“No. You don’t ever have to pretend with me,” he said, meeting her gaze.
She licked her lips and glanced away, hoping she wasn’t making a mistake.
A few minutes later, Gabe pulled into the driveway of Rob’s house. All was quiet on the two properties. There were no lights on at her house, so she assumed her father was still out.
“Where to now?” Gabe asked as they got out of the car. “It’s getting dark.”
“There’s a lantern in Rob’s house. I’ll grab it.”
“You’re being very mysterious,” he said.
She smiled. “You just don’t like to be the one not in charge.”
She entered Rob’s house and took the lantern out of the closet. She turned it on, relieved to see that the batteries still worked, then turned it off again. As she walked through the living room, she swiped the afghan off the back of Rob’s couch. Looking around, she was surprised at how the house was beginning to feel more like Gabe’s place than Rob’s. How odd was that? He’d only been there a few days, and Rob had lived there for years. Shaking her head, she met up with Gabe on the porch.
“You can carry this,” she said, handing him the lantern. “Follow me.”
She led him through the woods about a half mile. There were no houses beyond Rob’s for at least two miles, just a lot of trees and the constant hum of the water running downstream. Gabe stayed on her heels, not asking any more questions. He was a lot different in that regard from Keith. Keith was more of a talker, which she usually liked, because it meant she didn’t have to work too hard to keep the conversation going.
Sometimes she wondered just how much Keith listened. But how many men were good at that? She certainly hadn’t met too many. Connor had loved the sound of his own voice, whether he was singing his songs or telling Irish tales over a shot of whiskey. Justin took after his father, too; he loved to talk. Whenever she went to a parent-teacher conference, they always said Justin was a great kid, but he needed to learn how to listen.
Maybe he could learn that from Gabe. But would Gabe be around long enough to form a relationship with her son? That was still to be determined, but she didn’t want to think about the future right now. Tomorrow would come soon enough.
Gabe turned on the lantern, throwing some light over their path. She didn’t really need it; she’d roamed these woods since she was a little girl.
“We’re almost there,” she told him.
Five minutes later, she took a left turn and headed toward an old abandoned dock by the river. “This was the original launching pad for Hayden River Adventures,” she said.
“No kidding. Why the move upstream?”
“This part of the river is more prone to flooding. Everything got wiped out in the early sixties in a monster storm, so they moved to higher ground.”
“Not that high. I’m sure you could still flood.”
“Twice, but that’s part of living by a river.” She spread the blanket out on the dock and sat down, motioning for Gabe to do the same. Then she pulled the bottle of tequila out of her bag.
Gabe leaned over to read the label. “Don Juan Blanco. I thought so.”
“It was Rob’s favorite tequila, and my dad’s, and my grandfather’s, another male tradition passed down. Rob had his first taste of it on his eighteenth birthday.”
“When did you have your first taste?”
“My eighteenth birthday,” she said, meeting his gaze. “Rob brought the bottle to me later that night, and we came down here and we had a shot together. We did the same thing every year after that, until Rob went away. We made a promise that if we weren’t together, we’d still take a drink and toast each other.” Her eyes watered a little, but she sniffed back the tears. She wanted to celebrate Rob, not mourn him. “I don’t really know if he found this particular brand when he was overseas, but—”
“But he always took a shot of tequila on his birthday,” Gabe said. “Or as close to his birthday as he could get.”
“You were with him some of those times?”
“A lot of those times. So, what are you waiting for?”
He ripped open the bag of plastic cups and pulled two out while she unscrewed the bottle cap. She poured two cups half full and handed him one.
“To Rob, the best brother in the world.”
Gabe held up his cup. “To Rob, the best friend in the world.”
She smiled at him as they clicked their plastic cups together, and then she drank it all down in one long shot. It burned down her throat, warming her from the inside out.
“Very good,” Gabe said. He held up his empty cup. “I need some more. I have another toast to make.”
“In that case …” She refilled their cups. “What’s your toast?”
“To you, Alicia. Happy birthday.”
She clicked her cup to his and drank again. “Thank you.” She drew in a deep breath of fresh, cool air. “I don’t want to be sad anymore. Does that sound bad?” She couldn’t believe she’d said the words out loud. They seemed so wrong. “It’s only been a few weeks, but I feel the sadness dragging me down, and while part of me wants to sink into the misery and just hide under the covers, I have a son, and I don’t want to drag him down with me.”
“That’s why you didn’t want him to spend your birthday with you.”
“Exactly. I wanted Justin to have a good day with no sad moments. But let’s talk about something else, something besides me and my problems. In fact, let’s talk about you.”
He handed her his empty cup. “I’m going to need another shot.”
She poured some tequila into his cup and then refilled her own. She took only a sip this time as she studied Gabe’s face. The lantern was hard pressed to compete with the night shadows, but maybe shadows were better for tonight. “Tell me something about yourself that I don’t know. What did you like about being a marine?”
“I was proud to serve my country. It gave my life some honor.”
“You don’t think you would have found that without the Marines?”
“I’ll never know.”
“I think you would have. You have a core of strength that’s there no matter what you do.” His jaw tightened as if he weren’t comfortable with the compliment. “You just need to loosen up a little,” she teased. “So, what’s your favorite food?”
“Spaghetti and meatballs.”
“Not particularly imaginative but not bad.”
“I’m so glad you approve,” he said with a grin. “What about you?”
“I have a lot of favorites. Chicken marsala, the way Kelly makes it. She does this special kind of sauce …” Kelly was another topic she needed to avoid. “And for dessert, fresh strawberries on angel food cake.”
“Hot apple pie with vanilla ice cream for me.”
“You are an all-American guy.”
“I’ll drink to that.” He raised his cup and drank.
She followed suit, feeling a lot more relaxed.
“What was it like getting pregnant so young?” he asked.
“Terrifying.”
“Did you ever consider not having the baby?”
“Not for a minute. Thankfully, Connor didn’t push for that. My dad was so upset when I told him the news. But he surprised me with his support. And Rob, too, was great about it. He was there in the delivery room with me. Well, actually, he hung out by the door with Connor, who was having a major panic attack at the idea of being a father. Kelly was the one who held my hand through the contractions.” She drew in another breath. “Anyway, it was hard at first, but I kind of grew into the role. I didn’t know much, but I knew I loved Justin, and I wanted to be there for him every second of every day. I made a promise that I would never leave him the way my mother left me.”
“I have no doubt that you will keep that promise.”
“I thought it would get easier as Justin got older, but there are always new challenges. Just when I think I’ve got one thing conquered, something else comes up. Someone once told
me ‘bigger kids, bigger problems,’ and they were right. But I’ll deal. I just wish Rob was going to be here to see it all unfold.”
Gabe reached for the bottle and poured them both two more shots. Handing her back her cup, he said, “Okay, your turn. Favorite book?”
“Little Women. I loved those girls, and I always wanted sisters. What about you?”
“The Red Badge of Courage.”
“Of course, a war story,” she said with a grin. “And you didn’t even hesitate to come up with that title.”
“I could give you a dozen more. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The Island of the Blue Dolphins, The Chronicles of Narnia.”
“You’ve surprised me. I wouldn’t have taken you for a reader.”
“When you don’t have a home you want to go to, you have to find somewhere to hang out, so I went to the library. It was free and warm, and sometimes they even had food in there. I would read until I got kicked out.”
It saddened her to think of the kind of childhood Gabe had lived, but the hardships had made him the man he was today, someone she respected. The more she got to know him, the better she understood why Rob had been so willing to follow Gabe into any battle.
“I had to find my heroes in books,” Gabe continued, tossing back his shot of tequila. “They certainly weren’t present anywhere else in my life.”
“You were Rob’s hero.”
“No,” he said sharply. “That’s the last thing I was.”
She stared back at him, surprised at the sudden anger in his expression. “I don’t blame you anymore, Gabe.”
“Well, you should.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think you let Rob die. I think you did everything you could to save him, because that’s who you are.”
“You don’t know what it was like out there.”
“No, but I knew my brother, and he had good instincts about people.”
Gabe let out a sigh. “Why are you being nice to me now? You hated me before. You should stick with that.”
A moment of tense silence passed between them. “If I hated you, Gabe, it was only because I loved you, too.”
“We only knew each other a week,” he ground out.
“It wasn’t love; it was great sex.”
“I can have my own opinion of what it was. Obviously, you didn’t feel the same way.”
“I didn’t want to feel that way. You had a kid.”
“You didn’t want to see me again because of Justin?”
“Not because of him—because I couldn’t be a husband or a father.”
“I wasn’t asking you to marry me back then. I just wanted to keep things open, but you were determined to shut it all down. You tried to make me hate you.”
“I thought I’d succeeded,” he said.
“For a while,” she agreed, meeting his gaze. “And then you came back.”
“But I’m leaving again,” he quickly pointed out.
“You could leave right now.”
“Not until things are settled around here.”
“Is that a warning—don’t get involved, because you’ve still got one foot out the door?”
“Do you need a warning? I thought you were with Keith.”
His words startled her. He was right. She was with Keith. What the hell was she doing? “I think I’m a little drunk.”
“Yeah, me, too, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” he said dryly.
She lay back on the deck and stared up at the sky. The stars had come out in full force, and there in the dark woods, there was nothing to dim their shine. “Do you know the constellations?”
“Yes.”
“From books or from being a marine?”
“Both. The stars can be a good compass.”
“What’s the most amazing place you’ve ever been?”
He stretched out next to her, staring up at the sky. “Cairo was fascinating, all that history. Dubai is also an amazing city.”
“I can’t even imagine.”
“They’re both a lot more crowded than here.”
“Just about any place is.”
“But not nearly as peaceful. The river is like a song that lulls you to sleep. I can hear it at night.”
“A reassuring beat,” she agreed. “Like someone else’s heart next to yours.”
Gabe turned onto his side. “What was it like being a twin?”
She thought for a moment. “It was amazing and weird and sometimes a little irritating. I adored Rob, but we were always together, always being compared. My parents would buy two of everything. It was easier than picking out something for me and something for him. I got a lot of boy presents, especially after Mom took off to find herself. When she was around, she used to try to give me some girl stuff, but the truth is that I was always kind of a tomboy. And she was a girlie girl. We didn’t have a lot in common.”
“Do you keep in touch?”
“She sends me cards now and then, e-mails, the occasional phone call that’s usually polite and awkward and we’re both relieved when it’s over. I was angry with her for a long time, but once I had Justin, it changed me. I understood more what it meant to have a kid and how hard it could be. I still don’t think she was right to move away. It would have been great if she could have at least stayed in town, but she just didn’t like River Rock. She wasn’t from here, and she missed her family, and we weren’t enough for her.”
“You sound very well-adjusted.”
She uttered a short laugh. “I’m glad I come off that way. Like I said, I was mad for a long time, but I can’t hate her forever, right?”
“Well, hate doesn’t change the facts.”
She sat up, hearing the gloom in his voice. “You need another drink.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“It’s traditional to finish the bottle,” she said, slurring her words a bit.
Gabe smiled. “Who usually finished it, you or Rob?”
“Who can remember? We were drunk,” she said with a laugh. She poured two more cups. “Let’s drink to you this time.” She lifted her cup. “To the man who …” She thought for a moment, trying to find the right words.
“It’s taking you a little too long to think of something,” Gabe said.
“Sh-sh, I’ve almost got it.” She raised her cup higher. “To the man who makes me believe everything is going to be okay.”
“It will be okay,” he said as their cups met.
She drained her cup. “It could be better than just okay,” she said, the liquor setting off the sparks that had been simmering all night.
He tossed back the rest of his tequila. “You’re looking for trouble, Alicia. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Have I found it?” she asked, feeling reckless.
A split second of indecision, and then he tossed his cup aside. She did the same, her gaze never leaving his.
Then he reached for her, but his kiss was far too brief. He immediately pulled away. “What am I doing? You’re drunk.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“You’re going to hate me,” he said with cynical certainty.
“Well, didn’t you say that would be easier?” This time, she reached for him, wrapping her arms around his neck as her mouth sought his. She needed his heat, his touch, his taste. She needed it all. She wanted to lose herself in him.
After his initial resistance, Gabe met her kiss for kiss, each one lasting longer, going deeper, making her head spin and her body ache for more than just a kiss. She shrugged out of her sweater and pulled her top over her head. Then she lay back on the dock.
He stared at her for a long minute. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.
“You’re too far away.”
He pulled off his shirt, revealing a strong, powerful chest, not an ounce of fat anywhere. She wanted to slide her hands over those hard abs and then down his jeans to the bulge that was growing larger by the se
cond.
Before she could move, Gabe was on top of her, his tongue sliding into her mouth, kissing away what little sense she had left, which was fine with her. She didn’t want to think or worry; she just wanted to feel something besides sadness, to be with the man who had haunted her dreams for three long years.
Gabe’s mouth left hers. She immediately felt an empty ache, but then his mouth trailed down her jaw-line, her neck, his tongue tracing the line of her collarbone, and she found herself holding her breath as his mouth slid lower. His lips moved along the edge of her bra, and she willed him to push it aside, but he didn’t seem to be in as big a hurry as she was.
She ran her hands through his hair, guiding him a little with her hands, so there would be no mistake about what she wanted.
He finally flicked open the front clasp of her bra and pushed the edges aside. The air was cold against her breasts, but the heat that came with his mouth as his tongue swirled around her nipple drove an electrical charge down the rest of her body. She squirmed under him, feeling the weight of his body and still wanting more.
His hand slid down her belly, playing with the snap on her jeans. She helped him open it, and his fingers slipped inside her panties. Her breath came fast, her heart pounding against her chest. It was too much and yet not enough.
“I need you, Gabe,” she said.
He lifted his head, his dark eyes glittering with desire, his rough features so handsome in the moonlight.
“No clothes,” she whispered. “Just you and me.”
He kissed her hard on the mouth as she slid out of her jeans and then helped him off with his. Then she pulled him back on top of her, reveling in the power of his body as he parted her legs and slid inside. They moved together as if they’d never been apart, as if their bodies had found their way back home.
Sixteen
Alicia woke up to the bright sun shining in her eyes. It took her a minute to realize that she was still on the dock, wrapped up in Gabe’s arms and the blanket he’d pulled around them after they’d made love for the second time. “Oh, my God,” she said, sitting up abruptly. She glanced down at her watch, and her heart sank even more. “It’s almost eight. I told Justin I’d call him before school started.”
The Way Back Home Page 21
