The young man smiled, appearing more than eager to help her. “We do. Follow me and I can measure out a length of heavy chain and cut it for you. Do you have a dog you want to chain outside or something?” he asked conversationally.
“Something like that. I need it to tie a wolf to my bed.” Julia found her words beyond funny and roared with laughter, heedless that the salesman might think her unhinged. “Or you could even say I have my own pet monster to subdue.”
But the man didn’t seem to be paying her much heed, even though he was staring at her quite intently. He quickly led her to another aisle where he measured out several feet of chain that was as thick around as her wrist and used bolt cutters to sever the end from the large coiled dispenser. Julia reached for the chain but the man was adamant about carrying it up to the front registers for her, remarking that it was quite a heavy burden for her to bear.
“Thanks,” Julia responded politely.
“You know…I probably shouldn’t say this, seeing as how I’m at work but…you have the most lovely hair I’ve ever seen.” The young man blushed at his own forwardness.
Julia couldn’t have been more stunned had the man reached out and punched her in the face. She didn’t often receive compliments and was surprised to receive one now, considering the fact that she hadn’t even showered. “Er, thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.” At least she wasn’t stuttering, as she was often wont to do around guys in situations like this.
“Not kind at all, it’s the truth. Umm…I was wondering…” The man shuffled his feet, seeming nervous and unsure of himself. “Would you like to go out to dinner tonight?” The man ended in a rush.
Julia knew her eyes had to be the size of golf balls in her face as she looked at him. “Well, thank you for the offer but I’m kind of in a relationship right now. Maybe some other time,” she said, not knowing what else to say after the unexpected offer.
“Any time you want,” the man exclaimed. “Here, let me give you my number. Call anytime you want, whenever you want. We can go out and catch a film or some dinner or…something.” The man quickly scribbled his number on a scrap piece of paper he found in his apron pocket and handed it to her. Julia took it with a wane smile and put it in her purse. A few minutes later she had paid for her length of chain and was back in a cab on her way towards home.
It had been one of the nicest, and also one of the strangest outings since she’d moved to the city. She couldn’t help but smile with anticipation as her conveyance took her to her home. Perhaps the night would be just as pleasant as the afternoon had been. With Nikolai waiting for her, she had high hopes that it would be.
* * * * *
Julia entered her apartment with the chain swinging over her shoulder. She laid her burden—it hadn’t been that heavy—on her couch and tiptoed quietly to her bedroom door. She poked her head through to get a peek at Nikolai, to see if he was still sleeping, but he wasn’t in the bed.
“Nikolai?” she called, moving to the bathroom in search of him. “Are you in there?” she asked through the closed door. She knocked, waited, and when there was no answer she knocked again. “Nikolai?” She opened the door.
The bathroom was empty.
Julia felt a stirring of anxiety and wandered about the apartment in search of him. He was nowhere to be found. She went back into the bedroom searching for a note from him—maybe he’d gone out for food, not finding anything palatable in her cupboards—but there was nothing. Not a sign. Nikolai’s clothing and belongings were gone as well.
Had he simply forgotten to leave her a note? She looked again to be sure there wasn’t one and heaved a sigh when her search proved fruitless. Worry took hold in her heart. What if he’d relapsed and gone into another rage and left? What if he had decided to seek a doctor’s care after all?
What if he’d left to return to his homeland?
So many questions without answer assailed her. What was there for her to do? She went into the kitchen, picked up her phone, and dialed the number for the hotel. George answered the phone, sounding bored and rude as always, and she promptly asked for Nikolai’s room, speaking quickly so that George wouldn’t be given the time to recognize her voice. The phone in Nikolai’s room rang again and again and again, until George answered again and asked for her to leave a message. She hung up on his request and bit her lip in consternation.
Where was he?
Just then, something caught the corner of her eye. A small envelope of folded notebook paper was taped to her refrigerator door and she snatched at it in a flurry. The contents of the letter made her cry out in dismay and caused her eyes to flood with tears, which in turn spilled down over her cheeks.
My dearest and most fair Julia,
Forgive me for leaving you like this but I fear that you are no longer safe with me. I did the unspeakable and inflicted harm upon you this morning. In my passion I lost control, destroyed your bed and bit into your tender flesh. Please forgive me, I beg of you. There is no excuse for my behavior, nor do I seek to give one. More than anything, I wish that I could change what I am and live with you as a human, but alas I cannot. I must leave you now, until I am more myself. Know that, above all, I love you. And no matter what happens, you will always be my one, my only, my mate.
Forever,
Nikolai
Along with the note was a check written out to her in the sum of fifteen thousand dollars—a king’s ransom and no mistake in her mind—for the replacement of her bed. A bed that had cost her less than two hundred dollars at a second hand store. Julia sank down onto the floor, clutching the note to her chest and cried in deep racking sobs, feeling as if her very heart had been broken.
She feared she would never see him again. And she hadn’t even told him she loved him. Now she would never get the chance. Damn her for a coward.
And damn Nikolai as well.
Chapter Fourteen
Nikolai wandered about the expanse of Central Park, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, lost deeply within his own thoughts. His mind tortured him with visions of Julia’s flesh, torn and bloody after he had sunk his fangs into her. Of the utter devastation he’d visited upon her bed, leaving it in tatters around them. How could he have lost control so completely? How could he have placed her in such danger, willingly and eagerly, simply because he so desired to be near her? He was a fool and a disgrace, unworthy of the title of alpha.
He could have killed her.
It mattered less than nothing to him that he had refrained from harming her further. It was the principle of the thing. She could have died by his own traitorous hands, no matter how honorable his intentions might have been. He felt like a monster. She had nursed him, forgiven him his bad tempered treatment of her and loved him despite his wolfish state. He didn’t deserve one so noble and pure of heart as Julia. He should have stayed away from her the moment he realized something was wrong with his cycle, should have protected her from himself at all costs. But he was a selfish beast. He had wanted so desperately to be near her, to love her physically and spiritually, that his good sense had flown from him utterly. He had willingly placed her in danger and must never do so again.
But already he missed her. Already he hungered to be near her again, to see her face, smell her sweet scent and hold her in his arms. It was madness, this. To have such an all-consuming ache to be with her, to pine for her as he would for food or water. It alarmed him, this need he had of her—he who had never needed anyone but himself. He couldn’t begin to understand it.
One thing was for certain. He couldn’t bring himself to leave her and return, alone, to his homeland. The very thought of doing so, of leaving without her, sent him into an instinctive and desperate panic. And yet, he could not stay with her—to do so could put her at a very grave risk—he dare not trust himself to keep his wild instincts at bay around her. So what other choice was left to him? Go or stay, both options were unacceptable to him.
If only things could be different between them. If on
ly he could trust himself to love her without hurting her. All he wanted in life was to be with her. Julia, his one and only true mate.
Perhaps Ivan or Brianna would have the answers for him. They were the only inter-species mated pair in their race’s memory. Surely they would have some insight into this dilemma—perhaps they had faced the same choices he now faced—surely they could help him. He would call them at the soonest opportunity. Ivan was one of the few of them with generated electric power—a wedding present to his mate, who was used to such conveniences—and he had a satellite telephone. Ivan would have advice for him, surely.
For the first time in Nikolai’s life, he sought out help from his brethren, more than willing to humble himself before a lesser member of his pack in doing so. Anything for Julia.
Anything.
* * * * *
“You are sure you never felt this way with Brianna, Ivan?”
“At first I feared for her safety, of course. I have never interacted much with humans and wasn’t sure how to with her, but I never felt the rages you have described. I never felt the urge to attack Bri.”
“I never wished to attack Julia either, cousin. But I did.”
“But you did not harm her overmuch, by your own admission. She felt well enough to venture out while you slept. Perhaps you have overreacted, misjudged the situation.”
“I could have killed her, Ivan. The fact that I did not gives me great comfort, I assure you, but only that. There is always a chance that I could harm her further. There is always a chance that she could die.”
“And so it is the same with Bri and myself. I am by far stronger than she. At any given moment I could tear her limb from limb. But I do not. I am not a slave to my baser instincts…and neither are you. You are far more noble and strong than I. If you tell yourself you will not harm this woman—your mate—then you must have faith in your ability to restrain yourself.”
“I drew blood from her, Ivan,” Nikolai admitted in a hushed murmur.
“It was an accident, Niki. These things happen. Humans are frail creatures in body. But it is their strength of spirit that makes them a match for us as mates. Their courageous hearts see them through the most difficult of challenges. Julia will be no exception. Go to her. Tell her your worries. Let her make the choice for you. It is as much her decision to make as it is yours.”
“She will chose to stay with me, I know it. I cannot put her at such risk, she does not understand the cost.”
Ivan sighed deeply on the other end of the line. “Love is risk. The greatest risk of all. And I know you, Niki, perhaps better than you do right now in your turmoil. You have never worried about risks so long as the prize was worth winning. Is Julia not worth winning? Is she not worth the risk?”
“I know you are trying to bolster my spirits, cousin. I am grateful, doubt it not. But this is not so simple a thing as a hunt or a race among pact mates. This is far more serious. I love Julia, more than anything. And that is why I must stay as far away from her as possible.”
“I know that you will do what you feel is best. But I implore you to think on it further before you make a decision. The full moon isn’t for another fortnight, so you still have time before the change to join with your mate and bring her here should you chose that path. We are fine here without you. Take all the time you need.”
“Thank you Ivan. Give my love to Brianna.”
“Take care of yourself, my alpha. And your mate as well.”
Nikolai hung up the phone and turned his face up to the sky, wishing for rain to hide his tears, that he may weep freely as he so longed to do.
Several moments later his mournful howl echoed about the streets of the city.
Julia heard it in her broken, tear stained slumber and cried out his name in her empty apartment. It was a long and lonely night for both of them.
Chapter Fifteen
Three days had passed since Julia had last seen Nikolai and she was beyond weary of waiting for him. Every time her phone rang at home her heart began to pound with hope that it might be him. Every time a tall man approached the reception desk at work she did a double take and was disappointed when it wasn’t Nikolai. Nikolai hadn’t returned to his hotel room once in the past three days, not that it would have done him any good. Julia had removed his belongings and checked him out of the hotel the second night of his disappearance. Let him come looking for his things—he’d have to go through her to get them—maybe he’d apologize for his abandonment and beg for her forgiveness.
How hopeless the situation was! On the one hand Julia was so angry with him for worrying her that she could spit, but on the other hand she missed him so badly that she would have dispensed with her anger immediately for the smallest bit of news from him. Was he ok? Had his change become too much for him to bear, here in the city? Had he returned to Russia, to his family who might be able to help him through it? So many questions—all without answers—they were making her sick with fear and worry.
If only she had told him how she felt. That she loved him, needed him, and possibly couldn’t live without him. Perhaps then he would have understood that this silence from him was hurting her far more than it was helping her. Nothing he could do to her physically in the rages of his change could hurt her like this. Her heart ached so much at times that she feared it would shatter in her chest.
She missed him, crazy as that might be after only knowing him a few days, but it was true. She missed him so much that she’d taken to sleeping with articles of his clothing, lying on the mattress that still sat on the floor of her apartment—she refused to cash his check, let him wonder what had become of it when his bank account reflected that the money was still there—snuggling with a shirt or sweater that still bore his woodsy masculine scent. It was a small comfort indeed, but it was all that she had to see her through the long lonely nights without him.
In her pocket she kept his note and check, the closest links she had with him now, touching them every now and again throughout the day to reassure herself in small measures.
At times during the day at school or work she unexpectedly caught faint vestiges of his scent and pined for his nearness with a physical yearning that was almost unbearable. His essence was burned into her nostrils, there when she least expected it, teasing her enough that she often caught herself looking around for him, hoping that he might be there waiting for her to notice him. But of course that never happened. He was probably hundreds of miles away by now, deep in his forest home.
He’d probably already forgotten her. Sure, he’d sworn his love for her, but no man could love as he said he did her and be able to leave like this with no word or contact for days. It was a horrible thing for Nikolai to have done, tease her with promises of love ever after, and then leave her without looking back. If she ever had the opportunity she would beat that fact home into his stubborn skull…just before she drowned him in kisses, demanding that he never leave her side again. She loved him. She nearly hated him. At times she wished she had never met him. And at others she was so grateful to have known him, to have loved and been loved by him, that she could have wept tears of joy. It was enough to drive her mad, being so at odds with herself.
But one good thing had come of her meeting Nikolai, at least. She now had an abundance of self-confidence that she’d never possessed before. It was helping her in her studies at school, not having so much self-doubt as she used to, as well as at work and in her private life—what little there was of it. At the hotel, Nora had even remarked on it, noting that she walked with shoulders straight and head held high, without stuttering or shying away from unfamiliar men whenever they strayed too close. It was something Julia hadn’t dwelled too much on, but it was there just the same. She was surer of herself, more at ease in her own body, and less caring of what other people might think of her. It was a positive side-benefit to knowing Nikolai that Julia had never expected but appreciated all the same.
But she would have given that up, given anything at al
l, for some small bit of news from Nikolai. As the days wore on she began to suspect that Nikolai was gone from her. Forever.
Today, the third day after Nikolai’s disappearance, Julia was free of work and school obligations, a rare occurrence and one she didn’t wish to squander by lying around and worrying about her missing werewolf. Not that Nikolai was far from her thoughts, quite the opposite in fact. She was painting his portrait—a nude, of course—in oils. The piece was coming along with surprising ease, even for her. Her hand was unusually steady and rapid as she stroked the sable brush along the canvas. The animal smell of the brush was driving her to distraction, but she firmly pushed it away as best she could as she continued. Normally when she painted she used less graceful strokes, changing this or that in the composition of a piece until the paint was thick and heavily textured, but not today. Today she was supremely confident in her abilities.
Nikolai’s features were nearly photographic as the image spilled from her mind onto the canvas. The strong arch of his black brow, the pouting curve of his sensuous lips and the exotic tilt of his cheekbones, nose and jaw were a spot on match. Colors of alizarin crimson, cobalt blue, mars black, cadmium yellow and ultramarine blue splashed across the piece, making it look vibrant, emotional and untamed. In fact, if Julia’s eyes strayed too long from the piece she began to see it as an alien work. If she hadn’t known for certain that the piece was hers and had in fact come from her own brush strokes, she would never have believed herself capable of such work. The technique was a new one to her, but one she found she quite liked.
Her strokes were broad and slashing, crisp but architectured with a purely artistic flair. The colors were bold, but blended well to create the desired effect. Nikolai’s hair was her favorite feature of all, in life and on canvas. She had used ochre and yellow with white highlights for that, giving it a windblown look that she was quite proud of. For his golden tanned body she had used a mixture of raw sienna, ochre and the lightest touch of cobalt blue, with excess burnt sienna and cobalt blue for the dips and shadows of his form. His eyes were a mixture of ultramarine blue and white, blended just so to capture the silvery aquamarine of his irises. Just looking into them gave Julia the shivers, as if they were real.
Bitten: Moon Lust 2 Page 14
