by Paige Powers
Starla’s eyes grew wide at such an offensive and bluntly delivered question. Even Ben looked shocked at the delivery from his normally politically correct girlfriend. As Starla struggled for words, Ben tried to make the situation better and answer for her.
“Mina,” he said haltingly, “that’s not really an appropriate question, is it? Starla’s had a hard life. Between her sister dying and her abusive relationship…”
Starla screeched like a banshee, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. Now it was Mina’s turn to look surprised. The love triangle stood around the table now all unsure of what to say or do. Starla felt exposed, like she was standing naked in the middle of Times Square with everybody watching her. It was a less-than-comfortable feeling, having her dirty laundry aired out to her lover’s girlfriend.
Finally Mina stepped back from the table, careful not to trip in her Jimmy Choos. She gestured wildly in the air and said, “Whatever. I can’t deal with this right now. I have a really important meeting to go to.” Grabbing Ben by the collar of his t-shirt, she yanked him in a planted a series of ferocious kisses on him. “Call me later and let me know when you’re coming back, okay?” With that, she sped off, walking as fast as a socialite in five-inch heels could possibly move.
Starla and Ben stared at each other, neither knowing what to say. Looking like she was about to burst into tears at any moment, it was Starla who said, “I’d like to go home now.”
With both of them marinating in uncomfortable silence they headed back towards the car, the mood of the day ruined by the inevitability of surprise. Neither party spoke on the car ride back into New Jersey, not even when the car got stuck in ridiculously backed-up traffic. Starla watched the inhabitants of other cars inching past her. In the back of a red Chevy Camaro sat a small blonde girl. She held a ratty doll in her hands, pressing the figure against the window and pulling it away. The gesture was so simplistic but it made Starla want to cry. That little girl and her doll reminded Starla of herself – looking out into a wonderful world of opportunities but unable to move.
They shuffled along little by little. The traffic between New York and New Jersey was ridiculous. It was amazing the amount of people who were always coming and going, always running somewhere, despite the time of day or night.
It was Ben who eventually broke the silence with two simple words. “I’m sorry.”
“About what?” Starla wasn’t going to let him go that easily. The events that had transpired that afternoon just about broke her heart all over again. She was going to hold Ben accountable for his actions and teach him that he couldn’t play with the emotions of others as willy-nilly as he was.
“Don’t be like that,” Ben said. “You know what I’m sorry about.”
“I want you to say it.”
Ben cleared his throat. “I wasn’t going to break up with her in the middle of Times Square, Starla. Don’t be silly. I told you that I’m going to end things with her and I will. You just have to give me time.”
Starla shook her head. She felt tears lighting at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. But she didn’t want to cry. This was not the time to be weak. So instead she balled her fists in her lap, squeezing her fingers down until they ached.
“I’ve waited for you my entire life,” she told him. “You’re the one that left.”
It sucked, having the blame constantly placed on him. Although he acknowledged that he was the one who went off to find a better life, he didn’t think that he had ruined everything by doing so. After all, he was the one with a successful career. He was the one with a gorgeous apartment above Central Park and he was the one who had a normal, functioning, healthy relationship with someone else.
Ben said cruelly, “I may be the one that left but you’re the one who chose to stay behind and do nothing with your life. You keep telling me that I left you behind but what you fail to realize, over and over again, is that I asked you to come with me. I begged you to come with me in high school. You said no. So maybe it’s time to sit back and think that you’re the one who fucked up, Starla, not me.”
A sob escaped her mouth. Starla grabbed the volume dial on the radio and cranked it up so that Ben would be unable to hear her crying. She pressed her face to the window and let her tears snake down the glass. Everything that Ben had told her about loving her was most likely a lie. Her morality and her loyalty had been compromised. It broke her heart to think that she was such a terrible human being, the kind who cheated and not only ruined her own relationship but someone else’s as well. And she did it because she trusted someone that she should have never trusted in the first place. It was an all around disastrous situation.
The radio station was playing country music, songs with a sad twinge that spoke about lost love and failed relationships. Neither Ben nor Starla liked country music but neither of them bothered to change it. They just needed something to fill the silence and to distract them from everything that had just happened.
It blew Ben’s mind that, in a city of ten million people, he would see the one person he wanted to avoid that day. He couldn’t believe that Mina just happened to be walking past the very spot where him and Starla had been eating a hotdog and discussing their love lives. It could have been divine intervention. But if so, that meant that the relationship between Starla and him wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t really want that to be the case.
The drive back into Bellen was the longest one hour and fifteen minutes that either Starla or Ben had ever experienced. Once in town, Ben figured they needed to talk it out, figure out where they stood. He turned down the volume of the music and asked Starla what her opinion was.
“I can’t wait for you anymore, Ben. I can’t be your chick on the side or whatever. Maybe us reuniting and getting physical and all of that was just stupid. We’ve been ignoring the facts. You have a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. And you’re going to move back to New York City. That’s the way it is. It was stupid for either of us to think that this would end well.”
“But we could do a long-distance relationship,” Ben countered. “And it’s not even really that long. I’d only be a train ride away.”
“You have a girlfriend. I saw her today. Did that not embarrass you the way it embarrassed me? Oh my God.”
“I told you I’d break up with her for you.”
“But you didn’t,” Starla responded despondently.
Ben pulled the car into a parking spot by the park. They sat there for a few moments listening to the idling of the car engine.
“Maybe you’re right then. Maybe we should just be friends,” Ben said, staring out into space. “Maybe this was all just a big mistake.” He turned towards her and, rather than hugging her, stuck out his hand for a handshake. “Friends?”
With just a grunt of displeasure, Starla unbuttoned her seatbelt, threw open the car door, and stalked down the street. Ben had to unbutton his own seatbelt so that he could lean over and shut the car door. As he watched Starla returning to her boyfriend, Ben sighed.
Women were just so complicated. He didn’t understand them at all.
Chapter Nine:
2014 – Ben
He knew there was something wrong as soon as he opened the door to the apartment. Something just felt off. He couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was, but the feeling in the apartment was…too still, maybe? When he dropped his bag to the floor, where it landed with a resounding clunk, there was some movement in the bedroom. A flurry of muted whispers, some soft footsteps. The door to the bedroom opened and Mina strolled out. She was wrapped in the red silk robe that Ben had bought her last Valentine’s Day. Strangely enough, her hair was done in a messy bun on the top of her head.
“Baby!” she exclaimed, walking forward and embracing Ben. “I didn’t think you’d be home for another few days. Is everything okay?”
There was a false cheeriness to her voice, an uncomfortable sparkle in her eyes. Ben replied, “Everything is fine. I was just tired of being
home. Spending all that time in Bellen reminded me of why I left. So I came back here to you. Where I belong. That’s what you reminded me when you saw me before, right?”
“Of course, baby. I’m –” Before Mina could finish her sentence, there was a loud crash from the bedroom.
Rather than go see what it was, Mina tried to get a tighter hold on Ben. Her arms squeezed around him, attempting to keep him in one place. “Don’t worry, Ben. I left the window open, something probably just fell. Don’t –”
Alarm bells were sounding in his head. He pushed against his girlfriend’s arms, gently extracting himself from her grip. As he moved to walk past her and see what was going on in the bedroom, Mina jumped in front of him, trying to stop him. She grabbed at his arms and his waist. Ben was too strong, though. He moved around her, pushing her off him as he went.
On the bedroom floor lay the waste of the green lamp that had sat on their nightstand. The lackluster green ceramic was shattered in chunks across the floor, leaving a trail of green-gray dust in between the pieces. There were slits in the lampshade from the broken glass of the light bulb. Small spots of dark blood also dotted the lampshade.
It was the sight on the bed that was even more shocking. Jack Halloway, another reporter for the station where Mina worked, was sitting on the bed clutching his bleeding foot. He wore no clothes except for a skimpy pair of gray boxer-briefs, and his brown hair was tousled. Behind him, Mina’s clothes were thrown across the bed, including her pink lingerie set. An open condom wrapper rested haphazardly on the pillow, reflecting the light shining in from the window.
Jack looked up when Ben entered the bedroom and said, in a choked voice, “Can you get me some gauze and a bandage, man? I stepped on that glass. I think the cut is really deep. It won’t stop bleeding.”
Ben was shocked. “Are you kidding me? You want me to get you a bandage?”
“Man, please help me. I’m not good with blood. It hurts too, it hurts real bad. Please help.”
“You were just in here fucking my girlfriend and you want me to help you? Fuck you, Halloway. I hope you bleed to death. You’re just lucky I’m not over there kicking your ass right now,” Ben spat across the room. Jack Halloway looked up, momentarily stunned. Even Ben was amazed at the animosity in his voice. But in what world did Jack Halloway think he was going to get help from the scorned boyfriend?
Mina came scurrying into the room, her cheeks bright red. She rushed to the bed and handed Jack some gauze, whispering sweet nothings all the while. When she was convinced that he was going to be okay and that he could take care of his foot for a minute, she turned. There was fear in her eyes but also something else that Ben couldn’t quite place. It was a haughtiness of sorts, a defensiveness.
She walked towards him and took his hand in hers. He wanted to pull away. He wanted to hit her, actually, but he knew he couldn’t do that. The betrayal was not palatable to him. Soothingly Mina pulled, leading him out of the room, settling him onto the couch in the living room. She sat next to him, sinking into the cushions.
“Now I want you to listen to me,” she said. “And I know you don’t want to listen to me right now, but I need you to just hang in there and hear what I have to say. Okay?”
“Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare touch me.”
“Fine,” Mina said, removing her hands. She held them into the air, a sign of surrender. “Fine, I won’t touch you. But you need to listen. I know everything, Ben. I know you still love her, that Starla girl. The way you look at her…you’ve never looked at me like that.”
Ben wanted to protest but Mina shook her head, holding up a finger to silence him. “You told me about her a few times. You always referenced her as that lost love from your childhood. Maybe I thought you’d change and finally love me the way you loved her. When we moved in together, I thought that was it. But seeing you and her the other day made me realize that you never stopped loving her. And that’s not fair to me. Because now I feel like I’ve been waiting around for all of these years for someone who will never love me the way I need to be loved. I cried for a long time after I saw the two of you together and then it dawned on me that if you were looking at her that way, you had to be sleeping together. That’s when I got angry. I’ve been lied to, led on, and then cheated on? That’s not how my life works. That’s not supposed to be what I go through.
“So I called Jack. He’s always liked me. He came over and…we slept together. You know that now, obviously. And then we slept together a few more times. He looks at me the way you look at Starla. I’m sorry if this hurts you but you hurt me too.”
“Two wrongs don’t make a right,” Ben said, choked up. A solitary tear slid down his cheek. He tried to wipe it away before Mina saw, but it didn’t matter. She was crying too, big ugly tears. But in his heart, Ben knew that everything she said was true.
Mina ran her hands over her face, trying to dispel the dejection. “I’m going to leave, okay? Just give me a day or two and then I’ll be gone. You and I are over, Ben. But maybe we’ve been over for a long time and it just took this to realize it.”
Then she leaned in and embraced him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pressing her face into his chest. They sat there and cried together, her tears dampening his t-shirt. Occasionally Ben leaned down and planted a kiss on Mina’s hair. Even though he was angry and hurt and relieved, he still cared about the woman sitting in front of him.
Once all of the tears had been cried and the sorrow had been wrung from their bodies, they broke the embrace. Mina stood up and pursed her lips.
“I need to go help Jack,” she said. “In a few minutes will you help me carry him downstairs? I’m going to flag a cab and take him to the emergency room so he can get some stitches or something.”
Ben sniffled and nodded, still trying to process everything that had gone on. Mina flashed him a weak smile and then disappeared into the bedroom. As she tried to bandage up Jack’s wounds, Ben could hear small howls of pain. Even though he had cheated on Mina as well, he couldn’t help but feel smug and happy to hear his former girlfriend’s lover in pain. Was it awful of him? He didn’t really care.
Mina toddled out of the bedroom with a limping Jack clutching to her. She gave Ben a pleading look, at which point he rose from the couch and went to help. Supporting most of Jack’s weight on his shoulders, Ben assisted Mina in getting her lovebird out to the curb. They sat him on the sidewalk and went to flag down a cab.
“I’m sorry about how all of this went down,” Ben said as he stuck his arm out, hoping to wave down a taxi as quickly as possible.
Mina nodded. “I’m sorry too. This is never how I thought we would end.”
“Me either.”
She took a deep breath and let it out unhurriedly. “I’ll have most of my stuff moved out later tonight. I may need to come back for some of the bigger furniture but for the most part, I’ll be out.” She was averting her eyes so she didn’t have to look at him straight-on. “It’ll be weird, won’t it? After being together for so long?”
“Yeah.” A cab driver acknowledged Ben with a bob of his head and began pulling his car towards the sidewalk.
When Mina finally looked up, her eyes were watering heavily, like she might cry again. She motioned to Jack. Ben helped him up and helped Mina load him into the backseat of the cab. Mina hesitated as she went to climb in after him, reaching out for one final hug from her now ex-boyfriend. He gave it to her, a brief hug full of all the things they never said to one another. Then, with a slam of the yellow door, she was gone. The cab pulled away, leaving Ben alone in a city of millions of people.
He made his way back into the apartment. The silence hit him. Life was going to change in a big way now. After years and years of living together, Ben was going to lose the first girl he ever slept with, his long term girlfriend, his partner in crime. When he went back to Bellen for his grandfather’s funeral, he could have never fathomed how much it would alter the course of his path in life.
&
nbsp; It was time for a beer or maybe six. He grabbed his bottle opener from the drawer next to the sink and his six-pack of Michelob Ultra from the fridge. Collapsing onto the couch, he popped open a beer. The familiar bitter burn swam around in his mouth and then down his throat, settling uneasily into his stomach. He sucked the liquid as fast as he could, finishing the first bottle in less than a minute. With a flick of his wrist he had the second bottle open.
Ben turned the television on and hoped for something good that would distract him from his current state of unrest. Flipping through the channels, he passed Tosh.O and a Cops marathon. Disney Channel and Nickelodeon held no appeal for him. He settled on Bones. Even though he was nearly positive that he had watched almost every episode of Bones, it never failed to fascinate him. The same episode could probably play on repeat on the television and Ben would still sit and watch it.
A Bones marathon would probably keep him occupied all day. It was for the best, really. If he was entranced with a television show then there was less of a chance that he’d think of Mina leaving or the giant fight he had with Starla. How would he be able to go back to her now? Would it even be possible to tell her that he loved her anymore after he had ruined everything on the drive home? Ben always considered himself to be a loyal man so he didn’t understand the way he had been acting lately. Love-induced psychosis, he’d like to say. Love makes people do crazy things. Ending things with Starla, trying to be just friends, was his way of trying to preserve her emotions. He had done a pretty terrible job of it.
In his pocket, his phone vibrated. Assuming it was just a text message – maybe even a message from Mina – he ignored it. He wasn’t in the mood to try and deal with anybody or anything that day. With the remote, he turned the volume up a bit louder on the television.
“Emily Deschanel could get it,” he announced to the empty apartment. As if to commemorate that statement, the second beer was lifted and poured straight down the gullet.
