“Reagan asked me to come help her update her bedroom, and Rachel and Chris asked if I’d be interested in doing their entire home,” I said.
“That’s amazing. You absolutely should follow up with all of them. Maybe this is a whole new career opening up for you, Meadow!”
“You think? I had so much fun doing my place. But don’t think I’m going to drop my shifts at the café anytime soon. I love it there.”
“I know you do,” Sandra said. “I need you to know how impressed I am with you. You are such an inspiring woman. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how far you’ve come over the last month. I know it hasn’t been easy, but you’ve shown such strength.”
Maybe it was the wine but I was starting to feel emotional. My eyes filled with tears.
“You’re the best friend I ever could have wished for, Sandra. I couldn’t have done any of it without you.”
“You’ve worked hard, Meadow. You got your first job ever and now you’re living off your own hard earned cash. You scored an apartment and transformed it into your home. Your freaking car was taken from you and you hardly blinked. You just cut your loss and found the perfect bike to get around town. You even signed your divorce papers. You’re happier and healthier than the woman who first arrived here. You should be so proud.”
“And you’ve helped me every step of the way, Sandra.”
I hugged her as hard as I could. To hear those words from her, and know she’d noticed everything I’d done meant the world to me.
“Sandra, you’re such an incredible friend. I’m not joking when I tell you that every night I thank God for bringing me a friend like you.”
Sandra held up her wine glass and I looked around for mine so we could drink to our friendship. I found it by the sink. We clinked glasses, which, to adult women is essentially the equivalent of a blood pact.
“Wait a minute. Is that the same glass you poured when I got here hours ago?” Sandra said.
“I think you’re right. Crazy. I was so busy I forgot to drink! Speaking of forgetting, I’m starving. I’ll take the spinach dip and you grab the rest of that nacho dip. Let’s go relax on the couch for a bit.”
I picked up the dip and bread and with my free hand, deciding to grab the bowl of chips while I was at it.
“Want me to bring your wine?” Sandra said, still in the kitchen.
“No thanks. I don’t think I’ll finish it. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling so good when I woke up this morning. I better take it easy. I’ve been a bottomless pit for eating, though. I haven’t stopped eating all day. It must have been my nerves from having everyone over for the first time.”
We sat quietly on the couch as we enjoyed the leftover party snacks. I turned to her to say something, but just as I opened my mouth, a big dollop of salsa fell from the chip I was holding, right onto my blouse. Sandra saw the whole thing and we both burst into hysterical laughter. We couldn’t stop. If we even so much as made eye contact, the laughter only got louder. I tried to compose myself and regain my breath.
“What I was trying to say was …” I started, as Sandra put a piece of bread in her mouth and let it roll out.
We both started laughing all over again. I think pure exhaustion had kicked in.
“I was trying to say, you’re right,” I continued when I got my breath back. “I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. I’m so proud of myself for how far I’ve come in such a short time. I love Pismo Beach. I love my job. I love my new friends. I love my new place. I love my adorable pink cruiser bike. I’m so happy, but I have to be honest, I still feel like something’s missing. There’s something that’s holding me back from being completely happy.”
“You have so many reasons to be happy. What do you think is holding you back?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I know I have great friends, but there’s a part of me that feels … lonely. I know, I set out to be on my own, an independent woman, but I guess what I’ve come to realize is that even if I’m determined to fend for myself, it doesn’t take away my desire for a connection. You know?”
“Do you think you miss Matt?” she said, looking right into my eyes.
“No. No, no, no. Not at all. Letting him go was the best decision I ever made.”
“What is it then?”
“It’s Kane,” I blurted out, and then started crying.
“Kane?”
“I miss him so much,” I sobbed.
“But Meadow! I thought that was just one night…”.
Sandra stopped herself mid-sentence.
“You and him,” she continued, cautiously, “you think it was more than just a one night thing?”
I nodded my head and she put her arms around me.
“I had no idea!”
“I never said anything.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. He disappeared. I was afraid he didn’t want me. I was afraid of jinxing it. Now I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. If he did, he wouldn’t have disappeared.”
“Oh, you don’t know that, Meadow.”
“Have you heard from him?” I said, sobbing into her shoulder.
“No, but believe me, if that night you two had was something special to you, I’m sure it was special to him too.”
“But then, where is he, Sandra? Where the hell is he?”
“If he’s stayed away this long, it’s got to be because he’s going through something. It’s bigger than just the blow out you had that morning. He never properly dealt with the trauma of what happened. He just retreated into himself. Now, at least, he’s finally dealing with it. That’s something, isn’t it? You don’t want to be with a man who’s still grieving for someone else.”
“I know. God, I feel so stupid, Sandra. I mean, I don’t even know why I’m so hung up on him. I literally have only known him for a day.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t tie yourself up, waiting for him, Meadow.”
“But I can’t think about being with anyone but him.”
Sandra said her next sentence carefully, worried about how I’d take it.
“But, I mean, you can’t count on him feeling the same way as you, Meadow. Maybe you should just start dating again. See what else is out there.”
I nodded. I knew she was giving me good advice, and I knew it was coming from a place of love, but the idea of moving on and being with anyone but Kane just made me want to die.
“I’m going to send you an email,” Sandra said. “It’s about love, and intentions, and making the universe give you the things you need, and it might seem a little hocus-pocus at first, but just give it a chance. It’s helped me so much with my life.”
I sighed. “Send me the email. I’ll check it out.”
I thought it was weird for Sandra to be giving me advice about intentions and the universe when she was still single. She was an amazing girl, don’t get me wrong, but I longed to see her find the right man, and I even had an idea in my head of who the right man for her might be, but I didn’t bring it up. In my experience, sometimes it’s best to say nothing when you really want two friends to hook up. Otherwise you might jinx it.
We finished up the snacks in silence and then said good night. After she left, I finished tidying up. Exhausted didn’t begin to describe how I felt. I looked at my watch and shuddered at the thought of how soon I had to be up for work.
I went into the bathroom and washed off my makeup and got into my pajamas.
Lying in bed, I scrolled through the photos I’d taken of the party on my phone. It had been a great night, but there really was something missing. Something big. Something I didn’t think I could live without.
Kane.
I opened up his Facebook profile, it was something I’d done a million times since our night together. Still no updates. No check ins. No sign at all that he was even alive. I scrolled through his photos and found the one I was looking for, my favorite. It was of him, standing on the beach. It looked like the sun was just setting beyon
d the horizon behind him, and he was pulling off a white tank top, revealing his perfect body. His eyes had a sultry look, like he was just waking up, and his hair was all messy as usual.
I reached down beneath the sheets and began to touch my clit, gently rubbing my finger back and forth over it, making myself horny and wet. It wasn’t long before my finger, then another, were sliding in and out of my pussy, making me wetter and wetter.
I fixed my eyes on his eyes, staring at the photo like my life depended on it, and felt the orgasm wash through me like a warm flood.
Seconds later, I was in a deep sleep, and in my dream, Kane was holding me by the ankles, my legs raised straight up into the air. I was lying on my back on the sand, completely naked, and his long, hard, perfect cock was sliding in and out of me like the piston of an engine. In and out, in and out, he kept moving, and I felt as if I was going to explode with love and desire.
When he finally orgasmed, I felt his cum pour into me and coat everything inside me with his scent. It was all his now. I was his. He’d marked me as his own, and I didn’t want it any other way. I wanted to be his, and I wanted him to come back for me and take me as his own.
CHAPTER 48
MEADOW
I woke up in the middle of the night and my panties were still soaked from the dreams I’d been having. I picked up my phone and looked again at the photo of Kane.
For the millionth time I opened my messenger app and clicked on his name.
Kane, it’s Meadow. Can we talk?
I am so sorry. Please call me.
I miss you.
I wish you would come back. I need to tell you something.
CHAPTER 49
MEADOW
I woke up with a start, ten minutes before my actual alarm was scheduled to go off. Before I could even realize where I was, I was in a mad dash to the bathroom. I dropped to my knees and threw up into the toilet. I felt awful. It had been so long since I’d been sick like that and I wondered what was wrong with me. I hadn’t even taken a sip from my wine, and I didn’t think the food was bad.
Maybe I was just tired from the party, but it hadn’t been that late of a night.
After throwing up, I felt a lot better and hoped that was all that was wrong with me.
I jumped into the shower to start getting ready for work. I hadn’t missed a day yet, and I wasn’t about to start. Especially because I just knew the teasing I would get if I couldn’t show up the day after my own party.
I walked into the café and it was obvious everyone was feeling a bit sluggish. I took it to mean they’d had a good time at my party. Everyone was doing their job getting ready to open, but keeping to themselves. They hadn’t even turned the music on yet. It was kind of nice to all be on the same low energy level.
Suddenly, Sandra burst out of the back cooler with her arms full of ketchup bottles, a skip in her step, and a smile on her face. I didn’t know how she did it. That woman could drink me under the table and never got a hangover. Ever. Some mornings after a night out, I wondered if she was superhuman. It was, without a doubt, one of her superpowers.
“Oh my, someone’s looking green,” she said as she walked by.
“Great, I guess I didn’t use enough makeup,” I joked.
“But you said you didn’t drink much last night,” Sandra said, trying to figure out how I was hungover.
“That’s just it, I didn’t drink. I’m starting to worry it was food poisoning. Maybe that spinach dip wasn’t as good as it tasted. I can tell you for certain, it didn’t taste very good when it came up this morning,” I said grabbing a glass of water. I still had an unpleasant taste in my mouth.
“Oh no, you were sick this morning?”
“I was, and usually I never puke.”
“But you always feel like you could puke when you’re upset.”
“Yeah sure, I feel like it, but it passes and I never do. Did you eat the spinach dip? Have you been sick? Has anyone else mentioned not feeling well? I’d be mortified if I gave the whole party food poisoning,” I said, looking around at the rest of the staff.
“Everyone’s a little slower than usual, but there’s no denying that alcohol is responsible,” Sandra said.
I hoped she was right.
I picked up a package of napkins and followed Sandra’s along the tables.
As soon as we opened, we were busy. For a while, the distraction of work helped me forget that I wasn’t feeling well. It didn’t last long though. A couple of hours in and I started to feel myself fading. I was forgetful and had to make several trips to my tables before finally leaving them with everything they needed. Twice I had to go back and ask a customer to repeat an order.
“You’re not yourself today,” Sandra said. “Usually you’re so on top of things.”
“Yeah. I’m not feeling so great. I feel nauseous, like I could puke again.”
“Sounds like you’re pregnant,” a voice said from the booth next to us.
I turned to see it was Mr. Mathers, adding his unwelcome two cents.
“Hey, Matt, over here,” someone shouted from a table at the back of the café.
Immediately, I dropped the entire tray of clean cutlery I’d been holding. It scattered all over the floor. I looked to the person who’d called Matt’s name and saw them waving their hand in the air. I braced myself and looked to the front door. Some guy I didn’t recognize was walking toward them. Some guy that wasn’t my Matt.
Thank God.
Hearing his name spooked me. I wasn’t feeling myself at all.
Sandra came over to help me clean up the cutlery. She insisted that I go home. She had never seen me sick and just wanted me to rest and feel better. I felt lucky to be such close friends with her, but I knew she’d have to work doubly hard to cover for me.
“Really, I can stay,” I said.
“Go,” she insisted. “What kind of friend would I be if I made you work through this?”
I thanked her, finished a few things with my tables, and left through the back door to my bike.
Getting away from the smells and noises of the restaurant helped immediately. I took a deep breath of the fresh ocean air while I unlocked my bike. I hopped on and made for home. As I rode along the coast, all I could hear was Mr. Mathers’ voice replaying over and over in my head.
Sounds like you’re pregnant.
I took a slight detour past the pharmacy. I didn’t think he was right, but I decided to buy a pregnancy test anyway. I knew if I didn’t, I’d just be wondering if it were true. It was better to just take the dumb test so I could rule it out. The twenty dollars was worth it for instant peace of mind.
The girl at the checkout gave me a curious look when I was paying.
I shrugged back at her.
“Fingers crossed,” I joked.
“You hoping for positive or negative?” she said.
I looked at her then down at the test. For some reason I didn’t know what to say.
“It’s okay,” she said, rescuing me from my own indecision. “I shouldn’t be so nosy.”
I thanked her and hurried out.
The first thing I did when I got home was run myself a hot bath. I was going to soak and relax for a bit and then crawl into bed for a nice afternoon nap. As the tub filled, I heard my phone ringing back in the kitchen. I hurried past the living room window, totally naked, to go grab it.
It was Sandra.
“Oh no. What did I forget to do before I left?” I asked when I answered.
“Nothing. Relax. I just had to call to tell you something because it’s quicker than texting.”
“That’s a relief. Just so you know, I’m totally naked and about to take you in the bath with me,” I said and we both laughed.
“So, some guy just came into the café asking for you,” Sandra said.
“What? Really? Who?” I said, my mind racing.
“I don’t know. Greg was the one he talked to. I noticed him standing outside looking in, but I didn’t think mu
ch of it. Next thing I knew, he was at the counter talking to Greg. Then he was gone.”
“Did Greg say why he was looking for me?”
“He never asked. Apparently the guy just came in, asked if you were working, and when Greg said you weren’t, he left.”
“Totally weird. What did he look like?”
“He was a handsome man. Very handsome. Not from town. He was looking pretty classy in his navy blazer,” she said.
The image of the married guy from the bar jumped into my mind.
“Ugh, that idiot?” I said.
“You know who it was?”
“Yeah, remember I told you about that little pub I went into, the night my car was taken?”
“Oh, that asshole? The one with the tan line where his wedding band should have been?”
“Yeah, exactly. I guess he didn’t take no for an answer.”
“If I remember correctly, you gave him a lot more than a no. You gave him a knee in the nuts!”
I laughed. “Guess he didn’t get the message.”
“Poor guy. I guess he’s just under the Meadow spell. Well, I’m glad we solved the mystery. You never mentioned how hot he was, by the way.”
“He’s all yours,” I said.
Sandra laughed. “No thanks, but I better run. My order is up. Hope you’re feeling better.”
“Bye,” I said, not sure if she heard me before hanging up.
I turned the ringer off and put my phone on the bathroom floor. I rested back against the tub, plugged my nose, and slid all the way under.
CHAPTER 50
SANDRA
I got to the brewery after closing up the café and grabbed a seat at the counter. I was happy to see Paul was bartending, not just because he’s good company, but because he always pours me my beer before I even ask. He came over and put a pint down in front of me.
“Where’s your partner in crime?” he asked.
“She wasn’t feeling well,” I said, taking a sip. “I sent her home early.”
“Too hungover to work? I’m pretty hungover myself.”
“No, she wasn’t hungover. She hardly drank at all, but she did throw up this morning. She’s worried she gave everyone food poisoning. Have you been sick?”
Reverse Cowgirl Page 66
