The Housekeeper's Daughter

by Laurie Paige

  “I think I’m going to have to. I just can’t keep searching and getting nowhere. And yet, sometimes I feel so close to the edge. Like last night during the storm. I actually went to the door, positive I would see this girl—woman—standing there, calling for me. Why can’t I remember? Why?”

  “We can try hypnosis and regression once more,” Martha suggested, but doubtfully.

  “I can’t get past the day I woke up at the clinic in California. I don’t know what I was doing out there when it appears I lived in a trailer park here at one time.”

  Martha shook her head. “I read over your record last week. Maybe it would shed some light if we had all your old records, but they were destroyed by fire. I have reached one conclusion.”

  Louise looked a question at her friend.

  “Whatever you may have been in the past, you are not bipolar at the present, nor do you suffer from multiple personality disorder as the records suggest. Other than the memory loss, I’d say you’re one of the most balanced people I’ve ever known. Sometimes I wonder if there were two of you, one who was mentally unstable and another who was not.”

  Louise smiled ironically. “Which one am I, Doctor?”

  “Oh, you’re sane enough,” Martha assured her. “Could you have had a twin?”

  “Well, if I did, I haven’t seen her in my nightmares.”

  “I wish we had the old records. Those could tell us so much. If we only knew for sure that you were born fifty-two years ago in California, then we might find out about your family.”

  “It sounds crazy that I can’t remember the year or the place I was born.”

  “Patience,” the doctor advised, her frown changing to a smile. “Time is on our side.”

  “But what about that of the red-haired girl? Last night I had a terrible feeling time was running out for her.”

  “Let’s work on your problem first. I want you to mentally say ‘No!’ each time you start worrying about your past. Refuse to let your conscious mind dwell on it. We’ll let your subconscious work on the task in the background. Meanwhile, you’re to relax and have some fun. What happened to that guy you were dating?”

  “He’s a friend, but that’s all. Without a past, I’m not sure I have a future.”

  “I don’t want to hear that kind of talk. At some point, you’ll have to get on with your life, with memories or without. That’s the way life is.”

  Out on the storm-swept street, Louise admitted the doctor was right, but something inside her, in her heart, said there was once a great love in her life.

  “Come back to me,” she whispered to the dark lover from her past. “No!” she said, recalling her instructions.

  But warmth spread through her as she zipped her jacket against the wind.

  Six

  “You don’t have time for roping,” Maya reminded the boys Saturday morning. “Mr. Martin will be here soon.”

  Joe Junior and Teddy gave her sullen glances, reverting to the spoiled brats they became when their mother overindulged them as she did in moments of frenzied attention. Last night had been an example. Ms. Meredith had let them have extra dessert before bedtime, then had countermanded Maya’s orders for bed and let them stay up late to watch a movie not suited to their ages.

  “I’ll ask Mother,” Joe said in a manner that made her want to shake him.

  “She’s visiting friends for the weekend,” Joe Senior, said, coming into the living room from his den. Drake was with him. “You would do well to mind Maya. Or would you rather be grounded for a week?”

  The boys dropped their whiny manner. “No, sir,” they both said respectfully.

  Maya was relieved to hear a car approaching. “That must be Andy. We’ll study in my room,” she told the boys.

  “Okay if the boys join me for some more roping after they finish their studies?” Drake asked.

  Maya met his opaque gaze without flinching. “That will be fine. If they want to.”

  “Sure!” the boys shouted, sunny once more.

  Maya hated the stiff, ill-at-ease way she sounded with Drake. But then, she’d never had a course in how to treat a former lover. Feeling huge, she turned and walked outside while her two charges headed down the hall to her room.

  Joe Senior, watched the boys with a stern expression on his face while Drake fell into step with her, opening the front door and playing the gentleman, his handsome face solemn while shadows flickered through his eyes.

  For a moment—one of total insanity—she wanted to take him into her arms and hold him…just hold him.

  Eyes blurred, she nearly tripped on the step. Drake’s arm was there immediately to catch her. His strength engulfed her and she felt safe, as if she’d sailed through stormy seas and found her haven at last. She closed her eyes as longing and need and a thousand other emotions churned through her.

  “Maya,” he murmured, sounding as desperate as she felt.

  She blinked the too-ready tears away and gazed into his eyes. A mistake, that. She saw, for the briefest instant, his vulnerability and the unhappiness he hid behind his calm, capable manner.

  Her heart banged against her ribcage, causing a pain similar to the one she’d felt when he’d told her of his twin’s death.

  “Maya,” he said again.

  She felt his need and her own and answered in the only way she knew how—by offering him the comfort of her touch. With trembling fingers, she gently caressed his shoulder.

  A car door slammed. Every nerve in her body jumped, and she stepped back, back from the sheer craziness his touch induced in her heart. A shaky sigh escaped her.

  Andy’s face lit in a smile at seeing her, then sobered as he glanced at Drake. The muscles in his jaw hardened and he looked Drake over like a rival stag he’d like to dispatch with an angry charge, but he nodded politely. “Drake,” he said by way of acknowledging the other man.

  “Andy Martin, isn’t it?” Drake said, equally polite.

  “Yes. It’s been a few years,” Andy said.

  “Since high-school football days. You were a couple of years behind me, as I recall.”

  “Three. Maya and I were classmates.”

  “If you’re ready,” Maya abruptly interrupted the exchange, keeping her eyes on Andy and ignoring Drake. “Did you have time to research some problems for Johnny?”

  “Yes. I’ll get them. Uh, Mrs. Colton called and said her boys needed some help.” His tone questioned Maya.

  “Yes. Joe didn’t do well on his exam in math. Can you tutor them on Saturdays, too?”

  “Yes, it’s already been arranged.” His glance was apologetic.

  Maya smiled to assure him she didn’t mind that the boys’ mother had gone over her head and dealt directly with Andy on the problem.

  “Who’s Johnny?” Drake wanted to know.

  “I’m helping Maya tutor one of her Hopechest kids,” Andy answered.

  Maya explained about Johnny Collins and her concerns over him and her hopes for his future when Drake seemed interested in the boy.

  “Let’s bring him out to the ranch on Saturdays,” he suggested. “He can study with the boys, then join us for roping lessons in the afternoon, if he’d like.”

  Maya considered. “That might be good. Skills in one area often translate into confidence in other areas. Johnny has good coordination and should do well.”

  “Great. Why don’t we start today? How do I arrange to get him out to the ranch?”

  “Let me get Joe and Teddy started with Andy, then I’ll call the Hopechest. Ready?” she asked Andy.

  He retrieved a briefcase from his car and followed her to her room where the two boys waited. They greeted their new tutor with less than enthusiasm.

  Maya could relate to that. Feeling restless and agitated, she wanted freedom instead of responsibility.

  Usually her seven-days-a-week duty didn’t bother her, but she felt a need to get outside and walk until the nervous energy was dissipated and she could come to terms with the ridiculou
s emotions Drake generated in her rebellious heart. That organ needed a lecture on proper behavior around him.

  Leaving Andy with the boys, she went to her mother’s desk in the kitchen and called the children’s ranch to see if Johnny could come out for the day.

  Having arranged that, she realized she would have to tell Drake. She found him out in the corral. Like her, he expended his extra energy outdoors, this morning working with a golden gelding while River James observed.

  Maya stopped at the railing beside River, the ranch foreman and a former foster child taken in by Joe and Meredith Colton years ago. River was now Drake’s brother-in-law. Drake’s sister, Sophie, had been pregnant when she and River had wed last summer. Maya stifled a sudden longing to seek out Sophie and confide her worries to the other woman and ask her what she should do.

  “He’s good with animals,” River said.

  “All the Coltons are,” she agreed. “It must run in the blood.” She wondered what traits her child would inherit from Drake, then realized that hurt too much to think about. “How’s Penny? Is her ear okay after the bee sting?”

  “Yes.” River switched his sea-green gaze to her.

  “Are you all right after your wild ride?” he asked in the quiet, thoughtful way he had.

  Maya nodded. “No harm done.”

  Except for what had been done to her heart, she thought before she could block it. Her gaze went to Drake. He looked at home in the saddle. Did he also look that way with a gun in his hand, fighting his way through one hell after another?

  Survivor guilt because his twin died? Was that the root of his choosing the most dangerous career available? That would explain the darkness and the sense of sorrow she sometimes detected within him.

  At that moment he rode over to the fence. “He’s a good mount,” he told River. “Rides like a gentleman.”

  River nodded. “I’ll take him now. I think Maya has news for you.”

  Maya frowned at River, not sure what he meant. He smiled slightly, then dropped to the ground on the other side of the rail and took the horse’s reins. Drake vaulted over the fence and stood close to her, waiting, his gaze roaming over her in familiar ways.

  “Johnny can come out to the ranch on weekends. You’ll have to go over and pick him up.”

  “Ride with me.”

  “What?”

  “Ride over with me. You know what the kid looks like. He’ll probably feel more at ease with you present.”

  “I’m not supposed to leave the boys.”

  A sardonic smile touched the corners of his mouth.

  “Your teacher friend will be with them for an hour. That’s plenty of time.”

  For what, part of her wanted to ask.

  Although his eyes hinted at passion carefully controlled, she really didn’t think he was thinking of seduction. Who would, with her present condition? She looked like a blimp. And felt worse. She sighed.

  “Back hurting?”

  She shook her head.

  “Then let’s go.”

  She hesitated. “Let me tell Andy where I’m going. And Mom. She tends to worry about me.”

  “Don’t we all?” Drake remarked softly behind her.

  After casting him a quelling glance, she hurried to the kitchen, told her mother of her plans and asked her to tell Andy if he came looking for her. A few minutes later she was sitting in the pickup that Drake had bought and restored years ago. She wondered why he hadn’t traded it for a flashy sports car.

  “You’ve been home almost a week, a week tomorrow,” she said without thinking.

  “Are you wondering when I’ll leave?”

  “Yes.”

  He snorted at her stiff reply. “I have a couple of months leave, more if I need it,” he said cryptically.

  She wondered why he would need more. “You’ve never stayed more than a week or two in the past.”

  “I’ve never had a pregnant woman to deal with before,” he said as if this explained everything.

  “You don’t have one now.”

  “Oh, yes, I do.”

  His sudden laughter, soft and sexy, grated over her nerves, and she felt near tears. “Don’t.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t understand any of the nuances between them, the flashes of insight, the longing, the desire. They arrived at the Hopechest Ranch without further conversation. Johnny was waiting on the porch at the office. She greeted him and went inside to sign him out.

  Back at the pickup, she realized why she shouldn’t have come. Drake shooed her over to the middle so Johnny could get in. He made sure she was buckled in, then spoke to the teenager. Maya introduced them.

  “Thanks for having me over,” Johnny said, eagerness in his dark eyes. “Sure beats doing chores around here.”

  “We’ll have chores, too,” Drake said. “I promised River we’d muck out all the stables this weekend. He’s short of help since a couple of his best hands eloped.” He chuckled. “It’s a hazard of modern times, having to hire both male and female wranglers.”

  Maya made herself as small as possible on the ride back to the Colton spread, but that didn’t stop her from being intensely aware of each lurch of the truck that caused her shoulder or thigh to brush his. His frequent glances told her he felt the heat, too.

  She practically pushed Johnny out of the vehicle and into the house when they arrived. After introducing him to her mother, who set him down to a glass of milk and warm cinnamon rolls before he began his studies, Maya took her student to Andy and the boys.

  Her nerves settled down as she went over the familiar territory of lesson plans and practice drills. By noon, she felt in control once more.

  Until lunch. Drake was in the kitchen when she and Andy entered with their three charges.

  “Drake,” Teddy shouted, so obviously happy to see his older brother it made Maya ache. “Can we practice roping after lunch? Johnny is going to try it, too, aren’t you?” he said to his newfound friend.

  “Indoor voice, please,” she reminded the youth.

  “One hour of roping, then two hours of mucking the stables.” Drake grinned, looking so handsome it made the ache surge through Maya again.

  Really, she had to get over this roller-coaster emotional thing around Drake. When the baby was born, when she got her degree, when she left, things would be better.

  The thought of leaving caused a separate ache all its own. Catching Drake’s observant gaze on her, she put on a smile and supervised lunch.

  Drake gritted his teeth at the familiar clenching sensation deep inside each time he looked at Maya. He noted her ease with her fellow teacher and the way she avoided looking his way. Something hot and angry burned in him.

  He wanted to snatch her away from all other males, including the teenager who looked at her with adoration in his eyes and his younger brothers who vied for her attention like two pups wanting to be petted. But most of all, he admitted, he wanted her away from the other adult male who obviously had her complete trust.

  Silently, as if he were the outsider in the family, he watched the interactions of the others. The loneliness that was an ingrained part of his life, except for one magic week last summer, flooded through him. It collided with the unexplained anger that roiled through him.

  After the meal, the boys dashed outside to set up the sawhorses for targets, talking a mile a minute to their new friend. Drake followed more slowly, aware that Maya and the tutor hardly noticed when he left.

  Outside, he breathed deeply and wondered what the hell was wrong with him these days. His life had always been planned and on track. Until his father’s letter telling him about Maya and the baby.

  Hearing voices, he watched as Maya walked to the car with Andy Martin. Their heads were close together as they discussed their students’ progress for the day and made plans for next weekend. Without thinking, he strode closer.

  Neither noticed him.

  “Let’s meet in town Wednesday,” Andy pro
posed. “We can plan a course of study for the boys as well as Johnny.”

  “Good idea,” Maya agreed with a lot more enthusiasm than she’d shown to any of his suggestions.

  Drake strode forward. “Maybe you’d better select a wedding date while you’re so busy planning the future.”

  The silence was instant and absolute between the other two. Drake heard the prowl of the wind through the cottonwoods, the muted shouts of the boys from the corral, the plangent warning of his own heartbeat, telling him he’d made a terrible mistake. Hell, he’d known that before the words were out of his mouth.

  Before he could apologize, Andy stepped in front of Maya. “Maybe you’d better apologize to the lady,” he said, “before you eat your teeth.”

  Drake laughed at the idea of a teacher besting him, a Navy SEAL. “You’re going to make me eat my teeth?”

  The other man’s face flushed deep red. Drake changed his stance as the teacher assumed fighting mode.

  He readied himself for a charge, welcoming the demands of a tussle as he calculated his enemy’s next move. He needed action, anything but the impasse of trying to talk to the woman whose eyes expressed shock and horror as the fight progressed.

  The teacher charged. With a deft move, Drake simply flipped the other man into the dust.

  His satisfaction was short-lived as he realized he’d made another tactical error. Maya rushed forward, bending over Andy, her manner one of total sympathy.

  “You brute!” She glared up at him.

  “I didn’t hurt him,” he said, obliged to point out this fact when she didn’t seem to notice it. “He led the charge.”

  She straightened and put her hands on her hips. “You provoked it.”

  She looked so kissable, he nearly grabbed her and laid one on her pursed, disapproving mouth. Heroically, he refrained, another thing she didn’t seem to appreciate, in addition to the fact that he hadn’t broken her stupid friend’s neck.

  “Well,” he said, stalling for time while he tried to think, “he was touching you.”

  “Touching me?” she said in exasperation, again not catching on to the finer nuances of the situation. “Oh, for heaven’s sake! Just…just get out of my sight.”