by Debra Cowan
Riley’s deep voice sent awareness sizzling up her spine. The memory of his hands on her, his mouth, flashed in a rush of heat.
He stepped from behind her. “I went to Cora’s looking for you.”
His gaze was intense, making her nerves jangle. She could barely meet his eyes. “Here I am.”
“What are you doing?” He leaned over her shoulder to look at the paper she held, close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body, smell his too-familiar scent of soap and leather.
“Uh, passing out flyers.” She pulled away and took a step to the side. “I’m offering a new school. To teach reading.”
“Between your charm school and raising the baby, do you think you have enough time for this?”
“I’ll find time. Cora does a lot more than I do and she manages.”
“Do you need money?”
“No.” She lowered her voice. “I don’t think Cora would mind if I told you. Her visit to the banker in Abilene was about the house. He told her if she couldn’t make higher payments he would foreclose. She was making the payments in the fall after Ollie died, but now Banker Dobies has increased them. I need to help as much as possible.”
“I could give you money.”
“I can’t take it,” she protested with a half laugh.
He hesitated, his gaze steady on her. “We need to talk. About last night.”
She glanced around, as if afraid someone was listening. “It shouldn’t have happened. And you certainly shouldn’t bring it up.”
“Well, pardon me, but that’s why I came looking for you. It bears talking about and we’re gonna talk about it.”
She lifted her chin. “I’m busy—”
“This is important, Susannah. Don’t make me haul you somewhere. That would set the whole town to talking for sure.”
She glanced around, noticing that Charlie Haskell had come to the door of his store and was staring curiously. Susannah felt Pearl behind her, also studying them.
“Let’s walk,” Riley suggested.
“All right,” she said reluctantly.
He jammed his hands in his trousers and she gripped her flyers with both hands, trying not to brush against him as they moved past the post office toward the east end of town.
“I was awake all last night.”
She had been, too, reliving the wicked feel of his mouth on her flesh. “Riley, I don’t think we should talk about this.”
“You really are embarrassed, aren’t you?”
She flicked him a look. “Aside from the liberties I allowed, I threw myself at you.”
“That’s not how I remember it,” he said softly.
They reached the Whirlwind Hotel. As they stepped off the planked walk, he glanced around and took her elbow.
“What are you doing?”
“Going somewhere private so we can have this conversation.”
He was right to put it to rest. After all, she couldn’t avoid him the rest of her life, but she dreaded talking about the recklessness that had taken them both over last night.
He stopped behind the hotel and released her. A quick glance up the alley to her right showed they were alone back here behind the businesses.
He palmed off his hat and slapped it lightly against his thigh.
Why, he was just as unnerved as she was! For some reason, that settled her stomach.
“If we’d made love last night, it would’ve been no different than what LaFortune did to you. I don’t want to have you and leave.”
She pressed back into the wall, her breath jammed in her lungs. “What do you want?”
His jaw worked. After a long moment, he said, “I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted any other woman in my life.”
She shook her head. “That solves nothing. I know whereof I speak. Paul—”
“Don’t talk about him,” Riley said fiercely. “This is between you and me.”
She met his searing gaze, surprised at the ferocity of his words. “All right.”
He took the flyers from her and slid them in the back pocket of his Levi’s. “I’ve tried getting you out of my head, but I can’t. I have to have you.”
Despite the delicious dip in her stomach, she struggled to keep her wits. “You’re not asking me to be your mistress? I don’t think you’d do that to Lorelai.”
“No, I’m not asking you to be my mistress.”
Relief and a deep stabbing regret hit her at the same time. “Then what?”
“I want you to be my wife.”
A slap couldn’t have surprised her more. “Wh-what?”
“You could take my money if you were my wife.”
A buzzing sounded in her ears. “Take your money?”
“For Cora.” His gaze burned into hers. “Marry me.”
“For money? I won’t.”
“For Lorelai, and for you, too.”
“Your offer is very sweet, Riley, but if I marry you, live with you, I won’t need the money. Cora will, though. Would you still be willing to help?”
“Of course.”
“We don’t need to marry for you to do that.” Even though she knew this wasn’t a proposal out of love, she spoke gently.
“You’re right, we don’t need to marry for me to help Cora, so forget that. I still want to marry you.”
Had he really thought this out? “I thought you believed I didn’t belong here. Have you changed your mind?”
“No, but you’re obviously not leaving.”
“No, I’m not.”
“If we’re married, I can take care of you.”
And that’s what it was all about in his mind, she realized. Responsibility, not love. And wasn’t responsibility the very reason she’d come to Texas in the first place?
“Susannah, this makes sense.”
It did. And it didn’t. “You told me you were never going to marry again.”
“I love Lorelai like she’s my own. I’ve been there since her first breath and I want to be there for every one that follows. I will be there. I pledge that to you.”
“I do know you adore her, but what about me, Riley?” Susannah couldn’t believe she was asking, but she wanted to have everything out in the open now. “Are you proposing just for the baby?”
She tried to keep her voice from shaking. She needed no proof he adored her child, but after last night, she had to know his full intention.
He studied her. “I know that’s what you want.”
Yes, she wanted a man who would love her child, who didn’t care that Lorelai had been fathered by another.
But could Susannah marry Riley? It would be so easy to fall in love with him—she was afraid she already loved him—but how long would that last? She couldn’t make the same mistake she’d made before, and she knew deep in her soul that if she really fell in love with Riley, she’d never recover from it.
The only other thing she knew was that Riley would be there for Lorelai.
“I’m not proposing just for the baby.” His voice deepened and his gaze burned over every inch of her.
She shivered and tried to duck under his arm. “I want to know what’s expected of me.”
He planted his hands against the wall on either side of her, caging her. “I want you to be my wife in every way, Susannah. I want you in my bed. Surely you know any man you choose would want the same thing.”
She hadn’t let herself think about it, she realized, until the night Davis Lee had tried to kiss her. And Riley was right.
“Can this work, Riley? You won’t change your mind about my being here. Don’t you think that will cause problems?”
He answered thoughtfully, “I can see you’ve made a place for yourself. Your charm school and now your reading school show me that you’re more resourceful than half the people who come here. That tells me you’re determined to succeed.”
“But you don’t think I will?” Why couldn’t she get past wanting his approval?
“I don’t know, darlin’, but I know you’ve got grit and t
hat’s what it takes to build a life here. I do know I want you. That’s worth something.”
The desire would fade, but maybe when it did, they would still have genuine liking for each other, and respect. A lot of marriages didn’t have even that.
“You fancy me, too, or you couldn’t kiss me the way you do.”
“How long can that last?” she asked dryly.
“As long as we want it to.”
“You’re not naive. You know better.”
He lowered his head and caught her lower lip between his teeth, tugging gently and causing a burst of sparks in her belly. “It could last a good long time.”
She tried to turn her head away.
“It’s pretty damn powerful. We can’t ignore it, and I won’t.” He lifted one hand to gently stroke her throat, then trail it down to rest lightly against her breast. “I could’ve had you last night, Susannah, and you know it.”
Her face flamed and she stiffened. “And if you had, would we be having this conversation?”
“I think so. I didn’t lie when I said I wouldn’t treat you the way LaFortune did. I love that baby. I have feelings for you. And the truth is I can’t keep my hands off you.”
He leaned down, his lips brushing her cheek, his chest nudging hers. He nuzzled her neck, her jaw, the corners of her lips.
Her legs trembled and she curled her fingers into the front of his shirt. “But this is fleeting, don’t you see? You’ve felt it before, and so have I.”
He kissed her, deep and long and slow.
She slid her hands up to grip his shoulders so she wouldn’t sag to the ground. She wanted his hands on her, his mouth, the way they’d been last night. He lifted his head, blue eyes blazing into hers.
“Are you telling me you’ve responded like that to every man in town who’s kissed you?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Not even my brother?” His eyes narrowed.
“No.” She saw no reason to tell him that Davis Lee was the only one who’d tried to kiss her and the end result had been nowhere near the same.
Riley gripped her shoulders. “You’re not in love with him. I’d know it now.”
“No.”
“You’re sure?”
She wanted Riley to kiss her. “We decided we’re only cut out to be friends.”
“All right.” He claimed her lips again, and after a long moment, pulled away. “You haven’t said yes yet.”
She knew the qualities she wanted in her baby’s father, and Riley topped the list. So why did she hesitate? Staring into his eyes, she admitted it was because she feared she might fall in love with him. If he never returned her feelings, that might be the worst thing that could happen for her daughter. But he was a good man, the only man she really wanted as Lorelai’s father. She certainly respected and liked him.
“All right,” she said.
“Yes?” A light brightened his eyes.
She smiled. “Yes.”
“I don’t want to wait. I want to do this now. Okay?”
“Right now?”
“How about in three days? Is that too soon?”
“No, I can be ready.”
“Good.” His arms slid loosely around her waist. “This will work, Susannah. I’ll be good for the baby.”
“I know.” She felt a little dizzy.
“I’ll make it good for you, too.” He lowered his head. “You can kiss me now. We’re engaged.”
A thrill raced through her. She inched up on tiptoe and kissed him. His arms tightened and she slipped her tongue inside his mouth. His hands cupped her bottom, sending a shock of sensation through her.
She melted against his hard length, giving herself over to the heat spreading through her like slow-running honey.
“See?” he murmured against her lips.
She nodded, thrusting her fingers into his hair as he took her mouth again.
“Hey, Holt, just what’s going on back here?”
Matt Baldwin. Susannah opened her eyes, her dazed mind struggling to recognize his voice. The concern in his words.
“Goodbye, Matt. Susannah and I have business.”
Matt peered at her over Riley’s shoulder. “Miz Susannah?”
She stared into Riley’s eyes, which were hungry and bold with promises. She was barely aware of her words. “’Bye, Matt,” she said dreamily.
“All right, then.” The big man disappeared around the corner, and Riley kissed her again.
When he lifted his head a long time later, he said, “It’s a good thing you agreed to marry me.”
“Why?”
“Because the story of how you were having your way with me back here is going to be all over town in about an hour.”
“Oh, you.” She tried to push him away and he hugged her tightly.
“There you go again,” he said against her neck. “I’m just not safe from you, am I?”
She laughed, delighted when he joined in. Oh, she did like him. Very much. This was more than she’d hoped for when she’d left St. Louis six months ago. She just had to hope it was enough.
Riley walked Susannah back to Cora’s, and after fifteen minutes of congratulations and hugs, he headed over to see his brother. He left the women discussing how to quickly alter the wedding dress Cora had offered to let Susannah wear.
Riley wanted to ask Davis Lee to stand up with him, and he owed him an apology. Susannah might be his now, but she hadn’t been last night when his brother had trusted him to get her safely home and away from the men who would’ve forgotten all about propriety in the darkness. Just as he had.
Davis Lee heard the news of Riley’s engagement with genuine joy, hugging him tightly. He quickly agreed to stand up with them in front of the magistrate in Abilene.
Riley pushed his hat back on his head. “I need to confess something.”
“Already?”
“Not that.” Riley hoped his brother took this news in such good humor. “Last night, you trusted me to take Susannah home, and I did, but I…kissed her.”
Davis Lee stared at him long enough that Riley checked to make sure his brother hadn’t doubled his fists.
“Good.” Davis Lee slapped him on the back.
“Good?”
“You’re one stubborn cuss, Riley Holt. It’s about time.”
His eyes narrowed as he tried to take in his brother’s nonchalant acceptance. “Are you trying to make me think you wanted me to get with Susannah?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, c’mon. What about those times you called on her? Am I supposed to believe you weren’t really interested in settling down?”
“I wasn’t.”
“I’m sure Susannah will be flattered to learn that.”
Davis Lee grinned. “She agreed that we can only be friends. A blind man could see you two tiptoeing around each other like horses in heat. You just needed a little push.”
A suspicion suddenly popped into Riley’s mind. “Cora, too?”
His brother laughed. “Cora, too.”
“Humph, I don’t know about this.”
“Why not? You did the work. We just helped a little. You’re marrying a beautiful woman.”
“It’s for the baby,” Riley corrected. “I’m not disputing that Susannah is beautiful—”
“Or that you want her,” his brother pointed out.
“Or that I want her, but my concern is for the baby. I think I’d be the best father.”
“I’m glad for you.”
“So you’ll come to Abilene with us?”
“You bet.” Davis Lee clapped him on the shoulder again. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Thank you.” Riley left his brother’s office and started for Cora’s to get his horse.
Along with the contentment he felt about having things settled, there was also a heaviness inside him. A sense that he came just short of happiness, which was hardly fair to Susannah.
Maybe if she were different, or if he were, he could love her. But h
e could never suffer again the way he had when Maddie died. He had feelings for Susannah, but she didn’t own his heart. No one ever would again.
Chapter Fifteen
The three days before the wedding passed in a blur of preparations, most of the time spent altering Cora’s wedding dress to fit Susannah. The hem had to be taken up quite a bit because the other woman was a good six inches taller than Susannah’s five foot three. The bust fit well enough. After they nipped in the waist a couple of inches and tucked the full sleeves to lay closer to her arms, Susannah couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect.
The first Saturday of April dawned with the sun occasionally peeking out from behind gray clouds, as if mirroring the same uncertainty she felt about her decision. The temperature was mild, and Cora thought the sun would burn off the clouds, saving them from rain. Susannah hoped so.
Cora hitched Prissy to the wagon and Susannah laid her carefully wrapped gown in the bed along with a valise packed with the things they would need for the overnight stay Riley had told them to plan on. He and Davis Lee rode up, helping her and Cora into the wagon before handing Susannah the baby.
It was midmorning before they got on the road, with the men following on their horses. Even though Susannah would’ve felt comfortable driving, especially with Cora in the wagon, her thoughts darted in a hundred different directions and she knew her friend’s concentration was better.
Riley planned to pay for rooms at the new Texas Crown Hotel so that everyone could enjoy the wedding and celebratory dinner without worrying about starting for home in the dark.
Cora insisted on staying in a room with Lorelai so that Riley and Susannah could have their wedding night alone, and he had readily agreed.
Abilene wasn’t much bigger than Whirlwind at this point, but as a stop on the Texas and Pacific Railroad, it was buzzing with activity. As they rode through town, Riley pointed out flyers advertising the upcoming horse races, which took place every weekend beginning in April. He told Susannah that tomorrow people and horses would line both sides of the street. He hoped they could get a room at the new hotel.
Susannah noted the town already had a public school. According to her three traveling companions, Buffalo Gap had been designated the county seat of Taylor County back in 1878, but when the railroad pushed west in 1880, several of the area’s ranchers and businessmen arranged to have it bypass Buffalo Gap and instead run through a new town they named Abilene.
