knew what I’d seen.
I walked back to the elevator like a zombie. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even breathe. I managed to push the elevator button and as the doors shut behind me, I burst into tears of such anguish I thought I’d die. I was so shocked I couldn’t stand. I fell to the floor and sobbed like an idiot.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened.
The elevator slowed as it approached the lobby and I forced myself to pull it together. I wiped my face, got to my feet, and straightened myself out. When the doors opened I strode across the lobby with my bags and never looked at the front desk staff who’d just given me the key. I don’t even know if they noticed me leave. I got straight into a cab and twelve hours later I was back in my house.
But it didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t home anymore. It was just four walls filled with expensive furniture and fancy things I didn’t care about. I never said a word of my trip to anyone.
But I was never the same person again.
Matt got home and I kissed him on the cheek like a dutiful wife. I asked him how his trip was and he said he was exhausted. I asked if he needed anything and he gave me a bag full of dirty laundry.
I felt I’d already failed as a wife. I felt it was my fault and I had to work harder to make it up to him. I felt I wasn’t good enough for him. Even as I smelled the other woman’s perfume from his clothes when I did the laundry, I told myself it was all my fault.
I died that day. Not
physically, but emotionally.
Watching those bikers force Matt to shove my wedding ring up his ass was probably the only thing in the world that could have brought me back to life. I sat there, pressing play on the video on my phone, over and over. Each time I watched it, I felt my heart come a little more back to life.
After watching it about fifty times, I opened my email, clicked on The Brotherhood’s email address, and wrote a two word response.
Thank You.
CHAPTER 14
KANE
I hadn’t intended to spend so much time on the water. I was surprised when I saw I’d been surfing over three hours. It felt good. After everything that happened the night before, I needed it.
I got dressed by the Jeep, sitting on the passenger seat while I pulled off my wetsuit and got into some jeans and a white t-shirt. I checked my face in the mirror and winced. It would take a few days for the bruises to clear. Those guys had really let me have it. Oh well, I deserved it. When you act like a pig, you should expect to get treated like one.
I was starving and went straight from the beach to the café, parking across the street. When I looked inside I saw Sandra. If I remembered correctly, she’d been at the brewery last night and must have seen my performance. Still, she waved and reached for a cup to start pouring me a coffee.
I walked inside and the smell of fresh bacon made my mouth water.
I made my way to my usual spot at the counter and did a double take when I saw the woman from the brewery last night sitting in a booth. She hadn’t seen me yet, but Sandra made eye contact with me as she topped up the woman’s coffee. The look she gave me said I better behave this time.
I should have known I wouldn’t be getting away with what I’d done.
I sat on the stool and reached for the newspaper as I took the first sip from my coffee.
“Really?” Sandra said. “The newspaper, Kane?”
“What?” I said, feeling sheepish.
“You never read the paper.”
She was giving me a hard time. It was obvious I was trying to avoid being noticed by that woman.
“You having your usual?” Sandra said.
I nodded awkwardly.
Sandra put some cutlery on the counter in front of me and leaned in.
“What was wrong with you last night. You were a complete jerk.”
“Please don’t remind me.”
“I’ll tell you what. You apologize to her and I’ll drop it.”
“Apologize?”
“You owe her that much.”
“I got the shit kicked out of me.”
“Not by her.”
I looked at Sandra then over at the girl I’d been so mean to. I didn’t even know why I’d picked on her. She’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“I know,” I said. “You’re right. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I’ve never seen you like that. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you weren’t a nice guy.”
I nodded. It was true. I really hadn’t been myself.
“She just brought something out of me,” I said. “I couldn’t handle it.”
I wasn’t used to feeling emotion anymore. I’d spent a year deadening everything. Last night it all woke up at once.
I looked behind me at the woman as casually as I could and debated if I should go over to talk to her. She looked like she’d been crying and I was sure I was the last person in the world she wanted to bump into.
“She’s been on her phone since she got here,” Sandra said. “I’m not sure what she’s looking at, but she was full blown crying a few minutes ago.”
“I feel like such an ass, Sandra.”
“You should.”
“You know that wasn’t me, right?”
“I don’t know what to think. All I know is an apology would be a good start.”
“She doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“You were cruel. I mean, you’re usually pretty cold. You haven’t given a girl an inch since …” her words trailed off.
“I know,” I said.
“But this girl was minding her own business and you humiliated her. You basically called her fat, Kane. In front of the entire place.”
I shook my head as the memories flooded back to me. What had I been thinking about.
“I didn’t even mean it, Sandra. I mean, look at that girl. She’s beautiful.”
“I’m not the one you need to be telling.”
“She’s perfect,” I said, unable to stop waffling.
Sandra rose her eyebrows at me as I got down from my stool and made my way over to the woman. I cleared my throat and ran my hand through my unruly hair, trying to straighten myself up a little. It was hopeless. With the bruises, there was no way I was going to look presentable.
As I approached the girl, she cut me off before I could get a word in.
“Oh great. You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Wait,” I said, holding my hands up a sign of peace.
“I guess you’ve come over to judge me for eating again? In your world women don’t eat, right?”
“Oh, God,” I said. “Please. I’m really sorry about last night.”
“You were way out of line, buddy.”
“I know. Honestly, what I said, what I did to you, that wasn’t me. I don’t know what came over me.”
“You’re an asshole. That’s what came over you.”
“I know,” I said. “If I could take it back, I would.”
“Looks like you got taught a lesson,” she said, looking at my bruises.
“I deserve a lot worse,” I said.
She smiled, and I felt it again, the rush of emotion that this girl somehow managed to stir up in me every time I saw her. I hadn’t felt this way since … since…
“Would have been nice if one of those guys got you in the nuts,” she said.
I burst out laughing. I hadn’t laughed since…
“I’m not sure I was that bad.”
“Oh, you were. You were worse. You basically tried to fat shame me. You know how chauvinistic that is?”
“Chauvinistic?”
“Yeah. It’s a big word for when guys are complete pricks to women.”
“Oh, God. I know I came across that way,” I said, bowing my head in shame. “God, all I can say is I’m really sorry. I’m really not like that.”
“Except when you’re drunk?”
“Not even when I’m drunk. Honestly. I actually find it attractive when women eat. I never want to see my girl pick at a salad when she wants a cheeseburger.”
“It’s not about food.”
“I know. It’s about everything. I was a jerk. I admit it. Please can you give me a second chance?”
She looked at me and again, the rush of emotion came pouring over me. I winked at her.
Winked!
Me!
I don’t wink at anyone. I’m the guy who’s supposed to be suicidal. I do not flirt.
She turned pink with embarrassment and looked away. When she looked back she was blushing.
“Hah,” she said, “Yeah. Whenever I order salad, I’m always disappointed and end up eating a bag of chips or something afterward.”
I smiled. I could picture girls doing that. I should have left things there but I took a step closer to her and reached out my hand.
“My name is Kane,” I said.
“Meadow,” she said, taking my hand.
I gave her a look, asking if it would be okay to sit with her, and she nodded.
“I was actually hoping I’d run into you again,” she said.
“So you could kick me in the nuts yourself?”
She laughed.
“Yeah that, but also because I wanted to apologize too.”
“Oh, you don’t need to apologize.”
“Well, I had an awful day yesterday and I probably could have handled myself better.”
“You handled yourself just fine. I was the one who attacked y
ou.”
“Well, just so you know, ordinarily I wouldn’t have reacted so harshly.”
I let out a sigh.
“Truce?” I said.
“Truce,” she said with a smile like I’d never seen before.
Looking into her face was like looking at the sun over the ocean. It was the most beautiful thing imaginable.
“So Kane, you’re a surfer?”
“Yeah, you can tell huh?”
“Well, I went for a drive this morning and I stopped to take in the view of the ocean. I recognized you down on the beach, heading out in the water on your board. You were carrying two wild flowers. I watched as you paddled out with them and placed them in the water. It was beautiful. A really touching moment. Like a scene out of a movie.”
A knot formed in my throat. Oh God. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t ready for this.
“Kane?” she said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just.”
“Just what?”
I stood up but I rushed and accidentally knocked over my seat behind me.
“Here we go again,” Meadow said, looking up at me in complete surprise.
“It’s …” I stammered, trying to think of something to say.
“What’s wrong with you?” she said.
“That moment was private.”
I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out of there. I picked up my chair but it got stuck under the table and I couldn’t get it free. I pulled and pushed at it harder as the leg pulled the entire table and Meadow’s coffee spilled.
She leapt up to avoid getting burned.
“You’re a loose canon,” she said.
I couldn’t believe I was creating another scene. I looked into Meadow’s face and she was crying. Great. Second day in a row I messed up her life.
“Kane, what the fuck?” Sandra called across the room.
Everyone was looking at me again.
“What are you even doing in this town?” I said to Meadow.
I wasn’t yelling but I was close to it.
“You should go back to wherever the fuck you came from.”
I stormed out of the place before Sandra had to kick me out, slamming the door behind me.
CHAPTER 15
KANE
Diary Entry
I see you sitting at a table in a restaurant and you know what I imagine doing? You want to know the truth? It sounds crazy, but I think, what if that table had a tablecloth? A long, white tablecloth.
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