by Debra Cowan
“Maybe I like it, Riley. Maybe I like being on my own for the first time in my life. Maybe I want my child to grow up in a place where he or she will be accepted, not shunned because of a foolish mistake. Why can’t you understand?”
He couldn’t tell her that his heart had all but stopped when he’d seen that blood on his arm. Couldn’t tell her that he wanted her to live to see her children’s children.
The bright flash of pain in her eyes grabbed at his throat. “Maybe when we’re old and gray, you can say you were wrong about me.”
“I hope so.” With everything in him, he hoped she was right, but he didn’t believe it.
And he could see she knew.
Chapter Twelve
Susannah had wanted Riley to say he hadn’t meant those things, that he was wrong and she belonged there, but he hadn’t.
After a month spent in bed, she realized that he wouldn’t. And it was for the best. Susannah focused on what she did have. A growing friendship with Cora. Several women from town had been by to see her, including May Haskell and Pearl Anderson, as well as Evelyn Donnelly. All the men in her class had visited, as had Davis Lee. Riley’s brother had been by every bit as often as Riley, always telling Susannah an entertaining story or bringing her a treat. If this baby didn’t come soon, she’d be as big as Cora’s barn.
Riley’s opinion of her hurt, but she told herself she could forget about him quicker than she could snap her fingers. As her time neared, her fear about the actual birth and what kind of mother she would prove overshadowed her frustration with Riley. Thank goodness she had Cora. The older woman had promised Susannah she would attend the birth along with the doctor, that there was absolutely nothing to worry about.
Susannah believed that even though her nerves still quivered with uncertainty and anticipation. On the last Sunday in February, on a sunny, cold morning, she leaned against the wall in her room, biting down on the pain that threatened to rip her apart. Her back had ached all day yesterday and she’d been walking in her room since the early hours of the morning.
Cora jerked on her coat. “I’ll be back quick as I can. I’m taking Prissy and I can get to Doc Butler in less than fifteen minutes. Just hold on. If you feel the need to push, get back in that bed.”
“Yes, okay.” Susannah’s voice was slightly labored, her hair already plastered to her head. “The contractions aren’t coming so fast—oh!”
She bent double, sliding one arm around her stomach, bracing herself against the wall with the other.
Cora rushed over and pressed a damp cloth to her slick forehead. “Breathe, hon. It will pass.”
After a few seconds, the pain dulled. Susannah drew in a deep breath, her stomach feeling swollen and stretched to bursting.
“I’ll hurry. If walking doesn’t help, then get back in bed.”
“It’s still helping,” she said breathlessly. “Do you think it will be long now?”
“No.” Cora smiled and patted her forehead again with the cloth. “We’ll have a baby by this evening, I reckon.”
Her face felt as tired as the rest of her, but she smiled. “Go, I’m okay. But hurry.”
“I will.”
Susannah turned her head against the wall, listening for the sound of Prissy’s hooves as her friend rode out. When she heard them, relief washed through her body. “Hurry, Cora,” she whispered.
Another contraction seized her, this one more violent than the last. She cried out and her knees went weak. She sagged against the wall, wishing for something to grab on to. For long seconds, she couldn’t move. When the sharpness across her lower abdomen eased, she hobbled over to the bed.
Her lower body felt as if it were about to split open. Just as she reached the bed, another pain hit her, gripping her tight and twisting mercilessly. She screamed and grabbed the foot of the bed, burying her face in the bedcovers.
“What the hell! Susannah!”
Riley. What was he doing here? She lifted her head, her vision swimming. “Wh-what are you doing?”
“I think the question is what are you doing?” He picked her up and carefully laid her in bed. “Why are you on your feet?”
“Cora said it’s time for the baby. I can’t get any relief in this bed so I got up to walk.”
“Where is Cora?” He frowned, looking around.
“She’s gone for the doctor.” Susannah grabbed his hand. “It’s time, Riley.”
“Now?” His eyes went as wide as silver dollars.
She nodded. “She thought she would have time to get Dr. Butler, but I don’t think so.”
“It won’t take her long.”
“I don’t have long! I need to push.”
“Whoa, wait!”
“I can’t wait! Go get her!”
He let go of her hand and started out of the room. Another pain struck and Susannah tried to bite back a moan.
“Darlin’, I don’t think there’s time for me to get anybody.”
She couldn’t bear to think about him seeing her in her nightgown, with sweat plastering the linen to her body, her hair stuck to her head. “I need her!”
“I’m afraid we’re gonna have to be the ones to do this.” He looked as uncertain as she felt.
She groaned. “You can’t see me like this. It isn’t proper.”
“I guess I could’ve gone for Cora in the time it’s taking us to argue about it.”
She opened her mouth to snap at him, but another pain rolled through her. She drew in a sharp breath.
Riley rushed to the bed, leaning over. “What do you want me to do?”
She grabbed his hand and squeezed so tightly he grimaced. “I’m hurting you,” she noted.
“No. It’s okay. C’mon, push if you need to.”
“I…am…pushing.” She wanted to slap him away, but another contraction gripped her and she clutched at him with both hands.
He was sweating as much as she was.
“Riley, please,” she panted. “What if something’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” He stroked her head. “It’s just time for this baby to come.”
“What am I going to do—ooh!”
“We’re gonna have this baby.”
“We?” She raised her head and glared. “You’re not the one getting ripped apart— It’s coming!” she screamed.
“Hell!” Riley disentangled his hands from hers and moved to the foot of the bed, reaching for the sheet.
“You can’t look at me!”
“I have to. I can’t bring this baby into the world with my eyes closed.”
“My mother will die of shame.”
“I don’t give a damn about her right now.” He rolled up his sleeves, his face set. “All I care about is you and this baby.”
“Can’t you leave the sheet down and just…catch it?” Heat burned her cheeks at even saying such a delicate thing, but Riley didn’t seem the least embarrassed.
“I’ve never done this before, but I don’t think so. Childbirth is a natural thing, Susannah. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
“We’re not married—it’s coming! It’s coming. Get it!”
Riley’s head disappeared from sight.
Ripped in two by the pain, Susannah no longer cared how immodest she was. “Can you see the baby? Is it okay?” she panted. Sweat slicked her scalp, her chest.
“I can see the head!”
She’d never heard him so excited. “Tell me—aargh!” Sharp, excruciating pressure stretched across her abdomen. “What do I do?”
“Another push, darlin’,” he said.
She tried.
“Another one.”
“You said that already! How many?” she snapped. Sweat dripped in her eyes and she felt as if she were being torn apart. “I can see a shoulder! C’mon, Susannah. Try.”
She felt as if she couldn’t lift her hand, let alone push out a baby, but she tried one last time, and Riley laughed.
“I got you, little one. I got you.”
>
She could see only the top of his bent head. “Riley, tell me. Is the baby okay?”
Pain rippled across her belly, her back, between her legs. “Riley?”
He stood, his face slack with awe and disbelief. His hands messy with life, he held her squalling child. “It’s a girl, Susannah. A girl.”
“A girl?” she whispered.
He laughed, cutting the cord then gently cleaning the baby with one of the linens Cora had left beside the bed. She cried her lungs out as Riley wrapped her in another linen before handing her to Susannah.
As Riley disposed of the afterbirth, the baby quieted. A love so strong it hurt her chest filled Susannah. At first she could only stare, gingerly touching her child. A finger to her cheek, down her chubby arm. “She doesn’t have any hair.”
“She does. It’s just real fine and light.” Riley draped an arm around Susannah’s shoulder and leaned down so he could run a finger lightly across the baby’s head. “See? She’ll be blond like you.”
“She’s beautiful.” Susannah hugged the babe close, counting fingers and toes. All there. Perfect upturned nose. Tiny eyelashes and a puckered rosebud mouth.
“What’s her name?”
“I don’t know yet.” Susannah couldn’t take her eyes off her daughter. The babe nuzzled her breast, causing sensations to curl from her nipple to her core.
She looked up at Riley, eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been here.”
“You would’ve done just fine.”
She slipped her finger inside the baby’s curled-up hand. Her throat burned with emotion. “I wish my mother were here. Both my parents.”
“Do you want me to wire them about the baby?”
“I’ll wire Adam and he’ll tell them.” She glanced up, struggling with the emotions washing through her. Joy, love, pain. “I’ve wired them several times, but they haven’t responded.”
“At all?”
“No.” She saw anger flare in his eyes, and added quickly, “They’re hurt.”
“So are you.”
She looked down, preferring to think about her baby. Riley’s arm circled her and she wanted to lean into his warmth, his strength.
He nuzzled her hair, then dropped a kiss on her head.
She looked up in surprise. Though she was exhausted, she didn’t think she had imagined what he’d just done.
“She’s gorgeous. Just like her mama.”
“We probably both need some cleaning up.”
“We all do.”
They smiled at each other, their eyes warm with the shared bond they felt.
“Are you telling me you had that baby?” Cora demanded from the doorway.
Susannah tore her gaze from Riley’s. “Yes, Cora! It’s a girl.”
“She wouldn’t wait.” Riley straightened.
Dr. Butler appeared right behind Cora. “Babies do things at their own pace.”
“What happened?” The older woman came to Susannah’s bed, standing across from Riley.
“It was time, I guess. Riley got here right after you left.”
“And she was ready,” he interjected.
“I’d say so.” The doctor smiled, peering over Cora’s shoulder. “Looks like you both did a fine job.”
Susannah held the baby so he could see her. “Does she look all right, Doctor?”
“I’ll take a closer look at her, then I’ll want to examine you, too.”
Riley smoothed a finger over the baby’s head. “I’ll warm up some water. She probably wants a bath, and so does Susannah.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded, his eyes soft as he watched Susannah pass the linen-wrapped bundle—her daughter—to the doctor.
As Riley stepped away from the bed, she caught his hand. “I’m glad you were here. I was in complete panic.”
He smiled. “And still you managed to boss me around.”
“Oh, you, get out of here.”
“I’ll be just outside.”
She nodded. Happiness overruled the fatigue pulling at her body. All the embarrassment she’d felt at Riley seeing her in such an immodest state was swept away in the euphoria of having her daughter safely born. The wonder of the life she’d created. The relief that the babe seemed fine.
“You’re a pretty one, aren’t you?” Cora cooed over the doctor’s shoulder. “What’s her name?”
“I don’t know yet. How is she, Dr. Butler?”
“Fine and dandy, it appears.” He rewrapped the baby in the linen and handed her back to Susannah. “When she wants to nurse, go ahead and try. It might take some practice for both of you.”
“All right.”
Cora stroked the baby’s head. “May I hold her?”
“Of course.”
Cora took the baby, nestling her easily against her ample bosom.
After the doctor examined Susannah, Riley stepped back into the room.
She smiled at him. “She’s really here. I can’t believe it.”
“I can’t, either. How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Wonderful.”
“I want to go tell Davis Lee.”
“Okay.” Drowsy now, Susannah felt as if she were floating, more content than she’d ever been. “I can never repay you, Riley. I’m sorry I was mad at you.”
He grinned. “I’m glad I was here. She’s a beauty and you did just fine.”
She smiled, lifting a hand in farewell when he said goodbye. Cora put the babe in the cradle next to Susannah’s bed and went out to talk to the doctor.
Susannah pulled the cradle close and studied her daughter, filled with so much love she thought her heart would burst. Looking at her babe’s sweet face, she knew she’d done the right thing by coming to Whirlwind. She fell asleep with her hand on the cradle.
The afternoon following the birth of her daughter, Susannah forced herself to get out of bed, using muscles that screamed in protest. She didn’t want to be very far from the baby, who had nursed well this morning, then fallen asleep.
Susannah stood over the cradle, her heart aching with a love deeper than any she’d ever felt. How could her own mother have let her leave St. Louis? Susannah didn’t think she would ever be able to let her child go, regardless of what she did.
Where had the day gone? She eased down gingerly onto her bed. The sun sank lower in the sky. She’d slept off and on, waking when the baby did, drifting off when the infant did as well. She was sore and uncomfortable, but looking at her daughter made the pain dim.
Cora had cared for the baby while Susannah bathed, then braided her hair and changed into a dress that now hung loose on her. Just that little bit of activity made her aware all over again of her sore muscles. In the back of her mind all day had been fleeting images of Riley in here with her, bringing her baby into the world, seeing her in ways only a husband should.
Despite her embarrassment, she was grateful. If he hadn’t been here, she didn’t know how she would’ve managed.
She heard a muffled knock on the door, then the hinges creaking as Cora opened it. Low, masculine voices drifted from the other room. When Susannah recognized Riley’s, she couldn’t stop the jump in her pulse.
The curtain at her doorway parted and Cora looked in. “Riley and Davis Lee are here. You up to seeing them?”
“Yes, that would be nice.”
Cora smiled. “C’mon in, boys. But keep it down. The little one’s asleep.”
Susannah pushed herself up from the bed, one hand curled around the footboard as much out of nervousness as to steady herself.
Cora moved inside, followed by Riley and Davis Lee. Riley’s smile was intimate and warm. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she said, chiding herself for the flutter of sensation in her belly.
Davis Lee grinned. “How are you, little mother?”
“Fine, Davis Lee.” She smiled back. “Come see her.”
She turned slowly and walked the few steps to the cradle. Both men follo
wed.
“She sure is little.” Davis Lee squinted at the infant.
“She’s supposed to be.” Riley studied the baby, grasping the foot of the cradle and tugging firmly, as if testing it.
“Do you want to hold her?” she asked.
“Will I wake her?”
“I don’t think so.”
He leaned down and gently picked up the baby. She squirmed and made a whimpering noise, then nuzzled into a spot on his shoulder. His lips curved and warmth flooded Susannah.
Davis Lee reached out with one finger and touched her back. “Riley said she doesn’t have a name yet.”
“I named her this morning. This is Lorelai.”
“Lorelai?” Riley’s gaze shot to hers.
She smiled.
Davis Lee looked at his brother, then at her, a broad smile forming. “Our mother was named Lorelai.”
“I know,” Susannah said quietly. “I asked Cora. I thought it would be nice for her to have a namesake, since one of her sons helped bring a new life into the world. I hope it’s all right.”
“Hell—I mean heck, yes, it’s all right.” Davis Lee beamed at his brother. “Isn’t it?”
Riley’s blue gaze fixed on Susannah, deep and dark with the bond they shared.
That look made her feel as if he’d wrapped his arms around her.
“Yes, it’s more than all right,” he said in a husky voice. “Naming her after our mother is real fine, Susannah. Real fine.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“I think I should hold Lorelai.” Davis Lee held out his arms.
Riley hesitated. “You might wake her up.”
“You didn’t.”
Riley glanced down at the sleeping baby, then carefully handed her over. Davis Lee held her awkwardly, his arms stiff and bent away from his body.
“She’s not a foal,” Riley said. “Cradle her with your arm and hold her next to you. Be careful with her head.”
“Had a lot of practice, have ya?” Davis Lee grumbled, but he did as Riley instructed. The baby mewed and the big man froze, his gaze shooting to Susannah’s.
“It’s all right. She’s fine.”
He held the baby as if balancing a piece of glass. “She’s pretty. She doesn’t have much hair.”
