by Sarah Noffke
The mermaid thought this over and then ducked her head under the water, her tail flicking to the surface and splashing them.
“You made her leave. You’re so fucking offensive,” Monet said at her side, a vial in his hand. “If I die from this bite, you’ll pay in the next life.”
“Unfortunately it isn’t fatal,” Azure said, her eyes still on the water in front of them.
“That was a real mermaid! I can’t believe it. I always like to pretend I’m a merman when I take my baths. They’re so graceful. There was this one time when—”
“Shush it for a moment.” Azure cut Blisters off, holding up her hand.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Queen Azure?” Gillian asked, still atop Blisters.
“No. I haven’t known what I’ve been doing for quite some time. You all should have sensed that a while ago.” Azure pressed her hands to her lower back and stared at the river, which was shallow enough for her and Monet’s horse to cross, but much too deep for Blisters.
Mossy water splashed up from the river to assault the group, then a mound of limp plant flew through the air and hit Monet squarely in the face.
“What the fuck?” he exclaimed, his hands pulling the sopping stuff from his cheeks and mouth.
The mermaid surfaced with a coy smile. “Oops. I must have misjudged my aim. There you go. That will keep you from hallucinating. Wrap that around the wound.”
“Hallucinating?” Monet asked, his voice full of excitement. “That’s what mermaid venom does? Why the fuck would I want the antidote for that? Some pay extra to hallucinate.”
Azure shook her head at him. “Hand over the vial, drug addict.”
He slapped the vial into her palm, throwing the soggy plant to the ground.
“Thank you for the antidote, even if my friend is a worthless idiot and doesn’t want to use it. Here you are…” Azure held out the vial to mermaid.
“Breanna,” the mermaid finished her sentence. “And you’re welcome.” She happily took the vial and drank its contents. Now that bona fides had been established, the mermaid of the Conca River appeared easygoing, wearing a playful smile on her face. “You asked about the dangers in and around the river.”
“Yes, can you tell us anything?” Azure asked, her tone greedy.
“I can and will. There are many dangers around the Conca River, but none appear as such. This is a place of great mystery, and what you see isn’t always what it looks like,” Breanne said.
“You’re telling me! Wow! The colors are so bright,” Monet said, his voice distant.
Gillian shook his head at Monet. He’d dismounted and confiscated the river plant, making notes on his trusty pad.
“What dangers should we be looking for?” Azure asked.
“I can’t tell you specifically, because unfortunately they take unpredictable forms. Just note that things aren’t as they appear. And, you will do best if you all stick together. But the dangers you face near the river are not lethal,” the mermaid said, swimming backward, her turquoise tail propelling her.
“Well, that’s a relief,” Azure said, smiling at Gillian.
“The real danger, which will most likely destroy you, lies in the forest on the other side of the river,” the mermaid finished, a sly smile on her sharp mouth, her pointy teeth pronounced.
“You so should have expected that bomb to be dropped,” Monet said with a laugh, his eyes wide as he stared at the darkening sky.
“Yes, by now I really should have,” Azure said over her shoulder. “Can you tell us about the danger that could end us?”
Breanna shook her head. “I’ve got myself to look out for, and can’t have those beasts fishing for me. However, I will tell you that staying close to the river is best. The monsters live deep in the woods, but the worst one can be found in the desert.”
“But we have to venture into the forest and desert eventually.” Gillian was daring to argue with the mermaid.
“Then delay your death as long as you can. That’s my best advice,” Breanne said and then twisted onto her stomach and glided through the water. She ducked down and slapped her tail on the surface.
“What? No formal goodbye? How fucking rude!” Monet said, his hands on his hips.
Azure spun to face Gillian. “We’ve got to cross the river before dark.”
“Can we?” he asked, the question trailing away, his skeptical eyes on the bubbling river.
“Of course,” she said, pulling her wand from her robe’s pocket. She flicked it at Gillian and then Blisters. The two levitated and floated over the rapids of the Conca River.
“Wheeee!” Blisters said, kicking his legs in the air as he enjoyed the ride.
“Stay still, would you?” Azure ordered, concentrating as she directed them down onto the bank on the other side. When Gillian and the unicorn were firmly on the far side, Azure mounted her horse, ready to cross.
“Uhhhh… Queen Showoff, what’s that?” Monet asked, pointing at the woods on the other side of the river.
Azure squinted, noticing a light flicker on in the darkness of the trees. “I’m not sure.”
Gillian dismounted and turned to the forest. “There’s something twinkling just ahead.”
“We’re coming over. Stay there,” Azure ordered, urging her horse forward.
“I’ll just check it out,” Gillian said, heading into the darkness on the other side of the river.
“No! Stay put,” Azure shouted, speeding her horse up but sensing that the mossy rocks underfoot were giving her steed trouble.
“I’ll be fine,” Gillian said, waving her off. “It looks like the lights are just a few feet away. I’ll be right back.” The gnome disappeared into the forest.
Chapter Five
The long grass obscured Gillian’s loafers, so he stepped carefully. The setting sun’s light couldn’t be seen in the dark forest. The curious illumination in the distance kept blinking and shifting. It wasn’t like anything the gnome had ever seen, but it was just a light. How could it seem so different? He strode forward, pushing back a leaf that was nearly as tall as him. The fiery light had moved. It was just a bit farther off now.
“What is that?” he muttered to himself, blinking his eyes to keep them focused. The dark of the woods made it hard to see what was just in front of him.
The light danced to the right, and he changed direction to follow. It slid to the left as he closed in, and he followed suit.
“Tricky light!” Gillian spoke to himself again.
As if in response, the light glowed brighter and receded farther into the forest. Gillian turned to the path he’d traveled on. It wasn’t really a path, but rather dense undergrowth he’d come through. Since he was a gnome it shouldn’t be difficult for him to find his way back out, but the lack of light would make it a bit more complex. Catching whatever was responsible for the illumination in the distance was his chief concern just now.
Gillian turned, and to his surprise the light had multiplied. There were three and they were scattered. He set off for the one in the middle. He’d catch that one first, then the others.
“What part of ‘stay put’ did Gillian not understand?” Azure asked, dismounting from her horse after they’d successfully crossed the river.
“I understood and stayed here, but mostly because the dark woods are scary. I want to go back to the House of Enchanted, Queen Azure,” the unicorn said, visibly shaking.
The darkness did make the surrounding forest appear rather ominous, and the mermaid’s warning hadn’t really helped soothe the cowardly unicorn.
“We’re not going back. You’ll be fine, but first we need to find Gillian.” Azure squinted into the forest where the gnome had disappeared. She didn’t see any lights, not now.
“I can help you,” a voice said in the distance.
The three spun, spying a figure seated by the riverbank. She struck a match, casting her elegantly beautiful face in a warm glow, and lit a campfire beside her. She sat back
and crossed her bare legs in front of her. The woman wore a red dress, which was short in the front and long in the back. Her long brown hair was wet, dripping water from her shoulders.
“Yes, you can help us,” Monet said, stumbling forward, falling to one knee and extending a hand to the woman. “I’m Monet, the King of Virgo, and could use your assistance, fine maiden.”
The woman batted her long eyelashes at Monet. “Call me ‘Yako,’ King Monet.” She extended her hand to him, her cheeks flushing.
“First off, he’s not the King of Virgo. I’m Queen Azure. And second, what are you doing out here?” Azure swept her hand around at the river and forest.
Yako pushed herself up to a standing position. The train of the dress touched the sandy ground and her boobs nearly spilled from the low neckline. “I think what you really want to ask is why am I out here dressed like this and dripping wet.”
“The dripping wet thing is a bit curious.” Monet’s tongue was nearly hanging out of his mouth.
“I actually don’t care,” Azure said, her eyes cautiously studying the woman.
“I fell into the river and got lost from my party, just as you’ve lost your gnome friend,” Yako said, kneeling and pulling a bag of jelly beans from a sack that hadn’t been there a few moments before.
“I brought jelly beans too!” Blisters yelled gleefully, frolicking in a circle while trying to reach the saddlebag on his back
Azure held her hand down to quiet the unicorn. “You also brought matches, remember,” she said, her eyes resting on the box of matches next to the fire.
“Oh, what a coincidence!” the unicorn said delightedly.
“I don’t think it is.” Azure made Blisters freeze, and dug around in his saddlebags. “The bags are empty!”
“Are you accusing me of stealing your supplies?” Yako asked, venom in her tone as she popped a jelly bean into her mouth. She licked her fingers, her full ruby lips sucking on the tips.
“I believe I am.” Azure strode forward, protectively placing herself just in front of Monet.
“I don’t think you look much like a queen,” Yako said, wagging a disapproving finger at her.
“Who cares what you think? How did you steal Blisters’ supplies?” Azure asked, her fists by her side.
“Now, now! If you want to wrestle to resolve this, I’d be happy to be the referee. There’s probably a nice pit of mud around here,” Monet said, keenly looking around to locate a place for the pair to fight.
Azure shook her head. “You said that your party ran off the same way Gillian did. Explain.”
“It’s the will-o-wisps. They’re in the forest. Little lights that attract a traveler’s attention. Some say they are lanterns held by pookas. Travelers charge after the light due to curiosity, but it keeps changing direction until they are off the path and lost.” Yako settled herself in front of the fire again, her legs in front of her and toes warming by the flames.
“Why aren’t you going after your party?” Azure asked, her tone dripping with wariness.
“And risk getting lost myself? No thanks! I’ll stay here and wait for them to return,” Yako said, crossing her arms over her chest, her cleavage growing deeper. She rubbed her skin as if she were suddenly cold.
“Here, take my robes,” Monet offered, untying his mint-green robes and swinging them around the woman’s shoulders, where his hand lingered.
She pressed her hand on his on her shoulder, her head tilted to the side. “You’re such a sweet man, King Monet.”
Azure let out a frustrated sigh. “He’s not a king!”
“I’ve got a bottle of wine that I brought for the trip. Would you like to share it with me?” Yako asked Monet as if she hadn’t heard Azure.
“Hell, yes!” Monet agreed, settling down next to her. Yako pulled a bottle of red wine from the bag next to her, which somehow appeared larger than before.
“I brought that exact same bottle,” Monet said, awe in his voice.
“Such great taste you have,” Yako said, her tone innocent.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Azure shouted, spinning around. “Blisters, you might be the only sane one left.” She halted. Her eyes wide. “Blisters?”
The little unicorn was gone.
Chapter Six
“Monet, did you hear me?” Azure asked again.
“Yes, you have to take a piss. I’ll be right here,” Monet said, his eyes trained on the blushing woman beside him.
“No! Blisters is gone!” Azure yelled. She stomped over to Monet and pulled back her foot, about to kick him.
A whinny, clear and loud, rang through the night air.
“Did you hear that?” Azure asked, setting down her foot.
Monet traced his finger over Yako’s jawline. “You have exquisite features. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“A time or two,” Yako cooed.
“Monet?” Azure leaned over and snapped her fingers in his face, to no effect.
He waved her off, his gaze focused on Yako, who took a long sip from the bottle of wine. “Go on, then. Look for Blisters. I’ll keep this foxy lady safe.”
“Oh, for the love of Merlin! You’re fucking worthless, Monet,” Azure told him.
“I think you meant to say, ‘King Monet,’” Yako said, her eyes fixed on the wizard.
“I actually didn’t say all that I meant to,” Azure growled, and held her wand up, igniting the end with light. She took a cautious step forward. Had the will-o-wisps distracted Blisters too? She wasn’t sure how she was going to retrieve both him and Gillian, not to mention how she’d fix Monet’s enchantment or whatever that vixen was doing to him.
“For what it’s worth, there’s a finding potion in my saddlebag. But there’s only one dose, and if you use it then we won’t have it for finding Ever,” Monet said, his voice almost drowned out by the crackling fire. He sounded half-asleep, actually.
Azure’s hope rose. Perfect. She’d use the potion now, because if they didn’t find Gillian and Blisters then they weren’t going to find Ever. They’d just have to find another means to track down the traitor Light Elf.
She pulled the small bottle of blue liquid from Monet’s saddlebag. He’d brought a dozen potions with him, making him not quite useless. All she had to do was drink the potion and then think about the person she wanted to find. However, she didn’t know if she should go after the gnome or the unicorn.
Gillian, as a gnome, had exceptional navigational skills. Azure tossed her head back and drank the potion, her mind focused intently on Blisters. From the corner of her eye she saw something flicker. Her horse was gone! He’d just been there!
“Monet! My horse—it was just here! Where did it go?” she asked, spinning in a circle. His horse was grazing on a patch of moist grass, but her own had disappeared, although it was there moments before.
“Yeah, no problem. I’ll totally keep an eye out,” Monet said, waving toward the horse, his focus on the tramp by the fire.
Azure narrowed her eyes at the woman before turning and stomping off. She had to stay focused or she’d waste the potion. Blisters was out there, and she had to find him. Then they’d return and she’d throw Monet in the Conca River.
The river ran shallowly up ahead, mostly babbling around slippery river rocks. Azure held her wand up to illuminate the bank, earning the glare of a few rodents who had come out to drink in the peace of the darkness.
“Sorry, looking for my unicorn,” she apologized to the raccoon who had bared his sharp teeth at her.
He lifted a fish out of the water with his paws and took a bite, his reflective eyes on Azure. There was something creepy about the raccoon. Something different, like Yako.
“Excuse me,” a husky voice called from the middle of the stream. Azure pointed her wand-light in that direction. A man stood in the river, his hands on his hips. And there was something about him, too. He was fucking hot, like slip-a-ring-on-his-finger hot. His brown hair was slicked back, and high cheekbones framed his
large almond-shaped eyes.
“Uhhh…what are you doing out there? Are you Yako’s friend?” Azure asked, squinting at the man. He was dressed in jeans, and luckily was shirtless.
“Yako? Oh, no. I was just washing up,” he said, kneeling and splashing water on his arms and bare torso. “Think I lost my ring, though, and could really use some help.”
“What? Did you say ring?” That was odd; a strange and embarrassing coincidence.
“I did. And I do need your help,” he said, standing and wiping his hands on his jeans.
A whinny sounded from the forest behind Azure. She spun around. “Blisters!”
“Oh, would you look at that? I got my pants wet. Looks like I’m going to have to take them off to dry,” the man said, unfastening his jeans.
“What?” Azure twisted back, averting her eyes as the gorgeous stranger undressed in the middle of the river. She shook off the heat in her body. “Sorry about your ring. I’ve got to go.”
“Wait! No,” the man called, sounding angry as she ran straight into the woods. Again the whinny. She took a right, veering back toward the river. Ahead of her she caught the shimmering glow of something—Blisters’ white body. She ran faster, but her foot hit a slick bit of moss. Azure fell onto her rear end, sliding down the bank of a stream until she was seated squarely in it, her ass screaming from the fall.
Blisters turned from the middle of the stream, his blue eyes wide. “Queen Azure!” He trotted over, flicking water into her face as he pranced.
“Blisters,” Azure complained, shielding her face. “Where have you been?”
“I made a friend. He called me to him,” Blisters said. Behind him, sitting in the middle of the stream, was a large black stallion, his eyes aglow with bright white light. Azure scrambled up, nearly slipping on the mossy rock again, and lifted her wand, both for light and protection.
“W-who are you? Or rather, what?” she stuttered.
“I’m a pooka, and you can call me Manx,” the horse said, rocking to a stand. He was huge, easily several hands taller than her now-lost horse.
