by Adele Abbott
“You could still make up a poem in your head.”
“How would I do that?”
“Think of what you want to say, and keep the words in your memory. Do you think you could do that?”
“I can try. Can we go for a walk now? I love going for a walk.”
“Dot’s coming to collect you in a few minutes,” Aunt Lucy said. “Have you forgotten?”
“And Babs?”
“Yes, Dot’s taking you and Babs out for a walk in the park.”
“I love the park! I love Babs! And I love going for a walk.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door.
“That’ll be her.”
Barry charged out of the room, and the next thing I heard was the sound of his paws hitting the front door.
It was ages since I’d seen Dot, but I didn’t get the chance to say more than a quick hello because the two dogs were eager to be on their way.
“How are you coping with Rhymes?” I asked, once Aunt Lucy and I were alone again.
“He’s no trouble, but the poetry thing does get a bit much sometimes.”
“You’ll get a break when he hibernates.”
“I’m afraid not. Animals don’t hibernate here in Candlefield. Not like they do in the human world.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Hiya, Mum!”
“We’re here!”
The twins shouted from the hallway, and then came charging through to the lounge.
“Looks like we’ve timed it right.” Amber grabbed the armchair closest to the sofa. “I’m gagging for a cup of tea.”
“Something smells nice.” Pearl propped herself on the arm of the same chair.
“You’re out of luck. The cupcakes won’t be ready for ages yet. It’s just custard creams unless Jill has eaten them already.” Aunt Lucy stood up. “I’ll go and pour you two some tea.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
“Yeah, thanks, Mum.”
“Where are the babies?” I said.
“We came up with a brilliant plan.” Amber leaned forward in the chair. “Didn’t we, Pearl?”
“Yeah, we talked the guys into changing their shifts around so that they can be off on Mondays. It means that we can spend more time together as a family.”
“So, how come you’re here now without them?”
“We thought it would be a good idea if we let the guys have some one-on-one time with the kids. Just for this first week. And, anyway, we know that Mum gets lonely sometimes, so we thought we’d pay her a visit.”
“That was very thoughtful of them, wasn’t it, Jill?” Aunt Lucy brought cups of tea through for the twins. “To think of their old Mum like that?”
“Very.”
“Well, this is all very cosy.” Grandma appeared in the doorway.
“Hello, Mother.” Aunt Lucy had been about to sit down. “I suppose you’ll want a cup of tea, too?”
“If it isn’t too much bother. I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“It’s no bother at all.” Aunt Lucy disappeared back into the kitchen.
“The things I have to put up with.” Grandma grumbled as she came and sat next to me. It was obvious that she wanted us to ask what was troubling her, but the twins and I knew better. Of course, that didn’t stop her from telling us anyway. “And it’s all the fault of that sister of yours.”
“Kathy? What’s she done?”
“She keeps stealing my ideas and using them in her shop.”
“I very much doubt that. Kathy is more than capable of coming up with her own ideas.”
“Says you.”
“She must be doing something right because she’s talking about opening another shop in West Chipping.”
“Do I look like I care? And as for that nasty little assistant of hers—”
“May?”
“Whatever her name is. She’s downright rude.”
“May has always been perfectly polite to me.”
“She told me to sling my hook the other day.”
“What were you doing?”
“Nothing. Just looking around their shop.”
“Stealing Kathy’s ideas, you mean?”
“Nonsense. I don’t need to steal ideas from that amateur.”
“Kathy told me that’s precisely what you’ve been doing. She’s probably given May instructions to keep a lookout for you.”
“If that young woman thinks she can speak to me like that, she has another think coming.”
“Don’t do anything silly, Grandma.”
“Here, Mother.” Aunt Lucy passed Grandma a cup of tea. “This will help to calm you down.”
“I don’t want to calm down.” She took the tea anyway. “I don’t mind a little fair competition, but that sister of Jill’s is underhanded.”
“That’s rich, coming from you.” I scoffed. “You’ll do anything to crush the competition.”
She took a slurp of tea. “Anyway, where are my great-grandchildren? It’s ages since I saw them.”
“They’re with William and Alan,” Amber said.
“Who are they?”
“You know very well who they are, Mother.” Aunt Lucy sighed. “They’re the twins’ husbands.”
“I can’t be expected to remember everyone’s name. When do I get to see the two Bills, then?”
“They’re little girls, Mother, and their names are Lil and Lily.”
“So? When do I get to see them?”
“They’re here with me every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. All you have to do is walk around from next door.”
“And they’re little girls, you say? Are you sure? I could have sworn they were boys.”
“They’re definitely little girls. I’ve changed their nappies enough times to be sure of that.”
***
On my drive home, I saw Tatts on the toll bridge. He was already well on with the work; all that remained of the offending graffiti were the words: A WITCH.
I pulled up alongside him.
“It looks like it’s coming off okay.”
“Hi there. Yeah, it’s no problem. I should be done in another thirty minutes or so.”
I was surprised to find Jack’s car was on the driveway, but before I could get in the house to find out why he’d finished early, someone called my name.
“Jill! I’m glad I caught you.”
“Monty. I didn’t see you there.”
“I’m like a ninja, aren’t I?”
“Actually, I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
“I won’t keep you. I wanted to make sure you had my date in your diary. I know what a busy person you are.”
“What date?”
“The grand opening of Have I Got Internet For You.”
“Oh, right, the internet café. When is that again?”
“A week on Wednesday. Charlie Barley is doing the honours.”
“He’s the carrot guy, right?”
“That’s him. Host and star of Where’s My Carrot.”
“I’ll try to make it, but as you said, I am rather busy.”
“You won’t want to miss this, Jill. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity because Charlie is going to retire at the end of the year. It starts at nine o’clock, and I’m expecting a big crowd.”
“Right, okay. Anyway, I have to get going.”
“Don’t forget to bring a carrot with you.”
“Sorry?”
“There’s free champers for everyone who turns up with a carrot. That was my idea. Good, eh?”
“Brilliant, yeah. I have to go now.”
“Next Wednesday at nine.”
“Got it.”
Jack was standing in the hallway. “I see Monty collared you too.”
“That man is insane.”
“Don’t forget to take your carrot next week.”
“Where does he come up with these crazy ideas? Anyway, how come you’re home so early?”
“I had to go and see one of my oppos in Washbridge
this afternoon. It wasn’t worth driving all the way back to West Chipping afterwards, so I decided to work from home.”
“Work from home? Is that code for watching TenPin TV?”
“I did get a bit of work done.” He grinned. “But, purely coincidentally, there was a re-run of Saturday’s top national semi-final clash being shown this afternoon.”
“You have the life of Riley.”
“By the way, did you spot the graffiti on the bridge?”
“Yeah.”
“Any idea who might have done it?”
“None, but it should be gone soon. I found someone to remove it, and he was working on it when I drove past just now.”
“Should we be worried about this?”
“I don’t think so. Who takes any notice of graffiti?”
Although I did my best to sound nonchalant for Jack’s sake, I was actually rather concerned. It was hard enough living as a sup in the human world without someone trying to broadcast that fact to all and sundry. I would have to hope that it turned out to be an isolated incident.
Chapter 4
For some reason, I couldn’t face breakfast.
“Jack, will you be staying home to watch TV again this morning? Sorry I meant to say: working from home?”
“You’re so funny. No, I’ll be in work all day today.” He was studying the contents of the cupboard. “We still don’t have any muesli.”
“That’s because you haven’t bought any, and don’t tell me that you haven’t had the time. You could have done it yesterday afternoon before you embarked on your TenPin TVathon.”
“What are these granola bars like?”
“I didn’t realise we had any.”
“They were at the back of the cupboard, behind the box of cake mix that you’ve never used. Hold on, it doesn’t matter, it looks like they were out of date over two months ago.”
“I shouldn’t worry about that. They make those dates up.”
“Are you being serious?” He looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Those dates are to stop you being poisoned.”
“You’re so gullible. They’re just a way to get you to throw away perfectly good food and buy more. The G & M test is much more accurate.”
“What’s the G & M test?”
“‘G’ for has it turned green? ‘M’ for are there maggots?”
“Gross.” He threw the granola bars into the bin. “I’m not going to risk it.”
“You’re such a wuss.”
***
Jack had already left for work, and I’d just seen Mr Ivers drive away, so at least I wouldn’t get ambushed by him this morning.
“Buzz! Buzz!” One of the two giant wasps shouted at me.
“Tony?”
“It’s Clare, actually. Morning, Jill.”
My next-door neighbours were obsessed with cosplay; they went to conventions most weekends.
“Morning, Jill,” the other wasp said.
“Hi, Tony. Let me guess—is it InsectCon?”
“Actually, it’s BeeCon.”
“Oh? Aren’t those wasp costumes?”
“See!” Clare turned to her wasp partner. “I told you that people would know.”
“Sorry,” I said. “Did I say the wrong thing?”
“It’s okay, Jill. Tony forgot to order the bee costumes in time, so when we tried to get them, there wasn’t one to be had anywhere. Tony said we should hire these instead, and that no one would notice. As if.”
“I’ve already explained,” Tony fired back. “I thought you’d ordered the bee costumes.”
“I ordered the costumes for DentistCon.”
“Sorry, guys.” I began to edge towards the car. “I really do have to get going. I have an early meeting.”
I don’t think they heard me; they were too busy arguing. I had to hope it wouldn’t come to stings.
I was pleased to see that the graffiti had gone. Tatts had made a really good job of removing it; there wasn’t even the ‘shadow’ which sometimes gets left behind.
By the time I’d parked the car, I was beginning to feel hungry, and regretted my decision to skip breakfast, so I made a quick diversion down the high street to Coffee Games.
“Morning, Jill.” Sarah was on duty again.
“Hi. Can I get a caramel latte to go, please? And give me one of those pain au chocolat, would you?”
Just then, there was an almighty clatter behind me. It seemed to come from one of the booths near the window. Then a similar sound came from the back of the shop.
Sarah appeared to be totally unconcerned that the shop seemed to be collapsing around us.
“What’s happening?” I said.
“It’s okay. It’s Jenga day.”
“Oh, right. Have you had many sups in since yesterday?”
“A few more, mostly vampires for some reason.” She handed me the coffee and pastry. “Between you and me, vampires give me the creeps.”
“Isn’t the owner a vampire?”
“Yes, but fortunately, I don’t have much to do with him. I can’t get past the idea that they think it’s okay to drink blood.” She shivered at the thought. “Hey, have you seen all the flyers for that clown thing?”
“You mean the Clownathon?”
“Yeah, it looks like fun. I’ve always loved clowns.”
“Right, well I’d better get going. Lots to do.”
Freak!
After what Grandma had said the previous day, I decided to walk down to West Street, and take a look at the two bridal shops before they opened. I was curious to see if Grandma really was stealing Kathy’s ideas.
Much to my surprise, Kathy was already in the shop, so I knocked on the window.
“It was nice of you to bring me a coffee,” she said when she unlocked the door.
“This is mine. I haven’t had any breakfast, and besides, I didn’t expect you to be here or the shop to be open yet.”
“It isn’t, but I wanted to change this display before we open.”
“Couldn’t May have done that?”
“It’s her day off.”
“Grandma isn’t a big fan of May. Or you, for that matter.”
“What makes you say that?”
“She was complaining to me yesterday about how you’ve stolen all of her ideas, and how rude May was to her.”
“I know she’s your grandmother, Jill, but seriously, that woman is a real piece of work. And as for May being rude to her, that’s because I told her I didn’t want your grandmother snooping around the shop when I wasn’t here.”
“I kind of figured that.”
“It’s your grandmother who rips off every idea I come up with.”
“You must be doing something right because you seem to have got her rattled.”
“Good, I’m glad.” Kathy’s gaze locked onto my pastry. “That pain au chocolat looks nice.”
“It is.”
“It’s rather big for one person.”
“I wouldn’t have said so.”
“I have a knife in the back. I could cut it in half to make it more manageable if you like?”
“And pinch half for yourself, I assume?”
“It’s kind of you to offer. It’ll make up for the coffee you didn’t buy me.”
After I’d eaten my (smaller) half of the pastry, I made my way back up the high street, and was almost at my office building when my phone rang.
“Jill, It’s Hodd. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
Cheek!
“Actually, I’m on my way into the office.”
“Right, only I know you townies like a lie-in.”
“Did you manage to arrange for me to visit Myrtle?”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m calling. One o’clock this afternoon. Is that okay for you?”
“That’s fine.”
“Her lawyer, Bill Long, will meet you at the gates at a quarter to.”
“Okay, I’ll be there. Thanks for calling.”
“Men!” Mrs V was red in
the face, and clearly unhappy about something.
“Any man in particular?”
“Armi.”
“What did he do?”
“He told me off because I put the double-flasher on.”
“The what?”
“You know: the flashers. Indicators or whatever it is they’re called.”
“I know what an indicator is, but what’s a double-flasher?”
“It’s when both flashers come on at the same time.”
“You mean the hazard warning lights. Why did you put them on?”
“I didn’t realise I’d done it. I was trying to turn the heater up, and I must have caught that big red button. It’s a stupid place to put it if you ask me.”
“Are you and Armi okay now?”
“No, I told him I was going to get someone else to teach me to drive. Someone with a better temperament.”
“That’s probably for the best. It’s never a good idea to have driving lessons with a relative.”
“I was thinking that you could teach me.”
“Me?”
“That’s if you don’t mind using your car?”
“My car?”
“We could do it at lunchtimes.”
“I’d love to.”
“Great.”
“Unfortunately, it isn’t allowed.”
“Why’s that?”
“Jack organised the insurance cover for us. He got a special deal which included a stipulation that we weren’t allowed to give driving lessons in either of our cars.” I edged my way towards my office door. “I’m really sorry.”
“I suppose I’ll have to look up driving schools, then.”
“Sorry again, Mrs V.”
“You could lie for England.” Winky grinned. “You’re quick though, I’ll give you that. You came up with that line about the insurance company without even missing a beat.”
“I don’t like lying to Mrs V, but my nerves aren’t up to giving her driving lessons.”
“The old bag lady shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a car; she’s much too old to drive.”
“Of course she isn’t. I’m not the right person to teach her, that’s all.”
“Have you done anything about the blinds and this floor yet?”
“Not yet. We only talked about it yesterday.”
“Crystal said she might pop over later today. It would be nice if I could tell her that the improvements will happen soon.”
