She was surprised. “Wow, I don’t even know what to say. I guess, thank you.”
“Just be careful, Alicia. I don’t want to see anyone else get hurt.”
“I don’t, either.”
Kelly spent all day Tuesday in the hospital waiting room about thirty miles away from River Rock. She hadn’t told anyone about Ian’s confession, not even Jared. He’d been gone when she woke up, which was a relief. She didn’t know what she’d been thinking, sleeping with him the night before. Not that anything had happened. In fact, she’d slept better than she had in a very long time.
There was something so comfortable about Jared. He knew her well, and she didn’t have to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. He didn’t annoy her nearly as much as he used to. She was starting to like him … although that thought scared the hell out of her. It was far too soon for her to be feeling anything for another man. She owed Brian that much—didn’t she?
Shaking her head, she set down the magazine that she wasn’t really reading and leaned her head back against the wall. Her mother’s surgery had been delayed because the doctor had had an emergency to tend to first, so she still had probably another half hour to wait until her mom was in recovery. She wasn’t anticipating any problems, but it was hard not to worry. Lately, it seemed that anything that could go wrong did go wrong.
She pulled out her cell phone and tried Ian’s number again. He hadn’t been at the house when she’d picked up her mom, which wasn’t a good sign. She really hoped he hadn’t taken off somewhere, but she knew he was scared. She was scared for him. She didn’t know what kind of consequences he would face for cutting Alicia’s fuel line, and it hurt to think that her little brother might go to jail. How could she let that happen? But how could she stay quiet over something so serious, so important?
The door to the waiting room opened, and she looked up in surprise as Jared strode through the door with two cups of coffee in a tray and a paper bag under his arm.
She got up to greet him. “What are you doing here?”
“Thought you might want some coffee and some company.”
“That’s so nice of you,” she said, taking the coffees and setting them down on the table. She resumed her seat. “Are they both the same?”
“Latte on the left, nonfat, plenty of caffeine, and mocha on the right, also nonfat.”
“Both favorites,” she said. “Very good choices. Are you having one?”
“Whichever one you don’t want.” He sat down next to her. “How’s it going here?”
“It’s probably going to be another half hour, I hope not more than that,” she replied, taking a sip of coffee. “This is much better than what’s in the cafeteria.”
“I figured.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” she asked, noting that he’d traded in his work overalls for clean jeans and a long-sleeved button-down plaid shirt.
“It was a slow day. I took off early.”
“Is your dad okay with that?”
He gave her a smile. “I’m not sixteen anymore. My dad and I are partners.”
“He’s still your dad, and as I recall, he was always tough on you.”
“He’s mellowed a little. In fact, he spends more days fishing with his buddies than at the shop.”
“Is the shop going to be enough for you?”
“I didn’t think it was, but in the last year or two, I find myself enjoying it more and more. It’s nice to be my own boss, and I’m good at what I do. I like cars. I enjoy working on them.” He paused. “I know you think I settled.”
“I don’t think that,” she said quickly. “I was rude when I said that before. Who am I to judge your choices?”
“Well, I used to think I was settling, too, taking the easy way out by working for my dad, but the business has grown on me.”
“Sometimes what we think we want isn’t really what we need.”
He tipped his cup to hers. “I’ll drink to that.” He took a sip. “By the way, I spoke to Alicia earlier. She came by to check on her car.”
“Is it fixed?”
“The gas line has been repaired, but I have to replace another part, so I told her she’d have it tomorrow.”
“I’m sure she’ll be glad to get it back.” She took another drink, debating whether she wanted to tell Jared about Ian.
“So …” he began. “Sorry about crashing on your bed last night.”
“It was fine. I was tired, too,” she said, feeling a bit awkward under his thoughtful gaze. “I was going to kick you out, but then I fell asleep. When I woke up, you were gone. I didn’t hear you leave.”
“I didn’t want to wake you.”
“It wasn’t a big deal,” she said, feeling as if she needed to make that point.
“I didn’t think it was.” He glanced down at his coffee cup and then lifted his head. “What did Ian have to say?”
“He admitted that he’s gotten into some trouble gambling and that he owes some guy a lot of money.”
“That’s not good.”
She took a deep breath. “What would you do if someone you were close to had made a big mistake? Would you turn him in?”
His gaze narrowed. “How big a mistake—like setting fire to someone’s house?”
“No, but maybe cutting someone’s gas line.”
He blew out a breath. “Shit, Kelly. That’s bad. Ian did it?”
“I didn’t say that. We’re just talking theoretically. I wouldn’t want to put you in the position of feeling you needed to do anything.”
“You won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t find a way to make this right.”
“Make it right for whom?” she asked in frustration. “Ian, myself—Alicia?”
“All of the above.”
She paused. “I know I have to do something.”
“Or get Ian to come clean if he theoretically did something,” he added dryly.
“He was gone when I picked up my mom this morning. I told him not to go anywhere, to let me help him, but he obviously didn’t listen. I don’t know where he went or if he’s coming back.”
“How much money does he have?”
“I’m not sure about that, either.”
Jared stared at her for a long moment. “Did Ian come up with this idea on his own?”
“He said the guy he owes money to said his debt would be forgiven if he cut the line.”
“Who’s that guy?”
“He didn’t give me a name. But he referred to him as a bookie.” Something flashed in Jared’s eyes. “Do you know who I’m talking about?”
“I have an idea.”
“Want to give me a name?”
“Since we’re speaking theoretically, I don’t think so.”
“Jared,” she said, frowning, “if you know something, you have to tell me.”
“Let me do a little research first.”
“You can’t tell anyone about Ian until I figure out what to do.”
“I won’t. You can trust me, Kelly.”
For a few minutes, they sat quietly, sipping their coffee.
“I really hate hospitals, especially this one,” she said. “Being here reminds me of when my dad died of cancer. He was in this hospital off and on for months. We kept thinking he’d beat it, but he didn’t. I still remember the day he died. It was horrible.”
He put his hand on her leg. “Your mom isn’t going to die today. Everything will be fine.”
She met his gaze. “You really are the nicest man, Jared.”
“It’s about time you figured that out,” he said with a smile. “It’s taken you long enough.”
“Maybe you weren’t always this nice.”
“And maybe you just never noticed. By the way, next time we sleep together, we’re going to do a lot more than sleep.”
She choked on her coffee, coughing so hard tears came to her eyes.
Jared laughed and patted her back. “Just think about it,” he said.
A
s if she’d be able to think of anything else.
Alicia arrived at Justin’s school a few minutes before dismissal. She’d borrowed her dad’s car again, a fifteen-year-old Jeep that her dad loved but hadn’t been able to drive since the accident. She hoped her dad would be able to reclaim his driving privileges soon.
She got out of the car and leaned against it, taking a minute to enjoy the unusually warm spring day. It was so lovely under the trees that she could almost forget all of the problems waiting for her back home. Then a sedan pulled up behind her car, and she was surprised to see Keith.
“I thought I was picking David up,” she said as he joined her.
“My last conference canceled,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.
It was a light, friendly kiss, but his lips felt wrong, and in that moment, she knew that she was just kidding herself thinking that she could go back to Keith now that she’d been with Gabe. Whether she ended up with Gabe or not, she wasn’t going to be with Keith. He was a perfectly nice man, but he didn’t rock her world, and while she’d once thought that life would be easier without that kind of rocking, now she knew it wouldn’t be enough.
She wanted passion with love. One without the other wasn’t enough. With Gabe, she had passion, but did she have love? With Keith, she had love but not enough sparks.
Was she being too picky? Did she want too much? How many men would be willing to commit to a single mother with an almost-ten-year-old son? Especially since she lived in a town where single eligible men were a hot commodity.
“Alicia?” Keith asked.
She started. “Sorry, what did you say?”
He gazed back at her, his normally easygoing smile absent from his face. “Where were you?”
“Just daydreaming.”
“About us?”
“Partly.” As she spoke, the bell rang. Kids would be pouring through the door in less than a minute, and she really didn’t want to have a serious conversation with Keith right then.
He actually looked a little relieved by her answer, which made her feel guilty. It was one thing to string herself along; it was another to take someone with her. Keith deserved to be with someone as great as he was, someone who wasn’t panting after some other guy. But Gabe wasn’t staying forever. Did she really want to break up with Keith when Gabe would probably be nothing but a memory in a few weeks?
Justin and David came running out of the school together.
“Can we get ice cream?” Justin asked.
She’d been saying no to Justin about so many things lately. Stopping for ice cream was the least of her worries. “All right. Do you two want to come along?”
“Sounds good,” Keith said, and David nodded enthusiastically.
They piled into her car and headed into town to Sally’s Ice Cream Parlor, known as the best ice cream in the county. It was also the only ice cream parlor in the county, but that was beside the point.
Alicia had a single scoop of mint chocolate chip, while the boys and Keith ordered doubles of various flavors in waffle cones. Justin and David would be bouncing off the walls from the influx of sugar, not that Justin needed much encouragement. He was a lot like Rob, a whirlwind of energy, his mind racing from one topic to the next. But he was a lot of fun and as friendly as could be.
They took their ice cream to one of the outside tables, the boys immediately distracted by the arrival of one of their friends with his new puppy.
“I’m glad we have a minute to talk alone,” Keith said as the boys joined their friend. “What’s going on with your business?”
“We’re rebuilding and reordering equipment.”
Keith didn’t look too happy with her answer. “Sounds like it’s full steam ahead.”
“Does that bother you?”
“I can’t say I’m happy about it. I feel like you’re just asking for more trouble.”
“I’m not asking for it. If it comes, it comes. I have every right to run a rafting business. Despite the gossip and rumors, there has never been any evidence to prove that Brian’s accident wasn’t an accident.”
“But with so many people in town against you, where will you get customers?”
“We’ve actually had a few inquiries from potential customers. Simon, our lead guide, will be back later in the week, and he may have some ideas on how to generate more business. My dad believes that with time, people will forget, or they’ll finally understand that what happened last year was a tragic fluke. A lot of our customers are out-of-towners, so it depends on how much research they do for whether or not they’ll be bothered by what happened. Eighty percent of our trips are not in any way dangerous.”
“You’re making a good argument.”
“I feel like I have to prove something to you.”
“I see Justin take a lot of heat from other kids, and certainly you and your dad have suffered. I can’t help wondering if it’s worth it.”
“I don’t know, but if I choose to walk away from the business, it will be on my terms.”
“You’ve changed in the last week.”
“What do you mean?” she asked in surprise.
“There’s a new determination in your eyes, your voice. The last few months, you’ve been halfhearted about getting the business going again. Now you’re practically waving a flag and marching down Main Street announcing your intention.”
“I don’t like being attacked. I will defend myself.”
“Yeah, I get that,” he said heavily. “I just wish …”
“What?” she prodded.
“We don’t spend as much time together as we used to, and I can’t see that changing once you’re back out on the river.” He paused. “I love Justin. He’s been great for David. And I don’t want you to think I don’t love spending time with both of them. But I don’t want to be your babysitter.”
“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way.”
“It’s nothing you’ve done, just a pattern that’s developed the last few weeks.”
She nodded, her heart beating a little faster. They were coming to a crossroads. Whatever choice she made could change her life.
Keith gazed into her eyes. “I didn’t mean to start this now. It’s not the right time or place.”
“But you’re feeling like things aren’t right anymore.”
“That sounds like what you’re feeling,” he said.
“My life has gotten very complicated.”
“You can simplify it by making some changes.” He paused. “I care about you, Alicia. I think we could be great together. We could make a family with our boys. But I need to know you’re committed to making that work as much as you are to getting your rafts back out on the water. If you’re not, I need to know that, too. You tried to talk to me the other day, and I blew you off. I think I sensed that I wasn’t going to like what you had to say. But that was stupid, because we have two kids who are thinking that they’re going to be brothers. And the longer this goes on, the more they’ll think that. Neither one of us wants to hurt them.”
She swallowed hard. “But we can’t have a relationship just for the kids.”
“No, we can’t. I know what real love feels like. I had it with my wife. I’d like to have it again someday.” He met her gaze. “When you know a person is right for you—you just know.”
“Is that how it was with you and David’s mother?”
“From the first day. Are you worried about being second to her?”
“No,” she said immediately. “I would never want to take her place.”
He gave her a long, thoughtful look. “Is Gabe part of your past?”
She cleared her throat. “Why would you ask that?”
“Just something about the way the two of you are together, the way you look at each other. He’s very protective of you, and I don’t think it’s just because of his relationship with your brother.”
This was her moment of truth. She needed to come clean and tell Keith about her relationship with Gabe. She
couldn’t possibly go forward without being completely honest with him. It wasn’t in her nature to lie or deceive, but she also didn’t want to hurt him.
“I do have feelings for Gabe,” she said slowly. “I don’t know if they’re going anywhere. There are a lot of reasons why nothing could ever work between us.”
Keith nodded, disappointment in his eyes. “But you need to find out.”
“I do,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. You are an incredible guy, so I really haven’t wanted to end things with you. But I’m not being fair to you.”
“Or to yourself.”
She felt a wave of sadness, knowing that they weren’t going to recover from this conversation, and she did care a great deal about Keith. “So, we’re over?”
“It sure seems that way.”
“Should we say something to the boys?” Justin was so happy playing with his friends and the puppy. She hated to bring any more sadness into her son’s life.
“Why don’t we wait until the weekend? Make sure that’s what we both still want to do.”
Nineteen
After ice cream, Alicia drove Justin home. Gabe was still working on the building, but she headed straight into the house, too emotionally spent to get into a conversation with him. She hoped she was doing the right thing breaking up with Keith, but part of her wondered if she wasn’t being a romantic fool.
Keith was a good man, and she was walking away from him—but who was she walking to? Gabe didn’t want to give her a commitment. She was more than likely going to end up with no one.
Her turmoil grew as the hours passed. She tried to focus on dinner and then homework with Justin, but her restlessness grew, and by the time she was cleaning up the kitchen just before Justin’s bedtime, she was completely out of sorts.
Jamming a pan into the crowded dishwasher, she tried telling herself that she was better with no man than with one she didn’t love or one who didn’t love her.
“What’s got you so fired up?” her dad asked, taking a beer out of the refrigerator.
“Nothing.”
“Then stop trying to squeeze that pot into the dishwasher. Some things just don’t fit.”
The Way Back Home Page 25
