by S. M. Shade
So, I don’t push it. Not even as far as another hand job yet. I love Ian. I’ve loved him for quite a while, but tried to ignore it. I never really thought there was a chance. Now, I just can’t screw it up. The next few days finds us cuddled and kissing on the couch every evening, though we still retreat to our own beds to sleep.
Lying in bed alone again, I decide to try to take it a bit farther the next night. I want to feel his cock again, in my hand and in my mouth. Like I told him when he was stressed, one thing at a time. A smile stays on my face as I drift off, dreaming of all the things I want to show him.
Ian is still in bed when I get out of the shower the next morning. “Are you going to sleep all day?” I call, tugging my shirt down over my head.
He doesn’t respond, not even when I open his bedroom door and call his name again. Lying on his back, his eyes are sealed shut, his normally pale cheeks a bright red. Before I can call his name again, his entire body goes rigid and begins to shake. Fuck! He’s having a seizure. Fear turns my stomach as I rush to his side and grab his phone from the bedside table. I don’t know what else to do, but talk to him softly and make sure he doesn’t fall off the bed or hit his head.
“I’ve got you, buddy. You’re okay. You’re going to be okay,” I repeat, trying to convince myself as much as him. It doesn’t last long, and by the time I’m on the line with 911, the tremor stops. “Ian, can you hear me?” I ask, laying a hand on his cheek. His skin is on fire.
“He’s not responding to me,” I tell the dispatcher. “He’s burning up.”
“Is he breathing?” she asks, her voice the only calm in a raging storm.
The rise and fall of his chest is shallow but regular. “Yes.”
“Just stay with me. The ambulance should be there any minute.” The longest three minutes of my life pass while I wait for the ambulance. He has to be all right. This can’t be happening now. Not after everything that’s happened. I can’t lose him too.
The EMT’s rush me out of the way and quickly get him on a stretcher and into the ambulance. The drive to the hospital is a blur. I barely remember following the ambulance. All I can do is picture his body shaking on that bed.
A smiling nurse at the reception desk takes my name and asks me to wait in the waiting room. I’m not family, so I’ll be lucky if they let me back there at all. Ian’s going to kill me for this when he wakes up. “Please, I’m his boyfriend. I need to be with him.”
“I understand. Let the doctor examine him and he’ll come to talk to you.”
Fifteen minutes later, a man in scrubs walks into the waiting room. “Are you here with Ian Turner?”
“Yes, please, tell me he’s okay.”
The doctor’s face softens. “He’s stable. You told the dispatcher he recently underwent a cycle of chemotherapy?”
“Yes, but he was better. Is it the cancer? Did it cause a seizure?”
“Chemo can weaken the immune system and leave the patient vulnerable to infections that our bodies usually have no trouble fighting off. Mr. Turner had a fever near one hundred and six when he was admitted which was what caused the seizure. We’ve got his temperature down to a safe level and are starting him on an IV of antibiotics. His file says he isn’t allergic to anything?”
“I-I’m not sure. He’s never mentioned it.” It occurs to me there’s so much we don’t know about each other. “Will he be okay?”
“The antibiotics should knock out the infection, but it will be a few hours before we know if they’re working.” He lays a hand on my shoulder. “This isn’t uncommon in cancer patients and most come out of it just fine.”
“Can I see him?”
“Of course.” I’m led down a too bright hallway and into a corner room. He’s laid out on a bed in only his boxers while a nurse wipes him down with a wet cloth. “He’s shivering,” I whisper.
“It’s normal. His fever’s coming down quickly,” the doctor tells me.
The nurse takes his temperature again and turns to the doctor. “One-oh-two.”
“Good. Let me know if it rises even a few points,” he says, giving me a reassuring smile before leaving the room.
“Has he been awake at all?” I ask the nurse as she dries his chest.
“In and out, but I doubt he was aware of anything.” She drapes a gown over him and I help her get his arms through the holes. “I’m sure he’ll wake soon.” She shows me what button to hit to call her and heads out the door.
I feel completely helpless. He’s sick and suffering and I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do. “Alex?”
I’ve never been so glad to hear my name. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”
“Then why am I in a fucking hospital?” He struggles to sit up, but I press his shoulder until he lies back.
“Because you had a seizure and took ten years off of my life. Now lie down and don’t be stubborn.” I sit on the edge of the bed, pinning him in.
“A seizure?” His brows furrow and his eyes grow wide.
“You had a high fever that caused it. The doctor says you have an infection. They’re giving you antibiotics and you’ll be better soon.”
Dark, exhausted eyes meet mine. “It’s not the cancer?”
Although I’m sure the hospital staff won’t like it, I kick off my shoes and climb into bed beside him. His eyes fall closed as I run my hands through his hair. “It’s a side effect of the chemo. It made you susceptible to infections.”
“I can’t fucking win,” he sighs, wrapping an arm around me and cuddling into my chest.
“You’ll be better and back home soon. I promise. It’s almost over. By spring, you’ll be able to look back on the shittiest winter ever and know you made it through.” His skin is hot beneath my fingers as I rub his back.
“Stay with me.”
“You couldn’t budge me if you tried. Get some rest.”
Once he’s asleep, I close my eyes, opening them a few minutes later to the sight of Everly’s enraged face. “Ev?” I whisper.
“Don’t wake him. In the hall,” she demands, stalking from the room. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. How did she find out?
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Are you shitting me right now? Maybe because my best friend is in the hospital and you didn’t bother to tell me! I’m Ian’s emergency contact. Do you want to explain why I got a call from the hospital telling me Ian is having complications from chemotherapy! Chemotherapy?” Her voice cracks. “Ian has cancer and no one told me?”
“Ev, I’m sorry. He made me swear. He didn’t want you to worry, especially with you being pregnant.” She jerks away when I try to take her hand. “What kind of cancer? I want to know what the fuck is going on right now.”
Mason approaches with Parker and Macy in tow. Fuck. Ian’s going to kill me, but it’s time they knew. “Let’s go sit down and I’ll explain.”
Tears run down Everly’s face as I tell them what Ian has been through over the past month. The surgery, the chemo and the aftermath. “You knew from the beginning?” she asks, her voice monotone.
“Yes.”
“You took care of him?”
“Yes.”
A sudden fierce hug nearly knocks the breath out of me. “Thank you.”
She steps back when I try to hug her back. “That doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly pissed at you…and him.”
“I know. He’ll be okay, Ev. He’s through the worst of it.”
“I’m going to kick his ass.”
Ian is only in the hospital for a few days, but it takes nearly two weeks for him to heal completely. He’s still a bit skinny, but he has his energy back, and with the way he eats, it shouldn’t take long for him to gain back the weight. Everly tore him a new one once he was well enough to chastise, and of course, I didn’t escape her ire either, though she seemed torn between being pissed at me and grateful that Ian had someone to help him through it.
Physically, Ian is better, but he isn’t his usual ha
ppy self. He hasn’t made any attempt to hang out with his friends or hook up with one of his bed buddies. Things between us have come to a standstill. I don’t want to push him when he’s already stressed and unhappy. It’s hard to see his lithe body stretched out on the couch and not hold him down and lick every inch of him, but I try to give him the space he needs to figure out how he feels.
When I come home from the gym, he’s waiting for me, a small smile on his lips. “Let’s go to Hawaii,” he says.
“What? When?”
“As soon as we can get a flight out of this cold miserable shit.” It hasn’t helped things that we have had one of the coldest, snowiest winters on record. “I have another few weeks off of work. We can get drunk and lie on the beach. Try to forget the last couple of months.”
Impulsive or not, it’s not a bad idea. I’m sure it would do him good to get some fresh air and sunshine. It occurs to me the grandmother that the detective located lives in Hawaii. “Do you plan to visit your grandmother?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“Have you spoken to her?”
“No, I just want to get there and relax for a while. Then I’ll decide if I want to see her. Are you in or what?” he demands.
“Make the reservations.”
A wide smile brightens his face. “Already did. Our flight leaves at seven a.m.”
“You’re pretty sure of yourself,” I snort, turning to head to my room. I suddenly have a lot of packing to do.
His hands land on my hips from behind and his lips find my neck with a soft kiss before he murmurs, “And sure of you.”
Hope speeds my heart, and I tilt my head back to look at him. “Are you?”
“I don’t want to fight it anymore. I just want to get away for a while, see where this can go.”
“One thing at a time,” I whisper.
“As always.” He squeezes me around my middle, then slaps my ass. “Now go pack.”
* * * *
“This was a great idea,” I tell him, sitting up to sip my drink. I don’t know what it is, but it tastes like kiwi and has no shortage of alcohol. White sand stretches out beneath us, sloping into glittering blue water. A slight breeze dries the sweat on my body while the sun beats down with a healing warmth. I needed this, and I know Ian sure does.
“Of course, it was mine,” he mumbles into his towel.
I don’t think there’s ever been a sight as gorgeous as this arrogant man laid out on his stomach. The beach is far from crowded, but women still seem to spot him, walking by in their bikinis and smiling in his direction. Black hair sticks to his nape, fluttering slightly. His arms are folded, his cheek resting on his hands. When he licks his perfect lips, I can’t take anymore.
His lips tilt in a small grin and he rolls onto his side when I lie beside him. Without any hesitation, his arms dart around my waist, yanking me onto the towel with him. I kiss him, slowly this time, and when I lick his bottom lip, he parts them, slipping his tongue into my mouth. He tastes good, like the coconut drink he’s been sipping. Our hands roam and caress until my cock is painfully hard and pressed against his thigh.
I’m surprised when his hand squeezes it lightly through my shorts. We’ve made out and I’ve had my hand on him, but he’s never reciprocated. A groan escapes my lips and I feel his smile against my mouth. “Do you like that?” he teases, rubbing me through the thin cloth. Shit. If he doesn’t stop I’m going to come like a horny teenager.
Leaping to my feet, I grab his hand. “Come on,” I insist, my voice raspy.
He doesn’t protest when I lead him into the gentle waves away from prying eyes. Cool water laps at my bare chest as I turn to face him, slipping my hand down the front of his shorts. My lips find his as he grips my cock again and I’m lost in him. In the feel of his lips, and tongue making their way across my collarbone and down my neck. He hisses when I bend to give his nipple a hard suck.
“Feel good? Just wait until I get your cock in my mouth, dark eyes. I’m going to suck you until you can’t breathe.”
“Fuck, Alex,” he breathes, and I pull his shorts down, releasing him, before doing the same. The cool water does nothing to quell my hard on while I line up our cocks, wrapping them in my fist. For the first time, I see him falter, glancing around us.
“No one can see,” I murmur, taking his hand and guiding it. “Yes, god, like that,” I groan when he strokes us. I join in, stroking up and down, reveling in the feel of his hot swollen cock against mine. My forehead falls to his shoulder, and he shudders. “Ian…”
“Me too,” he gasps, and we lose all control, our hands working feverishly. I feel his teeth in my shoulder as his body goes rigid and he lets out a growl that shoves me over the edge. A wave nearly knocks us off our feet while we struggle to regain control and Ian’s laugh makes me smile. At least he isn’t going to freak out on me.
“We’d better head back in before we drown.” He yanks up his shorts.
“At the moment I don’t think I’d care,” I reply, tucking my cock back in my shorts. I swear it’s already trying to get hard again. I’ll never get enough of him. “You okay?” I ask as we wade back toward the shore.
“I’m fucking starving.”
Laughing, I slide my arm around his waist. “Let’s go eat, then I’m taking you to our room and sucking your cock until you beg for mercy.”
“Jesus Christ, Alex.” His cheeks redden and he shakes his head.
“Is that a no?”
“Hell no it’s not. Hurry the fuck up so we can get dinner over with.”
After a surf and turf dinner and a few too many drinks, we make our way back to our hotel. Ian went all out on our trip, booking a large suite. Glass doors open onto a balcony overlooking the ocean. It’s a gorgeous sight during the day, but no less impressive on a night like this when the ocean is roiling and lightning streaks the sky. Warm hands land on my hips from behind as I lean on the railing, caught up in nature’s show.
He rests his chin on my shoulder, his hair still damp from his shower. “I’m going to call my grandmother tomorrow. If she wants to see me, will you come with?”
“Of course I will.” I’m glad to hear he’s decided to go.
“Only three more days and we have to return to normal life.”
Normal life. Does he mean the routine of work or something else? I turn to face him. “Do you know what you want when it comes to us, Ian?”
He sighs. “Yes, but I don’t know if I can have it.”
His dark eyes glow a moment when the lightning flashes, and I see the anxiety etched in his face. My hand rests against his chest, the little hairs tickling my palm. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ve never been in a relationship, let alone a same sex relationship. I’m bound to screw this up and…” His hand closes around my wrist. “You’re too important to me. If it doesn’t work out, if I hurt you, we won’t have this anymore.”
“It is possible to stay friends after a breakup,” I reply. “Not all relationships are the same. I understand you’re still figuring out what you want. That you aren’t going to stop wanting women too. We can figure out what works for us. No other men, though.”
A teasing smile lifts his lips. “Would you be jealous?”
“Murderous.”
“Me too,” he sighs. “Which is another reason this isn’t fair to you. The sex…”
“Has been pretty damn good so far,” I interrupt.
“We haven’t fucked. And I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever want to do.”
The wind picks up, whipping his long hair around his face and a crack of thunder rumbles overhead. I take his hand and lead him inside where we take a seat on the king-sized bed. “You’re assuming all gay relationships include anal sex when that’s just not true. There are plenty of other ways for us to get off. Besides, you like anal sex with women. Do you think having it with me would be all that different?”
“I know you topped with Cooper, Alex. God knows he crow
ed about it enough.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being fucked.” I plant a long firm kiss on his lips. “We don’t have to figure it all out at once and you’ll never have to do anything you don’t want to.”
Doubt shadows his features. “Even if I never want you to fuck me?”
“Even if you never want me to fuck you, we’ll be fine. I’m not too concerned about that, though.” I reach between his legs and grip him through his boxers. “Because the day will come when you’ll want me to, and I’m going to blow your fucking mind. Right now, I’ll settle for blowing you.”
Ian
Fuck me running, I’ve never had a blow job like this. Alex kneels between my legs while I sit on the edge of the bed, his mouth doing things to me I can’t even describe. I’m trying to get control of myself. I haven’t had to fight coming this quick since I was fifteen. It’s no use, less than a minute after he wraps his lips around my cock, I’m gasping his name in warning. A warning he ignores, and the squeeze of his throat when he swallows sends another bolt of pleasure through me.
Fuck. That was embarrassing. And fantastic.
He wears a self-satisfied little smirk as he gets to his feet, then falls onto the bed beside me. My eyes are drawn to the bulge under his lounge pants. His hand falls on mine when I grab his waistband to pull them down. “Nothing you don’t want to do,” he reminds me.
I don’t know if I want to return the favor, but after that, I want to try. “No underwear, Alexander? How indecent,” I tease.
“I haven’t begun to show my indecency, Killian.”
Growling at the use of my name, I bend and lick around the head of his cock. I’ve never been disgusted by the thought of sex between men, just never had the desire myself. But the groan that leaves his lips is erotic as fuck. I want to make him do it again, make him squirm and gasp and moan like he did me.
He’s hard as stone beneath my tongue and when I take him in my mouth, his hips lunge off the bed. I know that feeling, the torture of trying to hold back and not slam into your partner’s mouth. Gaining confidence, I give him what he wants, pulling him deep and sucking harder. He groans when I fondle his balls, but the gasp that escapes when I run a fingertip between his ass cheeks makes me hard again.
