by C. M. Marin
My brain seems to need time to swallow what she all just said. Forgive him? But didn’t I already? My eyes narrowing on the table, I think about it for a moment. The only answer I can come up with is that I don’t know. I have no idea. Maybe I’ve been so focused on wondering whether there was a way for me to forget what he’s done to us that I never even thought about forgiveness. And maybe that’s what I should focus on. Maybe I should try and let go of the bitterness that resurfaces every time I see him. For my sake, but for his as well. He hurt me, yes. Deeply, even. But in the end, I must admit that seeing the man I love going through the days without the light that’s always shone in his eyes hurts me so much more.
Chapter 16
Jayce
“Hey, Karl.” I slap a hand on his back before I sit on the stool beside him at the bar. “Already back?”
Cody said he was supposed to be back home from his deliveries in California and Arizona around lunch time, and it’s not even 10am.
“Sort of drove like a motherfucker on my way back,” he concedes, smirking.
He does that sometimes, though only when he’s already handed the bikes to the clients. Not only do the bikes need to get to their destination in a perfect state, but roadside checks happen. Even if you respect every rule, they can still make you pull over. And even though our bikes have fake serial numbers looking as real as any real ones and cops don’t bother to look into them further, there is no point in taking any risk.
“All good with the shipments?”
“No problem. Got them to the clients in San Diego and Phoenix in time. Clients were happy. All good,” he summarizes. “Now I have a full week off until next delivery.”
Karl is on the road more often than not, traveling to nearby states for one of the essential parts of our business. He’s always taken on the job alone, but if shit keeps escalating with the Spiders, we’ll need to think about sending someone with him until things calm down.
“What about here? I literally just got back, so I haven’t seen anyone yet. Any luck on finding something to prove the fuckers had something to do with what happened?
He was around when Alex got shot but not when the attack here happened. Someone always keeps him updated on club business, though. He’s part of the inner circle, even if he’s rarely here for meetings and stuff. But just like Cody and Brent, he’s drawn back a little since what happened to my family. When you take a close look at it, it’s like that one awful event changed every single thing in my life as well as in the club’s organization. I suppose it’s not that surprising. I’m not the only one who lost them. We all did. Things couldn’t possibly stay the same. The biggest change, surely, was me not sliding into the president cut. My head wasn’t straight enough to be voted president, so I asked the guys not to say my name. They all said Nate’s, just as I did. And at the same time, the older members decided to step back and let the younger members start running the club just like when Isaac had handed the reins to my dad when he was barely older than Nate is now.
“Not fucking any,” I answer his question, almost snarling the damn truth. “But we will. I don’t care how long it takes. They won’t get away with any of this. Ben and Blane have an eye on their clubhouse right now, and I’m about to head there with Melvin. I’ll watch their shithole for a few hours, until I pick Alex up from work. Every time I’m there, I hope I’ll see something helpful. No luck so far.”
“We should have ended that club a long fucking time ago,” he sighs, regret heavy in his tone.
“No one could have known what would happen.”
“Yeah,” he admits rather reluctantly. “Anyway… So, you let Alex have her way with her job, then? Heard she wouldn’t back down,” he snickers.
I groan. “It’s not like she ever listened to me. And it’s even worse now. Not that it’s anyone’s fault but mine, but hell, she’s a pain.”
He laughs, but a sad veil clouds his eyes for a moment when he says, “Your dad would be glad to see her back home, though.”
Nodding, I agree. “Yeah, I think he would.”
“Here ya go.”
Setting a full, steaming plate onto the bar in front of Karl, Lilly smiles at us.
After taking a deep intake of air through his nose right above the eggs and bacon, Karl asks her on a wink, “Did I tell you how glad I am that your cooking skills are back in town? If Cody had brought you to the club back in the day, none of my brothers would have let you run out of town.”
Quickly concealing the flash of sadness that whips through her eyes at the memory of what happened all those years ago, she answers as Karl takes his first bite. “You did, and I’m still trying to find the compliment in that.” She winks at him before her attention swings to me. “Do you want some breakfast, too? There are also waffles ready.”
I climb off my stool and tell her, “I have to go before Ben starts to shoot me and Melvin tons of texts, but I’ll grab some waffles for later.”
“Oh, let me fix you a bag like I did for Melvin. And a thermos of coffee,” she adds.
Karl chuckles. “You know they’re not going to some picnic shit?”
“I know they’ll need to focus on the same thing for several hours, and that can be tiring. Coffee will help.”
I pat Karl’s back while he shakes his head, a smile still on his face. “See you later, man.”
“Be careful,” he retorts.
“Sure.”
After getting the waffles and coffee from Lilly, I head to the warehouse, sighing at the thought of the few hours ahead of me. Lilly’s right about the coffee being a good idea to keep us awake and focused, but I’m afraid it won’t help shit if my thoughts keep straying to Alex, like they have since I saw her leaving the club with Liam earlier this morning. Besides the day she went to Dallas with Liam, today is the first day I won’t be able to put my eyes on her anytime I want or be a few strides away from her at all times, since she got out of the hospital. And to make things worse, she’s in a building where anyone can get the fuck in anytime they please. Sure, even the Spiders wouldn’t be dumb enough to snatch someone around a shitload of witnesses―though I wouldn’t be dumb enough myself to bet my dick on that one―but unease swarms in my damn bones anyway, knowing she’s there on her own.
Melvin’s already leaning against the SUV when I get to the warehouse, the keys dangling from his finger as he plays with them absently.
“Want to drive?” I ask him.
“Sure.”
“Let’s move, then.”
I pull out my phone as soon I’ve climbed in the passenger seat, and I type away. I’ve restrained myself long enough.
Me: You good?
Two damn minutes pass before my phone buzzes.
Alex: As good as I was the first time you texted, right after I made it to work about three hours ago. My very short break is about to be over and I won’t spend all my breaks texting you, I’m warning you. You’re lucky I even turn my phone on during breaks.
Looks like I’ve already pissed her off. I grin.
Me: If you stop keeping me posted on how you’re doing, I’ll have to stop by the hospital to make sure you’re okay.
Alex: And if you set foot in here, I’ll have to tear your balls off your body, and it won’t be pretty.
Me: At least it’d mean you touched them, baby.
Alex: I can touch them with my knee later if you’re so eager. And only out of the kindness of my heart.
I can’t help but grin again. Fucking God, I love this girl.
* * *
We gave some slack to the lockdown tonight, so the club is a little more alive than it has been for a long while. It’s not the wildest party we’ve ever had, but strippers have come, along with a few club girls, and it has become quite busy over the past hour. After almost two months of being mostly secluded in here idling around or working on our bikes, we needed to see some movement again between these walls. Well, I personally could have done without it, but the guys needed to unwind from al
l the shit that has gone down lately. Some of them have gone out to strip clubs or bars, always in groups in case they’d get ambushed, but only occasionally.
“Where’s Alex?” Colleen asks Camryn. “She told me she works 6am to 3pm this week.”
Both girls are sitting on the couch across from me and Ben, their attention engrossed in Cam’s phone. Nate is right beside her, glued to her as he always is when we throw a party. They both came back twenty minutes ago after picking up Colleen from the airport. She’s been visiting more and more often over the past couple of months.
“She was doing some yoga when we left for the airport. I don’t know if she’s finished,” Cam answers.
“She’s upstairs taking a shower,” I tell them.
“She said you’re going to work on her book this weekend,” Cam says.
“As much as we can,” she agrees.
Good to hear. Alex’s first week at work is over, and she’s off for the weekend. Thank God. But even if I wish she’d let me spend every minute of it with her so I could try to get her to forgive me, I want her to work on her book just as much. And I’m not going to lie, there’s a selfish reason to that. Sure, I’d love nothing more for her to see her dreams come true someday, whatever the dream is. I only ever wanted for her to get anything that’s going to make her happy. But over the past five days, I’ve literally prayed for her dream of becoming an author to come true. And quickly, if possible. Is it a realistic expectation? No idea, and I don’t care. Because the past five days have been hell. I can’t imagine the next five, so envisioning the next five weeks, or months… Hell. I’ll go out of my mind every time I see her cross the front door, over and over again. She’s too exposed walking around in that hospital. Especially when shit is going on. Forcing her to quit wouldn’t be fair because she likes her job, but she’d more than like writing books for a living. She’d love it. I’ll just have to wait for that opportunity to strike.
“How’s it going? The book?” I ask Colleen.
“Great. It’s going great. It’s also going slowly, though. I can’t work on it more than a couple of hours a day at most. Not that her manuscript will need weeks of work, but it’s best if we can talk about eventual changes in real time, you know? And with her job and shitty schedules, finding time even for phone calls will be a challenge. And it seems like my boss somehow got the impression that being crushed under overtime work has been a long-life dream, so… Yeah, time is precious these days.”
That’s when she comes up for air.
I’ve gotten to learn small bits about Colleen every time she’s here. One of them being that you can’t expect a short answer from her when you ask her a question. I’ve never met someone who talks this much.
“This girl has talent,” she adds, nodding emphatically before her gaze lowers back to Cam’s phone. “Oh, this one looks nice. Click on it,” she says to her.
No idea what they’re looking at. They’re probably surfing on some online shopping site. As long as it saves me from boring trips to the mall, I’m all for online shopping. There’s no way we can let them go wander into a crowded mall without eyes on them. Not yet anyway.
“But you always say no, now. You haven’t said yes in months.”
Some chick standing next to Ben just whined that, sounding like a damn child, with an annoying nasal voice. Apparently, she made him an offer he refused.
“Well, sugar,” he starts on a shrug, not even looking her way. “My dick just won’t stir an inch when it sees you. What can I do about it?” he tells her in a fake apologetic tone.
Cam rolls her eyes at his bluntness, but he can’t see it because his eyes are locked on Colleen’s as she stares back at him. Then she cuts off the eye contact, her attention veering back to Cam’s phone as the chick huffs her displeasure and moves away, her heels clicking on the floor. But she doesn’t go very far.
“What about you, handsome?”
A hand sliding down my arm informs me that her purred words are meant for me.
I glance at the chick’s manicured hand with way too long and hideous pink nails, and then I look up at her face that I’m not sure would look the same without the layers of make-up coating it. Slowly but firmly enough to get through her head that I don’t want her fingers touching me, I grasp her wrist and pull her hand away from my arm before letting it go.
“Not interested,” I tell her just in case the gesture wasn’t explicit enough for her.
“Oh now… I can take that tense edge off in no time,” she purrs again.
She doesn’t put her hands back on me but doesn’t give up either. She’s persistent, I’ll give the chick that.
“He said he’s not interested. Clear enough, isn’t it?”
All gazes swerve toward Alex’s harsh, sarcastic voice, including mine.
She’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, just a few feet away from us, dressed in some tight jeans and a simple red top hugging her breasts. With her dark hair falling heavily on her shoulders, she’s stunning. And pissed. Because even if she seems calm and composed on the outside, her eyes radiate that she’s pissed off. More precisely, they scream jealousy. Which turns me on instantly. But only until I catch the glare bleeding of disdain that the chick throws Alex’s way just briefly before dismissing her to turn her attention back to me. Then I’m the one getting pissed.
“Get lost, now,” I growl right before whatever line she intended to spoil my ears with can get out of her mouth.
She plays it all off with a casual shrug when we all know bitterness is burning inside her.
“I’ll be around if you change your mind.”
Fuck. These girls’ level of self-respect is so low it’s pathetic.
“Do you have issues with comprehension?” Alex asks her, now moving closer.
After a once-over that only angers me more, the chick says, “I didn’t know he was taken.”
You’d think that this kind of sentence would come out in an apologetic way, but it doesn’t. The chick even looks like all she wants is to kick Alex out of here. But my girl doesn’t cower. She never did. And something hasn’t changed. She’s still sexy as hell advising club girls that I’m not to be touched.
“He is,” she asserts sternly, making it crystal clear for her. “Now you can go back to your friends, and when you get there, tip them all off. There’s one less dick in here from now on.”
“It’s a shame. It was a nice one,” the bitch spews at her, and fury swells in Alex’s eyes.
That’s my cue to stand up before this can turn into an ugly girly fight. I’m not going to touch a girl, obviously, but my lips twitch to see the chick recoiling as she has to look up at me.
“How would you know that since I haven’t come near your ass or your friends’?” I point out dryly.
And obviously, she knows that, since she’s been hanging here for more than a year. Well, she should know, unless she fucks too many men to remember who they are. Stupid chick.
I never fucked club girls. Even before Alex. Back then, I’d go find one-night stands in bars. Club girls are here for one thing only, and it’s trying to tie the knot to a biker. I know it because my mother was one of them. A fucked-up girl who tried to trap my dad by getting pregnant. My dad was young and careless, sometimes skipping condoms in the heat of the moment. Until me. The girl thought that he would marry her and give her unlimited access to his bank account. Big mistake. What he did was set her up in a very comfortable and safe apartment in town, pay her rent, her bills, her food, her medical bills, and everything she needed to buy for me before I was even born. He told her that if I really was his―the DNA test was done after I was born―he’d be part of my life and take care of me. But he also told her that they’d never be together. The problem was, getting money to raise me wasn’t enough for her. Thing was, she didn’t want to raise me. So, she left right after I was born. Never to be seen again. I’m not bitter, though. I can honestly say that I was better off without that kind of parent. I’ve never
known where she is, and I’ve never cared.
“Not only that, but our superhero here hasn’t gotten near any ass in almost a year and a half,” Ben steps in.
What the fuck?
“Yep, yep, yep,” he chants, unaware that I’m seriously considering beating the shit out of one of my brothers. “Superhero has taken the matter into his own hand all this time,” he laughs like the hilarious fucker he thinks he is. “Super-fucking-hero.”
Glaring at this guy has always been useless, so I turn back to my girl. Her eyes are narrowed in confusion. Or incredulity. I can’t say.
“But I’m not counting when he fucked you the other day,” he points a finger to Alex.
“Shut it!” Liam barks before I can, informing us of his presence.
“Sorry big brother. Just meant that J has been a little less tense since then, that’s all.”
“It’s really hard to understand how they never punch you,” Colleen says, sounding in awe of that fact, and my brothers chuckle.
The chick isn’t around anymore, so I suppose she stormed away at some point. Good.
My focus is solely on Alex anyway. Two steps bring me to her, and I lift her, taking the risk of being kneed in the balls. But instead of trying to crush my cock with her knee, Alex folds her legs and arms around me tightly. Without a word, she lets me take her away from the crowded room.
But when I’ve walked up the stairs and keep heading to my room, she asks me with a dumbfounded yet hopeful voice. “You’ve been with no one all this time?”
“Only woman I want is you.”
Somehow, I always knew I’d go back to her. I didn’t know when―I didn’t even think about when―but somehow, my heart must have always known I’d go back to her. It’s always been her. I was screwed-up back then, but there never was anyone else.
When I get to my room, I wish I hadn’t locked it because of the party. My hand digs into my pocket until I take out the key, and it seems like I fumble with it and the door forever, especially since Alex’s lips are grazing a path on my neck up to my jaw, distracting me further. Once I finally get inside, I lock the door behind us and I have my girl trapped between me and the wall in the next breath.
