by Tijan
“Are you going straight from your place or...?”
I hadn’t thought about it, but I ducked back inside the cafe. Amanda was behind the front register. “Do you mind if a coworker of mine comes with tonight?”
She shrugged, but she looked surprised. “Sure.”
“Should we get ready at your place?”
“Oh. Yeah.” She nodded more vigorously. “We can drink wine and get ready together.”
Our eyes met and I knew she was thinking the same thing. Just like old times. She flashed me a grin. “Eight tonight?”
“Sounds good.” I waved before I ducked back out. “See you at eight.”
Theresa had been fidgeting as she waited on the sidewalk. Her head popped back up when I came out. I told her, “Pick you up at 7:30 and we’ll get ready at my friend’s place. She’ll want to drink wine before we go.”
“Sounds like my kind of friend.”
Mike stepped close to me. His low baritone sounded behind my ear. “Emma? There is a call for you.”
I nodded. That was his reminder that we needed to go. I waved to Theresa. “7:30 tonight.”
“7:30! See you then. I’ll have everything ready to be ready.”
“Okay.”
As I got into the car and Mike sat up front, he’d been doing that since I now only needed two guards, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. So many ups and downs, but Amanda was right. It was time to move forward and not feel guilty because of it. Wherever Mallory was, I hoped she was doing the same. A night out with Amanda and Theresa would be interesting, but I knew it would be fun. Then I stopped thinking about it as we drove home. The usual excitement to see Carter kicked in.
When we got there, he was waiting in the kitchen, and I tossed my purse on the counter and threw my arms around him. Pressing my head into his neck, I exclaimed, “I’m going out with the girls tonight. I hope that’s okay. Theresa extended an olive branch and she seems genuine. I don’t know if she is, but tonight will be fun anyways. Amanda’s going too. We’re going to go to her place to get ready…” I looked up and my voice faded.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
“Carter?”
He never hugged me back. Every muscle in him was tense and rigid. He could’ve been a statue made of stone. His jaw clenched as he gazed down at me.
“Carter?” I asked again. My heart picked up as I looked into his eyes. There was something—no, it couldn’t be. My arms dropped as if burned and I stepped back. I started to shake my head. No way.
But as he spoke, he said what I knew he was going to say.
My gut felt kicked in. I was sucker-punched as he said, “They found Mallory today.”
I kept shaking my head and moving away. I wanted to detach again. I wanted to go anywhere else. This wasn’t happening. “Don’t,” gurgled from the bottom of my throat. She was safe. She was away. She wasn’t what he was going to say. There was no way. Ben never would’ve allowed that to happen.
“Emma.”
“No.”
“She was pregnant.”
Oh god.
I fell to my knees, or I would’ve. Carter caught me. He cradled me to his chest and he tucked his chin into his favorite place. His lips brushed against me as he said it, “She miscarried and bled out.”
She was dead. He was telling me she was dead.
I looked away. I tried to be away. I didn’t want to hear this.
“Emma,” he whispered as he brushed some of my hair down. “Emma. Look at me.”
I didn’t. I wouldn’t.
“Emma.”
“NO!” I ripped out of his arms and staggered back. When he reached for me, I batted him away. “No, I said!”
His arm fell back to his side.
I killed him for her. She was going to die and I stopped it. I killed him. I took him away so she could live and now he was telling me—I refused to believe it. I shook my head again. “No. I don’t believe you.”
“The police found her.”
“Where?”
His eyes narrowed. “You can’t go there.”
“Why not?! She was my family.” She left and I thought she was starting over. That’s what Amanda said. Amanda was always right. They were starting over. I was starting over. We had all survived. And now Carter was saying that all of us hadn’t survived. Not her. I looked at him and whispered, “It should’ve been me.”
He jerked me against him and wrapped his arms around me. “Not you.”
“It should’ve been me.”
His arms tightened around me. “Not you. I’m sorry. I’d kill every single person to keep that from happening.”
“Well, you did.” I pulled away. “I got out. That’s what you wanted. You wanted me here and safe. So congratulations. I’m alive, but if I had stayed there, they could’ve traded me for her. She would be alive and I’d be dead instead—”
“Her boyfriend killed her!”
I froze. Ben? There was no way, but as I turned and stared in Carter’s cold eyes, I knew it was true. He would never lie, not about this. “What did you say?”
“Her boyfriend killed her. He went nuts, Emma. She was pregnant. Whose kid do you think it was? I’m guessing not the boyfriend’s.”
I reared back as if slapped. His cold tone whipped at me, but it was true. What he said was true. I shook my head. “Ben would never hurt Mallory.”
“He would if he was high on something,” he clipped out. “My guess, Franco got him hooked. He didn’t want all that cash to walk away. When the boyfriend found out that she was pregnant, he snapped. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy went into a rage.”
From the knowing tone in his voice, I stopped dead. My heart even held for a moment. “Have you done that?”
“To the woman I love? No. To those who would hurt her? Yes.”
I was struck speechless again. Carter hadn’t blinked an eye when he responded. He seemed calm even. He was, I shivered, the cold-blooded stranger to me again.
“That boyfriend of hers-”
“He wasn’t really her boyfriend. He never had been.”
“He wanted to be. I’m guessing he was pissed when she dated Dunvan. I’m guessing he thought he had put in his time, waited it out for her to finish with the last guy and he was next in line. Then when she started dating Dunvan, he was over all the time. He was calling? Maybe even stopping by the apartment when she was out with him?”
How did he know this?
Carter continued, “When you went to him, he was able to be the knight in shining armor. I bet he loved that. He had it in the bag. He probably convinced her that first night that she couldn’t stand the feel of Dunvan’s touch, she wanted another man’s touch.”
“She didn’t want to feel him anymore. She wanted to feel me. She wanted another man’s touch.”
I remembered Ben’s words and the scratches down his back. He hadn’t even looked remorseful except that she was crying. He had made her cry again.
“Emma?”
I focused on Carter again and blinked, startled. Why did he have to be so beautiful? And his wolf eyes, icy blues. Why did he have to save me? I murmured, “You should’ve left me alone.”
He drew in a deep breath.
I kept going, numb now. “You should’ve let them kill me back then. I could’ve been with AJ all these years. You would’ve been fine. You were going places. You got accepted to college before. Why didn’t you go?”
He leaned back against the counter. His arms slipped to my hips and he held me loosely between his feet. “You want to have this conversation now?”
“Indulge me.”
He stared at me, studying me. “Why now?”
I shrugged, turning away.
He caught my chin and pulled me back. “Why, Emma? What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I didn’t move from his hold. I wanted to lean into him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me again and I wanted everything to go away. But it wouldn’t. She was dead. I had
felt it. I knew something was wrong, but Amanda convinced me everything was fine. I had bought it. I really thought Mallory was happy somewhere, off with him, but Carter was right. Ben had done all of those things.
“You’re right.”
“About?”
Everything hurt. “About Ben. He said she wanted another man’s touch. I thought he really loved her.”
“He was sick in the head.” He tugged me closer to him. I closed my eyes when he moved to my neck and pressed a kiss there. I belonged to him. Why did I even fight against it sometimes? A feeling of being claimed, liking it, was mixed with emptiness. Mallory should’ve been alive. She wasn’t. I was, and I was with Carter. I was with my soul mate while she had her baby cut out of her.
He murmured against my skin, “You tried to save her, but you can’t give your life for hers. She’s gone, Emma.”
A shudder went through me.
“She brought Dunvan into your lives. You were all doomed the second that happened.” He pulled on my arm. “You know I’m right. Somewhere in there, you know I’m right. You can be angry at her.”
My head whipped to his. “She just died.”
“She died a long time ago,” he said flatly. “You know that. You’ve always known that.”
I shook my head. “This is why you should’ve let me go. None of this would’ve happened. She might not have met him. I wouldn’t have even been her roommate. Maybe I was supposed to die, Carter. Maybe you weren’t supposed to save me or kill all those guys for AJ-”
“I killed them for you. They were looking for you. I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. She shouldn’t have died like that. I should’ve stayed-”
He gripped my arms and anchored me in front of him. “Stop it, Emma. Stop it right now.”
“No. Why didn’t you take her to a safehouse? She could still be alive. Her baby could be alive!”
“Because there were too many of you. Too many variables. Too many consequences. I couldn’t trust them, any of them.”
“But—”
“Too many questions. They would’ve asked too many questions and they couldn’t have lived their lives. Your friend Amanda couldn’t have lived her life. Any of them, they could’ve stabbed us from the inside.” His tone gentled, “I don’t let just anyone in. You should know that, of all people.”
I shook my head. This wasn’t helping. “She shouldn’t have died—”
“Stop!”
“I handed her to him!” I yelled, yanking away from him. “I saved her from one monster and I gave her to another. She never had a chance. She never had a chance, Carter. How am I supposed to be okay with that? She was my best friend. She never drank. She never smoked. Guys were her thing. She went from one guy to the next. She was never loved and I...” I hadn’t stopped any of it.
“She wasn’t your responsibility.”
I glared at him. “Then you’re not my responsibility. Then I’m not your responsibility.”
A scowl came over him, but he remained silent.
“I loved her. She was family. She was my responsibility. She was broken. You have no idea.”
His eyebrow lifted. “I don’t know broken people? Bullshit.”
I froze at his anger.
“You’ve been broken since AJ died. You were broken even before that, when your parents died.”
I turned away. I didn’t want to hear this.
An arm came around my waist and he trapped me, pulling me backwards against his chest. He continued, speaking into my ear, “Maybe this isn’t the right time for this speech, but you’re not responsible for her. You never were. You cared about her and you tried to help her, but that’s all you could’ve done. You’re not a god. You’re definitely not her God. You did what you could do. You went above and beyond for your friend, something I’d be lucky to have. And I’m guessing that she knew it. She knew you were a good friend, but she probably knew you needed to save yourself. You did that. You can’t blame yourself.”
I whispered, “Why are you saying these things to me?”
“Because you can’t mourn her if you’re blaming yourself. I don’t want you locked there. You mean too much for me to let you do that to yourself.”
“Stop, Carter.”
His arms tightened, and he started kissing the back of my neck. His hand spread out and started caressing my stomach. “I won’t stop. I won’t ever stop. Don’t ask that from me. I love you, Emma.”
I loved him too. The power of that emotion swept through me and I sagged into him. He caught me and held me in place. He continued to kiss my neck as he whispered, “You’re mine. I won’t let you go. I won’t let you blame yourself for her death. You did what you could. It’s not your fault. It’s not.”
He held me as the tears began to fall. Carter carried me to bed and he stayed with me for the rest of the night. He got up at some point and I heard him on the phone. When he returned and got behind me again, he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “I called Noah and told him what happened. He’ll tell Theresa you can’t go out tonight.”
Theresa.
I sat up. Amanda.
Carter sat with me. “What is it?”
“Amanda doesn’t know. I have to tell her.” A whole new storm started inside of me. I’d have to tell her what he did to Mallory, then I realized he never said what happened to Ben. “Did the police get him?”
A wall slammed over his gaze. His jaw clenched. “No. My men are looking for him.”
“Oh god.” He knew what I did.
Carter pulled me close. “My men will find him.”
And that meant Ben had to die. One more person. No matter what Carter said, I was responsible for all of it. Mallory was dead because of me. Jeremy Dunvan was dead at my hands and now Ben was going to die because of what he knew about me.
“I have to go to her now.”
“Amanda?”
I nodded, feeling a heavy burden on my chest.
“Okay.” Carter kissed my forehead. “But I’m coming with you.”
As we left, our hands were laced together.
When we got to Amanda’s building, Theresa was already there. She waited for us outside the front door, panting. She straightened and wiped her hair back as she tried to catch her breath. “Hi.” A deep breath. “Noah told me your friend died and I didn’t know which friend, but I figured you might be here. I didn’t know for sure. It was a crapshoot, but I made Noah look up your friend’s address.”
“What?” How?
“I remembered her name when we met in the bathroom awhile ago. Do you remember?” She bent over and took more deep breaths. “I booked it over here. I kept thinking I needed to be here for you.”
“How did you get Amanda’s address?”
“Oh, that.” Her cheeks reddened. “The cafe is owned by The Richmond. I made Noah look up her address.”
Carter and I shared a look. She already knew some of it but knowing it and hearing more about it were two different things. “Theresa, that means a lot to me, but-”
She waved it away. “No, no. I’m here for you. I want to support you. I do.” She turned to Carter, who still held my hand. “And I’m glad you’re here too.”
