by Rock, J. K.
Confused, I shook my head. “I don’t want to risk hurting you.
He matched his broad palms to mine and curled the tops of his fingers over my smaller ones. Something about that gesture tugged at my heart. “It’s my heart, Lauren. Let me decide what it can take.”
And just like that, I knew my answer. “Yes.”
I held up a finger when Matt’s smile grew so ecstatic I thought it would break my heart. “But just for the four weeks. When you get ready to leave for strength training, we’ll talk.”
Matt’s green eyes darkened. “And no Seth, either. Right?”
My heart dropped. An anchor in a bottomless sea. “No Seth.”
“That poor son of a bitch.” Matt crushed me to him.
My eyes welled and my chin rested on his broad shoulder. Right now, it felt good to have his arms around me. To have him care. At least Matt wasn’t afraid to show me how he felt.
Seth had always steered clear of emotionally deep waters. Suddenly, the fact that he’d disappeared seemed more self-centered than noble—more like me, in a way. I’d been selfish like that too. Matt stuck around to face the facts—good or bad. And he deserved more than I’d given him in the past months. I owed him better and I could give him four weeks to see if…if there was more between us than what I’d thought.
Footsteps sounded behind us. My eyes flew to Matt. If anyone caught us out here together, we’d be shipped back to Texas. In spite of all my good intentions with Matt, my first thought was—if that happened—I’d never see Seth again.
“Quick, in the river,” Matt whispered, tugging me down the small bank. I hesitated, then followed. I was drenched from the rain anyway. In seconds, we submerged ourselves up to our noses, our feet slithering through underwater plants as we treaded water.
A flashlight bobbed along the shoreline. I held my breath, ready to sink completely under the surface if one of the counselors appeared. But to my surprise, Hannah’s friend Madison loomed into view, an umbrella shielding her low-cut tank top, short skirt, and impractical heels. I smiled in relief, knowing all too well where she was headed.
Once she disappeared, Matt’s wide hands gripped my waist and pulled me against him.
“What’s she doing out here?”
I tried to ignore the electric brush of his muscular thighs and rippling abs. I had thought, once I saw Seth, my attraction for Matt would disappear. But I’d be lying if I said his closeness didn’t affect me. His touch warmed me inside and out. And now that I’d decided to be with him…
“She must be meeting someone.” My voice became breathy when Matt wrapped my legs around his waist to keep us both afloat. “There’s an abandoned hermit’s cabin about a half-mile from here. Kids go there to hook up.”
Matt swung us in a slow circle. At six foot two, his toes had to be touching the river bottom.
“Who needs a cabin, when we can be alone like this?”
He cradled my face and lowered his mouth. His lips began to move incrementally along my jawbone. We were very alone out here, more so than we’d ever been before. Back at Turtle Creek, there’d always been friends nearby and a curfew hanging over our heads. Now? The possibility of being together was all too real.
“Matt,” I breathed around the catch in my throat, knowing we shouldn’t complicate things between us. Especially when I’d only promised him four weeks.
That was tough to remember when his hungry lips met mine. His arms tightened around me and his fingertips ran through my hair. My lips parted under his, my hands trapped between his chest and mine. Underneath my palms, his heart drummed.
His hands moved forward until he cupped my face, then pulled away. He made a soft, ragged sound as he gazed down at me.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured, eyes more intense than I’d ever seen them. My pulse raced when his lips drifted down to my clavicle and along the neckline of my shirt. His hands skimmed across my back, making me shudder in a way that had little to do with the water temperature. When his strong fingers circled to the front and rubbed my ribcage, my body tingled in pleasure.
And yeah, I was sending out the wrong message. Trying to shake off the feelings, I grabbed his hands and nudged him away. I treaded water and tried to slow my breathing. Matt looked like he’d run wind sprints.
“Too much?” he asked, still the southern gentleman despite the wicked gleam in his eye.
I nodded, wanting to say more but needing time to puzzle things out. We stayed out as long as we dared, and we needed to be in our beds before our counselors got back from their meeting.
Back at my cabin, I just barely beat Emily when I slipped inside. My friends might have given me the third degree, except that our counselor was right behind me and we all had to fake sleep since it was well past curfew. Grateful this once for the early bedtime, I dried off, put on sleep shorts and a tank, and snuggled under the covers in record time. I turned over and pounded my pillow, Matt’s face intruding every time I tried imagining Seth’s.
Who knew I’d have a First Kiss of Camp with two boys? Or that they’d both confuse me so much? I’d thought my feelings about them were clear before I came here. But Seth had surprised me, by letting me go so easily that it hurt. And Matt had given me a few surprises too, forgiving me when I didn’t necessarily deserve it and fighting for me like I was more than a nerd masquerading in designer clothes.
As my eyes drifted closed, Seth’s sun-tipped curls and lightly freckled face finally came into focus. He’d want to know what I decided when he came back and wouldn’t like my answer. I’d done nothing wrong tonight, but I couldn’t stop feeling like I’d betrayed him—us.
I might have had a FKOC with both guys. Now I needed to figure out which one would have the last.
Chapter Seven
“Who wants me to do their eyeliner?” Emily flitted around the cabin with a shiny tube of liquid make-up in one hand and a can of hairspray in the other. “I’m an expert at the cat eye. Jackie?”
It was our first Friday night at camp, the traditional night for a get-to-know-you dance. Our cabin was in an uproar, with discarded outfits on the beds, flat irons plugged into every free outlet, and a mob at the tiny mirror in the bathroom. The whole place smelled like vanilla after we’d chased each other around with perfume and scented body glitter.
For a little while, it felt like old times, partly because I knew Seth was back at camp. He’d walked into Gollum’s office with his grandfather on Wednesday morning and apparently been welcomed back with open arms. I’d seen him in passing at meals since then, and at evening activities when Matt sat beside me and held my hand.
But we’d avoided each other. Waiting, I supposed, to talk at the dance as we’d planned. Only I was sure he’d guessed my decision. It was getting a awkward between us and I hoped we could make some kind of peace tonight. I didn’t want us to grow so distant we’d never find each other again. Just because I’d agreed to try things with Matt for a month didn’t mean my feelings for Seth had disappeared.
“Don’t come near me with that thing.” Jackie leapt from one bunk to another, avoiding a persistent Emily.
“Just a little eyeliner won’t hurt,” she wheedled, launching into an explanation of how makeup could transform a duckling into a swan, or something like that. Considering Jackie was more of a swan than any of us even without makeup, it was an argument Emily was bound to lose. Jackie smudged the eyeliner on top of her cheeks like an athlete and pronounced herself perfect, startling Emily quiet. A first. Meanwhile, I helped Alex twine a clip-on pink hairpiece into a braid through her dark waves.
“What if Vijay doesn’t ask me to dance?” She lost half her lip gloss to the bubble she blew. It popped before I could answer.
“Ask him.” My fingers worked faster and faster as the braid neared the end. “He was watching you at lunch today.”
“Get out!” She smacked my arm with a little quilted makeup bag that only had lip gloss and eye shadow inside. I’d given her one of my eye glitt
er wands because her parents were super strict about clothes and makeup.
“I’m serious,” I insisted while Emily started flashing the lights.
“Check it out, girls!” she squealed. “A strobe light. Maybe we should have a dance right here!”
We tried not to trip over anything while we headed toward the door.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Alex hissed as we all gave each other the last minute “stray bra strap, lip gloss on teeth” check.
Because I was too busy freaking out that Seth had been hanging out with another girl over the last few days. She was a year older than me and in a different cabin. We didn’t hang out in the same crowd, but I’d heard she was nice and volunteered a lot with the youngest campers. It didn’t help my anxiety that she was also really, really pretty.
But I couldn’t share that with Alex. This was her time, not mine. Instead, I shrugged. “I thought you saw.”
She scrambled over to Trinity and Siobhan to share the news, breathless and talking in an octave that would make Hershey howl in pain. I was happy for her even if I was worried for me. I smoothed my high-low hem and slid into lace-up ankle boots. I wanted to look nice tonight, although I had no clue who I wanted to impress. Officially, my date was Matt.
My friends—except for Alex—had been a little distant toward me since the failed intervention. I’d heard that Trinity asked the Ouija board if Seth and I were meant to be together. Apparently, the answer was yes, and Trinity had lain in bed crying and writing in her journal for an hour. But even though I was good at feeling guilty this summer, I refused to feel bad about that one. My friends controlled the Ouija board more than any mystery spirits and, as smart girls, we all knew it.
They must have thought Seth and I belonged together. Did I?
A male whistle of appreciation got our attention, stopping my group just outside the main lodge.
“Thank you!” Alex called out to the admirer I couldn’t see in the dark.
As I got closer, I spotted Seth’s bunkmates outside the lodge. It definitely hadn’t been Seth, who hung at the back of the pack. Julian and Vijay led the group, Julian in full Lord of the Rings regalia, including a cape, a cool-looking metal chest plate, and a wooden sword at his side. He was usually a quiet guy, but his warrior gear gave him serious swagger. Plus, I had to admire someone who didn’t change his look for anyone else. Julian liked a cape, so he wore a cape.
He winked at Piper, and I was surprised to see her smile at him. Not wanting to get in the way of any flirting, my eyes accidentally gravitated toward Seth. He looked great in khakis and a pin-striped button-down. My heart sped up against my will. I needed to tell him what I’d decided about us…and Matt…but I didn’t want to do it with all our friends around. And hello? I shouldn’t be ogling him, let alone fantasizing about tripping the girl he’d hung out with this week as I watched him return her wave.
I really needed to learn how to deal with seeing those two together because…I swallowed hard. The reason I couldn’t be with Seth was my fault. He had a right to be happy with someone else. Still, I stomped when I headed toward the lodge to find Matt.
Emily followed, her fingers clutching my elbow and slowing me down as we walked into a transformed lodge. Silver stars hung from the pine rafters, and glitter coated the floor. A popular song blared from the speakers, and the dance floor was already full of junior campers getting their groove on. They got to arrive earlier than the senior campers, but they’d have to leave earlier too. Staying up late was a perk of being in the last two years of camp.
“Wait up!” Emily called into my ear. Her short-sleeved, rhinestone-covered pink sweater dress was a serious throwback, but her pink boots were cute. “I forgot to tell you Matt will be late.”
That got my attention.
“He will?”
Emily nodded, blond curls jiggling along with her dangly earrings. “I practically fell over him coming out of the arts building when I was on my way back from a counselors’ meeting about appropriate dress code. I mean, have you seen some of the trampy outfits around here?” She adjusted her butt-skimming hemline. “Anyway, I saw Matt, and he told me to tell you he’d be a half-hour late.”
“Thanks,” I told her, wondering what he’d been doing in the arts building. He’d surprised me once by playing the piano in the music room, just fooling around after school. I thought it had sounded great, but he’d dismissed it as no big deal.
I didn’t want to make things awkward for my friends by hanging around them when they were flirting with the guys in Seth’s cabin. Especially when the sight of Seth talking to that girl he’d befriended made me ready to draw blood. She looked prettier than ever with a jeweled headband I wanted to rip out of her waist-length, light-brown waves.
“Lauren!” someone called before I could commit a felony.
Turning, I saw Kayla and Hannah by the refreshments table, their cocktail-length dresses upping the sophistication factor of an Appalachian camp dance. They looked like a page out of Seventeen with Hannah’s perfect auburn updo and Kayla’s sleek blond layers caught in a glittery butterfly clip.
Junior campers admired them from afar, whispering enviously behind their hands.
“Hi,” I returned nervously, not sure what they’d want from me. Back home, I understood how to deal with the mean girls of the world, wearing the bitchy armor at all times, ready to do battle.
But this was camp, and I didn’t act that way here. I’d spent weeks dreaming about ditching my inner bitch.
“Come here.” Kayla waved me over, smiling.
Was I really going to cross the lodge to the land of the camp’s most popular girls? It felt like a defection from my old crew, but I needed space. Anything was better than standing awkwardly in the middle of the dance with no one to talk to.
“Great dresses,” I murmured as I scooped punch into a cup.
“Thanks.” Hannah’s smile seemed genuine, but then she was so egotistical she probably took compliments as her due.
“Our guys aren’t here yet so we thought you’d want to wait for them with us.” Kayla gestured to the empty chairs near their perfectly coiffed friends.
“Our guys?”
“Kayla’s dating Cameron,” Hannah volunteered, taking out a tiny bottle from her gold metallic purse and dabbing a little of the contents on her wrists.
“They don’t call him ‘Hands’ for nothing,” Kayla whispered in my ear, making me laugh.
Cameron, a member of Warriors’ Warden, could secure any kind of banned items at camp, from extra candy to alcohol. Not that I’d ever been the recipient of contraband, being a rule-follower for the most part. They’d called him Hands ever since he’d slipped into Gollum’s office as an eight-year-old and come out with the camp director’s coveted whistle. He’d gone into business for himself the next day, and I heard he’d made five hundred bucks his first summer.
While I congratulated Kayla on the new boyfriend, Hannah passed her the little bottle with a fragrance I could now smell.
“What is that?” I asked, trying to ID the label.
“Kayla made it,” Hannah said proudly. “It’s an essential oil she had blended for all the girls in Divas’ Den.”
“I have extras.” Kayla pulled two more bottles from her bag. There was a double D in purple script on the front. “Want one?”
“Thank you.” Warmed by the generosity, I took the one Hannah gave me.
“I think your friends want you.” Hannah nodded past my shoulder.
I turned to find Alex and Siobhan waving me back to “our” side of the lodge, the spot we’d always claimed for the Friday night dances. Seth was gone and the only one from his cabin still hanging out was Garrett, so it seemed safe to return.
“Bye.” I gave a wave. Camp would be more fun if we could all cross sides of the room now and then. Why the great divide between camp cliques? I expected that stuff in high school, but here…we could do better than that.
Walking past the dance fl
oor where a few junior campers tested out the Cupid Shuffle, I opened the bottle of scent.
“What’s that?” Alex hauled the bottle to her nose before I could answer. “Mmm. Smells great.”
“Try some,” I offered, wanting to share the generosity.
Alex dabbed some on her neck while Siobhan tried to find everyone else’s pulse point. I grinned at Siobhan’s precise, scientific approach. While they shared the oil and asked why I’d been hanging out with Divas’ Den girls, Alex talked over them.
“Seth wants to see you. He’s outside now.”
My mellow mood evaporated, my heart beating staccato against my ribs.
“Excuse me?” Did this mean he was anxious to get this talk over with…get some closure so he could fully move on to be with Head Band Girl? My heart thumped louder than the DJ’s corner.
“Seth.” Alex pointed to the door. “He’s out by the picnic tables.”
My friends looked at me expectantly. They hadn’t said much when I’d hung out with Matt this week, which I’d appreciated. On the other hand, I knew they’d be happier if I smoothed things over with Seth so it wasn’t weird when our cabins hung out together.
Slipping out the back entrance of the lodge where it faced the lake, I saw a few other kids sitting at the picnic tables with drinks.
I passed the groups of kids talking and laughing and a couple sneaking kisses off to one side. At the last table before the beach, a lone figure sat in the shadows. I’d know the curls anywhere. It was the new height and broad chest that still surprised me. By any girl’s standards, Seth had turned crush-worthy this year. Certainly I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
“Hey.” I took a seat at the table beside him, closer than I’d intended.
Some habits were hard to break.
“Hey.” His mouth lifted at the corners, left-side dimple appearing. Something in his cupped hands pulsed.
