by Ashley John
“Felix.”
“Ezra and Felix? Was your mum a hippie?”
He glanced over his shoulder with a laugh but Felix wasn’t laughing.
“She’s a druggie,” he said, rather ‘matter-of-fact’.
“Oh,” he thought back to the girl who’d clearly been high outside the church but she was far too young to be Ezra’s mum – sister?
“What are you doing?” he asked as Joshua started to open cupboards at random.
“You got oatmeal oats? Porridge?”
Felix pointed to a cupboard in the top left hand corner. He pulled out a packet of individual porridge portions. It wasn’t ideal, but it’d have to do.
“Are you cooking?”
“Your brother got into a fight,” he suddenly realised that Felix would know the answers to all of Joshua’s questions, “why would Ezra be in Hackney? Who’s buried there? Would he know a woman there? About 5’ 3”, skinny, dirty -,”
“Lily and Jade,” he said, “wait, why are you here again?”
“Who’s Lily and Jade?”
Felix’s expression dropped as he pulled a band shirt over his messy, thick hair. He looked like he wanted to take the words back. Picking up his laptop, he headed out of the kitchen in the direction of the living room.
“Don’t get me involved,” he muttered, slamming the door behind him.
The sound echoed around the entrance hallway, transporting Joshua straight back to being that age.
With the supplies, he headed straight for the bathroom. Ezra had turned the taps off, leaving the bath full of clear, steaming water. He’d stripped down to his tight, white Calvin Klein’s, showing Joshua just how bad the damage was. His perfectly chiselled body looked tender and sore, as if a butcher had attacked him with a meat cleaver.
Trying to ignore his feelings, he started to rip open the oatmeal sachets to sprinkle them into the water.
“I’ve just eaten,” Ezra hovered behind him, his arms crossed protectively over his chest.
“The oats produce a milk when you wet them and it’s great for the skin. It’ll soothe your cuts.”
He ripped open the rest of the sachets at once, dumping their contents into the water. He dipped his hand into the water and it was just the right kind of hot that would clean his cuts without burning them. Vigorously stirring in the oatmeal he watched the water turn cloudy, reminding him of where he’d picked up the trick. When he’d been in Marrakech, he’d stepped into the embers of a dying fire in nothing more than sandals. The local owner of a hotel quickly started smothering him in oatmeal to soothe his burn.
“Get in,” he said when the water looked like lumpy milk.
“Seriously?” Ezra wrinkled his nose.
He looked to Joshua but he could clearly tell that Joshua was being deadly serious. Unfolding his arms, he hooked his thumbs into his underwear. Without warning, he pulled them down his hairy thighs, bending down with them. When he stood up, his flaccid cock greeted Joshua. Fuck, it’s huge even soft. He didn’t have long to stare because Ezra quickly lowered himself into the bath, wincing as the hot water hit each scrape and cut.
“I have oats in places I never thought possible,” he laughed, “they’re tickling my balls.”
“Don’t enjoy it too much,” Joshua cleared out a wooden crate of toiletries into the shower and upturned it to sit on.
He thought about keeping his distance but he pulled it right up to Ezra’s face.
“How’s it feel?”
“Hot,” he screwed up his sharp features, “where did you learn all of this stuff?”
“When you travel without insurance, you need to learn to look after yourself. Something will try to bite, sting or kill you in every country, so you just pick this stuff up as you go.”
Ezra looked impressed. He propped his arms on the side of the bath, looking like he was taking a normal, relaxing soak.
“Very Bear Grylls.”
“We try to avoid drinking our piss and -,” he was cut off midsentence by the ringing of his phone.
Tobias.
He stared at the display for a second, wondering if he should answer it. If he didn’t, Ezra would probably start asking questions why not. Telling him it was Violet, he slipped back into the bedroom. He headed over to the double French windows, sneaking out onto the tiny balcony, not wanting to be overheard.
“What?” he whispered.
“Joshua? That you?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” he rushed, “what is it?”
“I’ve found some stuff out about your Mr. Steele that I thought would be of interest to you.”
“It’s not a good time.”
“Trust me, you’ll want to know this -,”
“Tobias, I’m busy, I’ll call you back.”
He hung up before he could say anymore. Suddenly, he didn’t have such an urge to find out information about Ezra from anybody but Ezra.
Back in the bathroom, Ezra’s eyes were closed.
“Ezra?” Joshua shook his arm, “You okay?”
He didn’t answer at first but his body was completely rigid.
“I’m not dead,” he peeked through one eye, “I’m relaxing.”
“Arsehole,” Joshua slapped his arm as he pulled up the crate again.
“What did Violet want?”
“Oh,” he scrambled around for something to say, “she just wanted to see how you were.”
“What did you tell her?”
He opened his eyes and looked him dead on. Had he somehow overheard? Joshua knew that was practically impossible, unless he had superhuman hearing.
“I said you’re a work in progress,” he said, “and that I’d get you back on your feet soon.”
“If all it took to soften you up was being beat up, I should have hired some guys sooner.”
“Ezra,” Joshua whispered, “fuck you.”
Ezra winked and the dimples in his cheeks appeared as he smiled deeply. Once again, it sent a warm shudder running through Joshua. He found his eyes wandering down to Ezra’s crotch but it was completely clouded by the oat milk.
“Who’s Lily and Jade?” the question spurted out before he’d had time to stop it.
“What?” he jerked up, “Where did you get those names?
The suspicion was rife in his pupils. He looked ready to jump out of the bath so he could kick Joshua out of his house.
“It’s just something your brother said,” it technically wasn’t a lie, “who are they?”
“Nobody,” he answered a little too quickly, “just people we used to know.”
He didn’t even try to hide the lie in his voice.
“Who was that woman at the church?”
“I told you, I didn’t know them,” he leaned up in the bath, “stop with the questions.”
“No,” Joshua jumped straight in, “she knew your name.”
“I’m famous, what can I say?” he forced an awkward laugh, “welcome to London. People know who I am around here.”
That didn’t seem unlikely but it didn’t seem like the truth either.
“You don’t have to lie to me,” Joshua said, “whatever it is, I don’t care.”
“If you don’t care, why you asking?”
“So, there is something?”
Ezra sighed and stood up. He stepped out of the bath, sending the oat milk splashing everywhere. The tiny oats clung to every part of his body, especially the tiny patch of trimmed hair at the base of Ezra’s cock. Joshua tried not to look, but he savoured every second he had before Ezra wrapped a towel around his waist.
“Thanks for the mush bath,” he opened the bathroom door, “but I can manage from here.”
“I’m not leaving,” he stood up and planted his hands on his hips.
“This is my house,” it was almost a challenge.
“Sure it is,” Joshua nodded with pursed lips, “by luck.”
“The deeds will argue that.”
Maybe he was just giving Joshua a dose of his own medicine
but he could sense something sinister underneath everything. The name, the picture, the graveyard, he didn’t like where his mind was putting the answer.
“Who’s that girl in your wallet?”
Ezra’s eyes lit up into flames and he headed straight into his bedroom. Ripping open his closet, he started to dig through his clothes.
“My niece.”
“So, you have other brothers and sisters?”
“Looks like it, doesn’t it?”
He hadn’t imagined him to have one brother, so it could be true, but it didn’t feel right. He couldn’t shake those eyes.
“What’s her name?”
“Madonna,” he yanked a t-shirt over his dry hair and wet neck, “Beyoncé. Vanessa. Stephanie. What does it matter?”
“Because it’s clearly a lie. I think I know who she is.”
He didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want it to be true.
“Go on, Sherlock,” Ezra turned around in his white t-shirt with the towel still clamped around his waist, “what’s the big mystery? Enlighten me.”
Ezra darted his eyebrows up and down but Joshua didn’t want to be the one to say it, “I want you to tell me.”
“What if I don’t want to tell you?”
Ezra pushed past Joshua to sit on the edge of his perfectly made bed, oats still stuck to the legs poking out of the loose towel.
Joshua phone rang again.
Tobias.
He instantly hung up, not caring what he had to say.
“Who was that?”
“Nobody,” Joshua slid the phone into his back jean’s pocket, “who’s that girl in your wallet?”
Ezra narrowed his eyes and he gave Joshua a look that said ‘if you want the truth so much, here it is’.
“My daughter,” he mumbled, “it’s Lily, my daughter.”
The exact words Joshua had dreaded hearing.
“You have a daughter?” the words choked, “Didn’t you think this was something you should tell me before –“
“She died.”
Whatever Joshua was going to say next completely jammed in his throat. His mouth turned to dust and his thoughts turned to water. There are no words.
The pain was clear in Ezra’s eyes but it was obvious he was holding back the real emotions. That look, that loss. He thought back to the first time he’d met Ezra. He’d been sure he’d lost somebody. Why didn’t I figure this out? It suddenly seemed so obvious and made complete sense.
His phone rang loudly in his pocket, breaking the silence.
“Tobias, fuck off!” he screamed down the phone before quickly hanging up.
Switching it off, he tossed it to the ground.
“Tobias?” Ezra looked at him, “Tobias Cole?”
He hadn’t meant to give that away, but he hadn’t been thinking.
“He just wants to talk things over,” Joshua tried to brush it off, “that’s not what’s important. Your daughter -,”
“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologise for not telling you? What was I supposed to do when I was trying to pick you up in the bar? ‘Hi, I’m Ezra, my two year old daughter died five years ago in a fire and I couldn’t save her’? Is that the level of honesty you want from me, Joshua? Is it?”
He couldn’t reply. There was absolutely nothing to say.
“Silence,” Ezra nodded, “why don’t you go and talk to your lawyer. I’m sure you have lots to tell him.”
“It’s not like -,”
“You’re trying to tell me you haven’t been building up a case against me?”
Joshua couldn’t lie to him after that admission.
“Silence again,” Ezra laughed, “don’t worry, I knew. I hoped you weren’t, but I knew. I hoped my word would be enough but it clearly wasn’t.”
“Ezra, let me just -,”
“I think you should go,” Ezra nodded towards the door.
He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay to explain. He wanted to talk things over because everything suddenly seemed clear. The confusion had lifted and he knew what, or who, he wanted – But it’s too late.
“What now?” Joshua picked up his phone, “Do we just pretend none of this ever happened?”
“Nothing did happen, remember? We were nothing. Those were your words.”
“I was confused.”
“Me too,” Ezra pursed his lips, “me too. I’d never gone beyond sex with a guy before. I’d never wanted to because the guilt of what I’d been doing the night Lily died controlled me for years. I was fucking a guy whose name I can’t even remember when she died and I carried on until I met you. I actually wanted to know your name. I actually wanted to see you and I didn’t get why. I really wish you weren’t Bill’s son.”
“It -,”
“Please,” Ezra held his hand up, “get out of here.”
Standing up, Ezra disappeared back into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Joshua looked around the bedroom desperately trying to look for an answer of what he should do. He turned towards the door but instead of opening it, his fist collided with the wood. The skin split but he couldn’t feel the pain because the anger was clouding anything else he felt.
He almost left there and then, but he didn’t like the alternative. He’d go back to Violet’s, book a flight and leave. Suddenly, the money didn’t matter that much. Violet was right. He found himself pressing against the bathroom door. He didn’t plan what he was going to say, the words just came naturally to him.
“Ezra,” he knocked gently on the wood, “Ezra, I think I’m falling for you.”
He listened closely, but he couldn’t hear anything. He thought about saying it again but he knew that’d be pathetic. Should I really leave? Looking back to the bedroom door, he thought about fleeing like he feared. Would that life be so bad? I’ve been doing that for seven years.
The lock unclicked and Joshua fell forwards into Ezra’s naked arms.
“Too late,” Ezra whispered down to him, “I think I’ve already fallen.”
His breath trembling, he straightened himself up as he looked into Ezra’s eyes. The hurt was still there, but hadn’t it always been? That arrogance and anger made sense because he now knew what it was hiding.
Joshua knew what he needed to do. He ran his hands gently down Ezra’s back, making sure to avoid the bruises and cuts. He found the small of his back, just before his round buttocks. Pulling him into his body, he pushed up against him.
Lingering there for a moment, he enjoyed the closeness without the guilt and confusion. He let their gaze linger until he couldn’t hold off anymore. Slowly, he leaned in, unsure of himself. Checking Ezra’s reaction, he pressed their lips gently against one another’s. They kept their eyes open, the nerves clearly shared.
It was Ezra who closed his eyes first to give into the kiss.
This is what I want. There’s no confusion about how I feel about this man.
Ezra let his body take over his mind. Gripping Joshua’s hips, he directed him towards the bed, not breaking their kiss. It was electric and fuelled with something raw and new. It was mutual and all consuming, something Ezra had never experienced.
It made him so nervous.
I’ve never been nervous like this before.
They collapsed onto the bed and it wasn’t long before Ezra was tearing Joshua’s shirt over his head. He savoured the view of his slim, toned frame. Each tattoo represented a different country he’d been to, like a living piece of art.
Unable to be parted from his lips, he darted back in, his thighs hugging Joshua’s hips. His cock was already rock solid, twitching and crying out for his touch.
Wrapping Joshua’s hair around his fingers, he yanked his head to the side, exposing his neck. He pressed his lips into his skin, his musky and manly scent igniting his senses. Grating his tongue against Joshua’s stubble, he listened as he purred in response, his body writhing underneath.
He nipped at the skin with his teeth, his kisses sending Joshua wild. His mo
ans begged for more and Ezra needed to give him more.
Letting go of his hair, he started to slide down Joshua’s body. His bare chest grated against Joshua’s rough jeans, the contrast making Ezra’s body hair stand on end. His lips danced from tattoo to tattoo, giving each equal attention.
Joshua cried out when Ezra’s fingers brushed past his hard nipples. He did it again and Joshua cried even louder. Carefully, he flicked the end with his tongue, enjoying the moans of someone who never knew they could do that. He sucked one nipple and toyed with the other, forcing Joshua’s hands into Ezra’s hair as if he was sucking his cock.
He broke away, letting his tongue run down the centre of Joshua’s stomach. He kissed his smooth and toned naval. He kissed above Joshua’s underwear waistband, enjoying the desperation in his groans.
I want to make sure you really want this. I’m not playing games anymore.
Joshua’s belt slid easily out of his jeans, loosening the grip on his hips. Each button popped open easily with the help of Joshua’s hard cock. Ripping the jeans down Joshua’s lightly dusted thighs, he took the shaft into his mouth through the superhero logo underwear.
Joshua’s fingers found Ezra’s hair again but Ezra wasn’t going to rush. He wanted to go slowly for Joshua’s first time. He wanted him to enjoy and remember every second of it.
He carefully peeled back the underwear, letting his solid cock spring forwards onto his stomach. The foreskin peeled back on its own, revealing the red tip. Leaning in, Ezra kissed it without touching it. Joshua’s spine instantly arched as the member bounced against his treasure trail. Another kiss and he reacted the same again.
His tongue ran from length to tip but he didn’t take it into his mouth. He didn’t want to waste it on another blowjob, he wanted to take Joshua all the way.
Yanking off Joshua’s shoes and socks, he pulled the jeans and underwear past his ankles, fully undressing him. When he was free of clothes, Joshua let his legs lazily spread open as he pushed his head into the soft covers.
Ezra stared down at his virgin hole. It was a thing of beauty, untouched by another man.
Diving in, he hoisted Joshua’s hips up towards him. Joshua panted, as if unsure of what was going to happen next. Ezra flicked his tongue against his hole and he watched as he tightened up. He flicked again and he clenched even more.
