I was mortified and couldn’t get out of there quick enough.
I opened the door and the bell rang above my head as I hurried out. I rounded the corner and burst out crying. With both hands carrying coffee, there was no wiping the tears. I hurried to my door, put both coffees on the ground, and dug through my bag for the key.
Once inside, I slammed the door behind me and collapsed on the bed, burying my face in the pillow. I took a deep breath and let out a massive scream. I hoped the pillow would muffle it enough that I wouldn’t terrify the other guests. I lifted my head and the giant alarm clock caught my eye. It wasn’t as early as I thought it was and I had to be at the café in an hour.
I hurried into the bathroom and turned on the shower, undressing as it ran. I was ready to get in there and scrub Kane off me forever. I made a mistake with him and I was going to wash it down the drain.
I knew I had to toughen up. I couldn’t be so emotional. I wasn’t going to let him win. This was my new life, and I wasn’t willing to let another cheating asshole rob me of it. I was going to shower, do my hair and makeup, and look fabulous for my second day at work.
CHAPTER 37
SANDRA
With an armload of ketchup bottles, I backed out of the cooler. I put one on each table as I made my way to the front of the restaurant. I was so focused on my task I didn’t even notice Meadow come in. She was standing behind the counter with her back to me as she searched through the pile of aprons for a clean one she could wear.
“Well good morning, sleeping beauty. I hope you got lots of rest last night. It’s going to be a busy day today,” I said as I made my way toward her.
She turned and smiled, tying the winning apron around her waist.
“Holy. You look like shit,” I blurted out.
I instantly regretted it. No one wants to hear that, even if it’s the truth. I couldn’t help it though. She looked so run down that it caught me completely off guard. I could tell she’d put some effort into her appearance, but it was written all over her face that she’d had a sleepless night.
“I’m so sorry. That’s not what I meant. Of course you still look beautiful. We’ve got some time, why don’t we relax over a coffee before we open? I just finished brewing a fresh pot.”
I reached for two coffee mugs, knowing she wouldn’t say no to a coffee.
“A coffee would be great, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather just get to work. I’ve got lots to learn about how to open a restaurant.”
She was so determined to prove she was a hard worker.
“Oh, yeah, okay. Greg better be careful. Seems like you’re going to take over his title as hardest working employee,” I said as Greg, our sixteen-year-old dishwasher, walked through the door.
Greg laughed and gave Meadow a mock glare. I introduced them and they had a little chat before he continued back into the dish pit. Meadow looked around the restaurant. I could tell she was ready to start work, but had no idea where to start. I handed her a mug of coffee and a package of napkins.
“Here, take this and start at the back. Make sure that the napkin dispensers on each table are full.”
“I’m on it,” she said like she’d just been given a highly important mission.
It was nice to have an extra set of hands. Knowing the napkins were in capable hands, I headed back to the kitchen to chat with the cooks. Eventually I peeked out the service window and saw that Meadow had finished the napkin task and was looking around again for something to do. I tried to think of another job I could give her, but we were pretty much ready with time to spare.
I tried to think what could have given her such a bad night. She’d been happy, literally thrilled, when she’d said goodnight to Paul and me at the brewery.
Was it the work? Not only was this her second day at a new job, it was her second day at a job, ever. I could only imagine how nervous and anxious she must have been feeling. I wondered if she’d been worried all night about her shift.
“Don’t be nervous about today, girl. I know you’re going to be great,” I said as I walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.
She looked at me with a half smile. That’s when I noticed a quiver in her lip.
“Meadow, is everything okay?”
I turned her towards me gently, leaving my hands on her arms as I looked her in the eye. I wanted her to know she could be honest with me. The moment our eyes met, she started sobbing.
“Oh, no,” I said as I pulled her in for a hug.
“Meadow darling, today’s going to be fine. You’re going to be great and I’ll be here all day to help you. Remember how much of a natural team we make?”
I tried my best to reassure her as she sobbed into my shoulder. Between the tears, I could tell she was trying to say something, but I couldn’t make it out.
“What was that?”
She repeated herself, but with all the sobbing it was impossible to make out a word she said. I felt awful, but I had to ask her to repeat herself a third time.
“I slept with Kane last night,” she said at last, and burst into hysterical tears.
Startled by the news and her sobbing, I grabbed her hand and rushed her into the back office. It was the last thing I expected to hear. No wonder I had no idea what she was trying to say. I would never have guessed that. I couldn’t believe she slept with Kane. I was so sure it was her and Paul who were going to hit it off.
Having never slept with Kane myself, I wasn’t sure what about sleeping with him would make a grown woman burst into hysterical tears. I mean, I knew he had his faults, but he was one of my best friends and that was because he was a solid guy. They got off to such a rough start with each other, and I was feeling pretty happy with myself for smoothing it over between them last night, but I really had no idea that I had done such a good job. I still couldn’t get over the fact she’d ended up with Kane when I was sure the chemistry had been between her and Paul.
“Kane? Really? I thought you and Paul were hitting off.”
She looked up and stared at me, wiping her tears on her sleeve. She said nothing and that was when I realized the problem wasn’t with my matchmaking skills.
“Sorry. Sorry. Okay, you slept with Kane. Why is that a disaster?”
She looked into my eyes, still saying nothing. I could tell her mind was racing but I had no idea what about. The way her eyes were moving, in short quick movements, let me know she was collecting her thoughts. It looked like she was trying to make sense of it all. My curiosity was killing me, but I gave her time.
“I can’t believe you, Sandra. How can you just sit there like it’s not a big deal. You call that man one of your best friends? How could you ever be friends with someone like him? Do you support his lifestyle? I feel like I’m going to be sick. Why did everyone fail to mention that Kane is married?”
CHAPTER 38
SANDRA
Finally, the penny dropped!
My heart ached for her. It was almost like she’d become so accustomed to being lied to that she expected every man she met to do the same. I loved Kane like a brother, and I respected his choice to keep his private life private, but Meadow needed to know. If he wasn’t going to tell her about them, I had to.
She deserved to know. Meadow deserved to be told the truth about what happened.
“Oh, hun, Kane isn’t married. He’s never been married and he doesn’t have a child,” I said as I held her hands in mine.
She glared at me. It was like she suspected me of covering for him.
“Meadow! If Kane was cheating on someone, I’d be the first one to knock him over the head. Don’t you know the code? Hoes before bros,” I said with a laugh, hoping I’d at least get a smile out of her.
I didn’t.
She kept looking at me with the same untrusting glare. She was desperate for an explanation and I was ready to give it to her.
“Kane has never been married, but two years ago, he was engaged.”
She crossed her arms
and looked at me. Feeling like I was on the stand, I continued.
“The little girl was his fiancée’s daughter. Not Kane’s child. His fiancée had her with another man long before her and Kane even met.”
I could see Meadow slowly calm down as I continued.
“She wound up in Pismo Beach much the same way you did. She’d been in an abusive relationship with the father of her daughter and finally decided she’d had enough. She loaded her car with some things, drove through the night with her daughter, and ended up here.”
Meadow cleared her throat.
“Kane was the first person she met. Without hesitation, he insisted they come stay with him while she figured out her life out. Her name was Carolyn.”
Meadow’s eyes shot daggers the second I said her name. I still didn’t know how she’d found out about Carolyn and Tamara, or how much she knew, but it was clear she knew her name.
“Anyway, the two of them moved in with Kane and never moved out. He fell head over heels in love with both of them. We were all shocked. Kane had always been the lone wolf type, but it was different when he met Carolyn. Something changed in him, for the better.”
Meadow let out a deep sigh. I could see the tension releasing from her body as the story progressed.
“He loved those girls more than anything in the world. He adored Carolyn and treated Tamara like she was his own. In no time at all, they were engaged. Kane wouldn’t stop bragging about it. He wanted everyone to know. He had big plans for starting a life with the two of them. He hated that they’d been mistreated and vowed to show them a more loving life.”
I could tell Meadow was less than interested in the love story of Kane and Carolyn. She seemed more interested in the part that explained that he wasn't engaged anymore. I got the hint and got to the point.
“Two years ago there was an accident.”
Meadow’s expression was completely blank.
“Carolyn had packed a picnic dinner for the three of them. It was this adorable thing they used to do. They’d go to their favorite spot on a cliff overlooking the ocean. They’d eat dinner, swim and watch the sunset together.”
“I see,” Meadow said. It was the first she’d spoken since I started telling the story.
“Kane got caught up in a job at the shop he had to get done. He called Carolyn and told her to take her own car to the spot and he’d meet up with them as soon as he could. Their spot is just a little ways down the highway.”
“I think I know it.”
Meadow’s voice was so soft I barely made out what she said.
“Maybe you do. It was a bit of a secret spot. The tourists hadn’t found it yet, so it was essentially a private beach. Though it was so secret that it also meant there were no lifeguards, beach flags and warning signs to tell current conditions.”
“I’m pretty sure I noticed flags there,” Meadow said, correcting me while trying to make sure she was remembering correctly.
“Yeah. There are now. They put those there two years ago.”
That was the moment Meadow’s anger cooled down enough to figure out where this was going. Her arms uncrossed and she held her hands together in front of her chest. She said nothing and waited for me to go on.
“Carolyn didn’t grow up on the ocean like Kane did. Kane could tell just by looking at the water if it was a good idea to get in or not. He was so protective of those two. Not every picnic dinner included swimming. If the conditions were even the slightest bit off, Kane got strict and wouldn’t allow them to get in.”
“Oh no,” Meadow said, piecing the rest together for herself.
“I guess Carolyn was feeling confident that she’d been there enough with Kane to know what to look for. The wind was calm that day and the waves were gentle so she assumed it was fine. Most people would have assumed the same. She and Tamara went into the ocean for a swim while they waited for Kane to finish work.”
It had been so long since I’d told the story. It felt strange to be telling it. It had become something that no one ever spoke of. That day shook the whole town. No one was quite the same after it, but soon enough, life goes on and we got on with it. As the memories came flooding back, I could feel my voice start to tremble.
“There was a massive undertow. It was nothing the untrained eye would have been able to spot. Now, no one else was there, so I’m not exactly sure what happened. Kane told us once what happened when he got there.”
“What happened?” Meadow said, her voice breaking.
“He pulled into the lot and saw her car parked there. Excited to see them, he headed down the steep, winding path to the beach. He saw their clothes, blanket, and towels on the beach. He looked out into the water to see them swimming. But he couldn’t see them swimming. He started to glance around frantically, noticing the dangerous conditions. It was then that he saw Carolyn, way off in the distance. He couldn’t see Tamara at all.”
“Oh, God.”
“He rushed into the water and swam toward Carolyn. He had always been a strong swimmer. He swam and he swam towards Carolyn, all the while scanning for a sign of Tamara. Eventually he reached Carolyn, but it was too late. She was just floating there, facedown. He grabbed her in his arms, turned her over, and knew she was gone.”
“What about Tamara?”
“He held onto Carolyn and looked for Tamara. He could feel the strong pull of the current as he tried to stay afloat but he never gave up. Not until he saw Tamara’s tiny pink water shoe. Then he knew in his heart he’d lost her too.”
By that point, I wasn’t even looking at Meadow anymore. I couldn’t. I kept my eyes down as they filled with tears. When I did look up, Meadow had the same tears in her eyes, her hand covering her mouth.
“I’ve made a horrible mistake,” she said with a look of gut wrenching regret.
CHAPTER 39
MEADOW
I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been. Kane wasn’t a cheater or an asshole, he was just a man with a broken heart. Sandra meant it when she said that Kane had one of the biggest hearts she’d ever known, and I, Meadow the Jackass, had stomped all over it like a crazy jealous ogre.
“I need to go. I have to find him and apologize,” I said, starting to panic.
“Of course you can go. I can handle opening on my own, but you might have already missed him,” Sandra said.
“What? Why? I need to see him. I said awful things, Sandra. I was horrible to him.”
“The guys are going to Big Sur today. He might have already left.”
“He said he needed to do work at the shop first. Where’s the shop? I can go there, maybe he’s still there,” I said.
I couldn’t just let it go and wait for when he got back from his trip. I had to apologize immediately or I’d die.
I needed to tell him I was sorry. Sorry for how I behaved and sorry for his loss. The second he said her name, I just jumped to conclusions and went off on a psycho rampage. I was furious with him for just sitting there in bed. Now I knew why.
“Here’s the address for the shop. I’ll take care of the café. Go.”
I looked at her like she was my savior and hugged her tighter than I’d ever hugged anyone.
“I’m so sorry. I promise I’m not normally surrounded by so much drama. Please, Sandra, I have to ask you to keep all this a secret. All of the Kane stuff. I don’t want anyone to find out about us sleeping together, and I especially would hate if anyone found out what happened this morning. I need to find him and make things right. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I rushed through the restaurant, took off my apron and left it on the counter, before heading out the door. Thankfully, my car hadn’t been towed and I got in and sped to the shop. As I rolled my way through each stop sign, I wondered what I would say when I saw him. I had no idea how to redeem myself after my display.
I found his shop and instead of using a parking spot, I drove right up to the front door. The closed sign was facing forward, the door was locked, and the ligh
ts were all out. I went to the back where the garage doors were. I tried lifting them with no luck. I banged and banged on them, but no one came.
He wasn’t there.
I ran back to my car and hoped to God I’d find him at his place. I drove like a lunatic and was lucky I wasn’t pulled over.
I parked and ran up to the front door. I rang the bell, and after waiting one second for him to answer, rang it again and again. With still no sign, I started knocking too. I peeked in the window before deciding to run around back to the deck entrance. I ran up the stairs about as gracefully as an elephant being chased by a mouse. I got to the door and knocked again. Then, I reached to open the door, but it was locked. I put my face to the glass and used my hands to block the glare so I could see inside. I noticed his shoes that were there earlier were gone now. I also noticed that the pictures I had crumpled and thrown to the ground were now in a neat pile on the kitchen table.
I turned around and slumped to the ground. I sat there and held my head in my hands. I had made such a horrible mistake. I was so embarrassed. Mortified. I hated the thought of him meeting up with the guys in Big Sur and telling them everything I’d said to him.
It was such a knee-jerk reaction and I had no excuse. Why couldn’t I just shut my giant mouth for a moment and let him explain?
In a last ditch effort, I reached over my head and knocked on the door one last time. Still nothing. I picked myself off the ground and made my way to my car. Even though I knew he wasn’t home, I kept looking back to the door to see if he was there.
He wasn’t.
I got into the passenger side of my car and opened the glovebox to get a piece of paper and pen. In all of the time we spent together, we were too busy talking or fucking to bother exchanging numbers. I had to leave him a note so he’d know I wanted to talk to him as soon as possible. I held the pen and paper in my hands and the blank page stared me in the face.
I had no idea what to write. I had no idea how I could ever recover from the damage I did that morning. What could I possibly say that would smooth it over? I was sure I’d put myself on the top of his list of most hated people. My hand was shaking as it held the pen, nervous to write the wrong thing.
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