by Diana Seere
And smelled like mothballs.
“Right.”
Gavin approached him, and his look changed to sympathy. “Are you ill?”
Lovesick, Derry thought bitterly. The word was on the tip of his tongue, but he bit it back, breaking eye contact with his brother and turning to prepare a triple shot of espresso. He would need ten of these to get through the day. He’d teased Gavin mercilessly about forsaking his bachelor party, but now he understood. Understood all too well. Why dabble with fluff when you can have the authentic in your bed, loving you?
The wedding rehearsal was this afternoon, followed by a dinner, and then tomorrow—the wedding.
Jess, he thought. Jess.
I’m here.
He closed his eyes, and his hand jumped with surprise, dumping coffee beans across the counter. They skittered like a rain stick turned upside down, the sound shattering his mental contact with her.
“You really are only sleeping with her. For how long?”
Forever.
“A few days,” Derry muttered, cleaning up the mess. The ritual of plucking each coffee bean from the ground with his thick fingers made for slow work, but right now he needed distraction.
“You’ve gone a few days with only one woman? You must be in love, Derry,” Gavin joked, the laugh dying in his throat as Derry stood and whirled around, his face burning from Gavin’s words.
They stared at each other.
Thousands of words passed without voice.
Finally, Derry found his.
“I think she’s the One, Gavin.”
Gavin’s eyebrows shot to his hairline, hands back on his hips, face flushing with a surprising anger that put Derry on guard.
“Nonsense! You’re a bear. Bears don’t mate for life.”
“I know!” Derry groaned, throwing away the dirty coffee beans, cradling his head in his hands and leaning his hip against the counter. “It makes no sense! But women are nothing to me now! It’s as if the world of pussy has gone from a rich tapestry of shades of pink to nothing but a dull, dreary gray! Their scents are gone. Women are nothing but cardboard to me. Sexually, I mean. I can speak with them. Converse and joke but not flirt. I… It’s as if… I don’t know!” He threw his hands up in the air in frustration, glaring at his brother as if demanding an answer.
Gavin gaped at him.
Not much of an answer.
Finally his brother’s face spread into a sly smile, one nostril widening as a corner of his mouth twisted into a leer. “Good one, Derry. You almost had me.”
“Had you what?” Derry’s head spun. The lack of coffee didn’t help.
“The joke. You can’t have a ‘One.’ This is a prank, right?” The smile went dead, Gavin’s voice cold. “And you’re using Lilah’s sister for the joke, which is absolutely unacceptable.”
“I’m not joking!” Derry roared, throwing the coffee bean container at Gavin’s head. Taken utterly by surprise, Gavin didn’t dodge in time, the ceramic jar grazing his ear.
Violence unleashed now, inertia took hold. It was a relief to throw the coffeemaker next, then a copper pot, and finally, Derry picked up the microwave, lifting it up over his head, blood pumping with a frenzy that made him so savage he could tell that love had driven him mad. No one believed him. No one would ever believe him. They all categorized him as a rake, a shallow, callow asshole who fucked his way through life, living on the old money from his ancient family’s treasure.
He was nothing but that image to the world.
Did Jess feel the same?
If his own brother couldn’t believe he was capable of love, then why not prove that he had a different kind of power?
“Jesus, Derry! Stop!” Edward’s voice cut through the hormone-driven chaos in his mind. Barely able to contain the impulse to cast the appliance as far as possible through Gavin’s head, he turned to see his baby brother standing at the slider, hands up in a gesture of supplication, eyes pleading.
Gavin moved to a point of safety behind a couch.
“What’s going on here?” Edward asked in horror.
Slowly, with an ache that made his chest hurt, his heart torn into millions of tiny threads that had all come unwoven with Gavin’s disbelief that he could have a One, Derry lowered the microwave.
He looked first at Edward, then at Gavin’s hard, guarded face.
What was he doing? His heart tried to pry itself out of his chest, thumping hard as if it struck a pickaxe against his ribs. The violence was hard to restrain, the beat of anger a powerful impulse, Gavin’s cruel implication that he wasn’t worthy of the same love everyone else experienced his worst fear.
With a painful dawning that made him want to curl into a ball and hide, to shred his clothing and run free, to escape and explode at the same time, he composed himself.
Barely.
And finally he said:
“You know me. I’m such a bear before I’ve had my morning coffee.”
Late that afternoon, Jess looked around the space Lilah had called “the family room.” No family room Jess had ever seen included a mural on the vaulted ceiling or stained-glass windows, but she was willing to indulge the bride and keep the cherub jokes to herself. Tomorrow, Lilah and Gavin would be married here. And in only a few minutes, the wedding party would begin the rehearsal.
Jess ducked behind a large potted plant before adjusting her bra under her sweater. The room was too warm; she was sweating. She’d worn a thick, bulky sweater instead of something more feminine, not wanting to trigger anything sexual with Derry or look like she wanted it.
No matter how badly she did want it.
Every hour she spent without touching Derry now felt like a year. Did that mean she knew he was the only one for her, destined to be hers for the rest of her life? Or did she just want to get laid and was afraid that her chances of feeling so good again were fading with each moment? Derry had already given her more time than he gave to most women. For all his enthusiasm now, the odds were he’d forget her within a day or two.
It was her brain that was calculating the odds. But her heart felt differently. What the two of them had was something special, something other people couldn’t understand.
And then her brain slapped her heart silly. She was enjoying Derry’s company and his body and everything, but she couldn’t believe it would last forever. Her whole life, she’d prided herself on being smart; she wasn’t going to get stupid now.
Or so she told herself. This, as much as her affection for her sister, kept her from sneaking off to see Derry privately, if just for a little kiss or two.
“If you think that garment will have any chilling effect on me whatsoever,” Derry’s voice rumbled softly in her ear, “you’re even more of an innocent than you were a few weeks ago.”
Jess froze, just savoring the feel of his nearness, the scent of him in her nose. “I thought it might help.”
“Kind of you, darling. But we’re way past that now, aren’t we?”
Then she did turn, taking a step back as she did so, out of reach. “Yes,” she said, smiling, “I guess we are.”
He wore a heather-gray sweater and a blue turtleneck that made his blue eyes shine like a summer sky. Or maybe it was because he’d tied back his thick hair, exaggerating his clean-shaven cheekbones. She’d never seen him without a shadow on his jaw before, and she was intrigued. Her fingers itched to cup his cheek and feel the soft skin over broad bone, the hint of stubble she couldn’t see.
But she didn’t. She’d promised.
“You look nice,” she said, clearing her throat.
Running a hand down his chest, he ducked his head. Was he blushing? “Generous of you to say so. This is how my mother would dress me when I was little. I thought, perhaps, Gavin would see it as evidence of my good intentions.” A grin flickered for only a moment. “If my appearance does not reflect my true nature, at least it demonstrates my desire to emulate a good one for the occasion.”
Jess glanced beyond the p
otted plant at the rows of seating and a preliminary altar, where Lilah and Gavin were greeting the rest of the family and their closest friends.
“I’ve promised to stay away from you for the next couple of days,” she said softly.
“An eternity.”
She searched him for any sign of mockery, finding none. “We’ll have to be together, of course, for the ceremony and tonight’s rehearsal,” she said.
“I understand we’ll be seated together at dinner as well.”
Her heart expanded in her chest. Just talking to him made her happy. “Nobody could blame us for talking to one another,” she said. “Right?”
“It would be improper not to. I’ve been remiss in hearing more about your life in your own words.” Giving her a bow, he offered his elbow. “Shall we?”
Feeling like it was the two of them against the world, she took his arm, maintaining plenty of air between their bodies, and let him escort her over to Lilah and Gavin. They were talking to Edward and Marilyn, all bubbles and smiles—until they saw Jess and Derry arrive together.
After giving her hand a brief squeeze, Derry released Jess’s arm. “Felicitations to the lovely couple,” he said, then turned and gave Marilyn a deep bow. “But first I must offer my sincere apologies for my sunrise indecency, Mrs. Murphy.”
Nervously Jess watched her mom absorb the apology, leaning in to let Derry kiss her on the cheek.
“We won’t talk about that,” Marilyn said. “Although I should probably thank you for pulling Jess out of the water before she got hypothermic.”
“It was my, ah, pleasure,” Derry said.
Jess dug her fingernails into her palms to stop herself from giggling.
“Not many lifeguards could carry a Murphy woman around like that,” Marilyn continued. “I can definitely see the appeal.” Her appreciative gaze danced over Derry’s body.
Oh no, Jess thought. Please don’t tell me my mother is flirting with him. At the first hint of flattery, Derry’s manwhore instincts would take over, embarrassing everyone.
But Derry glided over the bait with a polite smile. “I believe you know my sister, Sophia? I hope she behaved herself while she was living with you. We are twins, you know, in more ways than one.”
“She was such a help. It’s so nice to see her again.” Marilyn’s eyes widened, looking past them. “Speak of the devil.”
Jess turned to see Sophia talking to Molly and also to Natalie Mercado, an old high school friend of Lilah’s, chatting near the windows, which looked out on the lake. The four of them were the bridesmaids. Each had purchased their own gown separately, all in the same lovely shade of purple Lilah had always preferred. Jess doubted any of the other three had stressed out the bride as much as she had. No matter how tantalizing Derry was in his cashmere sweater, she was going to behave. She had to redeem herself.
“When does the rehearsal start?” Jess asked.
Lilah scanned the room. “We can start any minute if we’re all here.” She began counting on her fingers. “Molly and Edward, Nat and Asher, Sophia and Carl, Jess and Derry. That’s it!”
Jess and Derry. A pair. It sounded nice; it sounded right. Involuntarily she glanced at him and caught him staring. His expression was serious, not teasing or seductive, and it knocked the wind out of her.
In unison, they both looked away.
“I don’t see Asher,” Derry said carefully.
“Don’t get your hopes up.” Gavin slapped Derry on the back. “He’s in his garage. Eva wanted to see his newest acquisition. Just had it delivered. Not the Bugatti he’d wanted, but he seems pleased with another Morris.”
Jess was careful not to look at Derry at the mention of his big brother’s vintage car collection.
“Will Eva be here tonight?” She tried to keep the dread out of her voice. Her boss had seen her and Derry making fools of themselves that morning, and Jess wasn’t in any hurry to face her.
“She’d better be. She’s marrying us.” Gavin already had his arm around Lilah, and now he slid his arm down around her waist, pulled her closer, and buried his face in her hair as if none of them were standing there watching. Or, as in their mother’s case, sighing and clapping her hands together.
Lilah melted against Gavin for a long, hot minute before breaking away and offering the rest of them apologetic smiles. “It turns out that as the manager of the Platinum, Eva found it convenient to marry people, so she became an ordained minister. Now she marries everyone in the family.”
“Eva’s a minister,” Jess said. “I can see that. She’s got that vibe about her.”
“She does so enjoy telling people what to do,” Derry muttered. “Putting the fear of God into them, as it were.”
“Here they are,” Gavin said.
Behind them, Eva stood with a man who sucked all the air out of the room, like a broken window in a spaceship. Stony-faced and straight-backed, he had to be Asher Stanton, the oldest brother and de facto patriarch of the family. He bore a superficial resemblance to Derry—dark hair, blue eyes—but he was older, his build was smaller, and his reserved expression was totally unlike his fun-loving, exuberant, hedonistic younger brother.
Jess hated him instantly.
While Asher went over to greet his wedding partner, Natalie, who seemed oblivious to his domineering aura, Eva joined Jess and the others at the altar.
“Lilah, why don’t you and your mother wait over there like we talked about,” Eva said. “You’ll be the last to enter, of course.”
With a cheerful wave, Lilah and Marilyn walked across the room and disappeared behind the potted plant. Jess wished she could go with them, but she had to face Eva, who was now staring directly at her.
“Nice to see you,” Jess said.
“Ah, that’s right,” Eva said. “I’ve already seen you, but of course you were busy.”
Derry took a step, putting himself between Jess and Eva. “That was my fault. Entirely. And it won’t happen again.”
“I’ve heard that before,” Eva said, but she was smiling as she studied the clipboard in her hand. “But perhaps it’s better if we continue this discussion when your older brother isn’t in the room.”
“Either one of them,” Gavin growled.
“I’m happy to defer the conversation indefinitely,” Derry said.
Eva tapped Jess, then Derry, with a pencil. “You two will go first. I trust, my young McDermott, that you won’t forget the ring?”
“I assure you I will not,” Derry said.
“I have several extra in my pocket, just in case he does,” Gavin said.
Derry sniffed. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Nevertheless. The ring is merely a token. I might as well have a spare.” Gavin adjusted his tie, inhaling deeply and licking his lips, and for the first time, Jess realized he was nervous.
How cute.
“Who walks down the aisle after Jess and Derry?” Sophia asked. Everyone in the room was now clustered around Eva.
Once again, hearing her name paired with his, from a family member, his own twin, sent shockwaves through Jess’s body and soul. It felt right. It felt… inevitable. She was swept up in an overwhelming urge to just let go, just let it happen…
The feeling lingered, distracting her from the instructions that Eva gave to the Stantons and their friends in the same voice she used when issuing orders to waitstaff at the Platinum. As everyone scurried off, doing as she’d told them, Derry had to take her hand—which he squeezed before putting on his arm—and led her to the far end of the narrow carpet leading up the aisle.
Music began to play from wall speakers. Jess’s grip tightened on Derry’s sleeve, drawing a handful of the cashmere into her fist.
“Are you all right?” he asked softly.
“I’m nervous,” she said. “Isn’t that silly?”
His enormous hand came over hers. “No, my dear. It’s not silly at all.” He didn’t say anything else, or grin seductively, or stroke her skin in places sh
e’d never known she had—but his understanding silence made her weak in the knees. Here, if only he could take her here. Right now.
I want you, she thought.
With a swift chop of her hand, Eva signaled for them to proceed up the aisle.
I love you.
The voice drifted in between the notes of the music, blending with the wedding march but, she knew, audible only to her.
Her toe caught on the thick carpet.
“Lean on me,” Derry said under his breath. “I’m too big to fall over.”
Biting back a smile, she patted his elbow. “Thanks.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
They reached the podium that marked the altar, which Jess knew would be decorated lavishly tomorrow for the actual wedding. For months, Lilah had been sending her emails loaded with sample wedding pictures, music, and video, demanding she share her opinion. So much work had gone into the big day.
Derry and I will elope so we don’t have to do all this, she thought. And then flinched. What was the matter with her? Was she trying to torture herself?
“Jess?” Eva asked, coming over. “What’s the problem?”
Derry squeezed. “There’s no problem.” He was watching her intently. “None at all.”
“I forgot which side to go to,” Jess managed to say, although she felt dizzy.
“Over here,” Eva said, gesturing to the left. “Derry, here with Gavin.”
Derry felt every disparate part of his entire being coalesce as he watched Jess, her hand on his arm peeling off like ivy from an old brick wall, walk to the bride’s side as the rehearsal continued. Gavin’s eyes were on him, ever-observant, but with a keen cunning that made Derry’s skin crawl with something far more dangerous than a mere threat.
Gavin was cataloging him, taking inventory of his every move. If nothing else, Derry was the consummate social chameleon, able to take on whatever graces (or lack thereof) were required in any given setting.
He knew this would be difficult. Not the mindless niceties and small talk, but the proximity to Jess without permission to truly be with her. Ruses were fun to create and keep up when they didn’t involve real feelings.
