Beryl Matthews
WINGS OF THE MORNING
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Wings of the Morning
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PENGUIN BOOKS
WINGS OF THE MORNING
Beryl Matthews was born in Putney, London, but before the start of the Second World War her family moved to the outskirts of London. She stayed at home during the Blitz and her education was continually interrupted by air raids. The war was drawing to a close when she started work in an inspection office in the middle of a large hangar where they were still building Spitfires as fast as they could make them. During her teenage years Beryl enjoyed dancing and became the first female member of the Fulham Wheelers Cycling Club. She spent many happy times cycling around the countryside and participating in road races. She continued working in offices and over the years progressed from a tea girl, to an accounts clerk, to credit controller. After she retired Beryl began to pursue her dream of becoming a published author. In September 2002 Penguin published The Open Door, the first part in a trilogy about a family during the 20th century. It was the bestselling book in W H Smith’s prestigious Fresh Talent promotion. Billy Hopkins, author of Our Kid, said of it, ‘A winner … She grabs and holds the attention of the reader from the very first page.’ Beryl is married and lives in Hampshire.
With thanks for all the help and support I have received
from Carole Blake my agent, Harriet Evans my editor,
and the Forest Writers Group.
Whither shall I go from thy spirit?
Or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there:
If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
Psalm 139: 7–10
1
3 September 1939
So it had started!
The months of speculation were over and they were at war again.
Annie Webster turned off the wireless and walked into the garden, needing to be alone for a few moments. The tension of waiting for this announcement, knowing it must surely come, had been unbearable. There wasn’t a sound anywhere and the streets were empty. A lone dog gave one short bark and stopped, as if it too sensed the enormity of the news. It seemed as if the whole country was holding its breath, wondering what the future would bring. The silence was eerie and rather frightening.
She closed her eyes briefly in an attempt to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. She had tried so hard to dismiss the talk and hold to the belief that this would never happen, but she couldn’t do that any more. The war was a reality now and she would have to face up to it just like everyone else. An overwhelming feeling of sadness swept over her, and for a brief moment her shoulders slumped. Then she straightened up again. This was not the time to indulge in despair and self-pity, because if the last war was anything to go by then there was a long hard struggle in front of them.
She lifted her face to the warmth of the sun and felt it caress her. The air was clear and almost sparkling without a cloud in the sky. How could this perfect day be marred by such terrible news? With a deep sigh, she opened her eyes again as she heard her family coming out of the house. No one spoke, they were each lost in their own thoughts.
An unearthly wailing cut through the stillness and made them look at each other in alarm.
‘Air-raid sirens,’ Bill, her brother-in-law, told them.
Still they didn’t move, but everyone’s face was tilted up towards the sky. Watching, waiting. They scanned the clear sky, looking and listening for any sight or sound of aeroplanes, but nothing happened. In a short time the all clear sounded.
‘Just trying them out, I expect,’ her mother said softly.
Then all was quiet again and Annie let her thoughts drift. How good life had been in the last sixteen years since they had moved out of the slums of London into these two lovely houses in Roehampton, designed by Bill. The hardship and poverty they had endured seemed like a bad dream now.
‘Two wars in our lifetime,’ her mother whispered. ‘I never thought it would happen again.’
Those few spoken words, cutting through their thoughts, seemed to snap them out of their daze. Her sister Rose bent down and scooped up her youngest child; a beautiful little girl now three years old.
‘Why does everyone look so sad, Mummy?’ she asked, reaching out for the comforting arms of her father.
‘Nothing for you to worry about, Kate.’ Rose gave her daughter a kiss and handed her over to her husband, while their ten-year-old son, James, stood by his mother, silent for a change.
‘Let’s all go inside and have a nice cup of tea.’ Her mother turned and walked briskly towards the kitchen.
Annie smiled for the first time that day. A cup of tea was her mother’s remedy for all ills – the kettle was constantly on the boil. They trooped after her dutifully, knowing it was useless to refuse.
‘Where’s Paul these days?’ Annie’s mother asked her, obviously trying to steer the conversation on to normal lines. ‘Have you broken up with him?’
‘No, he’s been away for the past couple of months.’
‘What doing?’ Bill asked.
‘I’ve no idea. He was very secretive about it, but he said he’d be back soon.’
‘Why don’t you marry the poor bloke?’ Charlie, her brother, asked.
‘I don’t want to. I know I’m twenty-eight, but I’m waiting for the right man.’ She loved Will and Charlie, her two brothers, dearly, but they still considered her the baby of the family and were always trying to give her advice.
Rose laughed. ‘You’re a fine one to talk about marriage, Charlie. You’re twenty-nine and Will’s thirty-two, and neither of you is showing any signs of settling down yet. You like your freedom too much.’ She looked pointedly at her two brothers and rolled her eyes, making everyone laugh.
It was a good sound on such a gloomy day.
Annie slipped her arm through her brother-in-law’s, and grinned. ‘I’m still looking for someone like Bill.’
‘Ah, then you’re out of luck. He’s the only one in existence,’ Rose said.
Annie watched the way her sister’s dark eyes lingered on her husband. Rose and Bill had a blissful marriage, and Annie wanted one like it and wouldn’t settle for anything less.
At that moment there was a brief knock on the kitchen door and Paul strode in. The shock of seeing him hit Annie with such force that she leapt to her feet with uncharacteristic clumsiness and nearly sent her cup flying. He was in air force uniform and sporting a pair of wings on his chest.
She opened her mouth but nothing came out.
Paul laughed. ‘Not like you to be lost for words, Annie.’
‘Well, what the blazes do you expect?’ she managed to say at last. ‘You might have told me what you were up to.’
‘You haven’t wasted any time, Paul,’ Annie’s mother remarked.
‘Well, it was clear that the war was coming, and as I already had my commercial pilot’s licence it seemed the sensible thing to do.’
‘Sensible?’ Annie couldn’t believe she was hearing this. She’d met Paul at a dance in Richmond four years ago and she knew he could be impulsive, but she hadn’t expected him to do this. ‘Why couldn’t you wait until war had actually been declared before joining up?’
‘The country is going to need pilots and I want to be in at the beginning.’ Paul ran his fingers gently down her face. ‘I can’t sit on the sidelines, you must see that.’
‘I do,’ she admitted, as the shock began to recede. This was typical of Paul
and she should have expected it. He had been totally absorbed in his flying lessons over the last year, but she’d put that down to the fact that his older brother, Reid, was already a pilot. She had never met him but from the snippets of information she’d been given he appeared to be a steadying influence on Paul. She thought too about Paul’s parents. They were a lovely couple and she knew it would upset them terribly to have him going to war. However, it was done now. She tipped her head on one side and studied the cut of his uniform. ‘You look very dashing.’
He gave a self-conscious grin and shuffled uncomfortably at her compliment, then he turned his attention to Bill, who was still holding his daughter in his arms. ‘You were in the navy last time, weren’t you? A captain, I believe?’
Bill nodded grimly.
‘They’ll be after you – ’
‘No!’ Rose said sharply. ‘He’s too old this time.’
Annie watched a rare moment of panic flit across her sister’s face. She tried to propel Paul out of the kitchen but he wasn’t going to move. It was not the time to discuss this. They all needed a few hours to let it sink in that they were at war again. Decisions had to be made, but not until they’d had time to adjust and absorb the implications. Over the last few weeks many people had declared that Germany didn’t want war with Britain, and she’d tried to believe them, but if you looked at the turmoil in Europe it was hard to delude yourself.
‘How old are you?’ Paul persisted.
‘Forty-seven in December.’
‘That won’t matter. They’ll be desperate for men with your experience – ’
Annie tugged at Paul’s arm, anxious to get him away. She could almost hear the thoughts of the people sitting around the table – troubled thoughts – things they would rather not face at the moment. They were well aware that their lives were going to change dramatically, and seeing Paul in his uniform was bringing home to them what this war would mean for their family. Will and Charlie, her brothers, were young enough to fight, and Bill … well, he shouldn’t have to go through that again. The Great War had claimed a generation of young men and she didn’t dare think about the horrors this one would inflict on them.
‘Come on, let’s go out somewhere.’ She dragged Paul through the door before he could stir things up any more. He was a charming but immature young man, and seemed quite oblivious of everyone’s concern. The prospect of another conflict was not something to look forward to, and the awful thing was that men like her brother-in-law would be dragged in to fight for the second time in their lives.
‘I wanted to talk to Bill,’ he complained as she hustled him towards the car.
‘Paul Lascells,’ she said sharply, ‘you were upsetting everyone, especially my sister, with all your talk about Bill going back in the navy.’
‘Rose?’ he exclaimed. ‘You can’t upset her; she’ll be rolling up her sleeves and getting stuck in. She’ll be in the thick of it.’
Annie shook her head sadly. She was very fond of Paul but he seemed more like ten years younger than her, instead of two. Was it any wonder she knew she didn’t want to marry him?
‘My sister loves Bill very much,’ she explained patiently as Paul started the car and headed for Richmond Park. ‘Rose does have feelings, you know.’
‘You two are more like mother and daughter instead of sisters,’ Paul remarked drily. ‘I’ve never been able to work out why you’re so close.’
Annie thought back to their childhood; her sister, being the eldest, had shouldered the whole burden of the family. Rose was very intelligent and had been made to leave school at eleven because they couldn’t teach her any more. Although she had won a scholarship to a secondary school, she hadn’t been able to take it up because they were so poor. That was when her old teacher Grace Trenchard and her husband, John, had taken over the job of her education in their spare time. A smile of remembrance touched Annie’s face as she thought of those two dear people. Thank heavens they had moved out of London to Yorkshire a short time ago. They should be safer there.
She turned her attention back to Paul, who was waiting patiently for her to speak. ‘I was a very sickly baby, and Mum was too busy with a large family to be able to give me much time. I wouldn’t be alive today if Rose hadn’t looked after me,’ she explained quietly. ‘I owe her more than I could ever repay. We all do.’
Paul shot her a sideways glance. ‘I didn’t know that. I’ve obviously misjudged her.’
‘Everyone does. On the surface she appears tough and emotionless, but that’s merely a façade, she can be hurt just like anyone else.’
He reached across and took hold of her hand. ‘I’m sorry. I know you had a tough time when you were a child but you’ve never told me much about it.’
That was true enough, she hadn’t, and perhaps it was time she did. ‘Well, we came from the roughest street in Bermondsey. As a child Rose fought and studied until she was able to get into university. It was a very hard time for her but she never gave up, and eventually qualified as a solicitor.’
‘Ah, now I’m beginning to understand the love and respect you all have for her, but to be honest I find her rather frightening at times. She is a formidable character,’ Paul said, as he drove through the gates of Richmond Park. He slowed down so they could enjoy the beauty of the open parkland.
‘Good job she is like that,’ Annie told him with a hint of sadness in her voice. Her sister hadn’t had any doubt that there was going to be another war and was already training with the Women’s Voluntary Service, ready to help when necessary. ‘We’re going to need people like her if we are to survive another war.’
‘I’m sure you’re right. What are you going to do?’ he asked, changing the subject. ‘There won’t be much call for a fashion editor until this lot’s over.’
‘No, you’re right.’ She sighed deeply, hating the prospect of leaving the job she loved. She’d started on a popular women’s magazine at the age of sixteen and had worked her way up over the years, and she found her work as fashion editor interesting and fulfilling. Rose had tried hard to persuade her to go to university but Annie hadn’t wanted that. She didn’t have her sister’s passion for learning and had been more interested in going out to work. She had always been good at art, English and languages, so when her application for a job with the magazine had been successful, she’d jumped at the chance. Rose had argued that Annie should make the most of her talents by continuing her education; but she wouldn’t be swayed, and she was glad she hadn’t because her time with the magazine had been very happy. It was going to be an awful wrench if she had to leave all her friends, especially Chantal Dean. Chantal came from Paris and, after marrying an Englishman, had made her home in London; and when he’d died suddenly she had stayed on. Annie smiled when she thought about the friendship she’d formed with Chantal; they spoke French all the time, and Annie had spent her annual holidays in France with Chantal for the last five years. Now all that was going to change; like Paul she doubted if she could stand on the sidelines either.
‘Join the WAAF,’ he suggested. ‘The school you went to in Roehampton was excellent, and with your aptitude for languages you should be able to get an interesting job. You never know, we might be able to wangle a posting to the same place.’ He grinned boyishly. ‘It could all be jolly good fun.’
He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, she thought wearily, but said nothing. Let him keep his enthusiasm for a while longer. Reality would catch up with him soon enough. But he was right and her grasp of French and German might be useful. Because of Chantal her French was fluent and she spoke it as easily as English; her German was quite good because she’d loved languages and her teacher had encouraged her enthusiasm, but she didn’t speak it nearly as well as French. All she needed was some practice, though …
Paul stopped the car in a spot where the tranquil scene of Richmond Park was laid out before them, the magnificent trees casting shade for the deer to rest under or munch contentedly on the lush grass. He
turned and took her face in his hands. ‘Before we get swept up in this conflict, will you marry me?’
This was the third time he’d asked her, but her answer was always the same. ‘No, I’m sorry.’
He looked crestfallen. ‘I hoped you might change your mind now things are different.’
She took hold of one of his hands. ‘I wouldn’t marry you just because you’re going to fight in this war. I like you and enjoy being with you, but in all honesty I can’t say I’m madly in love with you. I’ve never let you believe I feel anything but friendship for you,’ she reminded him.
‘I know but I keep hoping you’ll change your mind.’
‘Please don’t hold on to false hopes,’ she told him gently. ‘I wouldn’t dream of marrying unless I felt sure it would last.’
He sighed sadly. ‘You are the kindest, most gentle girl I’ve ever met and I love you very much, but I know you don’t feel the same way about me.’
‘I’m sorry, Paul.’ Oh, Lord, how she hated hurting him like this, but she knew in her heart that it just wouldn’t work. In fairness to him she had tried to finish their relationship several times, but he wouldn’t hear of it and just kept coming back.
‘Hey! Don’t look so upset,’ he exclaimed, kissing her on the nose. ‘I understand, but I’m going to keep on trying. In the meantime will you still be my girl? I’ll need a glamorous picture to stick up by my bunk,’ he joked, obviously trying to hide his disappointment.
‘I’ll get our fashion photographer to do a special one for you.’ He looked so pleased with that suggestion, and this was one small thing she could do for him.
‘Great.’ He started the car again and headed out of the park.
‘What does your brother think about you joining the air force?’ she asked, changing the subject.
‘He wasn’t too pleased. He’s joined up himself and I think he was hoping I’d run the family engineering business while he’s away.’ He drove slowly through the gates and then accelerated towards London. ‘But I’m not going to let him have all the fun!’
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