by Kim Lawrence
“Only the things I want to give away. You can have first crack at anything you want. Matt has a set of dishes we’re using. Now that we’re married, we’ll get what we want as a couple.” She stared at the dishes, remembering Matt telling her to get what she wanted, that he didn’t care that much. She wanted Matt to be as excited about setting up house together as she was.
“Who did Matt go sailing with?” Amber asked as they sat at the table as they had for so many years.
“He and his friends from work, Dex and Tony. It’s Tony’s boat.”
“The sailboat you went on?” Amber asked.
Sara nodded, slathering cream cheese on her bagel and then placing some of the fish on top. Biting into it, she savored the delightful flavors.
“Guys only?” Amber asked before taking a bit of her own.
“I don’t think so,” Sara said, “I was invited, but declined. I don’t need to feel seasick, I get enough queasiness from the baby as it is.”
Dex’s words suddenly echoed in her mind—playboy of the western world. Surely Matt would honor their marriage vows. He wasn’t flirting with other women. They were happy. Or they were until she got pregnant.
“Mom? Are you all right? You have the most peculiar expression on your face,” Amber said, looking at her in concern.
“I’m fine. Just thinking…” Thinking about the desolation she’d face if Matt decided marriage wasn’t what he wanted. Especially one that now included a baby.
“I changed my mind,” Amber said. “Let’s finish lunch, and then go out. It’s a beautiful day, not too hot, and with a steady breeze. We can go to Golden Gate Park, walk around, go to the Tea Gardens or something. What do you say?”
Sara looked around at the mess on the counters and floor. Just where she’d wanted to go with Matt. However, she’d take what she could get. “Sounds good to me. We’ll leave this until next weekend.”
“Or just leave it all behind. Start your new life with all new things,” Amber suggested.
Matt leaned back, closing his eyes and shutting out the sounds of his friends talking. He let the wind whip through his hair as he absorbed the warmth from the sun. This was what he loved. If he had ever been able to figure out a way to make a good living from sailing, he’d have done that for his career. But the only ways he’d explored consisted of chartering the boat, offering fishing tours, or something that would have strangers in his personal space.
Better to do the job he was so suited for and splurge on Tony’s boat when he got the chance.
And the chances were likely to become fewer and fewer.
He shook his head. He couldn’t get past the fact he was going to become a father. Technically, maybe he was already considered one. But at least Amber could stand on her own feet. What did he know about kids?
He knew enough that most men who had children didn’t take off sailing on a whim. Didn’t plan to extend work trips by a few days to explore the neighboring towns and cities. He wasn’t even sure he knew any men with children who went rock climbing or scuba diving.
Some of the men at work had families. They also had homes that took a lot of work.
Tied down for twenty years. Could he do it?
“Hey, man, come take a turn at the helm,” Tony called.
Matt opened his eyes. Might as well enjoy the day while he could.
“What are you going to do?” he asked as he ambled over and replaced Tony at the wheel.
“Catch some rays. Talk with that pretty lady I brought.” He winked at Annie.
“Fine. I’m heading out beyond the bridge,” Matt said, nodding toward the Golden Gate Bridge that spanned the opening to the San Francisco Bay from the Pacific.
“Go for it, weather’s great, the swells won’t be too big.” Tony went to sit beside his wife. Dex and his date were forward, enjoying the bow. Josh Pendar was the other man from work, he and his steady were lounging on the aft section.
Matt wished he’d stayed home, or brought Sara. But he didn’t think she’d be up to another sail until after the baby came. She hadn’t fared so well on the first one they took. Who expected then that she was pregnant? Still, the leg back had been fun. He entertained some thought to buying a boat for the two of them. He could take some time from work. They could have sailed to Hawaii or Alaska or something.
Unless they moved to London. Funny how they hadn’t discussed that at all once he’d learned about the baby.
He studied the water ahead of them, turned into the wind a bit more, calling for Josh and Tony to trim the sails to capture the full thrust of the wind. Sailing usually completely drove any problems from his mind. It refreshed him.
Not today, however. He kept thinking of the future, wondering what he was going to do. He and Sara had not known each other for long. He’d thought they’d marry, and things would continue much as before for him—only he’d have his wife with him when he visited other cities and countries.
The reality so far had proved far different. And was changing even more with a baby on the way.
“Hey, man, you still need us to help move your furniture in a couple of weeks?” Dex asked.
“Hold off on plans,” Matt said. “I’m not sure I’m signing the lease.”
CHAPTER NINE
SARA and Amber enjoyed their afternoon in Golden Gate Park. They wandered the paths in the oasis of green surrounded by apartments and houses on three sides, and the Pacific on one end. The Japanese Tea Gardens were lovely, and quiet. They savored the ritualistic Japanese Tea Ceremony and browsed the gift shop before heading to the Conservatory of Flowers. Examining the exotic varieties of flowers and plants was fascinating, but Sara loved the butterfly exhibit best. Would her baby like to watch the small insects flutter around?
As the afternoon wore on, she grew tired. But she was determined to make the most of her day off as Matt was his.
“Want to eat dinner at the Wharf?” she asked Amber. Her daughter’s favorite treat when growing up was to indulge in clam chowder at one of the hole-in-the-wall restaurants at the Wharf. Not the fancy ones flooded by tourists, but one of the smaller places that catered to locals.
“I’d love it. Want to call Matt and tell him where to join us or go home first?” Amber asked.
“I’ll call him. I’m not sure when they were due back. Depends on how far they went, I guess.”
When she dialed his cell phone, there was no answer—he was out of service range. She called the apartment and left a message, explaining carefully where the restaurant was so he could find it.
“I don’t know if he’ll make it,” she said slowly when she hung up.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Amber said as they began slowly walking toward the Muni bus stop. The metro line would take them to downtown where they could catch the Powell Street cable car which would take them to the wharf. From there, they could walk back to Matt’s place after dinner.
“What is?” Sara asked.
“Being married. For you and for me.”
“It’s sure changed things,” Sara agreed.
“Not so much for me as for you. Jimmy was hardly here. We spent less time together than I expected. Did I tell you he wants to continue in the military? He mentioned it a couple of times when he was here. Yesterday I got another letter from him in which he says he is really thinking about it. He likes that kind of life. But I don’t know if I will.”
“You’d get to travel.”
“Or he would and I’d be stuck in the States somewhere. It’s a dangerous profession these days. He has the chance to get out in another year, why wouldn’t he?”
“You two need to discuss it. Surely he wouldn’t make a decision like that without telling you,” Sara said.
“Who knows? I sometimes feel I don’t know him as well as I thought I did. He’s changed since we were in high school together.”
“So have you. You know what you want to do, and are working toward a degree to enable you to teach. You can do that anywhere, so moving woul
dn’t be a hardship. I’m sure he’s changed since being in the Army.”
“Mom, you’re the one who longs for new places and new sights. I like living here. I don’t want to pack up and move every few years. I sort of pictured us living here in San Francisco all the time. Like his parents do.”
“Tell Jimmy. He needs to know how you feel.” Sara said, struck by her own words. Maybe she needed to share her fears and concerns with Matt.
But to what end? To have him confirm them?
The phone rang four times before the machine answered.
“Sara? It’s Matt. If you’re home, pick up.” He waited a moment. Was she napping? Or was she still at her old apartment?
“I’m at Tony’s. The sailing was great. We just got back and are having dinner in a little while. Call me when you get home and I’ll come get you.” He rattled off Tony’s phone number and hung up.
He tried the other apartment, getting no response there either. Maybe she was between the two and would call back in a few minutes.
“Sara coming?” Tony asked when Matt rejoined the others in the great room.
“She didn’t answer. I’ll try again in a bit.”
He tried twice more before dinner, leaving a brief message each time. He was starting to worry. It was already dark outside, she wouldn’t have stayed out so late if she’d gone for a walk or something. Where was she?
As soon as he finished eating, he left. He wasn’t worried precisely, Sara was grown and had taken care of herself for many years before meeting him. But he was concerned. Where was she?
“That was fun, Mom. Call me next time you want to pack up,” Amber teased as she stopped at the bus stop. The next bus would take her all the way out to the university, near her apartment. A short walk and she’d be home.
“Next time we really have to pack up. We’re due to move soon. We can’t keep stalling,” Sara said.
The big bus pulled into the curb.
“Gotta go. Love ya.” Amber gave her mother a quick hug and stepped onto the bus.
It was only a few blocks to home. Sara turned and headed for the apartment. She’d done too much. She was so tired all she wanted to do was go to bed. But it had been fun to spend the day with Amber. They didn’t do it often enough. She knew her daughter had her own life now. And she had Matt. But for so many years it had been the two of them against the world.
“You need a cell phone,” Matt said as soon as she opened the apartment door.
“What?”
“I called you several times,” he said from across the room. “And when I got home, I heard your message. If you had a cell phone, you could have contacted me directly.”
“I suppose. Sorry you missed dinner with us,” she said, taking off her jacket. Was he angry? He seemed distant.
“You missed dinner with us at Tony’s. We went there afterward,” he said.
“Did you enjoy the sailing?” she asked.
He shrugged. “It was all right. Would have been better if you’d been there.”
A warm glow spread through Sara. She smiled. “I was afraid I’d get sick again. It wasn’t so great when it was just the two of us. I didn’t want to be sick among a boat load of good sailors.”
“How’s Amber?” he asked.
“Fine. We started to pack some things at the other place, but decided to spend the day at the park instead. Then we ate at the Wharf. She has finals this week and wanted a break from studying.”
“I heard your message when I got in. You could have tried my cell.”
“I did, you were out of range.”
“You look tired,” he said, studying her.
“I am. I thought I’d take a quick shower and head for bed.” She might have been talking to a neighbor for all the closeness she felt with this conversation. Why didn’t he come across the room and kiss her?
“I’ll stay up a bit longer. Good night,” Matt said, turning toward the computer he kept in the alcove.
Sara tried to ignore the hurt she felt, but it was impossible. “Matt, we need to talk.” She had advised her daughter of the same thing. It was time she took her own advice.
“Not tonight, Sara,” he said.
“Soon, then.”
He nodded.
Matt drove her to work the next morning, kissing her deeply before letting her out of the car. “See you tonight,” he said.
Sara felt better than she had in a few days after that kiss. She planned to discuss a leave-of-absence with her boss before telling Matt, but if things went as she planned, she could tell him at dinner. It was spring in many parts of the world. She’d love to return to England, or visit another country in Europe if Matt got an assignment there.
Mr. Pepovich wasn’t happy with her request. He threatened to terminate her employment entirely. Despite the fear of that very thing, Sara held firm to her request. She hadn’t told her boss she was pregnant, and didn’t think her assistant has spread the news, so she was spared any discussion about what she was going to do long-term when he reluctantly granted her request.
With the promise of time off beginning at the end of the month, Sara returned to her office. She’d check in with the landlord of the new apartment next, once she cleared the crucial work from her desk, to see if she could start moving things in early.
Caught up in the client files awaiting her review, Sara didn’t realize how much of the morning had passed until she picked up the phone when it rang at eleven-thirty.
“Sara, I’ve got to go to Brussels,” Matt said. “The security setup for a banking consortium there has been breached.”
“Brussels! For how long?” If she’d asked for her leave to start earlier, she could have gone with him.
“I don’t know, a couple of days. I’ll call you. I’ve got to run if I’m going to make the flight.” He hung up.
Sara held the silent receiver for a moment, then replaced it. So much for sharing her news at dinner. It would keep, of course, until the next time they spoke. But she had wanted to tell him at dinner—face-to-face.
Returning early from lunch, Sara dialed the manager of the new apartment building. She could at least see if he was amenable to their bringing things over early. Even if it cost a bit extra, it would make moving easier.
“I still don’t have the signed lease,” the man said when Sara identified herself and made her request.
“But it was signed a couple of weeks ago. I signed it and gave it to Matt. He would have mailed it the next day.” Had it gone astray in the mail?
“I don’t have it. Did you keep a copy of the signed papers?” Mr. Douglas asked.
She didn’t know if Matt had or not. And until he called from Brussels, she couldn’t ask.
“I’ll check and call you back.” Surely he’d call tonight when she got home from work. She’d ask him then and call the landlord in the morning.
“Actually, you will need to let me know soon, I have others interested in the apartment, you know.”
“My husband’s out of town. As soon as I hear from him, I’ll ask. I’ll call you no later than tomorrow, Mr. Douglas.”
What had Matt done with the lease? If he hadn’t kept a copy, would the man wait until Matt returned so they could sign a new one? She didn’t want to lose that apartment. It had been so perfect.
Sara left work early, determined to be home when Matt called. She didn’t want a message on the answering machine.
After changing into comfortable clothes, she went to his desk to see if he’d kept a copy of the signed papers. Rummaging around, she stopped suddenly when she found the original lease. Her signature was clearly on one line. Matt had not signed.
For a moment she felt stunned. The paperwork had arrived the day after she’d told him about the baby. He hadn’t signed it.
Sinking on the sofa, Sara stared at the form, as if it could give her answers.
Why hadn’t he signed and returned the lease?
Sara waited until eleven o’clock before going to bed. Matt
had not called.
The next day she told her assistant to be sure to put Matt through if he phoned. He did not.
Late in the afternoon, she called Aste to ask for Matt’s location. His secretary didn’t know where he was staying, but gave Sara the number for the bank. Unfortunately it was midnight in Brussels. She doubted Matt, or anyone else for that matter, would be at the bank.
Sara rose early the next morning and went to the phone. After endless attempts to locate him, she finally had to leave a message with one of the clerical workers who spoke English.
Twenty minutes later Matt called.
“Sara, is there an emergency? I’m right in the middle of something.”
“I found the lease to the new apartment on your desk. The landlord said he needed it back right away or he’s going to let someone else have our apartment. What’s going on, Matt?” She would not scream her frustration, nor voice her greatest fear. Was he regretting their marriage? Regretting their baby? Was he already making plans to leave?
She heard his sigh over the lines. “We need to talk, but now isn’t a good time,” he said.
Her heart stopped for a second, then began to race. She had said the same thing on Sunday, but now she didn’t want to hear what he had to say. She wanted him to tell her he loved her, that they would stand together through everything and face the future as a couple forever.
“When is a good time? I tried Sunday and you put me off,” she said carefully, afraid she would dissolve in a heap if she didn’t hold on tightly to her emotions.
“Not when I’m on a critical job, that’s for sure,” he snapped.
“Did you have any intention of telling me you didn’t sign the lease? I’ve been packing, planning to move. When were you going to say something, the morning of the move?” Her voice rose. She was getting angry. She wanted to stay cool, collected. Even more, she wanted some answers.
“Sara, I can’t talk from here. I’ll call you later.”
“You said that Monday, and didn’t call. When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know yet.”
