“You’ve been short with me. You’ve made snide comments AND you chose pain without even consulting me.”
I snickered. “Well, that is the name of the game, Magnus. I was just playing the game.”
“At my expense.”
“Hey, I had to do pain too.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t know that when you selected pain for me.”
“You’re being too sensitive. I was just playing the game and I suggest you do the same.”
“That’s hard to do when my partner has a personal vendetta against me. I thought I had to worry about the other contestants, but no, the person out to get me is the one person who should be supporting me.”
“Stop with the accusations. It’s all in your head. I’m not out to get you. What reason would I have to be out to get you?”
“I have no idea and you won’t talk to me long enough for me to find out. You haven’t really talked to me since that night we—”
I instantly turned around and hushed him. “I don’t want to talk about that. And why does what happened between us that night even matter? You moved on quickly. And to add insult to injury, you moved on to the one person in this world I consider a friend.”
He instantly became defensive. “Why do you care who I date? You didn’t want to date me, remember?”
“I don’t care who you date. I don’t care about you at all. You just have some nerve to date one of my friends.”
“I didn’t know she was your friend when I met her.”
“Well, you found out eventually.”
“And when I found out, I tried to ask you how you felt about it and you told me you didn’t care. Remember that?” I thought back to the texts I’d received from him when he’d started dating Violet, which I had pointedly ignored and then responded with, “It’s none of my business.” God, I had been really abrupt with him, yet still blamed him for everything. My anger was irrational and misplaced, but I didn’t care.
“I mean, yeah. I don’t care who you date. It’s just a matter of decency.” There wasn’t much conviction in my tone. I didn’t even believe me.
“Quit with the lame excuses. Either you care or you don’t. Being wishy washy doesn’t suit you.”
“And being an arrogant jerk definitely suits you.”
“Me? I’m the jerk? You think I’m the one with the problem?”
“Clearly.”
“I thought you were different. I thought you were logical and reasonable.”
For some reason, those words stunned. “I’m both those things, but that doesn’t excuse you from doing something hurtful.”
“Oh, so now we’re finally getting somewhere. Me dating someone else is hurtful?”
“What? No. That’s not what I meant at all.”
“So what did you mean?”
I sighed in defeat. I didn’t know what I was saying. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t know what I wanted. Actually, I did know what I wanted but I didn’t know what to do since now I couldn’t have it.
I wanted Magnus’s attention. I wanted to date him, spend time with him. He should have been going out with me. Not Violet. Never Violet. Didn’t he see that? I felt like the ugly, geeky friend. I felt insecure again. The makeover hadn’t helped. Deep down inside I was still that teenage girl, unsure of herself, trying to live up to everyone’s expectations without knowing what her expectations were for herself.
I couldn’t tell Magnus what I wanted because I didn’t even know what I wanted.
I was a mess. I had to figure me out, but in the meantime, I needed someone to blame for my misery and that someone had been Magnus. He didn’t deserve that. He’d been nothing but gentlemanly and kind to me. It wasn’t his fault that I was going through some sort of crisis. And it wasn’t his fault that in the middle of getting to know myself, I had fallen head over heels in love with him.
I felt the tension ease from my shoulders as I allowed those words to sink in. I was in love with Magnus and for some reason, being in love with him was bringing out the worst in me. Who was I kidding? That wasn’t Magnus’s fault. I just didn’t know how to deal with this new feeling, this new emotion. I’d never been in love. And instead of being open to it and allowing Magnus to have a place in my life, I’d pushed him away. Our current situation was my doing. All of it. And it was about time I started taking accountability for it. It was time I grew up and stopped acting like a petulant child.
But where did I start? I’d been pretty horrible to him. I took a deep breath and just said what was in my heart. Well, not all of it. I wasn’t ready for all of it yet. “Listen, I like you a lot, Magnus. And I respect you. I’m sorry that I’ve made things difficult between us for the past couple of weeks.”
Magnus’s shoulders instantly lost their tension too and his expression softened.
“I like you a lot, too. And it was never my intention to hurt you.”
I nodded. “I understand that.”
“So maybe we can work on being friends?”
I didn’t want to be just his friend though. I knew that for sure. But friendship was what he was offering. So I would take it.
“I would like that,” I said softly.
“Great.”
We stood there just staring at each other, neither of us knowing what to say from there. The chemistry between us was unmistakable and yet, at least on my end, there was nothing I could do about it.
I looked away first. “I’m going to go scrub off all this slime.”
“That’s a good idea.” His voice was soft and his eyes clearly said he wanted to say more but wasn’t going to.
There was a little bit of mud, I realized, right below his ear. I reached out and attempted to dust it off when he caught my hand in his.
“Lesli, I—”
“You guys are still here? Better get a move on. We’re set to start filming the next group,” said one of the production assistants.
“Sorry. I’m just heading that way...” my voice trailed off and I realized that Magnus was still holding my hand.
I tugged my hand away from his slowly.
“I’ll see you,” I said, and then with a voice that didn’t hide my regret, I added, “You shouldn’t keep Violet waiting. She’s not the most patient person.”
He nodded and smiled a little although he looked lost in thought. “You’re right about that.”
He turned and I watched him walk away as the production assistant whisked me away.
“Hey, Lesli,” he called to me, turning back again.
“Yeah?”
“I...” he shook his head and tried again. “I—I’ll call you.”
I smiled, knowing that he wanted to say much more. “I’ll answer.”
He turned away then and walked toward the studio exit and I sighed deeply. I didn’t know love was so complicated, but then again, it probably hadn’t needed to be. I’d messed up. And now I didn’t know how to fix it. And even if I did fix it, I’d end up hurting a friend in the process. Feeling defeated, I let the busybody production assistant escort me to the dressing room. I could wash off the ickiness of the day, but unfortunately, getting rid of the icky emotions I was feeling wasn’t going to be as easy.
Chapter Eleven
“I can’t believe I’m wearing these,” Emmaline said as she pulled on the edges of her shorts. They were super short. I was surprised that her butt managed to stay in them.
“They’re hot pants. They’re supposed to be short,” Misha responded as she shifted uncomfortably in her shoes.
“I feel like my privates can’t breathe.”
“They’re not supposed to feel comfortable,” Misha said again, “They’re supposed to be sexy. Stop complaining.”
Misha then started yanking at the fabric of her dress which kept riding up her thighs. “This stupid dress won’t stay down.”
“Oh, so it’s alright for you to complain, but not me. Point taken,” Emmaline said as she fought with her shorts.
“Ladies,
ladies, let’s not fight,” Lacey said, stepping around the car. We all looked at her and couldn’t help but laugh. Ever since she had shown up dressed like a member of the Bee Gees from the seventies, we couldn’t keep it together.
She had on a curly blonde wig, tight bell-bottom pants and a shiny, blue metallic shirt. She was also about six inches taller since she was wearing platform heels.
“My feet already hurt,” she complained. “You guys are lucky you’re wearing go-go boots.”
“Yes, I’m lucky that my feet are covered, but my butt might fall out any time.”
“Well, if it falls out, I’ll tell you,” Lacey said, clearly tired of the complaining.
Emmaline was Lacey’s other best friend whom she’d met in college. Emmaline, Misha, and Lacey were a dynamic trio and closer than most sisters I knew.
I adored them and seeing them all bicker with each other brought back fond memories.
“It would be a fun break from the kids, you’d said,” complained Misha.
“It’s going to be so fun, you’d said,” complained Emmaline.
“And instead we look like very old and very unsuccessful prostitutes,” finished Misha, finally giving up on tugging her skirt down. I directed my eyes away. She was dangerously close to flashing everyone.
Lacey tossed her hands up. “Well, this is what happens when you don’t go with me to pick out your costumes. I gave you guys a chance and you were all like, ‘Just pick whatever, Lacey,’” she said in a whiny tone. “So I picked whatever.”
“As punishment—” Misha said.
“You know, I don’t like your tone. I’m giving all of you a break from suburbia and this is how you thank me?”
“I thought you were going to get me a fairy costume?” Emmaline whined.
“Yeah, and I thought I was going to be Gene Simmons from Kiss,” Misha said, folding her arms over her chest, which made her dress rise a tiny bit more. Yep, she was wearing polka dot panties, and by the end of the night everyone in the building would know it.
“You guys. It’s a seventies themed party. None of those costumes would have made sense.”
There was more grumbling of unhappiness when suddenly Lacey stomped her foot, making me laugh, and said, “Listen, we’re not here for us. We’re here to provide some moral support. Ok. Is that clear?”
Emmaline, Misha, and I looked at each other and then back at Lacey. “What are you talking about? Moral support for who?”
Lacey pointed at me. “For Lesli. Do you guys just tune out when I talk or something? I mean this is ridiculous.”
“What? Why do I need moral support? What are you even talking about?” I was totally caught off guard. I felt like I spent nearly every day since leaving West Virginia caught off guard in some way or form.
“Because your best friend, you know, Violet, is dating your man!” Lacey said in disbelief as if she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more upset.
“What?” Misha growled. She looked ready to fight someone.
“Seriously? What kind of friend is she?” Emmaline added. “Stealing your man!”
“I never trusted Violet, what a bi—” Misha didn’t even know Violet.
I put my hands in the air and cut off Misha before she could continue. “Don’t say it. Because she’s not a you-know-what. She asked me if I would mind if she dated Magnus and I don’t. I really, really don’t. I mean, I didn’t at the time. But whatever, it’s my own fault. So all this—” I began gesturing to the three of them in costume. “Is unnecessary. I’m fine. The situation is under control, ok? It’s fine.”
“She’s in denial,” Emmaline said, shaking her head.
“I’m not in denial,” I protested.
“No. You are, but don’t worry,” Lacey said, looking at me as if she pitied me. “We’re all here for you.”
I shook my head. “Seriously guys, I’m fine.”
But I wasn’t fine. I was far from it. I wasn’t ok with Violet dating Magnus or Magnus dating Violet. I was just pretending that I was when actually it tore me up inside.
I thought being on friendly terms with Magnus would make the hurt go away, but it hadn’t. As I’d promised that day after our first Brain Pain challenge, I’d answered his call. And every day for the past week, we’d talked. Some days we talked so long, I fell asleep on the phone. We were behaving like infatuated teenagers, talking to each other until the break of dawn most evenings. It would have been romantic if it weren’t for the fact our conversations never strayed to that zone. We were strictly friends and I was careful to keep it that way. After all, Magnus was still dating Violet. I didn’t want to betray my friend even though I sort of was by having an emotional affair with the man she was dating.
But just talking to Magnus made me feel more alive than anything else. We talked about the most ridiculous subjects and I learned so much about him. We talked about aliens and pseudo-anthropology. We talked about old sci-fi TV shows and our favorite characters. For two people who’d grown up in two very different worlds, we had a lot in common. And I felt it was fate that we met. Which was silly, because I didn’t believe in fate until I’d realized I was in love with Magnus.
“You’re too good for Magnus anyway. His loss, not yours,” Lacey said suddenly.
“Really? A few weeks ago you were saying he was such a good catch.”
“I’m running on two hours of sleep most days, so just ignore everything I say.” Lacey turned to the others. “Ok. It’s time to put Operation Magnus into action.”
There were a few half-hearted cheers from Emmaline and Misha who were still trying to adjust their clothing but to no effect. The costumes were garish and there was no getting around it.
“You guys...” Lacey said, her voice dropping in warning that she was getting angry.
“What?”
“Operation Magnus,” she snapped.
“What’s Operation Magnus? I thought this was just a girls’ night out.”
“Yeah, I just wanted to eat ice cream at your place and watch Netflix uninterrupted.”
“We’re supposed to infiltrate the party, find Magnus, tell him he’s making a big mistake, and then lock Violet out of the room so Magnus and Lesli can reconcile.”
“What? That’s a terrible plan.” Misha was the abrupt one. She always spoke her mind. I think it was the tough city girl upbringing that made her that way.
Emmaline, the ever-practical friend, shook her head. “You’ve been watching too many romantic comedies.”
“What? No, I haven’t. I mean... they’re on late at night when I’m up with the baby...” She paused and said, “Oh God, look at us. You’re right. I think I saw this in a romantic comedy. I’m officially losing my mind.”
Lacey looked sadly down at her outfit.
“Yes, you’re totally losing your mind,” Misha said. “But let’s not ruin the night. Erik is home with the kids tonight so I’m making the most of it. I might actually have a few drinks.”
“Me too,” Emmaline said, finally leaving her shorts alone.
“But first ladies, I need some jeans... I can’t flash people all night. I do have some standards.”
“I have a pair of sweats in the backseat. Hold on.”
Lacey started rummaging through her backseat, tossing various baby items out of the way as she did. With much fanfare, she pulled the sweatpants from the back of her car. “Ta-da!”
“You’re the best,” Misha said, snatching them from her hands. She put them on quickly and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Nice look... It has that whole stay-at-home mom meets—”
“1970s prostitute?”
We all began to laugh and I was happy for the light-hearted moment until a limousine pulled up to the curb. I instantly recognized who it belonged to. After all, there was only one like it in the country, maybe the world, even.
The driver came around and opened the door as we all watched. As I figured, Violet stumbled out in go-go boots, white hot pants and a cropped sh
eer, white top. She saw us and gave us a wave and started approaching us. She looked fantastic, of course. I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo in comparison.
“Love the costumes, ladies,” she said. She frowned when she saw Misha. “What’s up with the sweatpants? Get rid of them and show some legs.”
“No, thanks. I don’t want to catch a cold or something.”
Violet laughed. “That’s something my grandma would say. No offense—”
“No offense taken,” Misha said with a tight smile. I was surprised Misha was able to control herself. Clearly, she was offended by Violet’s comment, but she’d managed to restrain herself. Having children had apparently mellowed her.
I noticed then that Magnus didn’t get out.
“Didn’t Magnus come with you?” I asked, unable to help myself.
“Oh, he’s showing up later. He had some business to take care of. He’s kind of a bore. Always working. I thought dating a billionaire would be much more exciting, but it’s been pretty much boredom after boredom. I had to practically beg him to come to this party.” She shook her head. “Sad, isn’t it?”
“Tragic,” I muttered.
“Anyway, let’s go get this party started! Wooohooo!”
We cheered too, with about a quarter of her enthusiasm, and then headed up the steps into the community center where the party was being held. It was a party held every year by a nonprofit who provided leadership training to other nonprofits in the city. Every year, various nonprofits in the area gathered for the party. It was the perfect networking event and the shindig attracted quite a few newscasters and famous people. Apparently, everyone wanted to be seen giving back to a good cause. Tickets weren’t cheap. All employees for the nonprofits got in free, but everyone else paid a whopping $100 per plate. The proceeds were then awarded by a vote to the nonprofit deemed most deserving. I hoped Ophelia’s Angels won, but I was biased. I loved working there.
The music was loud and pumping. To my surprise, there were already people on the dance floor, busting moves to seventies hits. Maya was there in full seventies dress, complete with crutches, and she instantly pulled me on the dance floor as soon as she saw me. She started dancing around me, yelling out, “Go, Lesli! Gom Lesli! Go, go, go, Lesli!” And soon a circle had formed around us with other people cheering me on. I looked to Lacey, Emmaline, or Misha to save me, but they were all at the bar. Then Violet joined us and the three of us jiggled and wiggled around. I found myself laughing and actually having a good time.
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