by Ashley John
“Joshua,” she whispered, “your dad, he died. He died over a year ago.”
Ezra Steele looked down at the top of the guy’s head, as he bobbed up and down on Ezra’s cock. He tried to remember the twink’s name but he drew a blank. Names were never really his thing. The less he knew about the guys he used for his pleasure, the better.
“Do you like that?” the nameless beauty smirked up at him, tongue running up and down his shaft.
“Yeah, it’s great,” Ezra pushed him back onto his cock, trying not to sound bored.
When he’d been driving home from Silverton Tower he hadn’t been able to keep his cock down, which as usual, led him to opening up one of his hook-up apps. He found the first desperate looking guy he could and gave him the address of his gorgeous house in Holland Park, just outside the city centre.
He could remember ‘fun bottom seeking dominant top. Open minded *wink face emoji*’ but he couldn’t remember his name.
There was nothing wrong with the way the guy was sucking his cock. He was probably quite good and if Ezra’s mind wasn’t somewhere completely different, he’d have been able to enjoy it – But I can’t stop thinking about Lily.
He’d been tense all day at work. It had been the type of day where he could have easily fired somebody if they had looked at him in the wrong way. Luckily for them, his employees were able to sense when he wasn’t in ‘happy boss’ mode because they gave him a wide berth all day.
Tucking his hands behind his head, he closed his eyes and tried to let the feeling of pleasure wash over him. The second his lids were closed, all he could see was the fire – Every fucking June this happens.
The nameless twink stopped sucking and kneeled up on the bed. With a playful smirk, he pulled his shirt over his head to reveal his slim and toned body. He recognised it from the topless and headless profile picture but without the filters he looked skinnier and less muscular.
“I want you to fuck me.”
Ezra didn’t even stop himself sighing. He could already feel his thick cock starting to soften from the lack of attention. The guy was cute, probably nineteen or twenty. It should have been enough to make his dick rise. Why did I think sex could distract me?
“What’s your name?”
The twink laughed, not offended in the slightest. He unbuckled his belt and wriggled out of his skinny jeans, pulling his underwear off with them. His cock was already solid. It was average compared to Ezra’s length but he rarely met guys who matched him in that department.
“Adam,” he started to crawl up Ezra’s body, “I know exactly who you are. You’re Ezra Steele. People aren’t going to believe you’ve fucked me.”
Most people wanted to fuck Ezra Steele for the bragging rights. His reputation in the bedroom had taken on a life of its own. He’d usually play up to it and he would use it to his advantage to get any guy he wanted for his use.
Adam ran his tongue along Ezra’s dark stubble before gently flicking it against his lips. Ezra let him kiss him for a couple of seconds but he wasn’t giving much back as he stared at Adam’s eyelids. Adam was so deep in the zone, he wasn’t noticing how little Ezra was giving him.
He was about to close his eyes to try and force himself to join him there. If he flipped Adam over and pinned him into the bed, he could fuck him and throw him out in twenty minutes. Just as he started to feel himself stir below, his brother, Felix, burst into his bedroom.
“Ezra – Oh, fuck!” he cried and the door slammed again.
Adam scrambled off him, pulling the bed sheets over his naked body, “Is that your boyfriend?”
He looked more amused than offended. Pulling his suit trousers over his semi, Ezra yanked up his zip and jumped off the bed.
“Get out,” he picked up Adam’s clothes and tossed them to him, “time’s up.”
“What the -,” Adam started, “I’m up for a threesome if you -,”
“He’s my brother,” Ezra clenched his jaw, “out now.”
The humour quickly turned to anger as Ezra turned his back on Adam as he dressed. Felix was his seventeen-year-old brother and it wasn’t the first time he’d walked in on Ezra with a guy.
Adam pushed past him as he mumbled something about Ezra being a ‘let down’ but Ezra wasn’t in the mood to listen to him.
“What do you want?” Ezra sighed as Felix sheepishly walked into his bedroom.
Ezra perched on the edge of his bed and waited for his little brother to speak. He was wearing one of his rock band shirts and a pair of jeans with so many holes in them they barely held together. Felix had been living with him for a couple of months after their mum kicked him out of her flat because her new boyfriend was a little too handy with his fists. Ezra usually tried to stay out of their drama but he knew neither of them chose that life for themselves. Ever since Ezra had been given Silverton Tower, his mum had barely spoken to him because he refused to give her money so she could fuel her drug habit.
“Jade’s outside.”
Ezra’s stomach knotted, just like it did every time he heard her name.
“Get rid of her,” he shrugged.
“I’ve tried,” Felix tossed his arms out, “she’s your problem, you deal with her. She’s high or drunk or something. I dunno.”
Ezra should have known Jade would be showing up soon enough. June was always a difficult month for both of them but Jade was the one who couldn’t handle it. She’d been hitting the self-destruct button since the fire and Ezra was tired of trying to clean up her mess. Five years later and she’s still clinging on.
He opened his front door to see her slumped on his step with a nearly empty bottle of vodka clenched in her hand. She looked a complete mess and he wasn’t in the mood to sort her out; that hadn’t been his job for years.
“Piss off, Jade,” he didn’t step out of his house, “you’re embarrassing yourself.”
She staggered to her feet, using the steps up to his home as a prop. As her eyes tried to focus on him, he examined her face and he tried to look for the girl he’d fallen in love with in high school but he couldn’t see her. They had both changed so much since the fire.
“Look at you,” she snickered, “new suit?”
Sighing, he crossed his arms and leaned against his doorframe as he watched her sway on the spot. She didn’t know why she was there anymore than he did.
“What do you want?”
“Dunno,” she shrugged, “I was – in the neighbourhood.”
Doubling over, she let out a harsh cackle as if what she’d said was hilarious. A woman with a baby walked around her with an obvious look of disgust. Jade wasn’t the usual girl people saw on the rich and clean streets of Holland Park. Their pristine four-story white houses were protected from Jade’s kind by low-spiked fences around their tiny front patios. Jade was a long way from the estates of Hackney.
“Go home, Jade,” Ezra sighed, “I’m busy.”
“Fuck you,” she held up her middle finger, “look at you in your posh house. You think you’re somethin’, don’t you? You’re not. You can take the boy out of Hackney but you can’t take -,”
“Are you finished?”
Rage burned in her dilated pupils and her lip snarled painfully. She staggered up the steps to his front door but she stopped before she was face to face with him.
“You don’t even know what day is coming up, do you?”
He gritted his teeth and pushed his hands even further into his armpits. He may not have been staggering around the streets blind drunk like Jade but it didn’t mean he’d ever forget.
“Of course I know,” his voice was low.
Raising her eyebrows, she pushed her ratty brown hair out of her eyes and slurped from the bottle. She didn’t even wince as the vodka passed her lips. He wondered if she’d been sober in the last five years.
“You do a pretty good job at pretending not to,” she stumbled up the last step and poked him in the chest, “you think you’re special because you suddenly have all of th
is money but you’re not. We all laugh at you back on the estate.”
“Just because some of us aren’t stuck in the past doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget. She was my -,” he felt a lump rise in his throat but he forced it down before it developed into something else.
Ezra was more than equipped to ignore his feelings.
“You don’t even deserve to call yourself her father,” she laughed, “you still haven’t changed. I saw your little bum boy run out before you opened the door. You’re sick.”
Ezra reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Without hesitating, he reached inside and produced a crisp £50.
“Get out of here,” he stuffed the cash into her free hand, “before I say things I’ll regret.”
She stumbled down the steps, catching herself on the railing. Looking down at the money, Ezra half expected her to toss it back to him but she slid it into her bra. They both knew how many lines of cocaine she’d be able to buy with that.
“Say them,” she tossed her arms out.
“For Lily’s sake,” he stepped back into his house, “I’ll keep my mouth shut this time.”
He turned on his heels, ready to shut the door on her but she wasn’t going to let him get away that easily.
“It’s too late to pretend to care about your daughter,” Jade slurred, a hint of humour in her voice, “she’s been dead and buried for five years.”
Dropping his head, Ezra clenched his fists along with his jaw. Taking a deep breath, he tried to force himself to calm down but it wouldn’t happen. He closed his eyes and tried to count backwards from ten but all he could see were the flames.
“Piss off.”
He flinched when her vodka bottle collided with the front of his door. He waited for the barrage of insults and blame to start but she stayed silent. He imagined her stumbling down the road with the money in her hand, ready to look into the bottom of another bottle with whatever man she had in her bed this week.
“Bro,” he opened his eyes to see Felix lingering at the bottom of the stairs, “are you okay?”
Ezra ignored him and headed straight for the kitchen. He dove into the freezer to find his own bottle of vodka. He cracked the seal and started to drink from the neck. It didn’t shut up Jade’s sneers.
“Did you know it was the anniversary this month?” he heard Felix behind him.
“Of course I knew!” he slammed the bottle on the kitchen counter.
Felix backed off with his palms open. Ezra knew his little brother was only trying to help him but it wasn’t what he needed. He needed a real distraction so he could truly lose himself.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to shout.”
Felix shrugged and pried the vodka bottle from his hand, “It’s okay.”
Felix sipped the vodka but he could only handle less than a shot. Ezra had been a bit of an animal at Felix’s age but Felix was more into video games and concerts. He wasn’t responsible enough to have to look after his brother but Felix had been looking out for himself for years.
“I’m going out,” he snatched his keys off the counter.
“Where?”
“Anywhere but here.”
He pulled his phone from his pocket to scroll through the dozen messages he had from people desperate to spend the night with him. He didn’t recognise any of their names, so he started to flick through the messages to see which bar was the closest.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Levi slapped his hand on Joshua’s shoulder for what felt like the twenty-second time since they had sat down at the bar.
After they had dumped their bags in Violet’s hallway, Joshua and Levi headed straight for the nearest place with alcohol they could find.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Joshua stared down into his whiskey.
He didn’t know if he ordered the whiskey because it was his dad’s favourite drink or because he wanted to get as wasted as possible, as quickly as possible. He couldn’t feel anymore numb than he already did. Leaning against the bar, he tossed back the drink, ignoring the burning sensation. The chatter and quiet music floated around the bar but Joshua had tuned out.
“Dude, it’s okay to cry,” Levi lowered his voice, “I won’t judge you.”
“I’m fine,” he shrugged the hand off his shoulder, ordering another drink from the young barmaid.
She handed him the drink and he handed over the cash and it wasn’t long before he was ordering another. He felt like he should be grieving but he didn’t feel anything. He tried to tell himself he was probably in shock but he didn’t feel shocked. When Violet told him the news, he was more confused than anything. He didn’t understand how he couldn’t know his own father had died. She’d assumed somebody would have told him and he hadn’t wanted to go to the funeral because of everything that happened. Nobody questioned his absence because nobody expected him to show up. She never mentioned it to him because he never mentioned it to her and she assumed that he didn’t want to talk about it.
He thought back to his mother’s funeral and how distraught he’d been. He’d only been eleven but he could remember it like it was yesterday. He could remember everybody standing around the grave as the coffin was lowered, crying into his or her tissues. Everyone except for his father, because the blank, stone cold expression Bill kept throughout the entire day had stayed with Joshua into adulthood and he could pin the breakdown of their relationship right to that point.
He couldn’t help but wonder how many people would have been around his father’s graveside, weeping dramatically into their tissues. How many family members did he have that he hadn’t pissed off? If people didn’t think I would show up, who else didn’t bother saying goodbye?
“You should slow down on those,” Levi mumbled, still sipping his second beer.
Joshua had lost count of how many straight whiskeys he’d had but he didn’t intend to slow down. They weren’t doing anything to him and he hated it. He’d given himself a liver of steel by drinking himself blind in the bars around the world.
“I said, I’m fine,” he felt the bite in his voice.
Levi leaned his elbow on the bar, his hazel eyes glittering in the spotlights, “What do you feel?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged.
He knew the emotions he was supposed to be feeling but he couldn’t summon them. He couldn’t even summon the guilt for not crying about his own father’s death. He hadn’t seen his father for seven years, so how could he cry for a man he barely knew? Now Joshua didn’t have the choice whether he could know him or not because fate had decided that he was never going to get a chance to make things right.
“What about your inheritance?”
Joshua hadn’t even begun to think about that.
“What about it?”
“You were his only kid, right?”
Joshua nodded, the whiskey taking its effect on his brain function.
“Don’t you get everything?” Levi furrowed his brow, “If he’s as rich as you say he is, doesn’t that mean you’re now rich?”
Trying to think straight for a second, he suddenly regretted those last couple of drinks. His mind wandered straight from his father, to his father’s money. He had millions sitting in his bank and that didn’t include the houses, the cars and the company. Silverton Industries would be worth millions, if not more. He thought about Silverton Tower sitting in the middle of London. It was something he actively tried not to think about.
It was all too much so he tossed back the rest of his drink, hoping to find the answer at the bottom of the glass.
“Did he have brothers?”
“No,” Joshua dropped his head, “a sister, but I’m the only one that fucker had.”
His chest heaved and a warped laugh left his lips. He felt dizzy as he imagined what it all meant. Had he just become a millionaire? He laughed again at the thought.
“I think you’re hysterical, Joshua,” Levi gripped his shoulder, “let’s go back to your cousi
n’s place and crash. We’ve barely slept.”
“No,” Joshua pushed his hand away, “I’m staying here. I’m celebrating.”
He stared at Levi as he felt the adrenaline speed through his body. As he imagined his bank balance fill up, he started to think about the places he could go. He could travel forever without begging anybody for money. His stomach lurched but it wasn’t from the alcohol, it was from the possibilities.
“Come on,” Levi tried to pull him away from the bar, “let’s go.”
“I’m staying here,” Joshua yanked his arm out of Levi’s, “get off me.”
“You’ve just found out your dad died. You’re not thinking.”
Joshua wasn’t in the mood for rational thinking. He tried to think about his father but it was impossible to even imagine his face. He was nothing but a distant memory.
“He never cared about me,” he shrugged, signalling to the barmaid again, “why should I care about him now? Why are we expected to kiss the arses of people we didn’t like, just because they’re dead?”
Levi didn’t say anything.
Clearly biting his tongue, he slid back onto the barstool and picked up his beer, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
He didn’t know what he was doing or what he was thinking but he knew he wanted to order some shots.
“You boys celebrating?” the barmaid smiled as she poured the bright green Apple Sours into tiny shot glasses.
“It looks like it,” Joshua smiled at her.
Staring at her, he tried to decide if she was as gorgeous as he thought or if it was the whiskey goggles he’d acquired. She had platinum blonde curls and huge tits. Yep, she’s hot.
She ran his order through the cash register and held her hand out with a small wink. He felt a fuzziness rushing through his stomach as he fumbled for his wallet.
“One for yourself,” he tossed £20 at her.
She caught it and nodded, a playful smile on her lips. Levi rolled his eyes but Joshua was far past caring about his friend’s disapproval. Levi was usually the one to catch girls in bars but tonight, Joshua felt like being that guy. He needed a distraction and even if he didn’t get the barmaid, he knew there were more girls in the city.
