We stood out back in the shade, with Dante tethered to his run and lying happily under his favorite tree. Out here was where Marty had revealed JJ’s nature to me. This was the run that JJ and I had put up together. Where my ignorance, my misplaced anger at JJ and my father, had nearly cost Dante his life. Where I’d called JJ a faggot and he’d told me off. Where I’d asked him what he knew about me that my dad wouldn’t like, and he’d said there was nothing and then winked at me.
He said, “This has been a pretty amazing summer.”
“Ditto.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the SADEYE pellet I’d taken from my drawer after Dennis had been to see us, after I’d talked with Mom about Chris. I held my hand out.
“What’s this?”
“A going-away present. It’s a SADEYE pellet. From a cluster bomb. Chris gave it to me.”
JJ’s eyes moved from my palm to my eyes. After several seconds he looked down and held his right hand out, and I rolled the pellet onto it.
There was so much to say, and no way to say it. Finally we just looked at each other again, and the next thing I knew we were hugging. I hugged him as though I could hug Charlie again. I hugged him for the apology I never gave Anthony. I hugged him for the farewell I wouldn’t give Chris. I would not make those mistakes again, and I would not lose this friend. I hugged him hard.
And then I watched him walk away. He turned once, smiled, and waved.
What will his life be like? Will he go through it always fighting a war other people make for him? Will he become a veterinarian? Will he and Ben stay together, or will he meet some other guy and fall in love all over again? Will he have lots of dogs, and maybe a cat or two?
When JJ was out of sight, I looked down at my dog, who was smiling up at me. With a small shock, I realized that Dante had never talked to me. Yet. I rubbed his good ear.
Think maybe I’ll take creative writing in the fall.
A READING GROUP GUIDE
A Question of Manhood
ROBIN REARDON
ABOUT THIS GUIDE
The suggested questions are included to enhance
your group’s reading of Robin Reardon’s
A QUESTION OF MANHOOD.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Paul’s father has one leg that’s shorter than the other. How does this physical limitation affect how he interacts with the world in general and with his sons in particular?
In one of Chris’s army stories about being in Vietnam, Chris says that sometimes the spookiest part of being in a difficult situation is when no one really knows what to do and they have to trust their commander to decide on the best course of action. How does this dynamic play out in Paul’s life? Who should his commander be?
You’ve probably heard the expression “Pray like hell, but row away from the rocks.” When Paul goes with his mother to church, he prays like hell, but he feels as though he gets no answer. And, in fact, his life gets worse. When he finally figures out that he also has to row away from the rocks, how does he do that?
Paul’s father keeps telling him he needs to act like a man, but it seems the more Paul tries to do this, the more he misses the mark and angers his father. Ironically, there are other times when Paul stops worrying about meeting his father’s expectations and then receives praise. Is it more Paul’s inability to understand what his father wants or his father’s inability to communicate it that causes the disconnect? Or is there another cause?
JJ’s ability to handle dogs is not limited to his demeanor and his tactics. He has an underlying strategy that applies equally well to humans interacting with humans. At one point in the story, he describes it to Paul’s father. Can you identify it?
Jack, the homeless man who sometimes hangs out in front of the pet store, draws a comparison between “Bible Jesus” and “little Jesus,” or JJ. He says people want to turn all their troubles over to Bible Jesus, but JJ puts the dogs’ burdens onto the people. What do you think is at the heart of Jack’s comment? What is he trying to say?
As Paul tells his father about what happened with Geronimo, he doesn’t resort to his usual rebellious behavior when his father challenges him. And when the conversation is over, Paul feels as though he’s passed some test. What is that test? What rite of passage is he referring to?
Toward the end of the story, Paul begins to feel that he could get to be as comfortable with the idea of JJ being gay as he is about his father’s limp, which he doesn’t even notice anymore. If it’s possible that people who are uncomfortable with homosexuality could change their attitude if they were around gay people enough, what would that take? How could we make it happen?
Does it seem to you that Paul’s mother made the right decision regarding which son to protect? How did this decision shape the family dynamics?
More than once, Paul is confronted by a Border collie, arguably the most intelligent breed of dog, and the collie asks him difficult, leading questions and tells him things he doesn’t want to know. In whose voice is the collie really speaking?
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Copyright © 2010 by Robin Reardon
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A Question of Manhood Page 33
