by Adele Abbott
“Parahuman, yes.”
“Are you one, too?”
“Kind of, yes.”
“I like being a para—err?”
“Human.”
“It’s cool, isn’t it?”
“It is. Now, let’s take you home, and remember, not a word about this. Or the sweets.”
***
I made it to Spooky Wooky just before nine o’clock. The place was crammed, and it took me some time to fight my way through the crowd.
I didn’t recognise the ghost behind the counter.
“Hi. Where are Harry and Larry?”
“They’re over there, by the TV.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Would you like something to eat or drink?”
“No, thanks.”
I managed to fight my way to the table where Harry, Larry, the colonel and Priscilla were all seated.
“Jill, you made it.” The colonel stood up.
“Hi, Jill.” Harry and Larry said in unison.
“You’ve drawn a good crowd. How long until the results come through?”
“Any minute now. Grab a seat.” Larry gestured to the vacant chair next to him.
As everyone waited for the final results to be announced, you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. I couldn’t help but be impressed by the camaraderie that the two sides were displaying—something that I’d never witnessed in any election in the human world.
“Here they come now!” Harry pointed to the screen.
I hadn’t appreciated that there were in fact several seats up for grabs, so it was another fifteen minutes before the result we were all waiting for came through.
“Colonel Briggs, Horatio. Seven thousand, three-hundred and twenty-one votes. Wook, Harry. Seven thousand, Five-hundred and thirty votes. As the returning officer for GT Central, I declare that Harry Wook is duly elected to COG.”
“Well done, Old Man.” The colonel was the first to shake Harry’s hand.
“Thanks, Colonel. You gave me a good run for my money.”
“Well done, Harry,” I said. “Commiserations, Colonel.”
“No commiserations necessary, Jill. I’ll have to push even harder next time.”
The celebrations were set to go on late into the night, but I was exhausted, and ready for my bed. After saying my goodbyes, I started to make my way to the door.
“Jill! Yoohoo!”
“Mum? I didn’t realise you were here.”
“I’m not surprised with the size of this crowd. Alberto and I are over in the corner with your father and Blodwyn. Why don’t you come and join us?”
“Thanks, but I only came to see the result. I’m off home now because I’m bushed.”
“Okay, but before you go, did you have any joy finding a holiday home for the four of us?”
My mother had asked if she, my father and their respective partners could use our house as a kind of holiday home in the human world. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to share our house with my parents, so I’d turned her down flat. Instead, I’d promised that I’d try to find them somewhere suitable. Then, I’d promptly forgotten all about it.
“I—err—not yet, but I—”
“It doesn’t matter because we’ve found an agency here in GT that specialises in placing ghosts with ghost-friendly hosts in the human world. We have an appointment to see them tomorrow.”
“That’s great. Anyway, I’d better get going. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
Chapter 6
Jack still hadn’t got around to replenishing his muesli, so he’d had to settle for toast.
“Jack, darling, I need a couple of favours, please.”
“What is it this time?”
“What do you mean: this time? I hardly ever ask you for a favour, but if it’s too much trouble, it doesn’t matter.” I gave him my disappointed look—that one never failed.
“I didn’t say that. What do you want me to do?”
What did I tell you? Snigger.
“Do you have a contact at the council CCTV office? I want to view the footage for Saturday evening.”
“Why?”
“A young couple have gone missing. I know when and where they were dropped off, so if I could get a look at the CCTV, I might get a lead on what happened to them.”
“I know some people in that office. I’ll have a word, but I’m not promising anything.”
“I have every faith in you.”
“What’s the other favour?”
“I need you to get us an invite for dinner at Kathy’s.”
“Why me? You should ask her yourself. She’s your sister.”
“If I do it, she’ll think I’m up to something.”
“And are you? Up to something?”
“I picked Lizzie up from school yesterday because Peter’s van had broken down, and Kathy couldn’t get away from the shop.”
“You didn’t mention it last night.”
“I forgot. Anyway, do you remember that I told you Lizzie can see ghosts?”
“She has a little ghost friend, doesn’t she?”
“Caroline, yeah, but Lizzie reckons another two ghosts have moved into their house, but these are adults.”
“Are they causing problems?”
“I don’t think so. Lizzie says they’re okay, but I’d like to check them out for myself, to make sure there’s nothing fishy going on. I thought if we went over there for dinner, you could keep Kathy and Peter occupied while I investigate.”
“Isn’t it a little presumptuous of us to invite ourselves?”
“That’s another reason why I want you to call Kathy. With that silver tongue of yours, you’ll be able to do it.”
“I suppose I could tell her that I’m tired of eating your awful cooking. She’d believe that.”
“I resent that remark, but if it means you’ll call her, I’ll let you off this once.”
“If I’m going to do all of this for you, I’ll need a favour in return.”
“I might have known. What do you want?”
“Can you get me some muesli?”
“Sure, I’ll pick some up on my way home.”
“I meant right now. I’m getting withdrawal symptoms.”
“What about my breakfast?”
“Come on, it’s only fair. Two favours for one in return.”
“Fine! I’ll go and get your stupid muesli.”
Blackmail, that’s what this was. I grumbled to myself all the way to the corner shop.
Little Jack Corner was standing outside the door. “Here, puss! Here, puss!”
“Morning, Jack. Have you lost your cat?”
“Yes, he doesn’t usually stay out for more than a few hours at a stretch, but he’s been missing for almost a day now. Anyway, you don’t want to hear about my feline-related problems. Come inside.”
“Wow, what have you been doing in here? This is all very impressive.”
Throughout the store, there were numerous displays of tinned food, stacked in the most elaborate way. I had to weave my way very carefully down the aisles in order not to knock any of them over.
“I’ve been preparing all week for the annual Corner Shop Stacking Competition. It’s the regional heats tomorrow, and I’m hoping to qualify in the ‘Most Stacks’ and ‘Highest Stacks’ categories.”
“You must certainly be in with a chance.”
“I hope so. What brings you out at this hour of the morning, Jill? Have you run out of custard creams?”
“Not this time.”
“What can I get you, then?”
“You may find this surprising, but I actually want a box of muesli. Be honest, Jack, I bet you don’t get many people asking for that, do you?”
“It’s actually our best-selling breakfast cereal.”
I laughed. “Very funny.”
“It’s true, Jill. The people of Smallwash are very health conscious when it comes to breakfast, but to be honest, I wouldn’t have had you down as
a muesli eater.”
“Me? I’m all about healthy eating. I can’t get enough of the stuff.”
“Which brand do you prefer?”
“Oh, you know, the usual one.”
“We have six different ones, and they’re all very popular. Come and see.”
I followed him to the breakfast cereal aisle, being careful not to catch any of the elaborate displays en route.
“That one.” I pointed to the box I recognised as Jack’s favourite brand of sawdust. “And while I’m here, I suppose I might as well stock up on biscuits.”
“Ginger nuts? Digestives?”
“Very funny. I’ll take the usual. Two packets, please. Wait, better make that three.”
I managed to negotiate my way out of the shop, without knocking over a single display. Sitting outside, right next to the door, was an enormous black cat.
“Come here, Boy. Little Jack has been worried about you.” I picked him up, opened the door and dropped him inside. “Your cat’s here, Jack.”
“Ginger? Oh, thank goodness.”
Ginger?
Jack came rushing down the aisle, but then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the black cat. “That’s not Ginger!”
Spooked by the sight of Little Jack running towards him, the cat set off down the aisle in the opposite direction.
“I’ll be off then.” I hurried outside and closed the door behind me. As I walked away, the sound of a thousand tin cans crashing to the floor echoed in my ears.
***
When I arrived in Washbridge, I was still feeling a little guilty about the part I’d played in the destruction of Little Jack’s elaborate displays, but how was I supposed to know his cat was ginger?
As I approached my office building, I spotted a woman loitering outside; she looked lost and confused.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for the offices of Jill Maxwell, but I can’t seem to find them. This is supposed to be the address, but the sign says Jill and Max Well.”
“Don’t worry about the sign. You’re in the right place. I’m Jill Maxwell. Am I expecting you?”
“I’m actually here for Annabel Versailles.”
“She’s my PA.”
“I’m Maxine, but everyone calls me Maxi. Maxi Dent.”
“Miss Dent! You’re Mrs V’s driving instructor.”
“That’s right. I’m here to collect Annabel for her first lesson.”
“Great.” I pointed to the door. “After you.”
She reached out to grab the handle, but it seemed to elude her.
“Are you okay, Maxi?”
“Yes, it’s these new contact lenses. Ah, there it is.” She turned the handle and opened the door.
“Our offices are up the stairs, on the right.”
After several attempts, she finally managed to locate the handrail, and then made her way slowly upstairs.
“This door?”
“No, that’s a cupboard. It’s to your right. Here, allow me.”
“Morning, Jill,” Mrs V greeted me.
“Morning. Your driving instructor is here. Come in, Maxi.”
“I’m really nervous,” Mrs V said.
“There’s nothing to worry about, Annabel.” Maxi was obviously trying to reassure Mrs V, but for some reason, she appeared to be talking to the filing cabinet. “I’ll have you through your test in no time.”
“Are you sure you want to do this, Mrs V?” I said.
“Absolutely. I’ll show Armi that I’m as good a driver as any man. Come on, Maxi, let’s hit the road.” Mrs V came around the desk and made for the door.
“This way.” I took Maxi by the shoulders and pointed her in the right direction. “Be careful out there, you two.”
Oh boy. I hoped Mrs V would get through her first driving lesson unscathed, but I couldn’t help but think that her driving instructor was a Maxi Dent waiting to happen.
What? Come on, you know you love them.
And then there was Winky.
“What do you think you’re doing!” I yelled at him.
“Shush! I need to concentrate. This part is very intricate.”
Not a cat to let the grass grow under his paws, Winky had already moved into the tattoo artist business. His client, a thuggish looking cat, was lying on the sofa while Winky worked on his masterpiece.
“Yeah, shut it, lady!” The thug scowled at me. “I don’t want my tatt ruined.”
“Winky, do you think I could have a quick word, please?”
“Sorry, Bruiser. I’ll only be a few minutes.”
I led the way to the outer office, so we could have some privacy. “What do you think you’re playing at in there?”
“I’m not playing at anything. What you witnessed in there is art in its purest form.”
“Do you even know how to do a tattoo?”
“Of course I do. I found dozens of how-to videos online.”
“That’s alright, then. For a moment there, I thought you were winging it. Seriously, do you really think watching a few videos qualifies you to do work on a live subject?”
“You worry too much. Are we done here? Bruiser doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
“He looks like a thug to me.”
“Shush, don’t let him hear you. He’s had his problems, but he’s done his time, and that’s all in the past now.”
“What kind of problems?”
“Winky!” The thunderous voice came from my office. “What are you doing out there? I don’t have all day, you know.”
“I have to go.” Winky scurried back to his client. “Don’t disturb us again.”
Did Winky seriously expect me to wait outside my own office while he tattooed some ne’er-do-well? I love that word—I should use it more often. If he did, he was in for a rude awakening because I was going to throw that thug out on his fat backside.
But, before I could do that, my phone rang.
“It’s Jack. I’ve managed to swing it for you to watch the town centre CCTV from last Saturday, but you’ll have to get around there straight away because the guy I spoke to goes off shift in an hour.”
“Okay. Who do I ask for?”
“Dave de Rave.”
“What kind of name is that?”
“That’s what he said. I think his parents must be French or something.”
“Okay, thanks. I’ll go straight over there. See you later.”
“Hold on a second. That’s not all. I also spoke to Kathy, and she said they’d be delighted to have us over for dinner tonight.”
“Well done, you. Did it take much doing?”
“No, I told her that I was tired of your cooking, and she understood straight away.”
Cheek!
Bruiser had been handed a temporary reprieve, but he’d better be gone by the time I got back or there’d be big trouble.
The council offices that monitored the city centre CCTV were only a five minute walk from my building.
“I’m here to see Dave de Rave,” I said, in my best French accent. I’m Jill Maxwell—he’s expecting me.”
The young woman behind the desk blew and then popped a bubble-gum bubble. “Who did you say you wanted to see?”
“Dave de Rave.”
“There’s no one here of that name.”
“He works in the department that monitors the city centre CCTV.”
“Oh!” She grinned. “You mean Dave the Rave.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah. His name’s actually David Edwards, but everyone calls him Dave the Rave.”
“Right, well, if you could let him know I’m here, please.”
“Sure. Take a seat over there, would you?”
As the receptionist picked up the phone, she made the fatal mistake of blowing another bubble. It took her several minutes to pull all the gum off the handset before she was able to complete the call. Eventually, though, the man was summoned to reception.
“Jill? I’m Dave the Rave.”
<
br /> The reason for his nickname was now apparent. With his smiley-face t-shirt and baseball cap, the man was a throwback to the nineties rave culture. What surprised me most, though, was the glowstick he was holding.
“Pleased to meet you, Dave.” I shook his free hand. “Are you allowed to bring those into work?”
“The glowstick?” He laughed. “It’s actually a pen. Realistic, though, isn’t it? The missus got it for my birthday.”
“I take it you’re into nineties music?”
“Best decade ever. I was at Uni in Manchester back then. Good times.”
“Did Jack tell you what I wanted to view?”
“He did. I’ve got it all set up for you. Follow me.”
Dave did a quick run-through of the controls, but then left me to it. I had the photos of Mark and Susan on my phone, and I knew approximately when and where the taxi driver had dropped them on the high street, so I was hopeful that it wouldn’t take long for me to pick them out.
Three minutes into the footage, the pair appeared—getting out of the taxi. They then walked arm in arm up the high street before disappearing out of range of that camera. After switching to the next camera, I picked up their progress as they took a right off the high street, and walked along the road where my offices are based.
What happened next took me completely by surprise: when they reached my office building, they went inside.
Chapter 7
Unless Mark and Susan had left by the rear fire exit, their only way out of the building would have been through the same door they went in. I whizzed through several hours of CCTV footage, but there was no sign of them leaving. I was on the point of calling it quits when I saw two young people emerge from the front door.
It wasn’t Mark and Susan; it was Lucas and Wendy from Escape, and it was obvious that they were arguing about something.
“How are you doing?” Dave the Rave came back into the room. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Not exactly, but it’s been very helpful all the same.” I stood up. “Thanks for letting me do this.”
“No problem.” He handed me a note.
“What’s this?”
“Do yourself a favour and listen to some good music. These are my favourite nineties playlists on Spotify.”
