After what feels like hours, she comes out with a smile on her face and I automatically feel better. I knew she was overreacting. “I take it from that smile it was negative?”
She shakes her head. “Nope, it’s positive. I mean, as soon as my pee hit the stick it was telling me I was pregnant, but I instantly love this baby. No matter what happens between Lance and me, I will make it.”
I smile, hugging her. “Guess this is the month for babies, you know? Mark and Sarah are pregnant, too. I get to be the coolest aunt to not one but two little kids. I’m so happy! You going over to talk to Lance now?”
“I guess I have to. I’m nervous as shit. But if he doesn’t want us then it will be just me and little peanut.” She lays her hand on her flat stomach and grins at me.
“No, not just you and the baby. I will be there for you, too. But I don’t think Lance will ditch you. He’s grown up so much since we met him. He may freak out and need time to process it, but he’ll come around.” I hand Courtney her purse and keys and kiss her on the forehead. “Call me when you get done, and if you need anything, call or come back here. I’m not going to Reed’s tonight.”
“Hey, Hadley, are you okay? I was being so selfish, I didn’t think about how this may feel to you.”
“I am fine. Sure, it sucks that you girls are pregnant and I’m not sure I can ever have that, but I love you both so much, and if I can’t, I will spoil my nieces or nephews that much more.” I hug her once more. “I am so happy for you, truly. Now go and tell that sexy man of yours.”
“Hey, before I forget again, what did you think of Reed’s car?” Courtney wiggles her eyebrows.
“How did you know that?”
“Really, Hads? How long have you known me? Haven’t you learned by now that I find out everything?”
“Is that why you went from being anti-Reed to pro-Reed?”
Courtney shrugs. “Sorry. Well, actually, nope…not sorry in the slightest.”
“I think that was the moment I knew I could forgive him. Maybe not let him back into my heart yet, but it was a huge step toward it. He did that for me and I can’t believe it. But enough about Reed and me, you need to go and find Lance. No more talking about my love life while yours is changing for the better.”
“You are the best, you know that, right? I’ll call you the minute I leave him. I know you will worry if I don’t.” She waves and walks out the door.
Chapter 22
Reed
“You really ready for the ball and chain?” Lance looking at rings is just too hard to believe, and I can’t get over it. I never would’ve pegged both of them for a relationship and definitely not fucking happy about having a baby. Who would have thought, huh?
“Yeah, dude, I’m sure I would have asked her anyway. Courtney being pregnant is only making me want to do it faster. I love her and even after all these years, we have this shit between us that’s only getting stronger. We both are in the same spot now, not like before. Courtney is it, my chance, no doubt.”
I nod at his explanation. If only things with Hadley and me were there. But we have too much shit hanging between us, too much to get over before we even think about marriage. One day, we will get over it, but one day isn’t now.
“Hey, Rike, what do you think about this one?” Lance points at a huge single diamond.
The sales girl is rambling about the three c’s—whatever the hell that means. All I know is it looks like something Courtney would wear. “Yeah, I like it.”
Leaving the jewelry store, Lance has forty thousand less in his bank account and he’s a little paler than I think I have ever seen him. “You okay, man?”
“Yeah, just wondering when to actually do it.”
“Well, think about that all you want, let’s get out of here. I’m starving and Hadley is meeting us at the restaurant.”
“Bash called, he found out what he could about Bennett—not very much is there, though. He went to Harvard on scholarship, fucking smart. Not really many friends there except that doctor guy. He got married during school, divorced right after and she left him with nothing. Bash is trying to find her, but she apparently moved to England four years ago. He moved to Atlanta, started his business, and you pretty much know the rest. Man-whore, slept with as many chicks as he could. Bash said he is swimming up to his eyeballs in debt, company under investigation for some shady shit. Can’t see the Thomas’ doing any real business with him. I guess he likes strippers, some high-priced hookers, grade A coke, too. I don’t know what Hadley ever saw in him.”
“You’re telling me. Maybe use the hookers over him. I want to find out what he did to have his ex-wife leave the country; there may be something there, too. This fucker isn’t going to leave Hadley alone unless we force his ass to.”
I look up from talking to Lance and see Hads coming toward us at the table. “Enough about this shit—she doesn’t know any of this,” I whisper to him, and then smile up at Hadley right when she gets to the table. Hardest thing is to look into the girl’s eyes you love and know they are keeping a secret from you. But she isn’t ready for me to know, and damn it, if I don’t want to fuck it out of her. Although, it’s not about me knowing this shit, it’s about her telling me.
Hadley bends down and kisses me on the lips. “Hey, baby. Did you boys have fun? What did y’all go shopping for anyway?”
“First, you got your brace off today. I bet you are fucking happy about that shit.”
“Yep, still not cleared for work yet, but at least I can move my wrist again. So shopping?”
I look at Lance to make sure it’s okay and he shrugs at me. “For rings, looks like our little Lance here finally grew some balls and wants to ask Courtney to marry him.” Hadley drops the menu she and stares open-mouthed at Lance. I close her mouth with my hand and whisper in her ear, “This is the point where you tell him that she will say yes, babe.” I kiss her on the cheek and she turns her face to me, giving me one of her fake smiles.
“Right, um…sorry. Courtney will say yes. She was just talking about it, but wasn’t sure you were ready to take the plunge yet. This is just a shock to my system, first the baby then marriage. I’m so happy for both of you, really.” She grabs hold of Lances hand and looks straight in his eyes. “Courtney will be so happy, I promise, just be careful because she is super hormonal and may think you are only doing it because she is pregnant. I know that’s not true, but I want to give you a heads up. She may freak out.”
“I swear to you, I will make sure the time is right and she will no doubt know for sure I want this. Hadley, I also wanted to tell you I’m sorry about the shit that happened. If I knew what had happened, I would have told Reed.” Lance apologizing… I need to write this date down. He must really feel like shit.
“I know, don’t worry about that. And what you said about Court, that’s good enough for me. Want to share an appetizer?” Hadley asks, changing the topic.
Hadley
“Hads, do you want to stay at my place tonight? Tomorrow is my off day—the only thing I have to do is run and go to the gym to check on some things. But that means we can actually sleep in,” Reed asks and opens the door for me to exit the restaurant.
“Yeah, that’s cool. I just have to go get Lucy and come over.” I find my keys in my purse, and give him a kiss on the lips.
Reed looks down into my eyes, almost like he is going to ask me something but changes his mind. “Okay, babe. I’ll see you in a couple.”
I know it’s stupid—Lance proposing to Courtney is amazing—but what if Reed leaves again? He would without a doubt take Lance with him. Where does that leave Courtney and the baby? I can only hope Reed understands he will have to think of someone else when the time comes—if he does leave.
“Reed, where are you at?” Why does his damn house have to be so big? I set Lucy down, drop my bag by the door, and start to look around. “Reed, where the hell are you at?” Loki comes full speed, going crazy and barks upstairs, so I follow him up there.
I slowly open the door, stunned speechless.
Candles are on every available surface in his room and rose pedals lead into the bathroom. I open the door to see Reed’s massive tub filled with bubbles and two glasses of champagne on the side. A very naked Reed is in the bath waiting for me.
“You have too many clothes on. Get your sexy ass in here and let’s start fucking enjoying each other.”
I grin and slowly strip naked. When my first toe gets into the water, Reed pulls me into him and starts kissing me. He kisses down my neck and toward the center of my chest, toward my nipple.
Reed lifts his head and stares into my eyes. “Damn, babe, you are the fucking hottest girl ever. I don’t think I can ever have you enough. We are made to be together.” I melt into him and let him take me. He pulls my waist toward him and puts a hand between my thighs, slowly working his fingers into me.
“Does that feel good, Hads?”
I moan, forming words is nearly impossible with the intense feelings Reed’s fingers always bring me.
“That’s it, I feel it coming—just let it go, babe.” And I do, over and over. When I come down from it, Reed is looking into my eyes. “You coming is the sexiest thing I have ever seen, makes me hard as a rock. You ready for another one? Because nothing is going to stop me from taking you again and again tonight.”
Reed smiles in a mischievous way, lifting me up onto him. “Ride me, just like you know I like it.” I move up and down on him while he glides one hand to my ass and the other to my breast. I start going faster and lean down to bite on Reed’s ear. “Awww shit, babe. Keep doing that and I won’t last longer than two minutes inside of you.” I move faster and feel his cock growing bigger with every thrust. I clench my insides around him while he grits his teeth together, trying to hold on.
“It’s okay, Reed. Let go. I’m right there with you,” I say with heavy breaths. We scream each other’s names out as he explodes inside of me.
I lay my head on his chest and kiss the tattoo above our sparrows. It lies across the very top of his chest and goes from one shoulder to the other, “remember everything, regret nothing.” Reed got it three weeks before he left. At the time, I understood the meaning, but now with Reed back, I’m not so sure anymore. “Reed, do you still believe that?”
“Somewhat, but now I have to use it as a reminder of the things I do regret, and use it as a reminder to never do any of that shit again. It’s almost fucking comical, though. I left so I wouldn’t regret anything, thought I could come back and everything be on pause. Fucking stupid of me to think that shit. I was thinking about myself and only myself, but never fucking again. I have you back in my fucking arms where you will be staying forever.”
“Other than the sparrows, do you know which tattoo is my favorite? This one right here.”I move my hand down his side.“But the fighter remains.”
“And why is that, babe?”
“Because you fought for me when I was fighting against you. And through all the ups and downs in your life, the fighter in you has always been there. Reed, you’ve always been a fighter—not just in the cage, but in life, too. You want something, you take it, no matter how hard you have to work. Look at your life, you proved it.”
“But at what cost, Hads? Look what it did to you on my fucking quest to send the big fuck-you to all the haters. That’s not what should have happened. But come on, babe…let’s get out of here before you get all granny looking. I know how much you hate that.” Reed lifts me off him, gets out of the tub, and bends down to get a towel from the floor. I can’t help but take a peek at his ripped body. He looks around and winks at me. Lifting up my shoulders, I blow him a kiss as he smiles and shakes his head at me. “You have no shame, babe. Let me help you up and dry you off.”
“You know, a girl could get used to this. You didn’t do anything wrong, did you? Because the old you only did romantic things when you were in the dog house,” I half-joke with him.
“No, nothing wrong. You just seemed out of it when we were eating and I wanted to make you feel loved and well-fucked.”
I stare into his eyes and pull him into me for a hug. “Thank you for this, both the being loved and the well-fucked part were needed. Let’s put some clothes on and sit down so we can enjoy some of the champagne you got us.”
“When have I ever drunk champagne? That shit is all yours, babe.”
Reed steps in his gray sweatpants and throws the T-shirt he wore earlier today at me. I pull the shirt up and take a sniff of it, just like I always do. He knows this, something I did forever ago, never forget why I love wearing his clothes.
I peer over the shirt to Reed, and he says, “You know, you are one fucking strange breed, Hads, right?”
“Yes, I sure do, and that’s part of why you love me,” I say, putting his shirt over my head. Reed smacks my butt, and then grabs my hand, leading me outside on the balcony off his master suite. He sits on one of the loungers, pulling me between his legs.
“This view of Atlanta is the reason I bought this house. I couldn’t have cared less about the house, but this shit”—Reed gestures to the city lights in the distance—“I couldn’t pass it up. We didn’t have anything like this back home. I knew if you ever got a chance to see this, you wouldn’t ever leave.”
I snuggle into him and pull his arms tighter around me. “Baby, I don’t think I would have really ever stayed away, but promise me you won’t leave me again. Not just for me, but you know Lance will follow and I’m not sure where that leaves Courtney in all of it.”
Reed tenses up behind me and makes me want to push my words back in. “Is that what you were worried about at the restaurant when I mentioned Lance proposing?”
“Um, yeah. I just don’t want Court to be alone. You know her, if Lance asks her to marry him… In her eyes, they are forever, and I didn’t want to tell him this because, honestly, I didn’t want him to feel any more pressure. Why, what else did you think?”
“I don’t know really, maybe that you were sad or upset about them having all the shit we used to talk about before I went and fucked it up by leaving.”
I turn around to face him, laying my hands on his scruffy face. “Reed, baby, you gotta stop doing this. Yes, what we went through sucked. There’s no doubt about that, and I’ll always be the first person to say that, but we are back and, hopefully, we’re moving into the right direction. We can’t let this past shit haunt us or we will be like some crazy house with ghosts in it and everyone always runs away from the place.”
“Hads, you do know that only makes sense to you, right?”
“Hey, what can I say? I like stupid metaphors. I blame James, he always uses them.” I smile and lean my head toward him. “Remember, we are the same in all the ways that matter, and I pinky you, I won’t bring up the past if you don’t.” I hold up my finger to his and wrap mine around.
“Before I wrap my pinky around that hot little finger of yours, let’s air this shit out here and now and then never again.”
“Okay, ask away, but be easy on me.”
“James only wants you as a friend, right? I’m not sure I like you being so fucking close to one of the douche’s friends.”
“James has a girlfriend and he’s thinking about proposing, so don’t worry about that. He also hasn’t talked to Bennett since I broke up with him. And I need to talk to someone that knows me this way. Not before all that shit went down with you and losing the baby.”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it so I haven’t brought it up, but I think I need to know.”
I wince, not sure I’m ready. “Okay, but if I can’t handle what you ask, please don’t be mad.”
“What happened with our baby?”
I haven’t talked about it in detail with anyone. Everyone I am close to knew, with the exception of Reed. He deserves it more than all of them since I am the one that lost his baby.
Reed hugs me tighter, knowing I need his strength for this. “When you left, you already heard I was a mess
. I didn’t take care of myself and, honestly, didn’t care about anything but you coming back. But I was getting better, a little stronger each day. Until one day, I woke up with really bad cramps—gosh, the pain was so flipping bad I could barely stand. At the time, I didn’t think about it much and, honestly, I didn’t know I was even late. Anyway, it got so bad I knew I needed to go somewhere. I called everyone and the only person not busy was Matt.” I take a deep breath and continue. “He finally came to my place and I guess I was passed out in a pool of blood, not sure why or how long I was there. I never wanted to ask Matt anything else. But when I woke up, I was in the hospital with my whole family around. That’s when they said I was pregnant, about sixteen weeks, and had a miscarriage. I didn’t ask any questions after that. I don’t remember what the doctor said. Nothing. It’s all a blur. I went so crazy they had to sedate me and then placed me on a seventy-two-hour hold. After that, I was even worse than before. I did this to our baby. All because I wasn’t strong enough to deal with you leaving and that’s when the downward spiral started.” I blink tears back and try to pull away from Reed. I can’t stand to see the pity that will be on his face. But when he turns to me, I see none of that.
Only love. Unconditional love for me, for us. This is the man that l knew all those years ago, this man is the one that is my Reed, the one he only shows to me because he loves me, just for being me.
“Is that when you started using?”
“Yes, somewhat. But after your first fight, I saw your tattoo—God, it looks so damn much like mine. It was staring at me, so I went out with our old friends, and that’s when I heard you came back but didn’t see me. That feeling was…I can’t even describe it. That night, I wanted to feel something—anything but that damn numb feeling—so I started using. And then using more and more. When I moved down here, I got better, but Bennett loved doing it so I did it with him sometimes. When you saw me at the bar, that was the first time in a long time. I think everything with my mom and you coming back just fucked with my head, and that’s when I started talking to James. I know you don’t get it, but I need him right now. He doesn’t try to get in my pants, I promise, and he’s helping me. Please don’t get mad about me talking to him.”
Fighting to Start Page 21
