by Lynette Noni
“I”—grunt—“ just want”—punch—“to be here”—elbow jab followed by another grunt—“for you!”
A savage strike to Jordan’s kidneys had him spitting a curse word that turned into a moan, but he then managed to leverage a foot on the ice and heave enough to roll Bear’s weight and pin him down.
“Would you stop hitting me for a second and let me speak!” Jordan yelled into Bear’s face, shaking him roughly.
Eyes wide, Bear just looked up at him, panting as heavily as Jordan.
“I get it, okay?” Jordan cried. “You were right, I did need time—I do need time. What happened messed me up and I haven’t been dealing well. I should have spoken to someone—spoken to you—about it rather than trying to go it alone. I screwed up, and I know that now.” He paused for a quick breath before adding, “What you need to know is that I’m okay.”
When Bear’s eyes narrowed and his mouth opened in what was likely an objection, Jordan continued, “I mean it, Bear. I wasn’t doing great—I can admit that now. But Hunter knocked some sense into me over the weekend, made me realise a few things. I’m still working through it all, but I wasn’t lying—I’m doing better now. Or, I’m getting there, at least.”
Jordan loosened his grip and moved his weight off Bear and to the side, rising to his feet and wincing at the pain from the blows he’d taken. He held out a hand to his friend, and Bear took it tentatively, until he was up and standing beside Jordan.
Holding Bear’s dark eyes, Jordan shared in a soft voice, “It means a lot to me, though. What you said. I just… want you to know that.”
Bear’s throat bobbed and he looked away. When he turned back, a familiar light had returned to his eyes and he clapped a hearty hand on Jordan’s shoulder—something that caused Jordan to stifle another groan of pain.
“The offer stands forever, brother,” Bear said, his voice just as soft as Jordan’s had been. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”
“Right back at you… brother,” Jordan replied, his lips curling into a smile.
“If you’re both done, class finished five minutes ago,” Karter broke in, causing Jordan and Bear to look over at him. “Get your asses out of my Arena.”
Exchanging a snicker with Bear, Jordan dusted the ice and muck from his clothes that he’d accumulated from wrestling on the ground, then started towards the exit of the Combat amphitheatre.
“Sparker.”
At Karter’s call, Jordan glanced back only to find the gruff man looking at him with a rare display of emotion… and unmistakable pride.
“My offer’s on the table too, boy. If ever you need it.”
Karter stormed away before he could witness Jordan’s reaction—a swift intake of breath and the quick blinking of his eyes. Bear, however, noticed, and he slapped Jordan on the back again, the gesture full of understanding.
Jordan couldn’t ignore the warmth bubbling inside him at yet more evidence of how fortunate he was to have such supportive people in his life. Bear, D.C., Alex… Hunter, Fletcher… and now Karter, too. He truly had been an idiot to try and deal with everything alone when there were so many people he could have turned to. So many people with their arms outstretched towards him.
“Come on,” Bear said, nudging Jordan forward when he remained frozen to the spot. “We’d better get cleaned up and head over to Archery before Maggie gives us detention for being late… again.”
“Right,” Jordan said, the word sounding thick to his ears. He cleared his throat and was about to say something else to cover, when they stepped through the exit of the Arena and nearly collided with a swiftly moving Alex.
“Whoa,” she said, reeling back to avoid crashing into them.
“Someone’s in a rush,” Bear commented.
To Jordan’s surprise, Alex’s cheeks blossomed with colour. Her eyes flicked past them into the Arena before she turned back, looking disappointed. She quickly schooled her features into a wry grin and said, “You know how much I love spending time with Karter. We’re practically besties.”
Jordan snorted and Bear chuckled lightly.
“You’re both here later than usual.” Alex fidgeted as she glanced back into the Arena and then over her shoulder, her eyes scanning the figures heading their way before her shoulders slumped and she focused on them again to ask, “Everything okay?”
Looking at her closely, Jordan realised that Alex was not only distracted, she was also concerned. And that concern had nothing to do with him and Bear running a few minutes behind schedule.
“We’re not that late. But you’re very early,” he said, unable to keep the curiosity from his voice. “What’s going on, Alex? Normally you drag your feet to Combat class.”
She bit her lip and shuffled her boots in the snow, her gaze flicking to three of her Combat classmates as they arrived and, after a quick word of greeting, continued on into the Arena. They were all first- and second-year apprentices—Sebastian, Nick and Brendan, if Jordan recalled correctly.
“Alex,” Jordan growled, a warning in his tone. “If something’s wrong—”
She interrupted to say, “Nothing’s wrong. I don’t—I’m not—” She stopped, sighed and tried again. “I’m just… I’m looking for Kaiden.”
Bear coughed and looked away, while Jordan tried to hide his grin fast enough for her not to catch it. Alex was fooling herself if she thought none of them could see the chemistry she shared with Kaiden James. Jordan had noticed it from the first moment he’d seen them dancing together at D.C.’s seventeenth birthday party months earlier. They hadn’t been able to take their eyes off each other, and even when the song had ended, they’d remained caught up in each other’s arms, oblivious to everything around them.
Jordan, Bear and D.C. had been speculating about the two of them ever since, not that Alex would have been pleased to hear it. He’d finally brought it up with her after their disaster of an overnight SAS field trip, hoping she’d admit to the attraction she felt towards the fifth-year boy. But she’d instead turned the conversation around on Jordan and asked about his feelings for D.C.—something he hadn’t been willing to talk about at the time. They’d been left in a stalemate, with both of them knowing the other’s truth without needing anything confirmed.
By unspoken agreement, neither of them had brought the topic up again, but now… Well, this opportunity was too good for Jordan to resist.
“Trouble in paradise, Alex?”
The glare she sent him was enough to have him choking back laughter.
“Seriously, though,” Bear jumped in, playing the role of mediator even if his voice was bubbling with humour. “Why are you looking for him? Is everything all right?”
Alex pursed her lips, apparently considering whether she’d rather kick them in the shins or explain herself. Fortunately for their shins, she decided on the latter. “He missed classes all last week. And I—I just really need to talk to him about something.”
“I’ll bet you do,” Jordan said under his breath, biting back another laugh at the look on her face. Taking pity on her, he gestured with his chin towards the figure who was approaching next and said, “Have you asked Declan?”
Alex turned just as Kaiden’s best friend arrived at the entrance to the Arena and stopped at their small group.
“What’s up?” Declan greeted, nodding to Jordan and Bear and offering Alex a warm smile. Catching sight of her expression, his smile faded into concern and he asked, “What’s happened?”
“Nothing,” Alex was quick to reassure him. “At least, I don’t think so.”
Seeing Declan’s puzzlement, Jordan said, “Alex is just wondering where Kaiden is.”
The look Alex shot him could have melted all the ice under their feet, and it only deepened when Declan chuckled and murmured, “Why am I not surprised?”
Bear actually had to walk away this time, but Jordan didn’t bother concealing his amusement. As far as he was concerned, even if it made him a horrible person, he was e
njoying himself way too much to risk missing anything. And besides, he knew Alex would exact her revenge later.
“I’m afraid I don’t know any more than I told you last week,” Declan said to Alex, an apology in his voice that was at odds with the humour dancing in his gaze. “You know, when you hunted me down and threatened to cut off Declan Junior if I didn’t tell you everything I knew? Which, I’ll remind you, is nothing.”
Jordan’s body was visibly shaking as he tried to keep his laughter contained. “You seriously threatened to cut off his—”
“He knew I didn’t mean it,” Alex mumbled, crossing her arms and unable to meet their eyes. “And he deserved it for all the help he didn’t provide.”
Declan raised his hands. “Hey! It’s not my fault he was called away urgently and didn’t leave any details. Don’t blame the messenger.”
Alex exhaled loudly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She offered him a contrite smile and said, “Be my partner today? I’ll let you kick my ass?”
Declan snorted. “I doubt that. You’ve turned into a fighting machine ever since you returned from holidays. I’m almost certain you’re using some kind of performance-enhancing drug.”
Alex blinked at him. “Those exist here?”
Brow arching, Declan repeated, “Here?”
When Alex blanched, realising her mistake, Jordan decided it was time to intervene. “We’re all going to be late if we don’t get a move on. And Karter’s in his usual cheery mood today, so you’d both better start stretching so you’re ready when he returns.”
Alex sent him a grateful look, something that he much preferred over her earlier scorching glare, and he gave her a gentle nudge towards the inside of the Arena.
Only when she wandered off with Declan did Jordan start jogging up the hill to where Bear was waiting, still chortling over Alex’s denial.
All Jordan could think was that he wished Bear had been there to hear about Alex’s threats to Declan’s manhood. Because that had been well worth hanging around to hear.
Nine
“When I was eight, a boy named Maxton visited the palace,” D.C. said late that night when they were snuggled up beside the lake. The moon was shining down on the surface, glittering off the icy edges. “His mother, Lady Nerita, was a High Court judge, and the two of them stayed with us for weeks. They had a whole wing to themselves—she carried out private meetings and everything.”
Jordan twirled a finger around a lock of D.C.’s hair that had escaped her woollen cap, listening intently. Other than the two whispered words she’d offered the previous night, she hadn’t broken her midnight silence, so he knew there must be a reason she was sharing now.
“I was… lonely,” D.C. admitted quietly. “There weren’t a lot of kids around the palace when I was young, and those who were there all knew who I was. They stood on ceremony, always bowing and curtseying and calling me ‘Your Highness’. I—I hated it.”
Jordan tightened his arm around her at the sadness in her voice, at the knowledge of how isolated she’d felt while growing up. He’d experienced a similar childhood, in some ways, but he’d always had Luka. At least during his younger years.
“I was so excited when I heard we would be having long-term visitors, one of whom was my age. I made my parents promise not to introduce me as the princess, to make sure all the palace staff kept it secret. I thought that… I was certain that if the boy didn’t know who I was, we would end up becoming the best of friends. And I was sure that when he eventually discovered who I was—since I knew I couldn’t keep it a secret forever—he wouldn’t care because by then he’d know me. The real me.”
Her voice hitched slightly, but she continued. “It was wonderful, at first, just as I’d imagined. We played together, laughed together, ran around the palace and grounds together. He was my first ever true friend.”
A moment of silence passed.
“But then one day I arrived early at the stables to meet up with him, and I overheard him talking to a group of other kids, including two young maids I thought saw me as more than just ‘the princess’. Aside from those two girls, I didn’t know the others very well. None of them had really spoken to me before, so I was surprised to hear my name uttered, enough that I hid around the corner. They—They had no idea I was there. No idea I was listening.”
D.C. pressed deeper into Jordan, her words now so quiet that he could barely hear her.
“What Maxton was saying to them… about me…” Her voice wobbled. “I realised then that I’d been played. He’d known who I was all along. I was just a game for him, a passing amusement.” D.C. swallowed audibly. “He called me simple. He called me naïve. He called me gullible and worthless. He called me other things, too. And then he laughed—they all laughed—so hard at the idea of me thinking he was my friend. As if he’d ever be friends with a ‘spoiled royal brat’—that’s what he called me, right after he said no one would ever want to be ‘stuck spending time’ with me. And I… I believed him.”
Jordan’s heart was hurting. It was physically burning in his chest. He pulled her closer, resting his lips against the woollen-covered crown of her head, offering what little comfort he could.
“I—” D.C.’s voice cracked so she cleared her throat and tried again. “That was it for me. In eight years I’d found no one I could trust, and after how betrayed and hurt I felt that day, I wasn’t willing to put myself through that again. Not when I’d tried over and over with so many others before Maxton, yet received nothing but loneliness and heartache in return.” She paused. “So I stopped trying. I kept up my walls and I didn’t allow anyone else in.” Another pause. “Not for another eight years. Until Alex. And Bear.” She released a breath. “And… you.”
Understanding that something important was happening, Jordan held her, incapable of saying anything lest he ruin the moment. She was sharing her scars with him. It was his turn to remain silent and just listen.
Surprisingly, D.C. laughed then. It was a low sound, not entirely amused, but there was a hint of humour to it. “Did you know that I hated you from the first day I laid eyes on you?”
Jordan raised an eyebrow at the turn in conversation, not that she could see the gesture.
“It was our first day of classes, orientation for Med Sci, and you made some joke about Luranda’s rainbow coat when she left the room. Everyone else laughed, but all I could think about was Maxton—the boy who had called me names and laughed behind my back.”
Jordan felt that stab deep inside him. He whispered, “You called me an attention-seeking clown.”
“I wanted to call you worse,” she admitted, and strangely, there was a smile in her voice. “I just didn’t feel it was entirely justified. Or appropriate, since I barely even knew your name.”
“I’m sorry.”
D.C. stiffened in his arms and pulled out of his hold, enough to turn and face him. “I didn’t tell you all that because I wanted you to feel bad, Jordan. You were only fourteen, and what you said about Luranda’s coat wasn’t that bad. It’s not your fault I made the comparison in my mind. What you said wasn’t even close to what I’d heard when I was younger.”
“Then what…?”
She reached up and pressed her mittened hand to his cheek. “I told you that so you’d understand. So you’d know how grateful I am to have you in my life, even if our first three years were… rocky.”
Her mouth curled into his favourite quirky grin before she turned serious once more.
“I told you all that so you’d know how thankful I am for what we share—you, me, Alex, Bear—for how real it is, despite who I am, what life I was born into, what future I face. And also…”
She sucked on her bottom lip and Jordan had to fight the sudden urge to close the distance between them and do the same.
“I also told you all that so you’d know exactly what… exactly what you mean to me.” Her eyes dropped to look at his scarf, as if she was unable to hold his gaze. “I was alone for a long time,
long enough that I reached a point where I thought I was okay with that. That I could live like that forever. But I was wrong. You showed me that—you and Alex and Bear. You showed me what real friendship is. And you also showed me what… what…” Her voice was barely a breath of sound as she finished, “You showed me what… more than friendship… feels like, too.”
Even in the pale light of the moon, Jordan could see the deep flush on her cheeks. He knew what she was saying. He understood perfectly.
Barely six inches separated their faces. All Jordan had to do was lean in.
He wanted to.
Desperately.
And so he started to move. One inch, then two.
Then he paused.
He looked deep into her eyes, his heart pounding as he watched her watching him, neither of them breathing, both of them waiting.
But then… He inhaled sharply and turned his face away, drawing his arm tightly around her and tucking her into his side. He held her close, not wanting her to feel any kind of rejection, because that wasn’t what had just happened. Not even close.
He wanted her. Badly. Enough that he was physically aching.
But he was also terrified.
So. Freaking. Terrified.
And he didn’t know how to explain it to her. Didn’t know how to share with her as she had with him, so openly offering her scars for him to see.
He wasn’t there yet.
But he wanted to be.
And he was going to do whatever it took to make it happen.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, needing her to know how much he meant it. Needing her to know why he was saying it. Needing her to know it wasn’t her, but him.
“You never have to apologise to me, Jordan,” she whispered back. She curled an arm around his middle, holding onto him just as he held her. Then, so low that he almost wondered if he imagined it, she said, “I’m not going anywhere.”
