Or all three…
She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing. It would be all right. Of course, it would. She was with Eric now, and no one could break them apart.
Sarah must have fallen asleep, for the next thing she knew, the car had stopped and Eric was staring at her.
“We’re here,” he said.
She wiggled upright in the seat and looked out the window. “We’re where?”
“Where we’re going to get our license.” He took her hand. “I chose the most obscure county clerk’s office I could find. Now, I’m going to do most of the talking, all right?”
She smoothed her hair, tucking a few stray strands back under her kapp. “Jah,” she said, completely agreeable to remaining as quiet as possible.
He got out of the car and ran around to her side, helping her out. She stood blinking in the afternoon light. She was hungry, but she didn’t think she should mention it. Her brain had switched into a kind of fog, and she was happy to go with it. Nothing seemed real. It was as if she was watching one of those Englisch television shows. Like she was perched somewhere in the sky, observing a skinny, scared Amish girl clutching the hand of a handsome Englisch boy. Like she wasn’t there, standing at the counter, nodding her lies. Like she wasn’t responsible for the massive step she was taking—rejecting everything in her Amish world, everything she’d been taught. Like she wasn’t there an hour later, standing before a judge, pledging her life to this boy whom she’d only known for months.
Like she’d had no part in any of it.
When it was over, Eric took her hand and led her back to the car. They sat in the front seat, but Eric made no move to start the engine.
“Well, it’s done,” he said.
Her eyes were huge, and she couldn’t seem to make her voice work.
“I’ve done right by you.” Eric touched her cheek with his fingers.
I’ve done right by you?
She blinked. His words seemed to be giving her a message, but with her stomach roaring with hunger and her brain in a fog, she couldn’t think straight enough to receive it. She only knew his words were important somehow. Something was off, slightly skewed, but she couldn’t see it.
She was beyond starving now, a hollow emptiness raging through her stomach. She felt heady and knew that if she was standing, she’d topple over in a heap. Eric grabbed her shoulder.
“You’ve gone white,” he said. “Are you gonna puke? Open the window. Don’t puke in the car!”
She shook her head. “I’m hungry,” she finally managed to get out.
Eric blew out his breath. “Oh, I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking. Wanna go have a celebration dinner or something?”
He took out his wallet and glanced inside. “I’ve got some cash. I don’t want to use my credit card anymore today. I think I’m about maxed out.” He fingered the few dollar bills he had. “We have to go cheap. How about Burger Bites?”
Tiny black spots clouded Sarah’s vision. Burger Bites? She didn’t care. All she knew was that if she didn’t eat soon, she was done for.
Eric laughed when she didn’t answer. “Burger Bites, it is, then. Don’t worry, Sarah. I’ll get you fed.”
And he did. She stayed in the car while he ran inside to order. The drive-through line wound around the restaurant, and Eric said he’d get the food faster by going inside. Sarah waited with her head back against the headrest and her eyes closed.
Her hands shook as she ate her hamburger. But by the time she got to the fries, she was feeling much better.
“Okay, now?” Eric asked her.
She nodded. “Sorry. I’m feeling all right now.”
“You’re gonna want to change your clothes. People are already staring.”
She glanced through the windshield and saw that indeed a few people were gawking inside their car. “I’m used to it.”
“Well, I’m not. They’ve got a bathroom inside,” he said.
She gave him her wrappers and got on her knees to stretch into the backseat. She dug through her suitcase and extracted a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. She hugged them to her chest and gazed at the restaurant. “Okay. I just go in and use the bathroom. Won’t they ask me anything?”
“Nah. They don’t care. Just go on in. I’ll wait for you here.”
She climbed out of the car and walked quickly inside. She scanned the place for the bathroom, finally spotting it tucked into the corner close to the pick-up counter. She went inside and found an empty booth. It didn’t take her long to change. She emerged from the booth and stared at herself in the massive mirror. It wasn’t often that she saw so much of herself at once. She was surprised to see that she’d forgotten to take her kapp off. It made her look like she was wearing some kind of bizarre costume. Jeans and a kapp.
With a rueful grimace, she pulled out the bobby pins and took it off, tucking it inside her pocket. She set her Amish clothes on the edge of the sink and pulled the pins from her hair, letting the thick bronze curls fall over her shoulders. She was proud of her hair, even though she knew God wouldn’t be pleased at her vanity. But she’d always liked the way it felt as she ran her fingers through it. And she liked the gentle curls as it fell over her shoulders.
She wondered what it would feel like now, to have it loose all the time. She shook her head and tossed a few strands over her shoulder. She’d observed her Englisch friends toss their hair over their shoulders plenty of times. She paused, gazed into her own eyes, and then tossed her hair again. Her face went red.
What was she thinking? Standing in front of a mirror ogling herself. She stepped back but couldn’t take her eyes from the mirror. Who was she anymore? She hardly recognized herself. Well, no matter. Wasn’t this what she wanted?
She blinked and felt her eyes grow moist. Why in the world did she feel like crying when she was married now and everything was working out as she’d hoped? Why in the world did she feel a sadness sitting in her stomach like a forgotten cornerstone?
The bathroom door blasted open and two teenage girls burst through laughing uproariously. They gave Sarah a quick glance and then ignored her, pushing and shoving each other as their laughter increased. Sarah snatched up her clothes and fled back to the car.
Eric turned in his seat to admire her. “You look better.”
Sarah nodded, but doubt wormed through her. Did she look better? Different, for sure and for certain. But, better?
Eric reached over and ran his fingers through her hair. “It’s beautiful down like that.”
She looked at him, her new husband. She looked at him and felt a rush of love.
He leaned over and kissed her gently. Her stomach did a flip as his kiss turned more probing. He pulled her to his side of the car and kept kissing her. His arms were strong around her, pulling her closer still. Her mind balked. Kissing like that in public? Why, anyone in the world could see them. She stiffened, and he let go.
“What’s wrong? We’re married now, you know.”
Her breathing was uneven, and she swallowed hard to clear the lump from her throat. Eric looked puzzled, and she thought she detected a bit of impatience in his expression.
“Ach, I’m sorry. I’m not used to … well, not used to…”
“PDA, right?”
Her brows arched in confusion.
“Public displays of affection.”
She nodded. Why was she feeling so uncomfortable all of a sudden? She had expected to feel nothing but giddy happiness on her marriage day. But the feelings tumbling through her right then were a far cry from happiness. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears not to come.
“What’s wrong, Sarah?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. Do you think we can go home?”
With those words, another horrifying thought struck her. Just where was home now? In her haste to leave Ohio, she hadn’t even asked him where they’d live.
Eric blew out his breath and pressed his lips together.
“Do your pare
nts know yet?”
“No.” When she started to protest, he held up his hand. “Don’t worry. I have plans to tell them.”
“But where will we stay?” Panic mounted through Sarah, and her voice rose in pitch. “Where are we going to go?”
Eric grabbed her shoulder. “Sarah! Will you calm down? I have it under control.”
“But where—”
“We’re staying in my buddy’s lake cabin. Just for a while.”
“Lake cabin?”
“It’s not far from Hollybrook. About a half hour. It’s not exactly his, but it’s his parents’. So we’ll be fine there.”
He gave her a hopeful look, but she saw the nervousness on his face.
“For how long?” she asked.
“Just till I work everything out with my parents.”
She took a shuddering breath and slumped back into the seat. “All right.”
“It’s going to be fine. I promise.”
She nodded. Eric was her husband now, and she had a duty to be obedient. “All right, Eric. Let’s go.”
Eric’s smile was wide as he turned back to the ignition and started the car. Sarah closed her eyes and decided to sleep on the way there. That way, she’d be in better condition to settle into their new home and begin her tasks as a wife.
She rubbed her hand over her stomach. And not very far in the future, to begin her tasks as a mother.
Chapter Four
Sarah awoke to the crunch of gravel. She roused herself and gazed out the car window. They were in a little community of log cabins, many of them looking identical. The one Eric pulled up to had two large windows in the front and an ample porch with two rockers sitting on it.
“Oh, it looks nice,” Sarah said.
“This is it. Home sweet home.”
Eric jumped out of the car and came around to her side, helping her out. Her legs felt cramped, and her back was stiff, but there was an excitement in her heart that propelled her forward.
“It’s lovely,” she said. She hurried to the porch steps and climbed them quickly. She sat down on one of the rockers. “This is just like home. I love rockers on the front porch.”
Eric joined her, carrying her suitcase and one of his own. “I’ve got the key. Let’s go in.”
He unlocked the door, and they entered a dark, cold room. Sarah shivered and put her arms around herself. “Ach, it’s freezing in here.”
“No worries. I’ll get the heat on.” Eric flipped on the lights and looked around. Then he walked to a small box on the wall and fiddled with it. “Should heat up in no time, now.”
Sarah nodded toward the fireplace. “Can we have a fire?”
“Don’t see why not. Let’s look around first.”
“Haven’t you been here before?”
“Once or twice. When I was about seven.” He laughed. “Come on.”
He took her hand and pulled her through the room which served as both the front room and kitchen. The furniture looked old and a bit dusty but comfortable enough. The kitchen area had everything. A fridge, a stove, counters, and a sink. Sarah smiled to herself. Soon, she’d be cooking for Eric right there on that very spot.
The walls were logs and there were a few photos hung about, but not much else. Sarah shuddered when she spotted a gun mounted above the mantel. The floors were polished wood, and she noted there were occasional rag rugs strewn about. She wondered whether they had been bought from the Amish. Eric was still pulling on her arm, leading her to the back of the cabin where there were two bedrooms and a bathroom, complete with a shower.
“This is where I slept,” Eric said, stepping inside the far bedroom. He pointed to the bottom bunk of one of two bunkbeds. “Right there on that bed.”
He led her to the next bedroom where there was a large bed in the center of the room. “But here is where we’ll sleep.”
She looked at the fluffy pillows and the piled blankets and wanted to crawl right in and sleep for a week. But Eric drew her into a hug and kissed her neck and cheeks and lips.
Despite herself, she backed away slightly, and then realizing what she was doing, she kissed him with more fervor. She couldn’t have Eric think she didn’t love him anymore, now, could she? Especially right after their wedding.
Wedding? Was that short bit of time in the judge’s impersonal quarters a wedding?
Eric responded to her renewed fervor and hugged her so tightly, her feet left the floor. He began to laugh, and she joined him.
“We’re actually married. Can you believe it?” he asked.
“Nee. I can’t.” She touched the soft curl behind his ear. Then she ran her hand over the back of his neck.
He moaned and clasped her more tightly.
“We should unpack,” she said.
“What? Now?” he asked, his voice husky. But upon seeing her expression, he acquiesced. “Fine. I’ll go get the bags.”
Sarah walked to the bed and sat down. It was just as comfortable as it looked. She pulled down the covers and kicked off her shoes. Within seconds, she was nestled inside, her eyelids heavy.
Eric returned with a bag in each hand. “Whoa! You’re already in bed?”
She closed her eyes and nodded. She heard him drop the bags and the next thing she knew he was climbing into bed on the far side. He wiggled over until he was holding her. “Sarah?” he asked.
“Mmm?”
“Sarah?” His voice was a bit louder. “Don’t fall asleep yet.”
But she couldn’t help it. She was asleep within seconds.
When Sarah awoke, it was dark and there was a distinct chill in the air. She stared into the shadows, trying to place where she was, and then it came back to her in a rush. She was in someone’s lake cabin with Eric. Her husband. She smiled and stretched, wondering what time it was. On the bedside stand there was a digital clock. It flashed two-thirty-five in red.
It was the middle of the night. She pulled back the covers and got up. She needed to go to the bathroom badly. If she remembered correctly, the bathroom was right next door—although she couldn’t be sure, for the night before had been somewhat of a blur. She fumbled through the hall and found the bathroom easily. She didn’t turn on any lights, as she was used to the dark at night. Only rarely did she light a candle or a lantern during the wee hours. Sometimes, she used a flashlight if the batteries were still good.
Nevertheless, she didn’t need any light to find her way back to the bedroom. She climbed into bed and stretched her arm tentatively across the sheets, feeling for Eric, but his side of the bed was empty. She sat up and patted his side more thoroughly, thinking she must have missed him. But no, he wasn’t there.
She got back up and felt her way into the front room. Dim light stole through the windows, making shadowy patterns on the floor. She paused, letting her eyes adjust. A faint rhythmic breathing sounded from the couch to her right. She tiptoed closer and leaned down. Eric was sprawled there, fast asleep. Why was he sleeping in the front room? She pulled an afghan from the back of the couch and laid it over him gently, careful not to wake him.
She didn’t return immediately to bed. Instead, she stood on the cold floor, watching the shape of her husband as he slept. An overwhelming tenderness filled her, and she couldn’t resist touching him. She got down on her knees next to the couch and laid her head on his shoulder. He stirred slightly but didn’t awaken.
“I love you,” she whispered. But the air was too cold, and she needed to get under the covers. With a last lingering look at Eric, she stood and went back to bed.
The next morning, Eric nudged her. “Sarah? Sarah, you awake?”
She opened her bleary eyes and smiled up at him. “I’m awake.”
“Let’s eat. I’m starving.”
She wriggled to a sitting position. “I’ll make breakfast.” She quickly threw back the covers and got up.
“Uh, we have a little problem,” Eric said.
“What’s that?”
“There’s no food in the ho
use.”
Sarah frowned. “Nothing? No eggs? Bacon? Flour? Nothing?”
“I searched and found a couple cans of veggie soup. That’s it.”
Sarah padded out to the kitchen. “Then, we’ll have veggie soup,” she said.
It didn’t take long to warm up the cans of soup. Sarah was disappointed that the first breakfast she served her new husband was so inappropriate. She’d dreamed of making a true Amish breakfast for him, hearty food that would stick to his ribs.
And make him glad he married me, she thought with a blush.
“Can we go in for groceries today?” Sarah asked, picking up their empty bowls. Her family always shopped at the Feed & Supply, but she could hardly show her face there. In truth, she was going to have to be careful about showing her face anywhere. If the fact that she was back in the Hollybrook area got to her parents, she wasn’t sure what might happen.
She washed the bowls and set them in the rack to drain. Now that she pondered it, she truly didn’t know what would happen. Would her parents come for her? Or would they simply banish her from their lives?
The whole idea was unsettling. She took the dishrag and ran it swiftly over the table, cleaning up the few drips left behind.
“I don’t have a whole lot of money. I used most of it at Burger Bites,” Eric said. “Do you have any?”
“A little. Won’t buy many groceries, though.”
Eric moved to an armchair and sat down. “I’m going to have to go to my parents.”
“Will they be mad?”
“At first.”
“Am I going with you?”
“No!” he said. She flinched at the speed of his answer.
“But why? Won’t they want to meet me?”
“Look Sarah, I’m not sure how things work with you Amish, but I’ve got to ease them into this. They’ll come around, don’t worry. But I need to do it slowly.”
“I’m not sure what slowly even means.”
Amish Romance: Annie's Story: Three Book Box Set Page 9
