‘I’ve decided to try to find my daughter. Lydia.’
Knutas didn’t reply. Instead, he got up and went over to sit next to her, giving her a hug. She relaxed into his arms, not moving as he stroked her hair.
He had been pondering what to do about everything that Karin had told him in Stockholm. He had agonized over the decision he needed to make. He had no idea what to do, and there was no one he could consult.
Karin had deliberately allowed a double murderer to escape. Maybe she was unbalanced. Maybe he would come to regret the decision he was about to make.
Yet, at that moment, he knew that he could never tell anyone her secret.
Never.
EPILOGUE
THE LIGHT IN the flat is a heavy grey, just like in the city far below. Slussen’s never-ending circle with its constant stream of cars. They stubbornly continue to come from every direction, like arteries to a pumping heart. Then they disperse into the stinking body that is Stockholm.
It’s time. I feel closer to myself than I ever have before. In the past I always lived through other people and for other people, wanting to please them. Trying to live up to something. And I always failed.
I’ve merely been playing a role from the very beginning.
I feel immensely tired. I no longer need to keep going. Or keep fighting. Or suffering. Soon it will be over. I gaze out at the city. I’m a stranger in the midst of everything going on around me. I no longer want any part of it.
I had a dream that I was allowed to live my own life, just like everyone else. Work, travel, live. Give and receive love. Spend time with people, accumulate experiences, build relationships and mature. I imagined a future with a family, security and love.
That’s no longer a possibility. It’s not meant to be. I had a son, whom I love. I hope that he will experience all those things. That he will take charge of his own life.
My time on this earth is over. Sun, wind, snow, rain – never again will I witness the changes in weather. Or hear the howling of the storm over the sea. Or see the dawn.
Soon there will be nothing but night.
I’m looking forward to the embrace of darkness. I imagine death as sinking into the enveloping comfort of a woman’s arms. Maybe it’s true that we return to where we started. Inside our mother’s body, inside her womb, inside the soft, rocking, silent darkness, unaware of what is to come.
Maybe that’s what happens.
I pick up the photograph of Katrina and Daniel and kiss it tenderly. I will hold these two, whom I love, in my hand when I die.
Then I won’t be alone.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This story is entirely fictional. Any similarities between the characters in the novel and actual individuals are coincidental. Occasionally I have taken artistic liberties to change things for the benefit of the book. This includes Swedish TV’s coverage of Gotland, which in the book has been moved to Stockholm. I have the utmost respect for SVT’s regional news programme Östnytt, which covers Gotland with a permanent team stationed in Visby.
The settings used in the books are usually described as they actually exist in reality, although there are a few exceptions.
Any errors that may have slipped into the story are mine alone.
First and foremost, I would like to thank my husband, journalist Cenneth Niklasson, who is always ready to be my sounding board and offer me the greatest support.
Special thanks to:
Magnus Frank, detective superintendent with the Visby police
Johan Gardelius, crime technician, Visby police
Ulf Åsgård, psychiatrist
Martin Csatlos of the Forensic Medicine Laboratory in Solna
Lena Allerstam, journalist, Swedish TV
Mian Lodalen, author and journalist
Anita Forsberg, sheep farmer, Havdhem
Nina Pettersson, conference coordinator, Wisby Strand
Sara Hullegård, marketing director, Wisby Strand
My thanks to everyone who has helped me with my books at Albert Bonniers Förlag, especially my publisher Jonas Axelsson and my editor Ulrika Åkerlund – your support is invaluable.
Special thanks to my agents Bengt Nordin and Anna Rytterholm at Nordin Agency.
And of course thanks to my children, Rebecka and Sebastian, my biggest supporters!
Mari Jungstedt
Stockholm, April 2008
About the Author
Mari Jungstedt lives in Stockholm with her husband and two children. This is her sixth novel set on the island of Gotland.
For more information on Mari Jungstedt and her books, see her website at www.marijungstedt.se
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