by Rock, J. K.
“I’m going to be too busy discovering our cosmic roots and revealing humanity’s place in the universe to worry about that, Kellianne.” Ice cubes clanked as I swirled my straw.
My sister rolled her eyes. “Are you still in that astronaut phase? Do you want to be a princess when you grow up, too?”
“Girls,” my mother warned. “Can we focus?”
I ground my teeth, mad I’d let Kellianne bait me. Charity events, country club dinners, and junior league socials might suit Kellianne, but they were definitely not in the cards for me, Tarot or otherwise. I wanted to explore planets glimpsed on mathematical charts, orbit the world rather than rule it, discover places I’d yet to imagine.
“Fine. What do you think, Lauren?” Kellianne pointed at the picture, puffing her full lips out like the model. “Is semi-gloss trashy or classy?”
My mother raised her plucked eyebrows and flared her nostrils.
“Ummmm,” I stalled, not sure which answer would please them both. “How about a matte lipstick for church, then switch to the same color in semi-gloss for the reception?”
Smiles broke out across both their faces. Bingo. Another epic wedding crisis avoided. One down, a thousand more to go…
“Thanks, Lauren.” Mom squeezed my hand. “We can always count on you.”
I wondered if she’d feel the same way after tonight. Her values were traditional and she’d always stood by her man. Would she be okay with me breaking up with Matt?
Like Dad, my mother had earned a geology degree from Cornell. But when the college offered him a professorship, she stopped looking for a job, married him, and become the perfect housewife and mother. Not that I faulted her choice, but I’d caught her watching the National Geographic Channel many times, and I knew she maintained her membership in the Geological Society of America, and read its monthly magazine the day it arrived. When we’d returned to her wealthy parents’ hometown and had an easy in with their oil company as a consultant, I noticed she’d seemed happy to put her skills to use. I wondered if a part of her wished she’d chosen a different path long ago.
“I’m rethinking that tiara, Kellianne. It doesn’t have nearly enough crystals.” Mom flipped a page and studied another bride.
Then again, maybe not.
They debated headpieces that wouldn’t flatten Kellianne’s hair while I self-consciously fluffed my straight, auburn-streaked brown locks. This morning, I’d skipped the hairspray that normally kept it at acceptable Texan standards—meaning fuller than a small shrub.
Seth used to tug on my ponytail whether it was wet from the lake, sticky from bug spray, or dusty after a hike. He’d called me a natural beauty, despite my glasses and braces.
What would he think of me now? Uncertain of how Seth or my bunkmates would view the new me, I hadn’t posted any recent pictures to my Camp Juniper Point Facebook account. I had a separate account in the camp group that was visible only to campers, allowing me to keep my school and camp worlds apart.
As if sensing my attention had wandered, Kellianne narrowed her gaze at me over the magazine. “What am I going to do without you this summer? Momma, can’t you make her stay?”
My heart stopped. What if Mom agreed? I’d missed camp, and Seth. After a year of trying to fit in—succeeding on the outside, but failing on the inside—I understood that he and I shared something special. Since he was a year older than me, it was our last summer together and my only chance to make our relationship year-round. I had to go. I would walk there if I had to.
“We’ve gone over this.” Mom tucked a loose strand back in her updo. “The wedding planner will handle the big issues. Then, Lauren and I will assist you with things that need a more personal touch.” She handed Kellianne a tissue. “No need to get upset. Remember, we made that list for Lauren.”
List? What list? I was looking forward to hanging out with my old friends and Seth. Speaking of which, I still hadn’t responded to his email.
Kellianne unfurled a piece of paper as long as my arm. For a moment I fantasized about it fluttering over the side of a canoe and disappearing into the depths of western North Carolina’s Nantahala River. Preferably while Seth paddled me around, his muscles flexing as he worked with his oar. Would he remember the meteor shower we’d planned to watch this summer?
“Here are some things I need you to do.” Kellianne waved the paper under my nose and reeled off a list about bridal party gifts, place cards, and thank-you notes. My heart sank. Even ten states away, I’d still be her wedding slave. Sure. I’d have plenty of time to fit all that in around five camp activity periods a day. Maybe I could address the shower notes while rock climbing, or write out her place cards on a whitewater rafting trip.
“Fine. Got it.” I snatched the list but halted my headlong rush out of the room when a thought occurred. “Is Dad going to be home for dinner?”
Mom’s face fell into disappointed lines. “Something came up on one of the oil rigs, so he flew down this afternoon to supervise.”
Emptiness rose at the thought of another evening without Dad. What did that make it? Eight, nine days without a family dinner? I understood that his new job was demanding, but it was like he’d forgotten he had a home too. Forgotten about me. He used to be my wall of support. Now he was a shadow that flitted in and out of my life. “He’ll be back before I leave for camp, right? To say goodbye?”
Kellianne and Mom exchanged a long look, and then Mom cleared her throat. “I’m sure he’ll do his best, dear.”
I trudged upstairs to my room, heart heavy, and closed my door behind me. A picture of Dad and me in front of Manhattan’s Hayden Planetarium caught my eye. Our grins were as bright as the IMAX show we’d watched while Kellianne and Mom shopped on Fifth Avenue. Back then, we’d all had clear priorities and alliances.
I pushed away thoughts of Dad, grabbed my laptop, and sat cross-legged in the middle of my canopied bed. While the computer whirred to life, I glanced at my open closet, wondering what I’d pack for camp. Would Seth recognize me wearing designer labels and carrying a Gucci backpack?
His email popped up on my homepage.
7 days until the bonfire and our FKOC
Our First Kiss of Camp. Just the phrase made my heart race. We’d started the tradition two years ago when we’d snuck away during a bonfire sing-a-long. While a rousing chorus of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt sounded behind us, we’d sat on the dock, swinging our legs over the inky waters. I remember the electric feel of his skin every time his calf touched mine, the jittery sensation in my stomach that made me babble about different types of meteors… Being that close made it impossible to focus on anything but us. And he must have felt the same way because he had cupped my cheek, bringing me closer until our lips brushed as softly as a moth’s wings. After five years in the friend zone, we’d reached official boyfriend-girlfriend status, at least for that summer and the one after that.
I flopped back on my pillow and pulled a picture of Seth from my nightstand drawer. I traced his short, sandy blonde curls and looked into his amber eyes. I loved the way they lit up whenever he saw me. Would they still glow when I told him about Matt? Not that I should feel guilty. Seth and I agreed to break up at the end of every summer and get back together the next year. It was his idea, in fact. No pressure, he’d said. But for me it was. I was tired of the two months on, ten months off schedule.
I touched my finger to my lips and then to Seth’s picture. After I cleared my conscience and broke up with Matt, I’d answer his email.
To have the summer of my dreams, I’d have to survive the worst night of my life.
Chapter Two
“A Batman shirt and ponytail? Seriously?” My frenemy Jessica greeted me when I arrived at the beach that night. “I thought you were kidding at school with that lame outfit. But hello? This is a party, not Comic-Con.”
The small patch of sand near Turtle Creek was already full of kids ready to cool off in the 90-degree heat. I’d arrived a few minutes after sev
en-thirty and there were at least twenty people throwing Frisbees or riding the rope swing out over the water. A few of the boys had brought in coolers with sodas on top and beers hidden underneath, while the girls compared bikini tops.
I gave her a fake smile that masked the panic attack building about tonight. Taking a deep breath, I told myself not to let her get to me. “What’s up, Jess? Didn’t know you knew about Comic-Con. You must make a perfect Poison Ivy.” I’d survived the cliques of Jefferson Davis High this long and wouldn’t let a witch with French tips bring me down now.
“Hey ladies,” Matt announced himself, arriving on the scene and sliding an arm around my waist. “Looking good tonight, as always.” His warm lips tickled my ear as he whispered, “Meant to tell you at school—Batman is now my favorite superhero.”
His eyes were all over me, but Jessica preened, her toes turning inward like she was six years old. “Hi Matt,” Jessica’s breathless voice displayed none of the venom she’d just shot my way. “You look good yourself.”
I had to give Matt props, since he barely heard her. He made a vague sort of nod in her direction and steered me away. He wasn’t all bad. But I couldn’t help contrast his popular persona to Seth’s quirky style. Matt and I hung out mostly at games or at parties, leaving us little one-on-one time. I still barely knew the boy beneath the shoulder pads and helmet. Seth and I, on the other hand, had long talks while we watched the stars and counted lightning bugs. I taught him about the cosmos while he shared the genus and species of every living thing around us. I missed him. Missed us.
“I need to talk to you.” Matt lowered his voice, his hand palming my back, providing the sort of thrill I should not be feeling from him.
“Sure.” Steeling myself, I tried not to notice his warm fingertips through the soft cotton of my T-shirt. Soon, it would be Seth touching me, and then everything would be right again. “I need to tell you something too.” I took in a deep breath and opened my mouth. Breaking up with Matt meant I needed to tell him about Seth. As hard as that would be, it wouldn’t be right otherwise.
“Dude!” One of Matt’s friends shouted from the water. “Water football starts in five minutes. Hurry up.”
Air exploded from my lungs and my shoulders drooped. The wait was killing me, but I didn’t have the heart to ruin Matt’s night before it began. I gave him a weak smile and glanced at the creek.
Most of the guys had already gone in. There was a bend where a wide, shallow area made a good spot for water sports. Great for Matt and his friends, maybe. But that meant I’d spend an anxious twenty minutes with Jessica and company while I waited to confess my real feelings.
“Promise you won’t take off until we talk?” Matt asked, still by my side despite the collected cheers and catcalls from a handful of his friends.
“Not a chance.” I gave Matt a little shove toward the water. “Go have fun. I’ll be here.”
With a nod, he stripped off his shirt and jogged toward the creek, muscles rippling and girls’ necks twisting for a better look. Matt definitely wouldn’t have a problem moving on after me. Honestly, I was shocked we’d lasted this long. I looked decent in my cheerleading uniform, fit in with his popular crowd, and brought his favorite Gatorade to games, but there were lots of girls who could do the same. As a junior next year, he’d be more sought after than ever and have his pick.
“I’m open!” he shouted to his friends, calling for a pass as he jumped in with a splash.
I trudged Jessica’s way, where she held court with two of her lackeys. My steps slowed as I approached, not wanting to tangle with them tonight. Way too much to deal with already.
Instead I veered toward a log beside a rounded bush blooming with burgundy flowers—Berberis thunbergii, Seth would have told me. A Japanese barberry bush. I inhaled the delicate scent and remembered the wildflower bouquet Seth had given me on our final evening at camp last year.
His wide shoulders had made my heart skip a beat when he’d jogged up my cabin’s steps. I’d slipped outside and returned his slow smile when he pulled a slightly wilted arrangement of yellow black-eyed Susans, purple blazing stars, and white Queen Anne’s lace from behind his back.
“So you won’t forget me.” His hands lingered on mine as he gave me the fragrant gift. He must have used his free activity period to manage this surprise. I looked up at him, touched. Did he honestly think I’d forget him?
“This way you can bring a little of the Smoky Mountains to Texas.” He stroked my upper arms, worry puckering his strong brow.
My happiness evaporated at the reminder that my parents would be arriving tomorrow and that Seth and I would be apart. Not even a couple. We’d agreed to break up again and see where things stood next summer. It’d worked last year, and I’d hated to risk losing him by disagreeing. With everything else unraveling in my life, I needed Seth to be a constant.
I led Seth to our porch swing and snuggled against his side. The soft periwinkle light enfolded us, the first glimmers of Venus appearing in the darkening sky. His arms wrapped around me and I rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in his clean, outdoorsy smell.
“Everything is changing so fast.” The bouquet trembled on my lap.
Seth tipped up my chin and leveled his golden eyes at me. “Everyone is going to love you in Texas, Lauren. You’re amazing.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my fingers in his thick, blond curls. PDA was enough to earn us Mess Hall duty, but we were leaving tomorrow. What was the worst the counselors could do?
He cupped the back of my head and kissed me, the warmth of his body seeping into mine. After a moment, we pulled apart, both of us out of breath. “I’m going to miss this,” I murmured.
“I’m going to miss you.” His hands smoothed across my back. “I can’t believe next summer will be our last together.”
I ignored the anxious pang those words inflicted. If all went according to plan, this time next year, we’d be a year-round couple, I’d thought. No more summers-only and no more endings. “Let’s not think about that now.” I brushed my lips against his and gasped when he crushed me to him, banishing my worries with a long, deep kiss.
“Hi, Lauren,” a voice came from beside the barberry bush, breaking me out of my reverie.
“Hey Paige.” I waved to a girl on the cheer team. She was Crash’s girlfriend and was a grade below me. Was it just my imagination, or was she avoiding the rest of the girls?
“I don’t want to bother you–” Her eyes darted toward Jessica as one of her friends burst into giggles over some private joke. “But if you have a minute—”
She hugged her arms around her waist and bit her lip.
“What’s up?” I was game for anything besides wedding planning or a round of ‘stab your friend in the back’ with Jessica’s crew. And I definitely needed to stop thinking about Seth until Matt and I talked. I glanced at my iPhone. Five minutes down, fifteen or so to go. My gut twisted itself in a double knot.
“I’m having some trouble with the new routine, and Jessica said there’s no way I’ll make the squad next year if I don’t get the timing down.”
How charming that we had our very own tyrant to ensure quality control.
“You’ll make the squad.” I’d have a vote on everyone who tried out, just like the rest of my teammates. But then again, maybe I’d be the one getting the boot next year. Breaking up with Matt meant losing the built-in status that came with being his girlfriend.
Without him, would I freefall back into Nerdy Anonymity, never to return?
And if I did, would that be such a bad thing? Being Seth’s fulltime girlfriend was all I needed.
“But if you had time over break, I thought—” Paige shrugged a shoulder, her pink glittery tank top meeting tonight’s dress code better than my superhero tee. “We could get together to practice. I could—I don’t know—make your banners for you next fall to pay you back.”
“Wow.” That was generous, since each cheerleader h
ad to make a banner for two of the guys on the football team, and one of the guys on the basketball team when that season came around. The banners weren’t just Magic Marker on poster board either. They were competitive works of art. “That’s a great trade, Paige, but I’m going to summer camp for eight weeks and when I get home my sister is getting married. I’m not sure if I’ll have time.”
“Oh.” Crestfallen had only been a vocab word for me until that moment. “Okay. I understand.”
“I’m sorry,” I rushed to explain, feeling like I’d just kicked a puppy. “If I was going to be around, I’d definitely—”
“It’s okay.” She twined her finger around a little braid tucked behind one ear. “Is the camp for cheerleading?”
Behind us, someone cranked up the tunes to drown out the sounds of the boys fighting over whether or not a pass was intercepted. A couple of girls gyrated their hips and looked to see if the boys were checking them out.
“No.” I leaned against the tree. “It’s a summer camp in western North Carolina.”
“So is it a sports camp?” Paige’s brow furrowed, uncomprehending. “Or an arts camp?”
“Both. It’s a traditional camp. My dad went there.” Paige was more interested than I would have thought and had lots of questions. Had I misjudged her? Not given her a chance? Maybe I could have had a friend this year…a real one. We must have talked for a while, because the next thing I knew, a crescent moon, my favorite, appeared in the southern sky, and the guys were out of the water.
“There you are.” Matt’s voice wrapped around me just as Crash arrived to retrieve Paige, teasing her that he was going to throw her in the water.
“Here I am.” I swallowed hard, knowing the point of No Return had arrived.
Nearby, most everyone paired off into couples. A few of the guys weren’t dating anyone, but even they had invited girls to hang out with. The six of them were the noisier group at one end of the rocky beach, while some of the other couples disappeared altogether. Thankfully, Matt had never pressured me too much to take that long walk into the woods at twilight. Yet another reason he’d been a good boyfriend. I’d never felt ready and couldn’t go all the way with him when a piece of my heart still belonged to Seth.
