by Snow, Lucy
I tried to stay mostly out of that gamesmanship. Joanna and I were the only ones who’d left town after high school, and it spoke volumes that we left when Gretchen had actually come to Summitville specifically to go to school - she was from an even smaller town, one that didn’t have a college at all.
Talking to her was a breath of fresh air. Unlike Jane and Lucy, she didn’t seem to have any illusions about where she was or what she was doing. She just seemed, well, happy to be there.
It was so refreshing and I could tell why Maggie liked her so much.
After about an hour, Maggie piped up. “OK, girls, it’s time for the good stuff! Presents! And then you can all get out of my house!”
We all laughed, each of us minus Jane and Maggie at a minimum two glasses of champagne deep. All our presents were on the coffee table between us, and one by one we picked ours up and handed it to Maggie, sitting on her reclining chair between the couches.
The first one, from Lucy, was a bunch of baby toys, rattles and blocks, mostly. Maggie passed them around and we all giggled at how advanced children’s toys had become since we were little.
As the blocks with letters on them came to me, I felt the first twinge of the day. I looked over at Maggie. She was super pregnant, looking even more so than she did last night, but it fit her so well. Like she was finally in her element. Of course I’m sure she’d have given anything to have her husband Chris home to be with her, but she almost never betrayed that slice of happiness missing from her life.
I wondered if, hoped that I would someday be fulfilled like I could tell Maggie was. And if someday, please have that day come soon, thanks in advance.
The next present was from Jane, and it was a doozy. It was a book, and not a children’s book. “Sex After Pregnancy” was its title, and the cover art featured a very sexy curvy lady in the arms of an almost impossibly well-chiseled man. We all had a laugh as the book passed around. I held my tongue at commenting - this didn’t exactly seem like the most appropriate gift to give someone whose husband was deployed around the world, but Maggie took it in stride and thanked Jane profusely. I knew Maggie well enough, she didn’t take things personally and let things like that slide. Jane, for her part, didn’t look like she’d considered the idea. “For when Chris comes back!” she said.
When the book came around to me, I made a show of leafing through the pages. For a book on sex there weren’t nearly as many photos as I’d figured there would be. And none as racy as I expected. Lots of translucent diagrams of sex positions in various locations, very few of which seemed like any fun.
Though, to be fair, I really had no way of knowing which positions were fun and which weren’t, did I? The dozen or so times I’d had sex before last night weren’t exactly scheduled to be enshrined in the Sexual Experimentation Hall of Fame.
I giggled at the thought of visiting such a hall.
The next gift was from Joanna, bringing things back to reality and propriety at the same time with a set of blankets in a range of sizes. They were all baby blue and felt so soft I wanted to pile them up in a corner and dive into it.
“These really go with the decor around here,” I murmured, looking up at all the 50 shades of blue around us. Everyone laughed. “This is all sticking around after he’s born, right?”
“You know it! It’s been up so long I think we’ve all gotten used to it. Gonna be tough to take it all down in a couple weeks.” I envied Maggie her family - there weren’t here for the party, but from what I knew of them they’d been there for her every step of the way. It’d probably been difficult to convince them that this shower was just for Maggie’s friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a second one just for family.
Gretchen’s gift was another book, but this one in much more taste. It was all about surviving the first few months of motherhood - what to expect, how to deal with the pleasure and the disappointments, the peaks and valleys. What made this one different from all the other gazillions of books written on the subject was that this one was specifically written with wives of servicemen in mind.
It was a really thoughtful gift and just so perfect for Maggie’s situation that I was almost a little jealous that Gretchen had been so conscientious. There was no guile in giving it, though, no outward sense of take-that satisfaction I could feel from Gretchen - she was genuinely happy to give her friend something that would be useful to Maggie, not because any of us thought her gift was better than ours.
Maggie loved it. “I had no idea someone had written a book just for me!” she roared, setting it aside to pick up the next one. “As soon as you ladies leave I’ll have to start reading it.” She thanked Gretchen profusely.
Joanna’s gift was next. She’d gone the more conventional route and gotten Maggie a gift card to a nice restaurant in town. “For when Chris gets back,” she explained. “By then you’ll definitely need a night out and I’m sure he will too.” It was a nice gift, not overly sentimental, but I could tell Maggie appreciated it.
Mine was last. I tensed up a little bit. Gretchen’s gift was really awesome but I couldn’t deny a little part of me wanted to give Maggie the best gift, the one she’d like the most, remember the longest. Mine wasn’t nearly as practical as Gretchen’s, and to be fair, I hadn’t exactly remembered to get anything for Maggie. That wasn’t exactly helping out my case as best friend forever, but here I was, with my stepmother’s timely assistance, with gift in hand.
Maggie tore into the wrapping paper and opened the box, her hands sliding through all the tinsel paper inside. She lifted the onesie out of the box, holding it up for all of us to see. “Oh, Laurel,” she breathed, “it’s beautiful. He’s gonna look so cute in it. I can’t wait.”
I was thrilled. “I’m so happy you like it, Mags!” It was petty, I know, but I liked being the center of attention for a couple seconds.
“Oh you have no idea, honey. The number of photos you’ll all be getting of him wrapped up in this. Better upgrade your data plans now, don’t want to get hit with overages just to see Duncan’s pictures.” She turned red.
We all looked at her. I spoke first. “So you’ve decided on ‘Duncan,’ eh?”
“That…was supposed to be a secret.”
“He’s coming in a few days, Maggie, no need for secrecy anymore,” Gretchen chimed in. I looked at her, unable to tell if she’d known about the choice of name beforehand.
Get a grip, Laurel. I wasn’t around all this time, it was natural that Maggie should make new friends. She wasn’t replacing me. Come on.
After the presents ended, Maggie didn’t kick us out. We poured another round of drinks and we milled about, standing and walking around the room to stretch our legs. Jane was looking through the early parenting book. Gretchen and Maggie stayed in their seats. Maggie was showing off my onesie to Gretchen, who looked suitably impressed.
I stood and looked out the window at the snow covered lawn in front of Maggie’s house. Over here there weren’t as many people outside in the cold, and certainly no joggers this time.
The party was a little overwhelming. Sure, I’d known about Maggie’s pregnancy for months now. Aside from Chris and the rest of her family I probably was the first person to know. But being here at this shower it was hitting me for the first time. In less than a week Maggie and I would be even more different than ever before.
Back in high school we’d been the same - two girls on the fringes of popularity who’d gotten by with each other’s help and warmth and friendship. Then Maggie met Chris and though she made time for me, always, she was something else now - a girl in a relationship. The first wall between us.
The second wall came up when Chris proposed and they got married, just after high school. I wished them nothing but the best and I was Maggie’s maid of honor at her wedding, but now she was not only my best friend, she was also Chris’ wife.
Wife.
That was a huge deal, and it had taken me months to wrap my head around it. In fact, if I was honest
with myself, I hadn’t fully done so - leaving for New York had helped. I was around so many new people doing so many new things that I didn’t have time to wonder about Maggie and Chris back home.
Now Maggie was on another journey, one that was starting to hit home for me. Sure, she was already the center of a new family, but now she was going to add to that family. I saw how Chris doted on her when he was able to. Things would be different forever in a week.
Mother.
Maggie was becoming a mother. She and Chris had created a life together already, and now were creating new life again. I didn’t know how to put that together, how to square that with the girl I used to run around the school with.
How had we managed to come so far so quickly?
I shook my head. What do you mean, ‘we?’ Maggie was the one who’d kept moving forward. Sure, I’d left town for school, but that wasn’t the same. Maggie was responsible for an entire person, and I was still picking what to major in.
I may have left Summitville for the bright lights of anywhere else, but Maggie’s the one who had left me behind.
A baby.
Call me old fashioned, but unlike some other women I’d read about or see on TV or even meet, I’d always been looking forward to motherhood. Of course I had goals, I had ambitions, I had plenty of things I wanted to do and see with my life. But at the same time, the thought of doing all those things paled in comparison to the warm feelings I got from thinking about having a family to take care of and come home to.
I think on some level every little girl fantasizes about their perfect home and who lives in it with her. I just hadn’t stopped doing that, and the pictures and dreams were more vivid than ever.
The man, part, though, had always been been vague and hard to see, like I couldn’t make him out. He had dark hair, though, and dark eyes.
I would have kept going over this cycle in my head if I hadn’t been interrupted. “Hey there, Laurel. Where are you?”
I turned around. It was Lucy, standing next to me, champagne in hand. “Oh, sorry, spaced out a little bit there. I was thinking back to high school.” I still couldn’t put my finger on what bothered me about Lucy and Jane, but it was definitely something. Like I knew something about both of them but couldn’t place just what it was. The feeling was starting to drive me a little nuts.
“Good times,” she said. “Can you believe Maggie’s going to be a mother in a few days?”
I don’t know how she read my mind. “I really don’t.” I looked at Lucy in bewilderment. “It’s just…so…mature!” I burst into laughter. “I mean…I wouldn’t have expected Maggie to settle down so quick.”
“Oh I don’t know about that,” Laurel replied, “as soon as Chris came on the scene she was a goner. Like, everyone knew the minute high school was over they were getting married.”
“That’s true, you’re right. Still, having a kid, though. That’s not just another step. It’s a whole other thing.” I rolled one hand up and over, showing off just how big that whole other thing was, and probably not conveying myself well.
“Absolutely. I’m in no rush myself,” Lucy said, “but I gotta say, being at one of these kinda drives the point home.” She looked down as her thoughts moved elsewhere.
I nodded. “Yeah…”
“Makes me think a little bit about throwing out my birth control.”
I gasped, shocked at how frank we’d gotten so quickly.. “What would your boyfriend say about that?” As I’d found out a little while earlier, Lucy and Don had been dating for the last 18 months. I remembered Don from school, he was a popular kid, big into sports. I don’t remember what he did now.
Lucy grinned. “Of course I’d tell him, come on. I’m not gonna do it, I’m just, you know, thinking about it.”
We stood in silence like that for a few seconds, both looking out the window and sipping our champagne.
Lucy turned to me and stepped a little closer. “Listen, I wanted to ask you,” she said, a little lower than before, so anyone else couldn’t hear us. Like we were part of a secret plot. A conspiracy. She glanced at Jane, sitting on the couch talking to Joanna, as she spoke. “How’s Harrison doing?”
So that was it.
All of a sudden things fell into place. That was the feeling I’d had about Lucy and Jane when I arrived, the tension that was crawling up and down my spine since seeing them. That’s where I remembered them from.
Lucy and Jane had both slept with Harrison back in high school.
I mean, it wasn’t like it was some badge of honor or anything. Harrison was a prince of the school, if not the out and out king. If a girl was attractive, there was a good chance at some point that Harrison would come a-calling, and to my knowledge he hadn’t been turned down.
In fact, about Lucy specifically, I remembered seeing her at our house, coming over to see Harrison when our parents were away. I remembered the sounds of her moans coming though the not-thick-enough walls between our rooms, and I remember her charging down the hallway and down the stairs, only vaguely dressed, as she ran out the back door just as our parents came in through the front door.
Lucy had been one of Harrison’s harem back in the day. Jane too. I think he’d given some ancient kings a run for their money in terms of number of girls he had access to.
“Yeah, uh,” I fumbled for the right words. “He’s good. Harrison’s good.” I didn’t know how else to respond. I wasn’t exactly used to talking about Harrison at all, and certainly not in a good way.
“I’m so glad to hear that.” Her eyes gleamed and I could tell she was remembering the same things as I was, but from a decidedly different perspective. We’d both seen him naked, but she’d gotten a whole lot more time to, uh, take in the complete Harrison experience. “He’s back from deployment, right?”
“Yeah, he’s been back a week now.”
“How’s the military been for him?” That was a vague question at best, and Harrison and I really hadn’t talked about it yet. Or much of anything.
“It’s been good. Really good, actually.” I was just making things up, going on what my father had said the day before. We’d barely spent any time together, and even then it had been under…less than the best circumstances.
Lucy pouted and batted her eyes. “And he hasn’t called me?”
I wasn’t his social coordinator. “Harrison’s a big boy, Lucy. I guess he’s been a little busy with family stuff. He just got back in town after all. Lotsa stuff going on with him right now.” I tried not to sound defensive, but I really didn’t want Lucy anywhere near Harrison.
Not when I was in the picture.
Was I in the picture?
“Well, next time you see him, tell him to give me a ring, won’t you?”
“Isn’t that a little…inappropriate?” I wanted to give her an easy out.
Her smile clouded. “How do you figure?”
“You’re in a relationship, Lucy.”
She bristled. “Of course, I know that. Geez, Laurel, it’s not like that, I just wanted to catch up, you know, meet for coffee. Nothing like that at all, don’t misunderstand.”
Shit. “Oh, right. I’m sorry about that, didn’t mean to imply.”
“Never mind.” Lucy looked back out the window and sipped her drink.
That…could have gone better.
We went back to the quiet, letting the conversation of the room flow around us.
I couldn’t stop thinking back to high school and all the girls Harrison had been with. Lucy had shown up more than once at the house, and Harrison had always been polite to her and given her what she’d wanted.
Except exclusivity. Back then it seemed like that was the first thing he told them. They could hang out and fool around and have lots of sex, but he wasn’t going to be tied down by a high school girlfriend.
I had no idea how he managed to find so many girls willing to accept that arrangement, but Harrison never lacked for lady companionship, not that I could remember. And it wa
sn’t just the same 3 or 4 girls, either. A few were in the rotation, including Lucy, but others like Jane only stuck around for a couple times.
Maybe it was a badge of honor, of a sort. Not exactly the most exclusive club, but somehow all these girls in high school had wanted to be a member. Groucho would have been shocked.
Would he have been more shocked to find out that I secretly wanted to join too? I mean, of course I couldn’t back then, but I thought about it all the time. The sounds coming from Harrison’s room, night after night, girl after girl - he clearly knew what he was doing in that department.
Instantly I could feel my jealousy hackles rise, and I didn’t want to talk to Lucy or Jane anymore. I knew I was being foolish, that I had no claims over Harrison, especially we’d had sex once after a rough night and a confession made after a tense situation. But nonetheless I felt a sense of ownership, a claim, a possessiveness over Harrison that I didn’t want to see some other girl or girls horn in on, at least until I had time to figure out what I felt and what Harrison really felt.
And probably not even then, if I was being honest with myself. I’d always hated how they fawned over him, like every other girl in school couldn’t see that he was just an angry asshole all the time.
How come I was the only one?
“Laurel!”
I whipped my head around, momentarily confused. “Huh?”
“Where you at, girl?” Maggie’s soft smile hovered right in front of me. She reached up and snapped her finger behind my ear. “Still with us?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m here.” I furrowed my brow. “Sorry about that, Mags, spaced out for a second there.”
“I know the feeling, do it all the time myself.”
I shook my head and banished the cobwebs. “What did I miss?”
“Oh, not much.” She inclined her head toward the rest of the room. “Catching up, trying to outdo everyone else, you know how it is among girls. Especially girls who haven’t seen each other in a while.”
“That I do,” I sighed. “Home, New York, wherever you go, can’t avoid it.”
“Well, at least people everywhere are consistent. That way I don’t have to wonder whether I’m missing out.”
