Rosemary dropped her off by the front office, then went in to talk to the school counselor to let her know what was going on and make sure they would call if anything happened.
Then she dragged herself back to work, exhausted.
Once she was fully alert, it was good to be in the kitchen again, barking orders and keeping her hands and mind busy with something that wasn’t about the attack. Keeping Harrison off her mind was another issue entirely, though. He seemed to sneak in when she least expected it, reminding her that whatever was going on between them was still unresolved. She was even more confused about her decisions now than she was earlier.
He’d declared his feelings several times now, but the thought of going all-in terrified her.
She’d been putting off a decision, though, telling herself that when everything was settled with Mike, she would figure out what she thought about her situation with Harrison. Now she had to face her options and figure out what she wanted to do.
“Distracted today?” Tate asked around one o’clock.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess.” Then she realized the crepe she was cooking had been in the pan too long. She growled at herself and threw it away. “Yeah. Maybe I should take a quick breather.”
“Go ahead. I’ll keep an eye on things,” he said.
Rosemary’s eyes burned a little from staring at the food, so she grabbed her jacket and headed for the outdoors. The grounds were beautiful in the snow and the walks were cleared. Fresh air was just what she needed.
It was nice to be outside, alone, with no one watching. She sucked in a greedy breath of the frigid air and felt some of the clouds in her mind start to roll away.
“Taking a break?”
She turned to find Blake coming up behind her.
“Yeah. When I start making mistakes in the kitchen, it’s time to clear my head. You too?”
“No, just coming in from a meeting downtown. There was a frozen water pipe in the child care center we opened last summer and I had to handle some of the details. I saw you out here and thought I’d take a minute to see how you’re holding up.”
“Are you going to send your son there?” she asked as he fell into step with her. She wasn’t looking to rehash the previous night’s events.
“We’ll see. It depends on what Lana wants to do. I mean, she might not want to come back to work after she finishes maternity leave. Or she might come back just to finish her contract.”
Rosemary thought Lana would want to come back; she’d spent fifteen years working for her current position and giving it up didn’t seem likely. On the other hand, Rosemary knew how strong the maternal instinct could be when you held that baby in your arms—much stronger than you thought before. “And if she doesn’t return, how does that affect the inheritance?”
He smiled. “I checked with Alex about the will. He said there was a baby clause in it that would alter the contract. Seems George was very hopeful about us getting back together.”
“Or for one of the others getting married and settling down with a family right off the bat,” Rosemary said. “Seems a little too optimistic, even for him.”
“He was nothing if not thorough. But really,” he changed the subject back, “how are you?”
“Better than I expected, all things considered. I won’t be sleeping well for a while, and Cleo might need counseling.” She rubbed the back of her head. “I don’t know what to do for her—she’s been through so much. How do you deal with all of that at her age? I’m not sure how to deal with it myself.”
“You haven’t exactly had an easy life up until now.”
“Have any of us? I think Jonquil’s the most normal of the bunch and she isn’t exactly scar-free, either.”
He didn’t say anything, which prompted her to ask, “What kind of mother am I going to make, I mean, really? I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
He laughed. “You think Lana and I have any idea what we’re doing, or that Joel and Sage aren’t freaked out about being parents—especially Joel. You think you had it rough; your life was easy compared to his.”
Her feelings cooled at the comparison. “You don’t know me very well if you can say that.”
“I know your mom never appreciated you, had a string of boyfriends and thinks only about herself. But your father loved you and checked on you, made sure you had food and clothes and a decent education. He supported your decisions and you had a set of surrogate parents who gave you the love and attention you never got from your mom and couldn’t count on regularly from your dad.” He shot her a look. “How am I doing?”
She considered the way he put it. “Close enough.”
Blake nodded. “Joel had a roof over his head and pretty much nothing else good from this list. You know something about healthy relationships, because you had the Markhams. You’ve seen from them what it means to be a mother, to love and care, and I can tell from watching you with Cleo that you’re going to be just fine at the job. Not perfect because, well, you’re human, and we all make mistakes as parents, but you give her what she needs most, so she’ll turn out okay.”
Rosemary’s eyes burned. She hadn’t seen her life in quite that way before. She did have the Markhams there to turn to. And while her feelings about her dad wouldn’t be resolved anytime soon, he had cared about her, checked on her, supported her decisions—when she wasn’t being an idiot. That was something, anyway. “Thanks. I think I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome. Next time you need a pep talk, you know where to come.” He slung one arm around her shoulder.
She chuckled a little. “You’re really good at this big brother stuff.”
“I like having sisters. Most of the time. It’s a nice change, and I don’t really see eye-to-eye with my brother. He can’t forgive me for what happened with Dad.” His voice grew sad.
“Then he’s the one missing out—what happened wasn’t your fault and you’re pretty terrific at what you do. It’s not like you lack for family here.”
He smiled. “No, I don’t. Convenient that, just when I needed it.” He gave her a squeeze. “So, you and Harrison, huh? I have to admit, I didn’t see that coming.”
She chuckled. “Me either, though it doesn’t seem to have surprised him or Sage.”
“You can’t keep anything from Sage, though.”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
They reached the front doors of the hotel again and he gestured to them. “Ready to go in?”
“I guess so. I ought to check on my minions.” Somehow it seemed less of a chore now than it had a few minutes earlier. “Thanks for the walk.”
“My pleasure.”
They parted ways in the foyer and she headed back to the kitchen, not just refreshed, but with a better outlook. Yeah, things had sucked for her growing up, but she hadn’t been left totally to her own devices. And things now were better than they’d been in a long time.
It definitely bore thinking on—when she wasn’t cooking.
“I like that dress. It’s pretty,” Cleo declared when she walked into Rosemary’s room at a quarter after six.
“Thanks. I like it too.” It was one of the few dresses Rosemary owned. She didn’t think Harrison was planning on pizza and ice cream, and she felt like dressing up—it was Valentine’s Day, after all. She picked up some lapis lazuli earrings her father had given her a few years earlier and put them on. She didn’t have a matching necklace, but the chunky gold chain hanging in her armoire would do the trick just fine.
“When you marry Harrison, are we going to move to his house? And does that mean we won’t move back to DC?”
Rosemary’s fingers fumbled with the necklace clasp as she tried to open it. “What? Honey, why do you keep asking me about marriage?”
Cleo shrugged. “You love each other, right? What else do you need? I thought that was why people got married.”
“Yeah, but there’s more to it than that.” Rosemary struggled for the words, then felt like she had b
een hit with a sledge hammer. She’d never admitted to anyone that she loved Harrison, wouldn’t let herself even think that way, but she did. She sat in the chair and stared at herself in the mirror in shock, realizing she’d been in love with Harrison for a long time—maybe since before they officially started dating. How had that happened—and why had she been so pig-headed she hadn’t realized it? She sucked in a breath, feeling suddenly light-headed.
“What else is there?” Cleo asked, oblivious to Rosemary’s epiphany. “That’s all that matters in the movies. Sometimes people get married without even loving each other—but what’s the point of that? It’s just stupid. You get married to someone because you want to be with them all of the time. You’re always happy when Harrison is around, aren’t you?”
“Mostly, yeah.” Except for when he was driving her crazy, but that didn’t happen very much anymore. She wondered who had changed so they had stopped arguing all of the time. Had that just been to cover up their feelings, and now they were dating, they didn’t have to fight all of the time? Her head spun.
“Hey, are you okay?” Cleo asked. “You look kinda sick.”
“I’m fine, bug. Just getting ready to put on my shoes. Did Jonquil get in yet?” She would be watching Cleo tonight since she didn’t have a Valentine’s date like Rosemary did—an oddity in itself as Jonquil was usually the one with the dates.
“Yes, and she bought a box of Ho-Hos for us to share while we watch movies.” There was a note of mischief in Cleo’s voice.
Rosemary shuddered theatrically, knowing it was expected. “You’re not allowed to eat that stuff. Doesn’t Jonquil know better? I could have brought something that was made with real ingredients from work if she wanted me to.”
“You’re so silly.”
“You should put on your jams before I leave,” Rosemary suggested.
“It’s still early. Besides, Hannah’s little brother got into my stuff and I think he pulled out my pajama top. It must still be at her house. He gets into everything.”
“So pick a different pair from the drawer,” Rosemary suggested, though she knew the Cinderella set was Cleo’s favorite. “You were like that when you started to crawl, you know—into everything. Your parents had to bolt all of the shelves and stuff to the walls so you wouldn’t pull it down on yourself.”
“Are all babies like that?” Cleo wrapped her arms around her legs and set her chin on her knees.
“Pretty much. They like to explore.”
“Maybe we’ll have to bolt my shelves and stuff to the wall when Lana and Sage have their babies. Do you think Sage will let me touch her tummy to feel her baby moving like Lana does?”
“Probably. You’ll have to ask her.”
“And when you have a baby, will I get to feel that too?”
“Again with the getting ahead of yourself.” Rosemary touched her stomach and felt it turn over a little. Not from sickness, but the thought of being pregnant again threw her for a loop. If she had another baby, she would plan ahead and would get to raise and care for it. It was scary, but somehow a lot more exciting than the same thought would have been a few months earlier.
“Don’t you want more kids?” Cleo asked.
“Yeah. I do.” Rosemary felt the certainty down to her toes, and for the first time in a long time, she knew what she needed to do.
Harrison had rushed home from work to pick up his apartment and throw dinner together. Though he’d offered to pick her up, Rosemary had promised to come straight over when Jonquil got home.
He checked the time once more as he stirred the Alfredo sauce and checked the pasta he was cooking. Would she be on time, or would everything be mush when she arrived? He glanced at the roses he’d asked Jonquil to put together for him and told himself he shouldn’t be so nervous, but he couldn’t help it.
The doorbell rang and he sighed with relief, checked his shirt to make sure he hadn’t splattered on it, then answered the door. “Hello, come on in.”
She smiled up at him as she walked inside. When she unbuttoned her coat, he nearly lost his breath.
Rosemary stood in his entryway wearing an electric blue cocktail dress that clung in all the right places, hinting at the fact that she had gained back a few pounds, turning her sharp edges into perfect curves. The flowing skirt fell a few inches short of her knees, and her long legs stretched down to a pair of matching blue heels that did things for her calves that had his mouth watering. She seemed to glow—even her eyes sparkled as she look at him.
“Wow.”
She grinned. “Right back at ya.” She tugged on his jacket lapels and stepped into his arms, sliding her hands along the pale blue linen of his shirt and around his neck, planting her mouth on his.
He skimmed his hands up her side and back down again, leaving them to rest gently at her hips as he took his time with the kiss hello. Something about her felt different; she was more accepting and calm than he’d seen her in a while. Maybe ever. “Welcome home.” He meant that more literally than she probably realized.
“Thanks.” She shifted away with visible reluctance. “Whatever you’re making smells wonderful. What is it?”
“Pasta.” He took her coat and hung it in the closet. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“I ate light today, figuring you’d carb load me tonight.” She didn’t seem bothered by that possibility though. “Cleo kept talking about her new cousins being born and wondering if she would be able to feel Sage’s baby move like she could with Lana’s.”
“Yeah, she seems fascinated by that. I can’t blame her.” The thought of holding Rosemary and feeling their baby’s movements inside of her made his heart fill with longing, but he wasn’t going to push her—he promised himself he wouldn’t push, even though he wanted to.
“It’s not as fascinating after the kid has been doing flips in your stomach all evening and plants their foot on your bladder so it has to be emptied every half an hour,” she said a little dryly.
“I bet. It’s still a miracle, though.”
“Yeah. It is.”
He checked the noodles and declared dinner ready. He dished it up and they sat to eat. “So, now you don’t have to run off to Aruba or Bermuda, or some other island paradise that ends in A, how are you feeling?” he asked.
“Funny how many people keep asking me that question.”
“They ask about Aruba? Wow. I didn’t realize I was so unoriginal.”
“You know what I mean.” She kept her voice light.
“Yeah, I know. You have a family full of people who worry about you. Starting with me.”
Her brow furrowed a little, but she answered without indicating whatever she’d been thinking. “I’m doing surprisingly well. Before I left, I didn’t even lecture Jonquil for half an hour about keeping my baby safe. I managed to keep it to less than a minute—against my inclinations.”
Harrison slid his fingers over hers on the table, wishing he could reassure her, but he was going to be very protective of both of them for a while—maybe always, so he understood. “She’s going to grow more independent over time, not less.”
“Yeah, I’m trying not to think about that, or the things that could happen to her on the street from strangers, never mind someone who should love and protect her. I just can’t wrap my head around Mike being behind everything, even though it’s been a few days now.”
“It’s pretty nuts.”
She hesitated a little, biting her lip. “I used to wonder if you met my mom, if you saw the kind of person she was, would you think that’s how I’d turn out?” She studied him for a moment. “But you don’t do you?”
“No. You’re nothing like Wanda. You’re a pretty incredible mom, you know that? You claim that you can’t make commitments, that you’re scared that you’ll be like her, but you love Cleo so much. You’re so good with her and when you jumped in to take her, you put everything into it, from the day you found out. It’s impressive.”
“Just keep telling me that when I
screw up and she hates decisions I make.”
“I will.” He grinned.
“Why do you put up with me?” Her expression was so confused, uncertain.
“Put up with you? What do you mean?” Where was this coming from?
“I know I’m not exactly Miss America. Why did you pick me when you have so many other options?”
“Because you’re you. You’re honest and straightforward when it matters most. You’ve overcome huge odds, and you make me feel like I can do anything, even though I’m no Superman.”
Her eyes were a little shiny, but she didn’t let any tears fall. “Who wants Superman anyway?”
“Hopefully not you.”
“No way.”
Her smile warmed him all the way to his toes.
When dinner was over and they lingered over slices of chocolate mousse cake, she noticed the way he fidgeted with his utensils and decided it was now or never. Or rather that it was now and forever. Dinner churned in her stomach, but getting to this place was a major accomplishment and she didn’t want to give herself a chance to back out.
“There’s something I need to say,” she told him when the silence stretched between them for the first time that night.
“Okay, but let me go first. I might lose my nerve if you talk first.” He looked anxious and rubbed his hands together a little.
“Unlikely,” she denied, but ceded the floor, even though it would be twice as hard to bring it up after a postponement. She really had no idea where to start anyway.
“I’ve been telling myself for days that I’m pushing you too hard, that I’m going to end up scaring you away when I know how commitment phobic you are. Still, I can’t help but think that it’s better for you to know what I’m thinking or feeling rather than leaving you to guess.”
Family Matters (DiCarlo Brides book 4) (The DiCarlo Brides) Page 25
