by Joe Vasicek
Her father’s words blindsided her so fully, she didn’t know what to say.
“I want you and Jalil to marry sooner rather than later, and not just for honor’s sake. Now that he’s returned, we must do all we can to keep him here before he changes his mind. Do you understand?”
She blinked, barely comprehending. It was all she could do to nod.
“Good. Then let’s sit down and drink our coffee.”
But what if I don’t want to marry him? Mira thought silently to herself. As she gently pressed the coffee to her lips, she realized that she didn’t know what she felt anymore.
Chapter 20
“I don’t get it,” said Jalil, pacing the narrow cabin of the Bridgette One. “Why is everything going so wrong?” He kicked an open panel in the wall, slamming it shut.
“Watch it,” said Michelle, not bothering to look over her shoulder. Her full attention was focused on the instruments in front of her.
Jalil sighed and sank into the seat behind her, resigning himself to wait until she was finished. The Bridgette’s low planetary orbit brought them into contact range every ninety minutes or so, but only for a brief period of time, and all the satellite bands were too expensive for them.
“Hello? Bridgette, this is Bridgette One, can you hear me?”
“… ear you,” came a voice over the static. “… an yo… ear me?”
“Nash! Hold on a sec, let me make some adjustments.”
Outside the narrow cockpit window, the cloudless sky shone a deep purple as the sun set in brilliant shades of orange. The craggy, rust-red mountains quickly turned to silhouettes against the burning horizon, and the tents and adobe huts of the Najmi camp cast long shadows across the rocky ground. Overhead, the stars and satellites began to come out, their light filling the void left by the sun’s swift departure. It was a beautiful scene; if Jalil weren’t so uptight from the events of that day, he might have even enjoyed it.
“… any news from Karduna?” Michelle asked, oblivious to him as she wrapped up her radio conversation.
“Sorry,” came Nash’s garbled voice. “I haven’t heard anything new, dear. I’ll keep an ear out, though.”
“What about the Hameji? Are they any closer?”
“Right now, it’s anyone’s guess. A few thousand people have left the system, but the authorities are discouraging any mass evacuations. They claim to have things under control.”
“Sure they do,” Michelle muttered.
“In any case, I’m passing out of line of sight soon. I love you, dear.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
The static grew louder on the other line.
“How much… onger will you be down there?” Nash asked.
Michelle smiled. “Miss me already, huh?”
“of… ourse.”
“It shouldn’t be more than a few days. I’ll be back as soon as I can—I promise.”
Only a few days, Jalil thought anxiously to himself. God-willing, it would only take that long.
“All right,” said Michelle, switching off the transmitter as she turned to face him. “What’s up?”
Jalil sighed. “Nothing is going the way it’s supposed to. No one believes me. They must think I’m crazy or something.”
“Are you sure?” asked Michelle. “Everyone seemed super nice to me. Especially that one girl—what’s her name?”
“Tiera?”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
“You don’t understand my people. They’ll be polite and put on a good show of hospitality to your face, but beneath the smile, they won’t pay attention to a word you say.”
Michelle frowned. “Okay. So what do we do?”
“I don’t know,” said Jalil, shaking his head as he leaned forward. “I never expected it would be this difficult. They’re treating me like an outsider—a foreigner.”
“Well, did you leave them on bad terms?” Michelle asked. “Maybe if it’s because of something you did before, we can figure out what it is and set it right.”
“God-willing.”
“So what could it be?”
Jalil leaned back in his chair, pausing for a moment to think. “I didn’t leave the camp on bad terms, but later…”
“Later?”
“There was… something.”
“Like what?”
Jalil hesitated for a moment, unsure how to explain. He hadn’t told Michelle about Mira yet—hadn’t told anybody, in fact.
“It’s, uh—”
“Is it about a girl?”
As he began to blush, Michelle’s face lit up. Apparently, that was answer enough.
“It is! Do tell,” she said, resting her chin on her arms as she leaned forward against her seat-back.
“I don’t know…”
Michelle laughed. “Gavin, you should see the look on your face. But don’t worry; I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
Jalil’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, but he went ahead anyway. “Before I left the camp, the family wanted me to marry one of their daughters.”
“I see,” said Michelle, listening with rapt attention.
“They, ah, went to some pretty extreme measures to set us up together. I felt manipulated—both of us did, I think. I never wanted to hurt her, but—”
“Is it Tiera?”
“Tiera?” he said, frowning. “No, of course not.”
“Then who?”
He swallowed. “It was Mira.”
“Ah, the quiet brown-haired girl,” said Michelle, nodding in a knowing way. “Tiera pointed her out to me during the feast. She’s quite a cutie.”
Jalil blushed even redder. “You could say that.”
“So you’re afraid that you hurt her feelings?”
“Yes. Except… it’s more complicated than that.”
“Complicated how?”
“Well, it has to do with the family honor. Adopted or not, I’m the only living son who has a right to lead the camp, so—”
“But this girl,” said Michelle, cutting him off. “How do you feel about her?”
“I don’t know. After being away for so long—I don’t even know how to describe it.”
“Do you love her?”
Jalil froze up, not sure what to say. Part of him wondered whether the question was even relevant—after all, had Lena loved Mazhar before she’d married him? Had they even known each other at all?
“What do you mean?”
Michelle sighed and rolled her eyes. “Do I really have to explain it to you? Love isn’t something you have to think about—it’s something you feel, something you can’t deny. So tell me—do you love her?”
“I suppose. If—”
“Look,” said Michelle, stopping him with her hand. “If you really love her, you can’t possibly imagine living without her. If you love her, she’s such a part of your life that being separated from her feels like, like—”
“Like being cut off from home?”
“Exactly,” she said, snapping her fingers. “So tell me, do you love her?”
Sweat formed on Jalil’s forehead, and his heart began to beat a little faster. The image from his dream came back to him—of Mira as a mother, surrounded by their children. A lump rose in his throat, and he realized that Michelle was right—he couldn’t possibly imagine life without Mira. The very notion was abhorrent to him. And the more he thought on it, the more he realized that he’d always felt this way, perhaps even before the pilgrimage.
“Yes,” he said softly. “I do.”
Michelle smiled. “I think you’d make a good couple.”
“But that’s the problem,” said Jalil, waving his hand. “I offered to marry her at the feast. You know what she did?”
“She walked out on you,” said Michelle. “I was there, I saw it. And honestly, I’m not surprised.”
“Not surprised? But—”
“You just said that you hurt her feelings. You really think that you could just go back to the way things
were and ignore everything else that had happened?” said Michelle, folding her arms. “That’s not going to work.”
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t ignore it. You have to acknowledge all the pain between you and move on as best you can. Trust me—pretending that this problem doesn’t exist won’t make it go away.”
Once again, part of Jalil wondered why his feelings even mattered. But deep down, he knew Michelle was right.
“So what do I do?”
“Apologize. Meet with her in private and talk things out.”
“Talk things out?” said Jalil, frowning. “How does that solve anything?”
“Just trust me. If she’s got any feelings for you at all, I think you’ll be surprised.”
Jalil nodded, more than a little nervous. “God-willing,” he said. “God-willing.”
* * * * *
“Mira?” Tiera whispered from the other side of the door flap. “Mira, are you there?”
“I’m here,” said Mira, sitting up from her mattress. “Come in.”
Tiera pulled the flap aside and slipped in, glancing around the room to make sure they were alone. Satisfied, she walked over and knelt by Mira’s side.
“I came to tell you that Jalil wants to see you in private,” she said.
“In private? You don’t think he wants to—”
“No, no,” said Tiera, laughing softly. “It’s not at all like that. He wants to have a talk—that’s all.”
Mira nodded and swallowed, her body suddenly feeling a little stiff. She wondered what Jalil had thought of her yesterday morning when she’d walked out of breakfast—whether he’d taken it the wrong way. It wasn’t that she hated him, just that things had changed so much since last they’d said goodbye. Being near him was confusing—and more than a little painful.
“Where does he want to meet?” she asked, rising to her feet.
“Out behind the mesa,” said Tiera. “Here, I’ll show you.”
They took care not to be seen, creeping along the edge of the walls and underneath half-opened tent doors. Once outside, they ran for the edge of the compound, panting in the warm evening air.
“That way,” said Tiera. She pointed to a single set of footprints in the dusty ground; they led around the base of the rust-red mesa to the sunward side, out of the shadows that now partially shrouded the camp.
Mira’s heart still pounded long after she’d caught her breath. The hot desert sun had passed its zenith hours earlier, and now it hovered on the horizon, painting the desert landscape in shades of red and gold. She spotted Jalil about a hundred yards away, dressed in his ivory-colored desert robes and red-checkered headscarf—the very same clothes that he’d worn the day they’d last parted, there on the island surrounded by the sea. As his head turned and their eyes met, she could almost hear the waves crashing against the shore. Her heart fluttered as they approached each other, him swiftly, her only a little slower. The face that she knew so well gazed on her with an unmistakable longing, unhidden now that the two of them were alone.
They came up to each other and stopped short of embracing. Mira stood awkwardly, not sure what to do.
“You came,” said Jalil.
“Yes.”
He smiled, making her stomach flutter even more.
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Yes,” Mira said softly.
“Has anything changed?”
Everything, she thought, then said it.
“Everything.”
Jalil waited patiently for her to speak.
“After you left,” she said, “Mother and Father were convinced I had disgraced the family honor. They tried to force me into marrying cousin Ibrahim, and when I told them I wouldn’t, they almost threw me out.”
The smile on Jalil’s face quickly evaporated. “They did? But we never—”
“When a boy and a girl are alone together, remember? I tried to tell them the truth, but they wouldn’t listen.”
“Mira… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She looked into his eyes and realized that his apology was real. Her anger from the day before died almost immediately.
“What about you?” she asked softly. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“In a way, I suppose. I found an old cousin of mine who told me the story of my family. My birth mother and birth father are both dead, and all my other blood relatives are scattered across the stars.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
He shrugged. “It’s just as well. I never knew them anyway—not in the way I know all of you.”
As he talked, they fell into step, walking around the base of the dusty mesa. The sun dipped halfway down the horizon, casting long shadows from the distant craggy mountains.
“It’s funny, though,” he concluded. “I left the camp to find my home, only later to realize that my home is here.”
Mira’s heart skipped a beat. “Here? In the desert?”
“No. Here with you.”
He stopped and glanced over at her as if waiting for an answer. Her breath caught in her throat, and a shiver ran down the back of her neck like electricity.
“Mira, I wanted this chance to talk with you because I feel I need to apologize. When I left you at Nawal’s doorstep, I know it wasn’t on the best of terms. It seems the family’s put you through hell for that, and I know it must have hurt personally as well. So Mira, all I wanted to say is, I’m sorry.”
A lump rose in Mira’s chest, and any residual anger in her heart shattered and dissipated, as if it had never been. She looked at the sincere, earnest expression on his face, and knew that she’d forgiven him.
But at the same time, an awful sinking dread welled up in her stomach. She knew he wasn’t the only one at fault for what had happened—not in the least. Memories of that awful night flooded back to her, making her cheeks burn. It all seemed so long ago, yet all the guilt came back in full force, threatening to crush her under its weight.
“I forgive you,” she said softly. “And Jalil?”
“Yes.”
“I—I’m sorry too.”
He looked at her for a moment, blinking. After all he’d shared with her, the simple one line apology seemed woefully insufficient, but to open herself completely to him, with no secrets or boundaries… it filled her with a fear sharper than any she’d ever felt. And yet, she knew that ultimately, nothing else would set her free.
We all live in the world of our own choosing.
“What I did was wrong,” she said, her emotions gushing. “Everything. That last night, in the glass-roofed hotel—”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“But I was the one who made it happen. I was the one who acted shamefully. I was the one who shattered your trust, and Jalil—I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
Before she knew what was happening, she was in Jalil’s arms, uncontrollable tears streaming down her face.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he repeated, rubbing her back. “Your parents were behind it all. They put you up to it.”
“But I chose to listen to them. I chose to follow through with their shameful plan.”
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever happened, whatever we did, it’s all behind us now.”
Neither of them said anything for a few moments. She started to sob as Jalil held onto her, his touch saying so much more than words.
“Do you still love me, Mira?”
The question caught her a little off guard, but as the guilt of the past few months slowly cleared from her mind and heart, she realized that she did.
“Yes,” she answered, barely a whisper. “I’ve loved you ever since we were young.”
“Since we were children?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, too,” he said softly. “Ever since we were young. I didn’t realize it until after I’d left, but it was the same for me.”
As Mira cried, her tears turned from tears of guilt and sorrow to tears o
f joy. She didn’t know how to describe it, except that she felt clean—cleaner than she had since she and Jalil had left for the Temple of a Thousand Suns. If it hadn’t been for Jalil holding her, she would have collapsed from dizziness. And yet, nothing had ever felt so right.
“They’re going to marry us soon,” Jalil said. “Is that what you want?”
She looked up at him and smiled through her rapidly fading tears.
“Yes.” Oh yes!
“And afterward, I’ll take you away from this place, and we can build a new life together, somewhere among the stars.”
Suddenly, he was leaning in toward her, with her head tilted back. He leaned in a little further, and their lips touched. Shivers ran like bolts of electricity through her arms and fingers, and as they kissed, all their worries and cares seemed to fade into the distance.
“Masha’allah,” she whispered.
“Yes,” said Jalil. “Masha’allah.”
They gazed at each other for a few minutes before he let her go.
“So they’re going to marry us,” he said. “And after that—Mira, you have to help me get them away. Every moment we stay on this planet, we’re all in danger.”
She nodded silently, not sure what to say.
“I know this must sound crazy,” he continued. “I don’t expect you to understand what I’m saying—hell, even two months ago I wouldn’t have believed it. But you must believe me—you must.”
“I believe you,” she said softly.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
A grin spread across his face, and he took her hand and squeezed it.
“I love you.”
They came together and kissed again, this time with more confidence. Mira ran her fingers through Jalil’s hair beneath his red-checkered headscarf, and he gently rubbed her back, turning her muscles to water. Yet for all their passion, it didn’t feel wrong—far from it.
“Masha’allah,” she whispered, pausing to catch her breath.
“Yes,” he said, smiling. “Whatever Allah wills.”
* * * * *
Jalil walked hand in hand with Mira back to the camp. The sun had set, and the stars and satellites were already starting to come out across the purple twilight sky. A soft breeze slowly dissipated the heat of the day, pleasant on his skin. With Mira by his side, the rocky desert landscape seemed renewed, and he looked on it with new eyes, noticing all the familiar details as if for the first time. Mira squeezed his hand, and he smiled.
