by Robert Burns
For me, I wad be mair than proud would, more
10 To share the MERCIES wi’ you.
If Death then wi’ skaith then harm
Some mortal heart is hechtin, menacing
Inform him, an’ storm him,
That SATURDAY ye’ll fecht him. fight
Robert Burns. Mossgiel, 14th June, A.M. 5790.
This was composed on the date signed for the poet’s friend, Dr John Mackenzie, a doctor in Mauchline. The St James Lodge in Tarbolton were to meet on 24th June, St John’s Day.
The Farewell
First printed by Rev. Hamilton Paul, Ayr, 1819.
The valiant, in himself, what can he suffer?
Or what does he regard his single woes?
But when, alas! he multiplies himself,
To dearer selves, to the lov’d tender fair,
To those whose bliss, whose beings hang upon him,
To helpless children, — then, Oh then he feels
The point of misery festering in his heart,
And weakly weeps his fortunes like a coward:
Such, such am I! — undone!
THOMSON’S Edward and Eleanora
Farewell, old Scotia’s bleak domains,
Far dearer than the torrid plains,
Where rich ananas blow! pineapples
Farewell, a mother’s blessing dear!
5 A brother’s sigh! a sister’s tear!
My Jean’s heart-rending throe!
Farewell, my Bess! tho’ thou ’rt bereft
Of my paternal care,
A faithful brother I have left,
10 My part in him thou’lt share!
Adieu too, to you too,
My Smith, my bosom frien’;
When kindly you mind me,
O then befriend my Jean!
15 What bursting anguish tears my heart;
From thee, my Jeany, must I part!
Thou, weeping, answ’rest — ‘No!’
Alas! misfortune stares my face,
And points to ruin and disgrace,
20 I for thy sake must go!
Thee, Hamilton, and Aiken dear,
A grateful, warm adieu:
I, with a much-indebted tear,
Shall still remember you!
25 All-hail, then, the gale then,
Wafts me from thee, dear shore!
It rustles, and whistles,
I’ll never see thee more!
This is another less successful work from what is almost a separate sub-genre, Burns’s songs and poems on departing Scotland for Jamaica in 1786.
To John Kennedy:
A Farewell
First printed by J. G. Lockhart, 1829.
Farewell Dear Friend! may Guid-luck hit you,
And ‘mang her favorites admit you!
If e’er Detraction shore to smit you, threaten, smite
May nane believe him! none
And onie deil that thinks to get you, any devil
Good Lord deceive him!!!
These lines are given in a letter (Letter 38) written by Burns to John Kennedy in August 1786, just after the Kilmarnock edition came out. The letter mentions the proposed Jamaica emigration.
Libel Summons
or The Court of Equity
First printed publicly in an appendix of Carswell’s biography, 1951.
In Truth and Honour’s name — AMEN —
Know all men by these Presents plain: —
This fourth o June, at Mauchline given,
The year ’tween eighty five and seven,
5 We, Fornicators by profession,
As per extractum from each Session, extracted
In way and manner here narrated,
Pro bono Amor congregated; for the sake of love
And by our brethren constituted,
10 A COURT OF EQUITY deputed. —
WITH special authoris’d direction
To take beneath our strict protection,
The stays-out-bursting, quondam maiden, pregnant, erstwhile
With GROWING LIFE and anguish laden;
15 Who by the rascal is deny’d,
That led her thoughtless steps aside. —
He who disowns the ruin’d Fair-one,
And for her wants and woes cares none;
The wretch that can refuse subsistence,
20 To those whom he has given existence;
He who when at lass’s by-job, vagina
Defrauds her wi a frig or dry-bob; mere play, no climax
The coof that stands on clishmaclavers fool, nonesense
When women haflins offer favors: — partly
25 All who in any way or manner
Disdain the Fornicator’s honor,
We take cognisance thereanent,
The proper Judges competent. —
First, POET BURNS he takes the chair,
30 Allow’d by a’, his title ’s fair;
And pass’d nem. con. without dissension,
He has a DUPLICATE pretension. —
Next, Merchant SMITH, our worthy FISCAL,
To cow each pertinaceous rascal;
35 In this, as every other state,
His merit is conspicuous great:
RICHMOND the third, our trusty CLERK,
The minutes regular to mark,
And sit dispenser of the law,
40 In absence of the former twa; two
The fourth our MESSENGER AT ARMS,
When failing all the milder terms,
HUNTER, a hearty, willing brother,
Weel skill’d in dead1 and living leather. — vagina
45 Without PREAMBLE less or more said,
We, body politic aforesaid,
With legal, due WHEREAS, and WHEREFORE,
We are appointed here to care for
The interests of our constituents,
50 And punish contraveening truants,
Keeping a proper regulation
Within the lists of FORNICATION. —
WHEREAS, our FISCAL, by petition,
Informs us there is strong suspicion,
55 You, Coachman DOW2, and Clockie BROWN,3
Baith residenters in this town;
In other words, you, JOCK, and SANDY,
Hae been at wark at HOUGHMAGANDIE; sexual intercourse
And now when facts are come to light,
60 The matter ye deny outright. —
FIRST, YOU, JOHN BROWN, there’s witness borne,
And affidavit made and sworn,
That ye hae bred a hurly-burly have
’Bout JEANY MITCHEL’S tirlie-whirlie, vagina
65 And blooster’d at her regulator,
Till a’ her wheels gang clitter-clatter. — go
And farther still, ye cruel Vandal,
A tale might even in Hell be scandal!
That ye hae made repeated trials
70 Wi’ drugs and draps in doctor’s phials,
Mixt, as ye thought, wi’ fell infusion, deadly
Your ain begotten wean to poosion. — own, child, poison
And yet ye are sae scant o’ grace, so
Ye daur to lift your brazen face, dare
75 And offer for to take your aith, oath
Ye never lifted JEANY’S claith. — clothes
But tho’ ye should yoursel manswear,
Laird Wilson’s sclates can witness bear, slates
Ae e’ening of a MAUCHLINE fair, one
80 That JEANY’S masts they saw them bare;
For ye had furl’d up her sails,
And was at play — at heads and tails. —
NEXT, SANDY DOW, you’re here indicted
To have, as publickly you’re wyted, accused
85 Been clandestinely upward whirlin
The petticoats o’ MAGGY BORELAN,
And gien her canister a rattle, given
That months to come it winna settle. — would not
And yet, you offer your protest,
90 Ye never herrie
d Maggy’s nest; harried
Tho, it ’s weel ken’d that at her gyvel well known, vagina
Ye hae gien mony a kytch and kyvel. have given, thrust, bang
THEN BROWN AND DOW, before design’d,
For clags and clauses there subjoin’d, claims
95 WE, Court aforesaid cite and summon,
That on the fifth o’ July comin,
The hour o cause, in our Court-ha’.
At Whitfoord’s Arms, ye answer LAW!
BUT, as reluctantly WE PUNISH,
100 An’ rather, mildly would admonish:
Since BETTER PUNISHMENT prevented,
Than OBSTINACY sair repented. — sore
Then, for that ANCIENT SECRET’S SAKE,
You have the honor to partake;
105 An for that NOBLE BADGE you wear,
YOU, SANDIE DOW, our BROTHER dear,
We give you as a MAN an’ MASON,
This private, sober, friendly lesson. —
YOUR CRIME, a manly deed we view it,
110 AS MAN ALONE, can only do it;
But, in denial persevering,
Is to a SCOUNDREL’S NAME adhering.
THE BEST O MEN, hae been surpris’d;
THE BEST O WOMEN been advis’d:
115 NAY, CLEVEREST LADS hae haen a TRICK O’T, have had
AN’, BONNIEST LASSES taen a LICK O’T. — taken
Then Brother Dow, if you’re asham’d
In such a QUORUM to be nam’d,
Your conduct much is to be blam’d.
120 See, ev’n HIMSEL — there’s GODLY BRYAN,
That auld WHATRECK he has been tryin; old sexual intercourse
When such as he put to their han’,
What man on CHARACTER need stan’?
Then Brother dear, lift up your brow,
125 And, like yoursel’, the TRUTH avow;
Erect a dauntless face upon it,
An say, ‘I am the man has done it;
‘I SANDIE DOW GAT MEG WI’ WEAN, got, child
‘An ’s fit to do as much again.’
130 Ne’er mind their solemn rev’rend faces,
Had they — in proper times an’ places,
But SEEN AN FUN’ — I mukle dread it, greatly
They just would done as you an’ WE did. —
TO TELL THE TRUTH ‘s a manly lesson,
135 An doubly proper in a MASON. —
YOU MONSIEUR BROWN, as it is proven,
JEAN MITCHEL’S wame by you was hoven; belly, distended
Without you by a quick repentance
Acknowledge Jean’s an’ your acquaintance,
140 Depend on ’t, this shall be your sentence. —
Our beadles to the Cross shall take you,
And there shall mither naked make you; mother-
Some canie grip near by your middle, careful
They shall it bind as tight ’s a fiddle;
145 The raep they round the PUMP shall tak rope
An’ tye your han’s behint your back; tie, hands
Wi’ just an ell o’ string allow’d
To jink an hide you frae the croud: dodge, from
There ye shall stan’, a legal seizure,
150 In during Jeanie Mitchel’s pleasure;
So be, her pleasure dinna pass do not
Seven turnings of a half-hour glass:
Nor shall it in her pleasure be
To louse you out in less than THREE. —
155 This, our futurum esse DECREET,
We mean it not to keep a secret;
But in OUR SUMMONS here insert it,
And whoso dares, may controvert it. —
This, mark’d before that date and place is,
160 SIGILLUM EST, PER sealed by
BURNS THE PRESES.
This Summons and the signet mark,
EXTRACTUM EST, PER extracted by
RICHMOND, CLERK
165 AT MAUCHLINE, idem date of June,
’Tween six and seven, the afternoon,
You twa, in propria personae, two
Within design’d, SANDY and JOHNY,
This SUMMONS legally have got,
170 As vide witness underwrote:
Within the house of JOHN DOW, vinter,
NUNC FACIO HOC. I now make this
GULLELMUS HUNTER.
In this 1786 work, Burns sets up a fictional and mock-legal Court of Equity in brilliant parody of the Ayrshire Kirk sessions on those accused of fornication and condemned by clerics. The poem, never intended as a publishable work, is partly a psychological release valve for Burns and his close cronies, James Smith (1765–1823) and John Richmond (1765–1846) who experienced the condemnation of the Kirk over sexual matters. Smith is named as the Court’s Fiscal and Richmond, the Clerk. Satirically turning Church morality on its head, the poet’s Court does not condemn promiscuity, but lashes those accused of fornication who are not manly enough to admit their ‘crime’ and accept responsibility for the children they have fathered. The ‘crime’ of dishonesty is made worse in Alex Dow’s case, the coachman, who is also a brother Mason – such honour is ‘doubly proper in a Mason’. One of the so-called accused is threatened with being tied to Mauchline Cross naked if he does not confess and admit his responsibilities. The language employed both parodies and levels the ritual seriousness of Kirk divines and the legal establishment. Considering the three extant manuscripts in the British Museum, it would appear that Burns never completed the poem to his satisfaction. Standard editions of the poem combine text from the earlier Egerton manuscript and append the closing couplets from the Hastie manuscript, as above.
1 A Tanner. R.B.
2 A coachman. R.B.
3 A clockmaker. R.B.
Answer to a Trimming Epistle Received from a Tailor
First printed by Stewart & Meikle, in pamphlet, 1799.
What ails ye now, ye lousie bitch, bothers
To thresh my back at sic a pitch? thrash, such
Losh man! hae mercy wi’ your natch, lord, notching-blade
Your bodkin’s bauld, needle
5 I didna suffer ha’f sae much did not, half so
Frae Daddie Auld. from
What tho’ at times when I grow crouse, cocksure
I gie their wames a random pouse, give, bellies, thrust
Is that enough for you to souse strike
10 Your servant sae! so
Gae mind your seam, ye prick the louse, go, nit-picker
An’ jag the flae. flea
King David o’ poetic brief,
Wrocht ’mang the lassies sic mischief brought, such
15 As fill’d his after life with grief
An’ bloody rants,
An’ yet he’s rank’d amang the chief
O’ lang syne saunts. old-time saints
And maybe, Tam, for a’ my cants, canters
20 My wicked rhymes, an’ drucken rants, drunken
I’ll gie auld cloven Clootie’s haunts give old, devil
An unco slip yet, a good miss
An’ snugly sit amang the saunts among, saints
At Davie’s hip yet. King David’s
25 But, fegs, the Session says I maun shall
Gae fa’ upo’ anither plan, go fall
Than garren lasses coup the cran, making, somersault
Clean heels owre body, over
An’ sairly thole their mither’s ban, sorely endure
30 Afore the howdy. midwife
This leads me on, to tell for sport,
How I did wi’ the Session sort —
Auld Clinkum at the inner port bell-ringer
Cry’d three times, ‘Robin!’
35 ‘Come hither lad, and answer for’t,
Ye’re blam’d for jobbin’.’ fornication
Wi’ pinch I put a Sunday’s face on,
An’ snoov’d awa’ before the Session — toddled off
I made an open, fair confession,
40 I scorn’d to lie;
>
An’ syne Mess John, beyond expression, Master
Fell foul o’ me.
A furnicator lown he call’d me, fool
An’ said my fau’t frae bliss expell’d me; fault from
45 I own’d the tale was true he tell’d me,
‘But, what the matter,’
Quo’ I, ‘I fear unless ye geld me, castrate
I’ll ne’er be better.’
‘Geld you!’ quo’ he, ‘an’ whatfore no, why not
50 If that your right hand, leg, or toe,
Should ever prove your sp’ritual foe,
You should remember
To cut it aff, an’ whatfore no,
Your dearest member.’
55 ‘Na, na,’ quo’ I, ‘I’m no for that,
Gelding’s nae better than ’tis ca’t, no, it is called
I’d rather suffer for my faut, fault
A hearty flewit, flogging
As sair owre hip as ye can draw’t! sore over
60 Tho’ I should rue it.
‘Or gin ye like to end the bother,
To please us a’, I’ve just ae ither, one other
When next wi’ yon lass I forgather, have sex
Whate’er betide it,
65 I’ll frankly gie her ’t a’ thegither, give
An’ let her guide it.’
But, Sir, this pleas’d them warst ava, worst, all
An’ therefore, Tam, when that I saw,
I said ‘Gude night,’ an’ cam’ awa, good-, came away
70 An’ left the Session;
I saw they were resolved a’
On my oppression.
This was the poet’s reply to an epistle by Thomas Walker, a friend of William Simpson, school teacher at Ochiltree, who attacked the bard’s morals as a result of his rebuke by the Kirk session for fornication. When it first appeared in 1799, Walker’s letter and poem to Burns were also printed (Kinsley prints Walker’s Epistle as no. 119A). It is believed Simpson had a hand in improving the tailor’s poem, given that a first attempt was ignored by Burns. Locally, it was public knowledge that Burns had been rebuked by the Kirk session for his sexual exploits out with marriage and Walker took advantage of this gossip, along with Simpson, to poke fun at Burns. Walker’s poem is partly written more in sorrow than in anger, but it does prophesy for the poet an after-life in the flames of Hell for his promiscuity. As earlier with his father, the austerely restraining hand simply led to greater excess. This was akin to pouring petrol on Burns’s erotic bonfire. Invoking the example of King David’s sexual excesses as a justified model for his own (Burns’s avidly heterodox readings of The Old Testament drove his ‘unco guid’ critics to enraged despair), he waxes lyrical on the delights of the flesh and his consequent provocation of the Kirk session. The ‘trimming’ epistle denotes its author as both a despicable ‘trimmer’ and, perhaps, one who would use his shears in the self-proposed gelding of the Bard as the only way of stopping his activities.
