“Except possibly George Leighton.” Mike turned away with a nice show of nonchalance, caught sight of a litter of papers he had left on a table and went to them, finding them a reasonable excuse for withdrawing slightly while he digested Jeff’s proposal. He sorted them—plane tickets, letters, hotel bills—while he rapidly sorted his thoughts. He had known when he left Dimitri’s loft that this time, once had not been enough. Jeff had an uncanny way of getting through to him. It wasn’t love; a reasonable man past forty couldn’t fall in love with a teen-aged boy. It had nothing to do with George any more. Jeff had become a menace in his own right.
He had told himself that a good sleep would clear his mind of the boy and restore him to the sanity of his self-sufficiency but now he was here, his great eyes blazing with innocence and something unsettlingly like love, proclaiming by his very presence that he had something to offer him. Silly kid. Did he suppose that love was happiness, that life could be conquered by giving in to sentiment or the impulses of the heart?
He could send him away this minute but it might be more satisfying to hold onto him another day or two, demonstrate to himself once more the fallibility of the big emotions, leave him robbed of innocence and with at least an intimation of reality. To guide and assist his making a silly little fool of himself would be insurance against being haunted by unresolved desires.
He stacked the papers neatly and turned back to the boy on the bed. “I wonder. Does your father know you’re a fag?”
Jeff kept himself from wincing. He could probably get as good as Mike at disguising his feelings. “Not yet, I don’t think. He probably suspects something about Dimitri. Does he know about you?”
“What about me?”
Jeff kicked off his sandals and lifted his feet and scooted himself back on the bed with his elbows until he was resting against the headboard. He put his hands flat on his thighs, framing his crotch. “Does he know you like boys?”
“I’ve never been averse to a romp with a pretty boy when the occasion arises. That’s about all it amounts to.”
Jeff admired his aplomb. He had said it without too much emphasis or any trace of annoyance. “I don’t believe you,” Jeff said. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt keeping his eyes on Mike’s. When he bared his chest he unfastened his trousers and worked his shorts down on his hips and lifted out his sex. His boldness had aroused it and a few strokes of his hand completed the process. He continued to caress it as he spoke, holding it upright away from his belly, the way Dimitri had done. “I saw the way you looked at me right from the start. At lunch. You’re very good at hiding it but I saw. I saw and felt things tonight too. I don’t know if you’re in love with me, but I know I mean more to you than a romp with a pretty boy. I’m not even pretty. It’s something you can’t help. I’m in love with you. At least, I guess that’s what it is. I’ve obviously never felt anything like it before. I doubt if I’ll want sex with anybody else as long as you want me, if that means anything. I’ll bet you’re getting an erection. Why do you keep that thing on? Don’t you want me to see?”
A light leaped up in Mike’s eyes that was exciting and dangerous. “Getting a hard on and being in love is hardly the same thing, you silly faggot.” Mike opened his robe and shrugged it off. Jeff saw what he had expected to see. Mike’s sex was rigidly immobile as he approached the bed. “I told you you’re a good lay. I imagine you’re an expert cock-sucker, too. How about it?”
Jeff sat up and pushed himself to the edge of the bed, triumphant at this further victory in his struggle and eager to display his gift, although Dimitri had been no preparation for this. He reached for Mike’s hips and ducked his head to take it. It swelled as his mouth played with it until it made his jaws ache. Mike seized his hair with both hands and held his head as he thrust it deep into his mouth. Jeff gagged and choked. He wrenched his head back and forth and tore himself free, finding a new strength in the conflict. Mike’s mask was slipping. There was violence in his hands.
“You don’t have to force me,” he gasped. “I want it.”
“You’ll do it my way or not at all.” Mike gripped his hair again and held his head steady. “Open your mouth.” Mike directed his sex into it. “Wider. That’s better.” He forced his sex in as far as it would go and held it there. He began to agitate it slightly so that it tickled the back of Jeff’s throat and made him retch. “I’m not Dimitri. Is it too big for you?” He pulled Jeff’s head back and forth on it, forcing his mouth open as wide as it would go. “Look at me,” he demanded. Jeff rolled his eyes up, and Mike saw a masochistic submission in them that demanded a sadistic response. To keep him off balance, Mike released his hair and stroked his taut cheeks gently. “Go ahead. Let’s see how quickly you can make me come. I’ve never known a kid who was so nuts about cock.”
Freed, Jeff applied himself with dedication, thrilling at the thrills he felt stirring in Mike’s body. They began to communicate once more in grunts and cries. After a few moments, he felt Mike’s body vibrating with an impending orgasm and his heart began to pound in anticipation of this final initiation. He moaned with longing to swallow Mike’s substance. He heard a cry above him and the sex in his mouth leaped so vigorously that it almost escaped him and he gagged as his mouth was flooded with a thick fluid, odd but not disagreeable to the taste. He swallowed it joyfully. It left a strong musky aftertaste. Now he knew. His mouth clung to the sex, drawing all of it into him until he was pulled roughly from the edge of the bed and flung to his knees on the floor.
“There. Go ahead. Jerk yourself off,” Mike ordered thickly. “That’s what you’ve been wanting to do.”
Jeff fell back against the side of the bed. Through lowered lids, he watched Mike put his robe on again. He held his rigid sex, even more frustrated than he had been by the arrival of the police. Mike wanted him, but he still wouldn’t let himself indulge a shared desire. Jeff’s hand moved to obey Mike’s order but he was immediately aware of the defeat implicit in the act and stopped. “You’re in love with me. You wouldn’t try to hate me if you weren’t,” he said boldly, coldly, logically. He was learning. He arranged his tangled clothes and pulled himself to his feet. “You are going to take me with you, aren’t you? To the States, I mean.”
“What will your father think of the idea?”
“That’s just it. He wouldn’t care. He’s having problems of his own.”
“So I gather. Well, if it’s just the trip you want, I might give you that. I came prepared to bail out the Leighton family.”
“I want a lot more than that. I want to live with you and be your lover. When I go to college, there’ll be the holidays. It’ll be interesting for you to see how I develop. I’m intelligent. We’re right for each other physically. I think we’ll like being together.”
“You sound as if you were proposing marriage.”
“I am.”
Mike laughed, trying to make it sound dismissive, not quite succeeding. “I’ve been married to some of the brightest, most attractive women in the world. Why do you think I’d want you?”
“You want to be loved by a boy.”
“I’ve had that.”
“They weren’t clever enough for you.” They stood facing each other across the room, motionless, their eyes watchful. Jeff moved closer and stopped again. “Can I spend the night with you?”
“I don’t like sleeping with anybody.”
“That’s not an answer. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”
“You’re a demon for punishment, aren’t you?”
“That may be. There’s a lot I don’t know about myself yet. You’ll teach me. Won’t you admit that you’d like me to stay?”
“I admit there’s a fascinating element in the situation. You seem to think that when two people look at each other, they promptly fall in love. If I was ever in love with anybody it was with your father, if you want the truth. A very disagreeable experience which I’ve taken pains not to repeat. It’s quite pleasant in an obvious sort of way havin
g his son at my feet, begging for me. Such a fine manly lad, too, quite extraordinarily handsome. I’m sure you’re the apple of your father’s eye. There’s that in your favor, as far as I’m concerned. If you’re as intelligent as you claim to be, you should find a way of taking advantage of it.”
“I’ll try to. Thanks.” Jeff moved in to Mike until his body brushed against the short robe. He took Mike’s hands and lifted them and put them on his chest, reveling in the desire he felt in them. He leaned forward and touched his lips lightly with his own and drew back. “You don’t have a son, do you? Take me. You’ll be my father and my lover. I’m going to stay.”
Mike’s face was fleetingly marked by deep lines of strain and then the mocking smile came. “If you’re happy on the floor, I couldn’t care less one way or the other.” The first lesson, one which his wives had always had great difficulty learning: if anybody chose to attach themselves to him, they did so on his terms.
“Good. Whenever you feel like fucking, just say the word. That’s when I’m really yours.”
“We’ll think about that in the morning.”
“I certainly will.” Jeff released Mike’s hand and moved away. He took a cushion from a chair and the cover that had been folded at the foot of the bed and stretched out where Mike could touch him if he wanted him. He closed his eyes and listened to Mike moving around the room and wondered if he would be capable of leaving him on the floor. The light snapped out. He heard the creak and rustle of the bed. Then there was silence except for their breathing. Jeff held his for an instant to synchronize it with Mike’s and smiled as they inhaled and exhaled together. That was one form of union his lover couldn’t deny him.
At dawn, a brisk northerly breeze sprang up, keeping the temperature down in spite of the blazing sun that rose from the eastern sea. All over the island, bodies stirred and moved toward their partners in the unexpected comfort of being cool.
Sid Coleman and Dorothy, his girl, lay side by side naked in bed. They had started the day, as usual, by sharing a joint. They took long puffs on it, holding the smoke in their lungs so that when they exhaled, little emerged. They lay straight and flat on their backs with nothing over them.
“Holy moly! This stuff is terrific,” Sid exclaimed as he passed the dwindling stub to Dorothy. “Look at me, darling. Hey, look at me! Coleman the great Erector Set. What would you say to a nice sophisticated little blow job? How about that, darling? Do you realize we have about three thousand dollars’ worth of this stuff under that rock in the courtyard? Dimitri is a genius.”
“Be quiet,” Dorothy said in a voice that drifted from some remote reverie. “I’m beginning to see it all clearly. I’m going to be able to put it all into simple words that even you’ll be able to understand.”
Coleman’s body was rocked with laughter. “How can you speak, how can you even think with a situation like this staring you in the face? You must be going mad with desire. Aren’t you a woman? Hey, aren’t you a woman? Now wait a minute. That’s a question that requires investigation. Maybe I’ve been sleeping with a goddamn boy.” He slipped a hand between her thighs and made a thorough exploration. “Reassuring. But you can’t trust anybody these days. Maybe you’ve had an operation. Come clean, darling. I don’t have any prejudices against boys. I just like to know where I stand.” He lifted himself on one elbow and gazed down at her breasts, flattened but still ripe and generous and as evenly tanned as the rest of her. He traced the curve with one finger and stroked the nipple. There was no reaction. “Hey, you must be dead or something. Darling, speak to me. Say something. Are you dead?”
She brushed his hand away and spoke. “It’s really quite simple. The whole point of being married is that——”
He flopped over onto his back and howled. “Oh, no! Oh, no, darling. Now just listen. Oh, Christ! Jesus, look what you’ve done to me. You’ve ruined me. Do you want Coleman, Homo Erectus, or do you want Coleman, a little shriveled-up husband? Do you think that bump on your head has affected your brain?”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say. Marriage is just——”
“Stop saying it! A lobotomy. Maybe that’s what you’ll have to have. Look at Henry Varnum. Look at George Leighton. I like them. They’re fine. But they’re married. That means they want to break out. It’s human nature. Think what repression does to people. I want to be afraid you’ll run off with some other guy. If you do then I’ll wish I married you. That’s human nature. Hey, look! Look at me, darling. I’m in love with my own voice.” He rocked with laughter and stubbed out the cigarette. “Come on, darling. What’re we waiting for? It’s your turn to make the first move.”
She sighed and lifted herself and presented her face to him. She gave a tug to her hair and it fell over his head like a golden curtain. There was a knock on the door. Sid’s hands tightened on her arms. “Don’t go. There’s not a soul in the world I want to see. Isn’t that great? If I’m not careful, I might ask you to marry me.”
“If you did, I’d refuse you. That’s what you’re too stupid to understand.” She rolled away from him and gathered up her hair and rose. The room was long, with many windows and little furniture. She went to the end window and dropped to the floor so that only her head and shoulders were visible and looked out. “It’s Jeff. Good morning,” she called down. “Come in. I’ll be right down.”
She picked up a man’s shirt that covered her to the knees and crossed the room and disappeared down a stairway. In a few moments, Jeff mounted it.
“She said I could come up,” he said, pausing at the fop.
Sid had pulled a sheet over himself at the sound of Jeff’s footsteps. He sat up. “Sure. Hi. Come in. What’s doing?”
“Dimitri’s been arrested.”
“Hey. Wow. You’re joking. Jesus. That’s not good. When did you hear?”
“It happened last night. I was with him. We were just talking about how he’d have to be careful and about arranging things with you when the police walked in. He told me to come see you this morning.”
“In front of the police?”
“Not so they’d understand. I knew who he meant because we’d been talking about you. Did he give you the last delivery?”
“Yeah. Yesterday evening. It’s hidden downstairs. Holy moly. I wonder if it’s safe. Sit down.” Sid arranged himself in a Buddha pose in the middle of the bed.
Jeff sat at the end of it. “He seems to think you know how to dispose of it,” he said urgently. “He needs the money. He’s got to pay it back.”
“Money should be the least of his worries. Even if they can’t pin anything on him, they’ll be watching him now. All of us, for God’s sakes. This must be Costa’s doing. I don’t blame him for trying to protect himself but informing on us, that’s shitty. What’s money got to do with it? Hey! Are you by any chance trying to tell me that Dimitri stole your dad’s money?”
“No.” Jeff crossed his legs and hugged one knee to his chest and leaned his cheek against it. “It’s all so complicated. He was short of cash and he had a chance to pick up that stuff cheap so I let him have it. Just for a day. He was supposed to give it back this morning.”
“For God’s sake! Why don’t you tell your father that? Why don’t we go to the police and get Costa out?”
“And accuse Dimitri of stealing or say what he wanted it for? He’s not afraid of trouble—they can’t hold him once they’ve searched his place—you’ve got to make him understand that it’s important for his sake for Dad to get his money back. Once Costa is cleared, the whole thing will be finished with. I’ve tried to explain it to him but I’m not sure I convinced him. I probably won’t see him again before I go. I don’t have much time. I’m about to leave with Mike Cochran.”
“Leave? Hey, wait a minute. What’s going on? What’re you talking about?”
Jeff uncrossed his legs and stood up and ran his fingers through his hair and sat down again. “Mike’s taking me to the States. I was going in six weeks, anyway. What’
s so peculiar about that?”
“Nothing. An old pal of your father. I just had the impression that things weren’t going very smoothly between them last night.”
“What difference does that make to me?”
“None. Hey, now listen. What’re you going to do when you get there? Are you going to stay with Mike?”
“Of course,” Jeff announced defiantly. “At least until I go to Harvard. I don’t care what people think.”
“Why should you? I don’t have anything against homos, comrade. A man has the right to do what he wants with his own body. I mean, it’s basic. It could even happen to me. But Mike Cochran. He’s a very ornate character. I thought he might like boys, but he isn’t going to take any risks for one. You’re too—I know this is a terrible thing to say to a guy but it’s true—you’re too young and inexperienced for him. Have you talked to Peter or Charlie about this?”
“No.” He was grateful to Sid for taking his liaison for granted. He wondered what it would do to him to be in a community where he couldn’t count on such easy acceptance. Was that what was the matter with Mike?
“Well, don’t you think you ought to? I mean, they’d really know what they’re talking about.”
“If they told me not to go, I’d probably think I shouldn’t and I’ve got to.” He sprang up and flung his arms out and his face twisted into a tormented grimace. “I can’t stand it with my parents any more. I’m in love. I know I’m too young and inexperienced, but I’m going to get some experience now. Just tell Dimitri to do what I say. If you can help raise money on that stuff, everything should be all right. You can handle it with Dad any way you want. Tell him I took it. Tell him it was a mad schoolboy prank. I know what I’m doing. Mum and Dad needn’t worry, if they notice I’m not here. I’ll go to school when I’m supposed to. Will you tell them that? You don’t have to tell them about the sex part unless they bring it up. I think Dad has a pretty good idea about me. I’ve got to go.”
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