“Don’t worry.” Jason assured her. “Nothing is going to happen. This blizzard will probably wear itself out this afternoon and the roads will be clear by tomorrow morning. We’re going to be fine. There is not going to be any kind of lake birth here.”
Amanda managed to laugh. She knew Jason was just trying to make her feel better. She didn’t like the tight knot of anxiety forming in her chest. It was a struggle to even draw a deep breath. It felt trapped in her lungs, like they didn’t want to expand all the way.
She tried to laugh the whole thing off but the sound was nervous, not at all like what a real laugh should be.
“Are you going to brave it and find my mom? Tie a rope to the door and one end to your waist?”
Jason grinned. “It’s not that bad. I’ll find my way. I’ll send your mom here and then I’ll go feed the chickens and do the other chores.”
“What about breakfast?”
“I’ll go with brunch again. Ask your mom if she can whip up some of that French toast. That was amazing last time.”
“Better than anything I’ve ever made?” Amanda feigned hurt.
“Definitely.” Jason dodged away to avoid her swat. “I’ll go see about maybe doing some clearing too. So the snow doesn’t pile up.”
“Seriously? It looks awful out there. You’re really going to attach the plow the truck? It seems pretty pointless at the moment.”
“I’ll do what I can,” Jason promised. “If it’s too bad, I’ll come back in, but like I said, I think we’d both feel better if I was pushing snow throughout the day just to be sure.”
He left the bedroom and even after Amanda heard the front door open and shut a few minutes later, she didn’t move away from the window.
Jason’s parting comment really made her realize that he wasn’t as unfazed as he seemed. Despite all his big talk and his reassurances about their having two weeks, she’d made him nervous. She didn’t like the idea of him out in that blizzard any more than she liked the idea of it happening at all. She just hoped he was right and it would be over soon.
Minutes later, Amanda was shaken out of her reverie when the front door opened and slammed shut, the wind reaching out to pull it back harshly. She ventured from her room and was happy to see her mother standing in the living room, clumps of snow melting from her hair and eyelashes and her clothing, boots already making a huge puddle on the rough hardwood planks.
“Mom! Can you believe this blizzard?” Amanda charged forward. She helped her mother remove her coat.
“I know! You’d think that April would be a little gentler. It feels like spring is never going to get here.”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. Jason and I were just talking yesterday about how we wanted to lay out the garden.”
“Be patient, we have to assume it’s coming. Hopefully this is winter’s last grasp.”
“Hopefully. Did Jason tell you he was going to try plowing some snow before it piles up?”
Joan shuddered. “I can’t believe he’d try it in this. You can’t see two feet in front of you.”
“He probably knows what he’s doing.”
“Still, this came up out of nowhere. I think it would be better if we were all tucked safely inside the cabin.”
“He did request your French toast so maybe he’ll be back shortly. He said it was better than anything I could make.” Her mother’s cheerful laughter let Amanda know just what she thought about that.
“I better teach you how to make it then. If we do something, it will take our minds off the blizzard.”
“I’m going to check my laptop or my phone and see if I can find out how long this is supposed to last.”
“You’re assuming you’re going to get a signal in this?”
Amanda nearly groaned. “Damn it, I forgot that I won’t. You’re right, this stupid blizzard probably knocked out the satellite signal. I’ll still give it a try.”
“Then I’ll start whipping up breakfast.”
Twenty minutes later, frustrated that she hadn’t been able to get the internet up and running on her laptop or her phone, Amanda followed the rich smell of fried toast and maple syrup into the kitchen. Her mother, as usual, had whipped up a miracle.
“Jason better get in here soon or he’s going to miss out. There won’t be any left.”
Joan whirled away from the stove, flipper in hand. “No chance of that. I’ll have a whole loaf made soon.”
Amanda smiled. As usual, her mother’s presence, warm and cheerful and commanding, never failed to reassure her.
She walked quickly across the kitchen to inspect the plate on the stove-top, obviously there to keep the food warm. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with the spicy, rich scent. Her mouth watered.
“I’ll set the table.”
She turned towards the cabinets to get down the plates and that was when she felt the trickle of wetness down her thigh. She froze mid stride and glanced down in horror. It was only a minute before that trickle turned into an outright rush, soaking her jeans and puddling on the floor at her feet.
Chapter 18
A Sea of Black Pain
“I knew it! I knew this was going to happen!” Amanda moaned.
Joan whirled at her daughter’s cry of horror. Her eyes assessed the situation and the flipper fell from her fingers. The metal part clattered as it hit the floor then it stopped and the kitchen was filled with silence.
Her mother reacted quickly, shoving the frying pan off to the cold side of the stove. She rushed over to Amanda and took her hand. She blinked hard, purposely banishing the fear from her eyes.
“Okay. This might still be okay. Sometimes babies can take hours…. days…”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Amanda moaned. “We are stuck in this damn cabin, we have no idea when the blizzard is going to end. It might be days! Days! And after it’s over the roads will be a mess and we’d have to wait for the plows to be out. The highways are probably closed right now! Even if it takes days, which is a horrifying thought, it would still happen too fast!”
“Take a deep breath,” her mother coached. “In and out.” She demonstrated, taking a few deep, cleansing breaths for her own benefit.
Amanda tried to take a couple shaky breaths, but the more she tried, the worse it was. Her chest filled up with panic, her body flooded with adrenaline. Tears pricked her eyes and she couldn’t blink fast enough to keep them from spilling down her cheeks. She wrung her hands in front of her nervously, twisting her sweaty palms together.
“What are we going to do, mom? This is insane! If we need help it won’t even be able to get to us! I was just telling Jason this was going to happen and now look! My water just broke all over the kitchen floor!”
“It’s two weeks early…”
“I don’t care how early it is, this just happened! False labor doesn’t include your water breaking like that, last time I checked! And it’s not like the baby has a bloody calendar with the day checked off!”
“Okay, okay…” Her mom embarked in another round of deep breaths, trying to get herself under control.
Amanda was finally able to force some air into her own lungs. She breathed shakily, in and out, in and out, concentrating on the ebb and flow of her breath. The cabin was quiet, so very quiet. The wind howled violently outside, the snow lashing at the windows, little crystal shards pelting the glass.
“What are we going to do?” Amanda asked again. Her voice was tiny and lost, a plea for help she knew wasn’t coming.
Joan finally straightened her shoulders and a new resolution passed over her face. “Well, we’ve watched enough of those videos. You watched the home birth ones too, just to see what it was all about. We have all the hot water we need. You have a tub if you need to get in it. You have a bed that we can prepare. You wanted a natural birth anyway, with no drugs.”
“Not like I have a choice now,” Amanda ground out.
“No. You don’t.” Her mom took her hand
and squeezed hard, grounding them both. “You don’t have a choice. You’re right. The baby is going to come and we just have to prepare ourselves.”
“What if something goes wrong?”
“At your last doctor appointment they said he was facing the right way.”
“He could have turned.”
“I doubt it. If that happens though, we’ll call. They’ll have to send an ambulance out.”
“They can’t if the highway is closed.”
“Hopefully in a couple hours the storm will let up. They might be able to open it as early as tonight, if that’s the case.”
“And you said sometimes this may take hours.” Amanda groaned. “Hours of the worst pain of my life with no reassurance that this baby will be born with a nurse or doctor within a sixty mile radius. Hours of uncertainty, hours where something could go wrong.”
“We’ll just have to do the best we can. I know what to do. You know what to do. Your body knows what to do.”
“I just wish we had a home Doppler or something so we could hear the baby’s heartbeat, in case something does go wrong.” She looked pleadingly at her mom, but for once Joan had no answers.
“The best thing to do is stay calm. We’ll get through this, honey, I promise. Together. You just have to hang in there and remember to breathe.”
Right. Breathe. Like that’s going to fix any of this.
Amanda didn’t have a chance to respond. At that moment the front door banged open and Jason, coated in snow and ice, stumbled into the cabin. The two women waited anxiously, not daring to move or speak, until he walked into the kitchen and saw for himself what they were all in for.
Chapter 19
The Miracle
Jason knew what fear was. He knew what it was growing up without parents. He knew true fear the first time he’d ever stepped into that cage for the first time, his opponent bent on his destruction, maybe even his death. He knew fear when he’d tried to get out, when he never thought he’d see the true light of day again.
None of it compared to what he felt watching Amanda labor in their home. After a few hours of pacing, walking, doing anything she could to take her mind off the pains which were coming closer and closer together, she’d finally let her mom convince her to hop into bed.
Sweat beaded her brow, trickling down her face in tiny rivulets. She moaned and whined, grasped the pillow or the sheets, whatever she could find, to try and ride out the contractions.
They were closer together than they had been. They came every thirty seconds. It had only been four hours since he walked into the kitchen and found Amanda and her mom huddled together. It only took him a second to note the water pooled at her feet to realize their worst fears had come true.
“Is there anything I can do?” Jason sat on the edge of their bed, as useless as he would have been at the hospital, he was sure.
“No,” Amanda ground out. “Actually, try rubbing my back. It hurts. It hurts so bad there. Like I’m being branded with a hot poker or something.” She threw a hand onto her lower back, indicating the sore spot.
Jason reached out uselessly and massaged the spot as best he could over-top Amanda’s t-shirt. She curled into a tight ball a few seconds later, when her contraction hit. He felt her tense, all her muscles straining with the effort.
The blizzard showed absolutely no signs of slowing down. He could see the fear in Amanda’s eyes every time she look at him and it broke his heart.
The worst feeling in the world was needing to do something, anything, and not being able to. It was just them now. Just Amanda and Joan and himself, alone with a baby on the way.
“It’s alright, Amanda, just try to breathe,” Jason tried to soothe her.
“I am fucking breathing,” Amanda shot back.
At least she’s talking. She has enough breath for that so that’s a good thing.
“Okay. You’re doing a good job. A great job.”
“I’m doing the only thing I can,” she ground out. “Rub that spot again. It hurts even more when the contractions come.”
Jason got busy massaging her back. He didn’t stop at her lower back. He kept on going, right up to her shoulders. She lay on her side panting as another set of contractions came and went.
After coaching Amanda through the first few hours, Joan had taken a break. She was in the kitchen now, probably praying for the storm to stop and a miracle to happen. A miracle meaning help. Or maybe not. Maybe she’d resigned herself to the fact that she was going to deliver her grandchild right there in the cabin.
A hard wave of nerves twisted Jason’s stomach. Bile crept up his throat. He silently begged whatever force might be out there, anything, anyone, to spare his son. That his child would be born healthy and well without the aid of medical professionals. On his next breath he repeated that thought, begging for Amanda to be alright, for nothing to go wrong.
It was a damn good thing Joan was there. He knew he’d be useless without her.
“I’m thirsty,” Amanda whispered hoarsely.
“Alright.”
Jason shifted off the bed. He grabbed the cup of water on the nightstand. Amanda shifted up, leaning her back against the pillows. It took her a couple minutes, every single movement measured and painful. She winced as a contraction hit right as she sat up. He literally could see the muscles of her belly gripping right under her thin t-shirt.
He waited until the contraction had passed before handing over the water. She took a small sip, moistening her lips. He knew in the hospital she only would have been allowed to have ice chips, but to hell with it. We aren’t in the damn hospital.
“Do you want me to help you get into a nightgown, like your mom said would be best?”
Amanda groaned as she handed the cup back. “Dear god. I don’t know what’s worse. Facing the prospect of giving birth or having my mom have to see me do it.”
“I’ll be watching too, and helping.”
“That’s even worse. I feel like our relationship will never be the same after.”
Jason managed a small smile and Amanda’s lips turned up as well. It was good to see she still was able to joke. What else can we do?
“I promise, our relationship will be just as good. Better. How could it not after going through this together?”
“I knew this was going to happen. I said it! Just this morning. Of course it would! Life is always like that. Expect the worst since it always happens.”
“Maybe it’s not the worst. Maybe we’ll do fine.”
“Maybe?” Amanda screeched. “Maybe? Are you fucking kidding me? There is no maybe about it. You and my mom are going to deliver this baby! There is no other alternative.”
Jason nearly choked. “Of course, that’s what I meant. Now, how about a night gown?”
“You make it sound like I’m an eighty year old woman. I don’t even own a nightgown.”
“Yes you do. That pink one with the cat on the front.”
“I like that one! I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Okay, well just keep your underwear on then. I’m sure that’s fine.”
“I’ll do what I want!”
“Okay…” Jason held up his hands in surrender. Another contract twisted Amanda’s face. He put a hand on her belly and felt the taut muscles. “I wish I knew how to check to see how far along you are.”
“Don’t you dare stick your hand inside of me!”
“I was just saying… of course I wouldn’t.”
Amanda kept panting, her face turning up in a snarl. She was a fearsome creature to behold, her green eyes wild, hair tangled about her shoulders, face and t-shirt soaked with sweat. She was working so hard to bring their child into the world. And he felt absolutely useless. He didn’t know what he could actually say that would make anything better so he just slapped his mouth shut and kept quiet.
He went back to offering soothing words and coaching Amanda through her breathing until Joan came back an hour later and gave him a break.
&n
bsp; Pacing the kitchen was no better. Amanda’s moans and then her screams of pain carried from the bedroom, filling the tiny cabin. All the while the storm raged on outside.
Finally Jason couldn’t handle it anymore. He went back into their bedroom because he couldn’t take being outside of it a second longer.
“How’s it going?” He asked Joan, who was bent over Amanda. She was curled into a little ball on her side again and her mother was wiping her forehead with a wet cloth and clutching her hand.
Joan turned to face him. Amanda seemed too far gone to even notice he was there. Her eyes were closed, her face screwed up in pain and concentration, her hair drenched and even more tangled than before. The sheets were thrown off the bed and a thin coat of blood covered her thighs.
He leaned against the door frame for support, praying he didn’t fall over. He was pretty sure everything happening was normal so far.
“I think we’re getting close,” Joan whispered. She motioned for Jason to join her at the side of the bed and he did, taking a seat at the foot.
Amanda moaned and screamed in turns like they weren’t even there.
“Her contractions are one on top the other. She keeps saying that she feels like she needs to push, but I want her to be sure. I don’t want her pushing for hours and hours and being too exhausted to deliver when the time comes. I have no way of helping her if she can’t do it on her own.”
Jason swallowed hard. That same black fear curled around the edges of his mind, nearly blacking everything else out.
“Do you think she should push now? Should we help her onto her knees like those videos she watched? I think it’s better than being on her back.”
“Yes, I think so. We’re probably going to need to support her though. Why don’t you get the water heated and ready and some clean sheets to put under her. I’ll keep coaching her through this until you get back.”
Jason couldn’t even form a coherent answer. He did as Joan asked, aware dimly that he was walking around, heating water yet again, boiling it for fifteen minutes to be sure it was sterile, grabbing sheets. Amanda’s screams grew worse, hoarse, like she was running out of breath to even make a sound. It was horrible, animal in nature and it tore at Jason’s heart.
Claiming His Baby Page 9
